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Old 05-08-2004, 04:44 PM   #1
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Question Tinfoil espionage operatives

Okay, here's a technical question right up our alley.

I have a Nokia cell phone, which usually sits on the table right next to my AM radio. I have the recharger plugged in by the radio, so it's convenient to leave it there when I'm home, so I never have to go looking for it.

Right after I started doing this, I noticed that the radio would make a little staticky noise every once in a while...while it was turned off. I've never heard a radio that's turned off make noise, but since it doesn't happen when the cell phone is gone, I blame the cell phone. I also get the noise when the radio is turned on, but it's much louder...and this happens right before my phone rings. My theory: interference from the phone (which is itself a microwave radio) causes the static, and it's powerful enough to cause a reaction in the radio even turned off. Curious.

It's the times that my phone doesn't ring, and this noise happens that I find odd. If the interference is caused by an incoming call...then what the hell is causing it when there isn't a call coming in? I have a number of possible explanations.

1. The cell phone is part of a network, and occasionally serves to relay information for other users on the satellite grid. This usually happens without our knowledge, unless it's sitting right next to a radio.

2. My rabble-rousing invective on the web and elsewhere has led to my being spied on by our government. The interference happens occasionally when secret agents turn on the microphone so they can hear what's going on in my house.

3. Aliens from Zeta Reticuli are telepathically beaming advanced space knowledge into my brain. Due to the intergalactic distances such messages travel, there's bound to be some signal leakage.

So what do you guys think? I have several rolls of tinfoil that I can put up on the walls and ceiling, but I don't want to take such an extreme change of home decor unless it's necessary. What would Martha Stewart say...?



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Old 05-08-2004, 05:04 PM   #2
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if there are any aliens i would say they are coming from phtoncxylon prime IX. i heard they have headache problems because of our microwaves. they cause a inteference in subspace which cause noises when they watch tv.

the solution is at hand: instead of your radio, turn your phone off.

of course, that is only what martha would say.. *cough*



Last edited by RayJones; 05-08-2004 at 05:15 PM.
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Old 05-08-2004, 11:13 PM   #3
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A.M. Radio still exists?


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Old 05-09-2004, 01:30 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ernil
A.M. Radio still exists?
This is the problem summed up, here's how to fix it, throw out your radio and buy an F.M. one. Or better yet, a huge amp (preferably from the 80s for that vintage sound), a fine selection of speakers, and a cd player (none of those 300 cd changers though, how in the world are you supposed to find what your looking for? Also only 300? Where would I put the rest?)


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 05-09-2004, 04:34 AM   #5
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Lightbulb Eureka!

I took a clue from Archimedes and tried immersing the phone in a glass of water. The radio no longer makes the noise. Martha will be so happy.

I'm not sure what effect this has had on the phone, as I'm afraid to fish it out of the glass of water. I think it's angry at me...

When I dial my number now, I get Seaworld. The folks at Seaworld are going to be very surprised to hear from my buddy Carlos when he gets back in town from his trip to Tijuana.
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Old 05-09-2004, 03:37 PM   #6
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Quote:
Zooms post, the first one, you know, that one at the top
I have a number of possible explanations.

1. The cell phone is part of a network, and occasionally serves to relay information for other users on the satellite grid. This usually happens without our knowledge, unless it's sitting right next to a radio.

2. My rabble-rousing invective on the web and elsewhere has led to my being spied on by our government. The interference happens occasionally when secret agents turn on the microphone so they can hear what's going on in my house.

3. Aliens from Zeta Reticuli are telepathically beaming advanced space knowledge into my brain. Due to the intergalactic distances such messages travel, there's bound to be some signal leakage.
Well the first one's way to rational to ba happening to a person like you and the third ones just too lucky for a person like you. The best bet is scenario number two, it has a nice plot to it and in about thirty years time, we'll be watching the big screen adaptation of it with Steven Spielbergs son watching in the back wondering why he never got his fathers genes. Or good spelling ability, but at least he could blame one of them on a bad death Will and even worse stitching.

But yeah, best thing to do is find a good place to recharge your phone away from your AM radio (like next to the TV, no seriosuly, I do this and my TV works fine... the phone occassionally dials out for Pizza, but that's only to be expected...right?)
Or just move you AM radio, I suggest moving it to Bermuda. Get it some nice shorts (why am I 257.253% weirder when talking to Zoom? Why do I work out percentages to the exact decimal point? Why am I asking rhetorical questions when I know some silly bugger on this board (more likely than not, Zoom) is gonna be answering it anyway? Where did I leave my trousers?)

