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Old 06-08-2014, 02:24 AM   #52
Canderis
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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This thread is old but now as the smoke begins to clear from my last year of high school and I am free to think on my own again my mind has begun to wander back here again. I am young, I just turned 19, and I should have many years to go. I don't face death as an immediate threat but it could come at anytime without warning. It's unpredictable and inevitable.
Since starting this thread a lot has changed in my life. First off, a lot of my life will be completely different in 3 months. I have been so busy preparing for college, moving to another state, finishing school, and other things have kept me so busy and so drained that I have not been able to really think much about anything. This is what has really been the best fix for my problem, being too busy to care.
Second, I have a reply for what was mentioned a few times before in this thread, that a way to conquer the fear of dying is to appreciate what I have. A lot of great and wonderful people have become very prominent in my life lately and I am so lucky for the life I had, I'm terrified to lose it.
Lastly I have cut off any kind of faith(I was agnostic before) from what I believe. I am studying to become a computer scientist, a completely logic based profession, and in a way this has led me to my current mind-set of seeing is believing. I need to see proof to believe anything. What I want is something I know I won't get from a thread on the Internet. What I want is the truth. I am lately finding it pointless to speculate on the concept of "nothing" because there is no truth. Religion is the answer science can't provide, but I believe science is the only answer. If truth can't be found in science, there is no truth I can find. I won't know the truth while I am alive, and if true nothingness follows death then there was never any truth in life to begin with. I also feel like if a God, as shown in religions in Christianity existed, why would he give us the ability to think logically and not give us clear evidence of his existence. I'm not trying to start a debate, I'm really not up for one right now, that's just one major flaw I find in most religions. That just seems like a curse to me, giving us the freedom to believe God doesn't exist and not giving us clear, indisputable from every prospective, evidence.

I feel like I have grown up a lot these last 6 months and I'm realizing now what I truly fear is change. What is death but the final change on earth? I am afraid change won't be better than where I came from and I can never go back.

I don't think I can change my mindset on faith, but what do I know? I'm just a kid.





Last edited by Canderis; 06-08-2014 at 02:37 AM.
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