Dear oh dear - you do seem to be getting yourself in a state over this! You just need to calm down a relax a little bit. It is very easy to get out when you know how...
Before we get onto that, can I ask are you really retired, because your mesage seems to indicate to me that you are still very young at heart, especially as you are playing this VERY exciting game.
It took me months to finish the whole game, but it was worth it!
The key to finishing Babylon is to make sure you have collected ALL the bits and pieces you need, and make sure you push the boulder TWICE (cheats on weapons always help, of course). Where have you got to exactly? (you may not be quite at the end yet....)