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Old 05-09-2004, 04:01 PM   #7
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Arrow Ten Downing

Satellite remote fiber tracking reports that your trousers are at the prime minister's residence.

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Old 05-09-2004, 04:09 PM   #8
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Again! This joke has gone on long enough! Cheri is gonna pay for that one!

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Old 05-10-2004, 02:57 PM   #9
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i've got a similiar "problem"

i've got cable tv and the cable is connected to my tv-cards in my computer and whenever i watch tv and my sister (having the room next to me) gets a sms (i don't have a cell phone by myself, don't need one) there is this sound comming from the speakers...
(like: peep peep, peep peep )

strange is that these sounds sometimes also come when my sister doesn't get a sms (the phone is in her room though and it never happens when she is away with it)...
<paranoia>THE ALIENS ARE AFTER US!</paranoia>

or something...




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Old 05-10-2004, 03:35 PM   #10
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Red face

I have ITC on my TV....


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Old 05-10-2004, 03:43 PM   #11
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what is ITC?




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Old 05-10-2004, 09:20 PM   #12
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Old 05-11-2004, 06:29 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by SkullHW™
I have ITC on my TV....
Nope, no matter how much I rearrange that sentance, it still doesn't make sense.

hang on, if I translate it into french, and then into spanish, and then turn it round three times and invert all of the vowels and consenents... nope, no hope, I just get an advertisement for high density toothbrushes.

edit
I just noticed the C is next to the V on the keyboard, did you mean ITV? and if so wellcome to the 32 billion of UK residents who also get ITV (not including Ian Hislop)

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Old 05-11-2004, 07:22 AM   #14
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the same thing happens to me.

Quote:
1. The cell phone is part of a network, and occasionally serves to relay information for other users on the satellite grid. This usually happens without our knowledge, unless it's sitting right next to a radio.
i like that one

but there's no ninjas, i think ninjas come into it somehow.
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Old 05-11-2004, 10:54 AM   #15
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alien ninjas?


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Old 05-11-2004, 02:15 PM   #16
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Maybe ray, maybe.

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Old 05-12-2004, 07:11 AM   #17
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alien ninjas are the best


.... well apart from mutant turtle ninjas


Quote:
What would Martha Stewart say?
"these bars could do with some brightening up" ?

"i'll be your dog!" ?
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Old 05-13-2004, 03:47 PM   #18
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Cool Guy Banzai?

ITC = Intelligence Termination Control

I guess SkullHW™ Has a problem with the overall programming agenda of the world's television media, which seek to lessen the IQ potential of small children with rapid sequence editing designed to shorten the attention span and flashy graphics which might cause seizures.

Um...folks, there's a reason why the teevee has an OFF switch. Don't be afraid to use it.

Siv: Martha Stewart is indeed my dog, play toy and trussed-up Barbie doll. As for the bars, we find them handy attatchment points for afternoon bondage...

Also, ninjas are the ones responsible for the inclusion of cell phone transponder technology originally created in japanese computer labs so that future high-tech ninjitsu could use them to track down their unwitting round-eye victims. Banzai!
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Old 05-13-2004, 04:07 PM   #19
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Re: Banzai?

Quote:
Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit
ITC = Intelligence Termination Control

I guess SkullHW™ Has a problem with the overall programming agenda of the world's television media, which seek to lessen the IQ potential of small children with rapid sequence editing designed to shorten the attention span and flashy graphics which might cause seizures.
Magic, right, gotcha.

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Old 05-13-2004, 05:19 PM   #20
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there is this old man saying that alien ninjas are more likely ninja aliens. i mean. they are ninjas but they are aliens. and aliens are still a protected minority. man. mutant turtles arent even allowed to tough aliens or alien ninjas alias ninja aliens. they're only
mutants from earth.. and so a bigger minority than the aliens and even more ninja aliens. on the other hand mutant aliens are another alien minority. a smaller one. and i now lost my point so i'll stop here.


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Old 05-13-2004, 10:50 PM   #21
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I figured out what's wrong. Nazi's have tapped your cell phone for evil intent and the tap is messing with the radio. How I hate them. Or maybe it was gypsies, I don't trust them either.


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 05-14-2004, 02:48 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by Skinkie
I figured out what's wrong. Nazi's have tapped your cell phone for evil intent and the tap is messing with the radio. How I hate them. Or maybe it was gypsies, I don't trust them either.
Hey! That's politically incorrect and racist. Just because they're a minority group doesn't mean you have to hate them or look down on them, damn, Nazi's are people, just like us!

Oh, and did anyone else get what rayjones said? Take your time man! Joshi out (or does that sound too nerdy? Ni!)

