Perhaps what you need to do first is get over the termination of your physical body as some form of end of your existence. Think of it as a transference of energy. Your energy does not get destroyed, but merely changed from one state to another. There have been several studies that showed a minor change in mass upon expiration. What that change in mass was caused by is unknown, but it hints at something being removed from the physical body after death. I know from MY part it took rather extraordinary evidence to convince me that there is life after death. I suspect it would be similar for you. So for now, think of the termination of life as the transference of energy from one state to another.
Only God would be able to convince you of God's existence. Essentially, it would take a miracle to truly convince you(as it did me) of a supreme being's existence. And even then you would still question if the miracle was really a miracle, and not merely some weird happenstance of luck, mental state, and natural phenomenon. You may try visiting haunted places to debunk as many as possible. While the vast majority are pure hogwash, a few out there seem to defy logic.
Originally Posted by CptPriceless
Whenever I bring up these points, the response I get is always the same: "It's a test of your faith." But if someone was raped and tortured, would being faithful and going to Heaven change the fact that that person was raped and tortured? Like I said, I can't wrap my head around it.
A friend of mine had the best argument for this. He believed that our souls are on this Earth to learn. Once we have learned all of the lessons we may ascend to a higher plane of existence, but if we are cruel and evil in a prior life, we are given the opportunity to experience the opposite in the next life. Or we are placed in the position of experiencing the loss. So a person who rapes and tortures in one life has their soul placed in that of a person who gets raped/tortured in the next. A murderer may have his next life as the family member who faces the sadness of the loss of that loved one.