getting anxious being home...parents are getting me annoyed as hell like really they went to all those ****ing yellow ribbon events didnt they learn that too much too soon will drive someone insane? i love them though its just i want some time to myself and my friends or just do stuff by myself...my moms constantly texting me which is a huge annoyance at this time, always annoying me cause they dont got anything going on besides babysitting my nephews when my sister is working. and yeah im wanted to go visit with thm RIGHT AFTER i go paintball tomorrow, the day before i start school. since 'i'm in the area' etc. they want to hear my boring ass deployment stories, etc. which its pointless even telling them cause they weren't there i got the videos i wanna show them but not right now. it seems like they want me over all the time like i'm going anywhere in the next year. they want me to hang out with my nephews but i can only take kids for so long before i get a headache and want to OD on some sleep medicines.
wishing things wouldve worked out with mary. not to be i guess, she's leaving tuesday. so damn soon. oh well. here's hoping i find someone in college.
idk i need some happy pills i think. i did get preworkout and that will have to suffice.
just wish it werent so oddly quiet and lonely out here. i know people do give a **** about me but something just doesn't feel right like something is missing or i did something wrong or something or somethins going to go very wrong. i find myself getting high anxiety when i go out to stores, etc. or go around people i dont know by myself. i know i used to be like this before but now it just feels different. but hey i only been back for a week and 4 days so maybe it will get better by the end of september.
if not off to the shrink i will go.
more positive thoughts...my plan worked out excellent as far as getting out of having to work my ass off the rest of my life. got a nice car, nice tv, nice paintball gun, xbox live, damn nice futon, tv trays, fridge full of groceries, preworkout, awesome cell phone, pretty much anything i ****ing want even a few bottles of liquor! and i also have my friends here that want to spend time with me and a good family that looks out for me. what more could i possibly ask for??? i'm sure a good girl will come my way, if not now, 30 years from now. lol i gotta bounce back from my recent "breakup" it just seems so odd having so much freedom now especially having money in the bank and knowing that i'll be recieving a whole lot more, not having much debt to pay and being able to live comfortably at a very low cost. going to start my workout schedule this monday plan to cut the fat and get stronger and faster than ever before. lol