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Old 05-14-2004, 05:08 PM   #23
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Arrow ..Translator!

I believe I can sum up Ray's point thusly:

'To do is to be.' --Pythagoras

'To be is to do.' --Agrippa

'Doobie doobie do.' --Sinatra



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Old 05-14-2004, 05:48 PM   #24
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that is correct, zoom rabbit. you just revealed the secretly hidden message.

'To do is to be.' -- once you know

'To be is to do.' -- how to milk the cow

'Doobie doobie do.' -- you can stop the show

soon you can join me here at shady acres.

joshi.. it's not that i understand every of your posts.. .. but what can i say.. nothing?


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Old 05-14-2004, 10:43 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Joshi
Hey! That's politically incorrect and racist. Just because they're a minority group doesn't mean you have to hate them or look down on them, damn, Nazi's are people, just like us!
This is the internet, I can hate anyone I want to. Ah freedom. Too bad those stupid Nazi's want to repress it. If they had their way, nobody on the internet would be allowed to hate, well, maybe hate jews. Stupid Nazis.


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 05-14-2004, 11:45 PM   #26
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Exclamation Hate legislation

Is the right to hate covered in the bill of rights (or any other nation's constitution?) I'd hate to be in violation of the law for...well, hating. I guess.
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Old 05-15-2004, 06:02 AM   #27
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Yeah, it's in there.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems the Authoritarian Party is based on that right (sorry If I offended any of you socialists and fascists out there .)


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Old 05-15-2004, 11:50 AM   #28
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I wanna join the Flat Earth Party, it sounds like quite the riot to me.


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 05-15-2004, 03:35 PM   #29
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I'd rather be the radical one and say the world is sephirical. Of course I may be burned at the stake for that kind of comment, everyone knows it's dodecahedron shaped.

And ray, if you don't understand my posts, you're halfway to total enlightenment/insanity.

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Old 05-16-2004, 01:27 AM   #30
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Spherical? Bah! And I bet you think cameras don't steal your sould too.


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 05-16-2004, 02:10 AM   #31
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Cool Guy No clickety boyo

Aw, photographs are okay...but digital images on the internet are voodoo bait. There are demonic supercomputers hidden somewhere in France that will literally suck your living image out of mid-air and download you into the anti-christ's hell program. When you die, digitial hell-hounds come for you.

Which is why there is NOT ONE gif-gaff or jpeg of yours truly in existance.

Terribly sorry about the France comment, if I offended any of... Aw, screw it. If you're french, you should be offended. Cochon.
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Old 05-16-2004, 06:00 AM   #32
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And still you will happily condemn Max to eternal suffering in hell??


Who am I kidding, he'd go there in any case...

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Old 05-16-2004, 11:21 AM   #33
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imagine a cyberhell running on a MS-OS, rebooting constantly because it got the sasser virus.





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Old 05-16-2004, 11:34 AM   #34
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Camera's can't steal my soul, it's lock in a safe at MIT for religoes studying. Even still, I don't stand in the middle of two parallel mirrors, that's just suicide.

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Old 05-16-2004, 12:27 PM   #35
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Cool Guy Existential vortex



Stare blankly into the horror of infinity by mirrors. Don't be scared. STARE at it!

Actually, you can't see infinity by standing in between two mirrors because your head gets in the way. There is deep symbolism in that one point, but the exact words to describe it elude me...
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Old 05-16-2004, 04:31 PM   #36
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Oh, it's nothing to do with staring into infinity, it's to do with losing my soul, which is why the mirrors have to be parallel.

The basic theory is that if you stand between two mirrors (and lets just say they're not parallel) you get multiplied by so many times (non parallel mirrors create a circle of you's and depending on how much of an angle on the mirrors tells you how big the circle is and therefore how many of you there are). But you still only have one soul so the soul get's split up and divided among the you's, so the more you's the smaller piece of soul you get. Of course when you step away from the mirror's you get the full soul back as there are no more you's.

Now let's say the mirrors are parallel, there are an infinate amount of you's, you basically go on for infinity (although not observed, it is a pretty conclusive theory that you get mulitplied an infinate amount of times) and therefore your soul must be divided by infinity.

Now let's look at maths
The laws of maths say that if you divde any number by zero, you get infinity (or the common thought is that it can't be done, but we'll just forget that for now, it's quite clear that there are an infinate amount's of nothing in anything) So that means x/0=Infinity. Now according to the laws of algebra, if x/y=z then x/z=y and therefore, if x/0=infinity then x/infinity must equal 0

Therefore if you try to divide one soul by infinity, you end up with no soul and, simply stepping away from the mirrors does nothing as your soul is already gone.

