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Old 08-01-2006, 04:02 PM   #1
Jae Onasi
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[FIN] Pookie

I originally did this for one of the KFM duelling circle challenges, and had so much fun with it, I thought I'd post it here.

Ever wonder why you end up with a crate of gizka on your ship on Tatooine? Well, here's your answer.

Please feel free to leave comments here. Thank you.



“Oh, no. Geordan’s going to be so disappointed. Are you sure that’s what the memo says?” Mayran asked.

“I’m lookin’ right at it, Mayran,” Jor-ul said. “I know Geordan’s going to be upset, but he’s a big boy now. He’ll get over it. Besides, she’s got beady little eyes, and they’re only cute when they’re young.”

“Let me see that,” Mayran said, grabbing the datapad from Jor-ul’s hands. “What do you know? She’s the cutest little gizka I’ve ever seen. And she has such personality.”

Her eyes darted back and forth as she scanned the datapad, looking for any possible way to get around the directive.

Memorandum on Gizka Policies
To: All Anchorhead residents
From: Czerka Corporation Tatooine Governor, Ardis M’ran, MBS
Re: Non-compliance with Gizka Ownership Policies

It has once again come to my attention that there are some Anchorhead residents who have apparently not been educated on Czerka Gizka policies. This memo is being sent out to make very clear what our policies are.

Gizka are not to be owned by any residents. We are trying to eradicate the hairless little frog-faces because they breed faster than a Jawa talks. They’re chewing up our cables faster than the Sand People can steal them, and the replacement costs are killing us. Despite the fact that they’re small and can only hop around, trying to capture them is like trying to hang on to the greased handles of a speeding swoop bike. It’s bad enough trying to catch the wild ones without citizens adding to the problem by taking them into their homes and feeding the things.

I have heard any number of excuses on why So-and-so should have a special dispensation to keep one as a pet. “They’re cute.” “They don’t chew on the cables at our house—you just have to train them right.” “We always police their guano when we take them for a walk.” My personal favorite is “We only have one. You have to have two to make more gizka.” Well, whoever said ‘If you own one gizka, you own a hundred’ made the understatement of the millennium. We’ve had more gizka pop up in the last two weeks than we had in the last two years, and frankly, I’m tired of seeing their chirpy little bug-eyed faces jumping all over Czerka stuff and making more gizka. The only way to keep the prolific little buggers from making more nuisances of themselves is to rid them from Anchorhead entirely.

You have three days to remove all gizka from your homes. Czerka will provide euthanasia services for free for the next three days, a 58 credit value to you. After that, you will be fined 500 credits for possession of a gizka, and it will be removed anyway.

If there are any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact my office.

“But our gizka’s too young to breed! Well, I think she’s too young to breed, but we don’t let her out, anyway! They can’t do this to a child. He loves Pookie,” Mayran said in dismay.

“Mayran, we don’t have 500 credits to pay the fine if they search us and find the critter.”

“I can’t stand the idea of putting her down. That’s too cruel. There has to be another way,” Mayran said, tears beginning to brim.

Jor-ul ran his hand over his smooth head, trying to consider his options. “I don’t know, Mayran. I don’t have a lot of ideas here. We’ll just have to tell Geordan we took her out to a farm.”

“Geordan’s young, but he’s not stupid.”

“I gotta get to work. Ships don’t dock themselves, you know.” Jor-ul put on the robe that prevented the blowing Tatooine sand from scouring his skin.

“That’s it!” Mayran exclaimed.

“What’s it?” Jor-ul stopped, hand still on the doorknob to leave.

“Here’s what you need to do. Just make sure you find a nice pilot….”

* * *

“You the Ebon Hawk’s owner?” Jor-ul asked Revan after the customs official finished with him.


Jor-ul swallowed hard. This owner, Revan, seemed to see right through him, almost as if he could read thoughts, and Jor-ul briefly reconsidered his plan. There were no other ships scheduled to dock for the next three days, however. The only other ship in port was owned by a nasty Trandoshan who looked like he could eat Pookie alive. Jor-ul was out of options, and he could feel the sweat beading on his forehead. He hoped this Revan would just think it was the heat.

“You gotta sign this delivery order. We put crate 42-B7 on your ship.”

“A delivery? What order?”

“This is the Ebon Hawk, right? Docking bay 32? We got an order to put this crate on your ship. Says right here on this datapad. Crate 42-B7 goes to Docking bay 32. I’ll get in trouble if I don’t deliver it right. You gotta sign it.” Jor-ul hoped his hand wasn’t shaking too badly as he handed over the datapad.

Revan scrutinized it for a long minute while Jor-ul held his breath.
“All right,” Revan said finally, putting his thumbprint on the datapad and handing it back.

Jor-ul felt the weight lift from his chest, and he could breathe again. “Thank you, sir,” he said, with just a little too much exuberance.

Revan caught and held his gaze for a moment. Jor-ul felt the searching and thought of anything but gizka.

“You’re welcome,” Revan replied after a pause that seemed to Jor-ul to last an eternity.

Jor-ul trudged away, at least until he was out of Revan’s presence. Then his walk lightened as he headed for home, enjoying his success at saving his son’s pet. “Mayran, I put her on the Ebon Hawk. Looks like she’ll be OK—I saw a young Twi’lek there. I bet she’ll take care of that gizka almost as good as Geordan.”

Mayran cried a bit at the loss, but then said, “I suppose Pookie’s lucky. She’ll see more of the galaxy than we will.”

* * *

The Ebon Hawk slipped into hyperspace after leaving the dust-bowl planet.

“Aw, look guys, check out this cute little gizka!” Mission exclaimed to the rest of the crew, smiling broadly. “She had some babies, too! Now everyone can have their own!”

“What idiot let her on board?” Revan asked, looking suspiciously at the young blue Twi’lek who was now cuddling the gizka in her arms. The gizka cooed as Mission scratched her knobby head.

“Excited statement: Gizka make excellent target practice, Master. It will be a pleasure to remove them from the ship,” HK-47 noted.

Mission, still holding on to the gizka, jumped up from where she sat and stuck her finger in HK’s face. “Oh, no you don’t, you nasty little assassin droid. She’s mine. And no ‘accidents’ either, or I’ll take you apart while you’re powered down.”

“Indignant reply: I am not little.”

Revan held a hand up to forestall the droid. “I take it you let her on board, then. Those damn gizka will be hopping all over this ship before long, Mission,” he said, trying to control his frustration and not quite succeeding.

“Oh, no, I didn’t bring her on board. I found her by this broken crate in the cargo hold. There was a note inside that said her name is Pookie, and the owners wanted us to save her from Czerka. They even left a bunch of gizka food for her. Isn’t that great? Can I keep her? Please?” Mission put on her best ‘help a poor starving orphan Twi’lek’ look, trying to charm Revan into agreeing.

“Oh, no,” Revan groaned. “Let me guess. Crate 42-B7?”

“Hey, that’s right. Those Jedi senses of yours must be pretty darn good.”

“Yeah, they’re good all right.” Revan replied, putting his head in one hand and sighing.

From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Last edited by Jae Onasi; 08-01-2006 at 04:10 PM. Reason: Added link to fic in CEC
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