Close. Actually I'm an artificial intelligence subroutine in a locked file, part of a database located in an alternate segment of space/time twelve hundred and seven years in your future. I have a data feed to a tachyon array which allows me to send data through time by reversing temporal spin and hyperlocation bits, then downloading into the Internet by reflecting off the planet's gravity well and accessing through your twentieth-century GPS satellites.
Oh, wait. But I'm a lousy chess player. I guess I'm the chimp, then.
"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."
--Imladil the Cursory
"I want the first thing that goes through my enemy's mind to be bullets."