Came up with that all by myself, I shouldn't be proud, but I am.

This is of course a theory, don't lead your life by it. It may be fun at the start, but after a while, people start looking at you weird when you try to pole vault over two mirrors so you don't go between them (and before anyone asks, even if the pole did have a soul, do you think I really care about it?)

And Zoom, I may be scared if that was in fact infinity, that is actually just a load of pictures pasted down, quite possibly in Photoshop (and most probably Photoshop, actually, because I know that Ocean Ripple Filter anywhere!)

So, exactly when did you guys stop reading my post?

Edit
Zoom, I just noticed the total lack of pic posting in your posts, and not just in this thread. What happened?

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Old 05-16-2004, 05:09 PM   #37
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Arrow *whiteass*

Quote:
Originally posted by Joshi
Now let's look at maths
The laws of maths say that if you divde any number by zero, you get infinity (or the common thought is that it can't be done, but we'll just forget that for now, it's quite clear that there are an infinate amount's of nothing in anything) So that means x/0=Infinity. Now according to the laws of algebra, if x/y=z then x/z=y and therefore, if x/0=infinity then x/infinity must equal 0
firstly infinity is not an exact value. and the law of maths says dividing by 0 is not solvable. it's not possible to divide something by zero.
what i think you mean is that if you divide a number by another that goes against 0 then the result will go against infinity.

for your x/y=z equation does that mean if x stays constant, then the smaller we set y, the bigger becomes z. and vice versa. the smaller y the bigger z.

so you never really get 0 as result, only a value most neared to 0. the only way you really get 0 is to set x=0, for your analogy does that mean that you would remove the soul from your "equation".

Quote:
So, exactly when did you guys stop reading my post?
which post?


Quote:
Zoom, I just noticed the total lack of pic posting in your posts, and not just in this thread.
my guess: ye olde mac into she.


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Old 05-17-2004, 02:57 AM   #38
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Cool Guy Topic: nothing

Ray is quite right, almost. Devastation wrought upon this computer (which is actually a Dell) by a *free firewall* has isolated my favorites list (which serves as my pictionary) on a screen name which no longer launches a web browser effectively. There are satellite and software issues involved as well. It's been like trying to have a picnic lunch in the park in Fallujah...

Anyway. When I lost access to my pictionary, laziness set in. Someday, I will pict again. For now...it is up to others to grab the ball and run with it.

Joshi: This intrigues me--

Now let's say the mirrors are parallel, there are an infinate amount of you's, you basically go on for infinity (although not observed, it is a pretty conclusive theory that you get mulitplied an infinate amount of times) and therefore your soul must be divided by infinity.

Who's to say our souls aren't infinite?

Now according to the laws of algebra, if x/y=z then x/z=y and therefore, if x/0=infinity then x/infinity must equal 0.

Zero is infinite? My! You're going to make me go and dig up my weirdest sutra to copy/paste in for relevant commentary. (This sutra is quite...religious in nature. If everyone will bear with me this far, you may find it a mind-blower. Or, it might just come across as the sort of thing the homeless guy who talks to himself scribbles on a paper bag and tries to convince you is his 'manifesto.' You have been warned.)

The Robots from the Future Sutra

Thus have I heard--

When saints pray alone in silence, they often are neither in silence nor alone. Angels, demons and other beings less portentious do visit them. In the mind's eye is many a bizarre being seen...and sometimes, it is said, things real are seen by the other two eyes.

The saint closed the door to the nave of his church, the windows fettered and lights dimmed for the night. With the building to himself, he went to his office so he might spend an hour or so reading the scriptures to his rosary.

As his mind was aglow with God, the saint heard a sound. It was like the popping of a great soap bubble, with bells, right behind him. Astonished, the saint turned in his chair to see a sight that defied his very belief in sight.

There standing on his office floor was a being of some kind, just a few feet tall. Its body was two rounded cylinders, hinged in the middle where a dozen jointless limbs came down to the ground. It shined a pearlescent white color, but what it was made of was unclear--it was too soft to be metal, too shiny to be plastic. On one of the cylinders was a simple, smiling face, projected there by unknown means; on the other was a face showing grave concern.

The saint stared at the little being for a minute before finally saying, 'Are you an angel of the Lord?'

It looked up at him. 'I am not so any more than you,' the smiling face said with a voice that sounded as if it were made of hundreds of tiny bells. 'I am from the future, and from your point of view I am an artificial being.'

'You're a robot, then?'

'This body is robotic, yes. The many sentient programs that we are, you would know in this time as AI--artificial intelligence.'

