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Old 06-06-2011, 04:09 PM   #1
Revan sama
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Red riding hood Kotor

Title: Red riding hood Kotor.
Summary: The story of red riding hood with Star wars knight of the old republic characters.
Warning: This is completly ridiculous, don't expect anything serious.

Chapter one.

Once upon a time.

There was a...Blue girl who was hated by everyone who looked at her.

"Seriously, does the author has a personal grudge against me?"
(Mission Vao as little Red riding hood)

"How shameful! To wear such...such....such horrible red clothing."

"What suits me the most is SEXY BLUE ARMOR!!!" said Mission.

You're already blue...

Don't make me change the clothes color just because you like blue most, it will ruin the whole story if I did.

"Why not?" asked Mission.

Blue riding hood?! Are you serious?

"Okay the title doesn't mach but I still don't like red."

Stop complaining and let me continue the damn story.

The one who hated her the most of all was her grandmother.

"Why must I wear such heavy wig on my head?"
(Darth Malak as the grandmother)

Where else do you want to wear it?

Once, he gave to Mission a little riding hood of red velvet.

"What? ! That's it?! A cheap riding hood?! And RED?!" Mission was outraged.

"Be grateful that I give something for your birthday. And do remember I am a Sith Lord ! I only get paid when Revan gain Dark side points...AND he is ON the light side !!!"

"And also this is too damn small for me."

"Not my problem." said Malak the grandmother.

She would never wear anything else.

Wait...does that mean you don't change your clothe?

"Well...I will get cool new clothes in KOTOR III!"

Kotor III doesn't exist...

"Damn it!"

And so she was always called 'Red Twi'lek Riding Hood.'

"I'm Bluuuuuuuue!" whined Mission.

Shut up or else it be green!

One day her mother said to her:

"Mission, get your ass over here and take this piece of cake and a bottle of wine; take them to your bald grandmother, he is ill (in his head) and weak (Impotent), and they will do him no good."
(Bastila Shan as red riding hood's mother)

"Does that mean my grandmother is alcoholic?" asked Mission.

"Only when he look his porn collection..."

"Malak watch porn?"

"A grown man who always talk about dark side non stop without a mistress ALWAYS watch porn!" explained Mother Bastila.

"But Revan didn't watch porn when he was a sith Lord." said Mission.

"He doesn't need to, He has ME!"

Then Mother Bastila gave her some advice:
"Set out before it gets hot because remember that you are some sort of alien lizard, and when you are going, walk perfectly and quietly and do not run off the path, or you may fall and break the bottle, and then your grandmother will get nothing...Which wouldn't be so bad anyway; and when you go into his room, don't forget to say, "Good morning hold hag", and peep into every corner before you do it."

"I don't know if I can remember all that."

"'sigh' I'll write you down everything on paper."

"I will take great care...especially of the cake" said Mission to her mother.

"It's not for you." reminded mother Bastila.

The grandmother Malak lived out in the wood, half a league from the village (how can he go to the supermarket then?!), and just as Mission entered the wood, a wolf met her. Mission did not know what a wicked creature he was, and was not at all afraid of him.

"Why would I be scared of a wolf? In Kotor 1 I killed a giant Rancor with Big Z and Revan!"

"Recitation: I love my badass role."
(HK-47 as the wolf)

"Geez, You could have take someone else than 'mister big guns' for the role of the wolf." said Mission

"Query: Are you insinuating that I am fat, meatbag?"

"Yeah, I am." answered Mission.

"Where are you going so early, Red Meatbag Hood?"

"What did you call me?"

"Just answer the question."

"To my grandmother's...Malak."

"Query: What have you got in your apron?" asked once again HK-47 the wolf.

"Pervert!!!"

"I meant what are you dragging..."

"Cake and wine; yesterday was baking-day, so poor sick in the head grandmother Malak is to have something not good, to make him ill." answered Mission.

"Where does your grandmother live, Meatbag?"

"Why the hell should I tell you?"

"I have a Blaster and a few grenades."

"OKAY! OKAY! A good quarter of a league farther on in the wood; his house stands under the three large oak-trees, the nut-trees are just below; you surely must know it," quickly replied Mission.

HK-47 the wolf thought to himself:
"What a tender young creature! what a nice plump mouthful -"

HK-47,...You are suppose to be a wolf droid...NOT a pervert!

"She will be better to eat than the old woman. I must act craftily, so as to catch both."

You sound like a husband who is cheating his wife with a mistress...

He walked for a short time by Mission's side, and then he said:

"How about you'll pick some blueberries for your grandmother,...they are delicious you know."

"You're kidding right? ! I'll take them for me! I haven't eat since the story has begin!"

"Bring him a nosegay too...So you'll have an excuse for being late."

"A gay? For Malak? Well that explain a lot..."

"I said a NOSEGAY you idiot."

So Mission ran from the path into the wood to look for flowers and food. And so got deeper and deeper into the wood.

"What a pigeon... Even the little trash compactor T3 wasn't so idiotic."

Meanwhile HK-47 the wolf ran straight to the grandmother Malak's house.

"Ah I can finally enjoy the quiet evening... With all my big collection of Revan's photos. Not only these, I still have other collections of posters, DVDs of when he take his shower, Prints, T-Shirts of him as well" said grandmother Malak while drooling on a photo of innocent Darth Revan Sleeping without his mask and his lightsaber under his pillow.

When suddenly, Bastila's cold voice coming down from hell said:

"If you don't want my double lightsaber going up your ass, hand them all to me."

"Where the hell did YOU come from all the sudden?!"

"From the front door of your nightmares!"

And that's how malak really lost his jaw...

End of first chapter.


The more the difficulty, the more the glory.
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Old 06-10-2011, 02:02 AM   #2
machievelli
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'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 06-11-2011, 02:41 AM   #3
Tysyacha
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"A gay? For Malak? That explains a lot..." ROFLMAO! 10/10 tres bien!!!

By the way, have you read "Le Petit Prince/The Little Prince"?
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Old 06-11-2011, 05:14 AM   #4
Revan sama
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tysyacha View Post
"A gay? For Malak? That explains a lot..." ROFLMAO! 10/10 tres bien!!!

By the way, have you read "Le Petit Prince/The Little Prince"?
Yes I have. Very good story, a bit sad in the end though.
My favorite part was with the fox.


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