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Old 09-28-2013, 03:03 PM   #1361
machievelli
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The Great Khan of Space
Yukub

No specific era given: A Leader contemplates war and divisions in his own nation.

The piece is very short, and there is what I (As a history buff) would call a flaw, but the background is enough that I think it might turn out well.

I was intrigued by the idea that your Khan has only one wife. There is no mention of any children by his concubines, and this is rare, even if he only access the harem when his wife is ill. the old saying goes about pregnancy, 'it only takes one time' and any of their children can theoretically become pretenders to the throne with the right backing.

Technical note, Imperial Succession: Divisiveness in the possible claimants to the throne would never be so openly spoken. Anyone, even one of his sons who spoke that openly would have been declared traitor, and executed. But a divided house has a lot of problems as history shows. I would read up on the Asians, specifically the Chinese in this regard, since the court of that nation was a constant boil of plot and counter plot. Not only to see how they plotted, but to see how they dealt with the problems.

When Henry VIII died, he had declared both of his daughter illegitimate so that his only son Edward VI could have the throne. However Edward died at sixteen before he could take the throne. This caused problems because with both daughters supposedly barred from the throne (Which had been negated by the Third Succession Act), it gave the throne to his cousin Lady Jane Grey at his request under the Devise for the succession. His attempt failed. Jane was queen for only 10 days before the Privy Council deposed her and gave the throne to Mary.

Fanfiction.net

Merry Little KotOR Christmas
A Raven's Heart

KOTOR on Tatooine: Revan says the four words you don't anticipate.

The piece tended to ramble a bit, and the author did everything possible to make sure we didn't know who the male character is. The answer was surprising.

Star Wars KoTOR III: In His Footsteps again
Nader Mohaidle

Post TSL on Ebon Hawk: The Exile decides to follow Revan

The piece has a lot of problems with grammar word usage and spelling, but until I can write coherently in Lebanese, I will let them slide.

The primary problems that can be addressed is polish and pacing. The first scenes are a little jumpy, and can be smoothed out, and the remainder can do with polish.

The primary story is good, the idea that she might take some of them with her put forward, but as I did not have time to read past the first chapter, we as yet do not know. However, assuming that killing off the last of the Jedi will automatically remove the threat of the Sith is like saying that disarming the citizenry will automatically reduce the crime rate, which as has been proven in England, Canada and South Africa, is a specious argument.

Adventures of an Imperial Pilot
Kendoka Girl

Pre The Force Unleashed: The young Juno Eclipse gets her chance as a pilot

The intro is interesting, but until I can find a computer (Or upgrade this one; fat chance) I have never played TFU.

This is an example of what is called Patronage in the military. You get your position, in this case, entry into the Academy as a cadet because someone higher in rank, whether social or military, decides you deserve it. While almost all of the cadets in the modern Federal Military Academies here in the US are run this way, all of them also have slots held open for very special people; the children of men who have won the Congressional Medal of Honor.

I wished I had a chance to read further. As I said, the intro itself was interesting...

Defenseless
StatlerWaldorf

Pre TSL: A repentant Kavar tries to stop the Exile from leaving

The piece is well done, and right to the point. The feeling both have for each other are clearly defined, and actually make the pain worse.

Pick of the Week

A Crossing of Paths
Blurry Heel

No specific era given: Two Jedi, one dark, the other light, are bound for a confrontation.

The piece is short, and sadly, has not been updated in over four years. I read the author's comment before it started, so let's treat this as if I were a teacher and the author one of my students.

The piece jumps from one character to the other without a break, and this is confusing to the reader. Think of a story like a river, carrying the reader from place to place, and while you can expect rough patches in it, throwing them in as you have makes it more confusing. There is no characterization, so we do not know what either looks like, so we cannot merely picture them as actors on a screen. However the aside that the Jedi spent so much time on working with the lightsaber is a nice touch.

I am left wondering why the Dark side one is having so many problems. Is it because he feels assassination is wrong? Is he worried about the assignment?

I do not know the sex of the author, but the comment about what to do with the specific books mentioned made me laugh out loud. I would echo the sentiment only if you use the Oxford Unabridged English dictionary you might see if you actually go to the library; the ones that are as big as an ancient Gutenberg bible, and have all 1 million plus words in it.

Therapy
Skywalker05

Post TSL AU: A dark Atton offers to help the Exile find her proper place at his side

The piece is very good. Though I cannot see someone going berserk and literally bathing in the blood of their enemies going back to the light, considering the Dark Jedi we have seen in either the movies or games. Just once in KOTOR I played it darkside from when Bastila had fallen and tries to seduce Revan to do the same at the temple. The idea that you automatically had to then slaughter everyone but Zaalbar Canderous and the Droids pretty much said it all.

But to have someone you might have once cared about literally standing in the wings, waiting for you to fail is chilling.

Pick of the Week

Spaced
Abominable Boredom

TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: Don't play if you can't pay...

The piece is very short, but like the companion piece You Win, very amusing. It focuses primarily on the Exile's viewpoint, down to her skivvies, and dreading what card Atton draws next. I have never gotten into Pazaak because I don't play many card games. But the Nar Shaddaa rules variant sounds amusing. The way it would have been even more funny is by using the scene to replace the end of You Win...

Star Wars: Unlucky Confrontation
Toranih

AU concurrent with KOTOR: A Jedi gets more than he anticipated on a mission

The piece is fun to read, and has a lot to say about the Jedi Council in particular. The entire council once he returns assumes he has automatically gone to the dark side and taking any comment he makes as further proof of it.

Their reactions are over the top even at the one person who can determine whether he has been poisoned by the Sith Lord. Their reaction that the only one who can teach him what he needs to learn is also that master's apprentice...

The commentary before he departed on the mission reminded me of the Dirty Pair; because he gets sent on missions that go awry, yet they still send him off alone on another one anyway.

Pick of the Week

KOTOR For the Republic
Nemo-Of-Rayne

Alternate Dark Side ending: He does what he must for the Republic

The piece was a bit shocking at the end, though if you know Carth as a character, it makes perfect sense if he had the chance to carry it out.

Pick of the Week

Republic Commando: Gone
Master Vash

Post Order 66: How do you deal with the death of someone you love?

The piece is short and brutally quick. Darman, the Clone who loved the Jedi Etain has to deal with her death, and as Boss thinks after, it's something you can never let go of.

The author made a comment I wondered about. Why isn't there a SW book category?

Pick of the Week

Trophies
Fever Dreams

Set when Atton was 16: A final message from a dead brother, and finally escaping from home

The piece is interesting in that we see Atton back when he was still only Jaq, and a typical teenager like an American one who does drugs, and steals his father's blaster to have fun. There is not enough said about the drug in the books I have read to know if you can smoke it or not. But it also give us a reason for him chosing that first name later.

The Jedi Exile
Razzle89

TSL, no specific place or time given: As the Exile tests the new lightsaber, there are thoughts on what had happened before

The piece is a very good look inside the mind of the Exile. Since the lightsaber is something the Jedi prefer it makes the reader wonder about things unsaid. Are you automatically evil if someone you respected thinks so?

Pick of the Week


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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