Thread: [NSW-Fic] Marco Polo
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Old 10-03-2013, 10:05 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
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Read. As for feedback, I will give the same as I will in my review:

You're style has improved markedly since your last posting. I see that you have taken my critiques to heart. The language is still stilted, but part of that is that I know that English is a second language. The piece needs polishing, but not as much as you might think; primarily it is word usage and repetition. You tell us twice for example that De lives at the Red Farm, which is unnecessary. You also call a bowl of soup 'a soup', which is not common usage in English. In English, you would only say say that it is soup, not a soup.

Much improved. Welcome back.

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