View Single Post
Old 07-06-2013, 10:02 AM   #1348
Local curmudgeon
machievelli's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,874
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
10 year veteran!  Hot Topic Starter  Veteran Fan Fic Author  Helpful! 
The Dirge of Malachor
Victor Craban

Mandalorian Wars at Malachor V: A fleeing Jedi is caught by the Mass Shadow Generator

The piece went a bit quickly for me, and was disjointed. One of the ideas that has been bandied about by the writers here is that Revan literally sacrifices all of the troops on Malachor. In this instance, one Jedi (Among others who obviously were not notified, or chose to stay) is almost caught by it.


Post KOTOR, no time given: Amida (Revan) struggles with her memories

The piece has a good feel to it. You can picture the woman's mind like a train wreck you can't look away from. Worse yet, you are looking into the car of that train as the sole passenger realizes there is no escape.

Star Wars: The Mandalorian Wars; Episode I
Aeron Ranmark

Pre Mandalorian Wars: A joung Jedi remembers when he is chosen.

The one thing I applaud for the author is the choice of another planet to begin on. Not one of the ones we all know, but a new one, though it has all the earmarks of Tatooine. The inner struggle ends as we anticipated, and the idea that Kreia would not have even bothered to come by if she knew he would reject the offer was well delineated.

Something Amiss

KOTOR on Tatooine: With Carth hating her, Revan has to let him know how she feels...

The piece is a nice bit that matches the author's name, harsh at the start, but fluffy at the end.

Pick of the Week

Shades of Black
Tuscan Rhase

KOTOR Aboard Endar Spire: The hero makes his get away

Technical note; A patrol is usually not a single person, though one man can be patrolling; like a sentry on duty. Also, a battalion is 5-600 men, not what I would call a squad, which is what was faced by the droid in this work.

The piece doesn't pull punches as to what side of the equation the character is on. He is having too much fun being evil for you to ever consider he's going to be light side.

The Lady and the Lord

Post KOTOR: The new Dark Lord takes the Sith on a different path

Actually, I enjoyed this because the path taken is a logical progression. In my own KOTOR work, (In a section not yet posted) I had the Rakata struck down by a plague created by the Force itself, making their empire collapse. The Revan shown here realizes the same thing; that the Star Forge is too dangerous to be left operational, and must be destroyed.

The operations from his ascension to the end of chapter one are all logical progressions, even to rewriting the codes of both Jedi and Sith into a unified body.

Mind Games

TSL Planet not given: Atton's mind plays cards to hide what he really feels

The confrontation made some sense. But only if you remember that Atton is a gambler at heart. In poker, there is what is called a Tell; something a gambler always does when he has a bad hand, or a good hand. In the martial arts it is called telegraphing, because your body makes a move that tells the enemy you are about to strike, and regardless of how well you train yourself, it is something that can be seen with practice.

What we have here is a confrontation with Atton attempting to find Disciple's 'tell' and failing. We know it is a failure because Atton is still unsure.

New Beginnings

Through KOTOR to post TS: Canderous looks back as the world changes around him

The piece spans from Pre-KOTOR to the end of TSL, and does it as Canderous reminisces on all that has changed. The only negative I have is that the Mandalorians never regained their honor.

It's the End of The World As We Know It

TSL on Malachor V: Two abandoned survivors of the climactic battle make their peace

The piece is like all of Trilli4210's work. Nice neat, sweet with just a taste of bitter regret. The two who cling to each other in the end are at peace at last.

Pick of the Week

Star Wars Tatooine Invasion
Grand Moff Tarkin

Battlefront II: A Rebel force is ambushed at Tatooine

The stage is the same cantina we remember from ANH. But the battle is disjointed. My main complaint is technical, and addressed below:

Technical note, Military in hiding, modern day: By definition, the Rebels in Star Wars are pretty much a guerrilla organization. To understand what should be happening here, look at the Taliban operating out of Pakistan. The capability is on the side of the large more technical force. The US has satellites, unmanned drones capable of hitting them with guided missiles, and guided bombs that can be dropped from high altitude and still hit their targets. The Taliban survives by remembering that. So hunkering down in a town, no matter how small doesn't work well. If you don't believe me, ask Osama.

Tatooine makes sense as a hideout, but there are thousands of kilometers of desert and arroyos to hide in. The course of Beggar's Canyon comes to mind, caves used in portions of the race in APM would be perfect to hide in.

Also, while the Empire could land a small force to check such a place, they used probe Droids to check out Hoth, because it is A remote, and B unsettled. It would take the Empire weeks to check every possible bolthole on the planet, but your Rebels made it easy by using a town to hide in. A normal settlement has people who live there, and somewhere like Mos Eisley would be watched because there is a spaceport, a place where there are a lot of transients. It would be easy to slip a team, maybe a single ship's crewman that would report if a group of Rebels just arrived.

Once that happens, of course, it could happen as you describe. My question though is why the troops didn't have any sensors up to spot approaching warships.

Kreia'a a what?

TSL on Dantooine: She wouldn't know where to buy a clue if you gave her the money...

The piece caused me to laugh out loud as I read it. The masters lay out what she does step by step, and she is so clueless that you know she has done more damage than they have enumerated. I was just surprised that the planets survived her visit.

I really wanted to read the rest!

Pick of the Week

The Diary of Bastila Shan
Lord Darth Master

KOTOR on Taris: Bastila is not sure how to handle her charge. Can they escape from Taris?

The piece is well written, though it is past not passed. The interplay is interesting because Bastila as a Jedi should understand subterfuge, so having her draw first meant she overreacted. Knowing she doesn't understand the military mindset, it is logical she would be alarmed when Revan is furious with her, and confused because Revan in both lives was a soldier, and knows that rookies make mistakes.

I wish I could read it all the way through.

Pick of the Week

'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,