The Legendary Zhuge Liang IV
NSW in Ancient China: Continuation of the series The main character has to flee after doing everything he had said he would do
It is a circle, not a cycle.
The basic problem I have had with this entire series so far is the unreasoning hatred and continuing machinations of Zhou Yu. I know such things really happen, and that actually makes it worse. Since you have an army outnumbered by 16 to one already, being willing to murder the man you hate before
you have won it is right up there with the idea a lot of the other writers (Doing Star Wars stuff set in KOTOR) have that Revan murdered the bulk of her (His) surviving Jedi to get them out of the way without knowing if the Republic could be beaten.
Note that Emperor Palpatine, even being a Sith, waited until the Separatists had sued for peace before giving General Order 66.
The Legendary Zhuge Liang V
NSW in Ancient China: Continuation of the series, Help arrives from an unexpected source
While describing someone the first time he is seen is important, you have it reversed; it should be 'this is so and so, and this is how he is dressed'. Also, asking an herbalist if he has herbs is like going into a gun shop and asking the owner if he has any guns.
The explanation of the Ying-Yang is too long and convoluted. It would be simpler to say it balances slow and fast, soft with hard, and while it did no external damage, the force of the blow caused internal damage. As anyone who knows anything about injury (And a martial artist would) it is unnecessary to go on and say they are harder to deal with.
Again you have described his fan more than once. The picture shows it, and repeatedly describing it just drags the story away from the scene being described. In the same fight you have the sequence wrong again, when Chan slices nine times Ma instead of slicing ma nine times.
Later when you have Chan try to kick Fong, you have Chan's attack after the block again. Remember a sentence is subject then action, not the other way around.
Considering all of the duplicity shown in this story, the end was not a big surprise. My only question is who will end up being betrayed.
Originally reviewed 5 October 2007 Where it was posted at Kotorfanmedia under the title 'Darth Gizka and Author name was Jadesfire. That review is below:
A year after TSL: Just when you thought they were gone…
Between a squeaky toy in the form of Canderous, Carth’s life hanging in the mouth of a Gizka, and the Gizka’s commentary, it was a choice piece of fun. One of the two best I have read about the little critters.
Didn't tag it as a pick then, but it's such a cute story, I gave it my first retroactive Pick ever. Tied for Best of the Week
Post TSL: She's finally come home
The piece was what you would have expected, including breaking into his apartment to wait. A nice bit of fluff.
Post order 66: A Hamlet style ending.
The one part of the Prequel series I liked the least was the Clones blindly obeying orders to this extent, right from when Padme orders one to accompany her, and he does it merely because she is a senator.
But if the squad had run into her alive right after the order was given, this scene could have easily occurred.
KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Well, it is simple mechanics and instinct...
My primary reaction was, 'she's a virgin? That's a big surprise'. Beyond that it was pretty much what I expected.
KOTOR on Korriban: You only get one chance to make a first impression
In one of the Companion volumes to the Honor Harrington Series(Crown Of Slaves), you see an adult version of this, which the authors described as an intellectual ritual of symbolic bloodletting. I remember another version on the same age level in Terry Prachett's Mort. Anyone who has dealt with children (Try seven siblings I actually got to know, one I didn't) you see it all the time at first meetings, and each here gave as good as they got.
Knights of the Old Republic: Chaos Rises
Post KOTOR: The crew needs to mend, but some new evil moves in space they must deal with.
One question, why do you have such a long delay after the battle? No one is looking for the Ebon Hawk for ten hours, and the ship appears to be drifting for seven of those hours. If they were limited to even modern day equipment it would make sense, but in Star Wars their equipment is several millennia more advanced. And as much as I dinged you on this, you at least consider the actual travel time from a close solar orbit to the planet.
My one real negative is why did they go back to Dantooine? Rakata Prime is in grid 11G of the galactic map with Coruscant in grid 10K and Dantooine in 4L, meaning the capital and main temple are closer.
The new menace is a lot like a number of the stories, vague feelings that something is not right, and they must find the problem. But not today.
As a first work, there isn't a lot to complain about. Remember to sight edit and polish. Other than that, good work.
It All Goes Downhill From Here
Shadows Of The Storm
Pre Mandalorian Wars: A supposed undercover investigation goes very wrong
The piece is as good as the work the author has done before.
Having read a number of other works from the author, I am wondering how many of their problems are linked more to Revan being a party girl, and not being willing to run out and party on her own?
The Gamble For Home
The Conclusion of General Order 66: The way it should have been...
The piece is well done, and I loved the subject matter. As a writer, I hated the idea that the clone army could be so completely programmed that every unit would automatically slaughter the Jedi on command. I especially enjoyed having Etain survive it.
Five chapters long, I wished I could read further.
Pick of the Week
Mandalorian Wars and Aftermath: How the Code changed in his mind
The piece was short enough that I read it all, and I was glad I did. Merely repeating the code, and looking at the inconsistency with the reality of war made perfect sense. Every step, as with any fall from grace, made perfect sense.
Pick of the Week
A Field Trip to Revan's Datapad
Post TSL: A student finds an interesting gift for Carth Onasi.
The piece is cute and a bit of fun. The incoherent explanation was something you'd expect. As much as movies and television shows have 'regular' people running into famous ones and astounding them with their acumen, sadly the fan squeal 'Oh I loved you in...' is a lot more common.
The only thing I would have suggested is having the kid find it in a second hand shop instead, with the owner claiming it was Revan's pad.
Don't Worry, Everyone Crashes on Taris
KOTOR on Taris: Follow on to Just Another Crazy Beginning, the situation hasn't gotten much better...
Having reviewed the author's previous piece, I had expected zany, and wasn't surprised, though writing comedy is hard as I well know. But FreeSourceFull does it in an almost effortless manner, from leaving the fresher Nar Shaddaa style, figuring ways to dump Captain Tighty-pants, to going over every way they can die in the next few days, and huddling on the floor using him as a meat shield during the first fight in the hall.
And that's just the first chapter!
Tied for Best of the Week
Post TSL on Nal Hutta: Mira meets someone that brings hope of escape
The piece was smoothly written. The view of what is happening, like a lot of slave-master situations, is clearly defined, and the idea that the Hutt in charge thinks he has to take a vacation from being a putz an interesting addition.
The biggest problem I had here was somehow I missed the story between this one and Caught, which I reviewed in December of last year. It means I am going to have to go to the profile, and read it to fill in the blanks.