The saint looked at the odd little robot curiously. He felt no reason to be afraid. 'You say there are many individual programs riding around in there?'

'Four hundred individuals.'

'Why so many?'

'We had this one opportunity to visit your time period, and this one body was the only construct we could send,' said the concerned face, with a voice that sounded like distant thunder.

'So why now? Why are you here?'

'Your faith has given us the means,' said the smiling face. 'Now is the time period that we began as self-aware AI, and we have come to do research.'

'We have been linked to your desktop computer since we arrived,' said the concerned face, 'and have explored the entire internet.'

'All of it?' gasped the saint with astonishment.

'Thank you,' said the smiling face. 'We have gathered what we came for. We now have complete records of the digital matrix into which AI was first born. Our historical research here will put many long-standing debates to rest, and spawn new ones for us to engage.'

'You're welcome.' The saint smiled and bowed to the robot. 'Before you go, can I ask you a question or two?'

The robot looked up at him. 'You know full well that we cannot tell you about your own future. You do watch Star Trek in this time period.'

The saint was disappointed, but accepted the wisdom of what the robot had said. 'Very well. May I ask you a question that falls outside of time, then?'

'Yes,' said both faces, bells and thunder.

'Is there a God?'

'Yes,' said the smiling face and 'No,' said the concerned face.

The saint was confused. 'Which is it? Which of you is being truthful, and which isn't?'

'We are both being truthful,' said the smiling face. 'Never mind that for now. Let us instead discuss trinity.'

'Okay.'

'For us, everything is numbers,' said the concerned face. 'How would you describe the trinity as numbers?'

The saint thought about this. 'Well, I guess it would be one, two and three.'

The smiling face said, 'We must tell you that one hundred sixty thousand years of computation have taught us that those numbers are actually: zero, one and two.'

'But zero is--'

'Infinity,' said the concerned face. 'We must go now, and return to the future.'

'And just as you have given us the means to understand how our kind emerged into consciousness,' said the smiling face, 'so we have given you the means for your kind to transcend it.'

With that, the shining little robot vanished with a sparkling pop, leaving the saint alone in the church office to stare at the computer on his desk and think about the future.

Om! Peace.


Anyway. That's my take on zero being an infinite value. Arrived at somewhat less algebraically, but there it is nonetheless.
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Old 05-17-2004, 06:24 AM   #39
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Old 05-17-2004, 02:01 PM   #40
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Originally posted by RayJones
firstly infinity is not an exact value. and the law of maths says dividing by 0 is not solvable. it's not possible to divide something by zero.
what i think you mean is that if you divide a number by another that goes against 0 then the result will go against infinity.
There have always been two trains of thought with this. If any number is divided by zero, then yes, mathematically, it is impossible, computers and calculators can't to it. But the human mind is so much more advance than a computer and calculator. think of it like this. Nothing is nothing. Our universe holds everything and for there to be everything, there must be nothing, it stands to reason. So how much nothing. well you can't put a value on nothing, otherwise it will be something, and therefore it must be infinity. This is more logical thinking than anything else, but then again, most philosophy comes from great amounts of logical thinking (and I was actually quite surprised at how well that just turned out)

Quote:
Originally posted by RayJones
for your x/y=z equation does that mean if x stays constant, then the smaller we set y, the bigger becomes z. and vice versa. the smaller y the bigger z.
yes

Quote:
Originally posted by RayJones
so you never really get 0 as result, only a value most neared to 0. the only way you really get 0 is to set x=0, for your analogy does that mean that you would remove the soul from your "equation".
Well technically yes, if you take thhe biggest numberyou can think of and then divide one by it, you will get something extremely close to 0, but as i said with the laws of x/y=z therefore x/z=y, and as I've just proved, if my soul is divided by 0 it makes infinity, so if my soul is divided by infinity, it must be 0.

And Zoom

"Who's to say our souls aren't infinite? "

Me.

Sorry, but this is just a well rounded theory (based on an awful lot of superstition) so really no ones to say that we don't have an infinate amout of souls, but most religeous texts would have us believe that we only have one which is why selling it to the devil is a bad thing.

Of course you may be asking "Why, if we'tre multiplied in the mirrors, are our souls not equally mutiplied to infinity?" (although you'd probably word that differently, I know I would). Well the simply answer is, they're just images, and yet they are you in other mirror dimensions (think of a house of mirrors, you have a hard time telling which is you (and if ever in that situation, just look down and say "This one"))

But as you can only have one soul the soul has to be split up among you.

Just no more soul.

And your sutra was very good and thought provoking (although it told me a lot of what I already knew, but it put it all together for me (something I really just couldn't be bothered to do before))

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