It has been a while, indeed!
Ok, for what I have read so far, I feel as if this is a little rushed.
Let me explain...
There is so much room for added detail, more dialogue, more [i]feeling[/ii] to the words on my screen. I'm just scrolling line after line and taking into what I read because I have already played the game 20 or 30 times....
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading it because its about the best game that I have EVER played! I just know that after reading your other work, this is only the beginning of what you can do.
Don't be afraid to add detail because you might think that everyone has played it so many times that they won't want to read about the Ebon Hawk's interior or a planets landscape. I believe it gives a story, particularly one such as this, more of an in-depth realism especially in the tense of which it is written. To the places and the characters.
That being said, however, I do like the fact of the added words you have put into the dialogue. Gives it a little spice to the reading!
I'll continue to read and enjoy what you post, MsFic, and I hope I haven't seemed harsh at all (it was never my intention!). I haven't played KotOR II in ages, so it is refreshing to read about it once again.
As always, looking forward to more!