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Old 12-02-2003, 04:08 PM   #1
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Post Holiday Special 2....

It's that time of the year again! Following the success (or not!) of last years fesitive bonanza, it's time for:

Star Wars: The Cantina: Holiday Special 2....

*It all began one winter's day as Deac sat in the Cantina with Orthos*

Deac: Orthos? What are you doing alive?

Orthos: It's a special. The writers wanted me back. Plus I said I'd help the boss move if he gave me a part...

Deac: You must really want that part!


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Old 12-02-2003, 05:05 PM   #2
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*In walks RH Irvine.*

RH Irvine "So tell me. 'Deac'..." *Mentioning to the 'post writer'* "... Interesting how you put the setting in the Cantina on a winter day..."

*RH Irvine runs up and opens a set of certains to show the outside, snowing.*

RH Irvine "This is a desert planet!" *Begins to shake his fist at 'Deac'.*

*In walks a red haired man in japaneese robes.*

Man in robes "Lost his mind that he has... Talking to the ceiling, he is..."

((<3 Kenshin))
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Old 12-02-2003, 08:20 PM   #3
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*Flax walks in, wrapped in his fur cloak.*

Flax: The Director had the Cantina moved to Agumar, just for this episode.


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Old 12-02-2003, 08:53 PM   #4
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*Odin appears*

Odin: This is a christmas special. It can snow on a desert planet, you just need a lot more stage hands, then simple shred some important financial documents and you have instant snow.


"Dulce bellum inexpertis."

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As Odin says in the Hovamal:
"Praise no day 'til evening; no wife 'til on her pyre; no sword 'til tested;
no maid 'til bedded; no ice 'til crossed;
no ale 'til drunk."
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Old 12-02-2003, 09:11 PM   #5
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RH Irvine "You seem to know alot about this."
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Old 12-03-2003, 04:43 PM   #6
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*An earth shattering secret is revealed!*

Deac: Well...truth is...it isn't just some guy who happens to share the name of his lead character. I am the writer/director...

Orthos: What did I do? Why'd you write me out! Tell me!

Deac: I was sick that day. [Phew] And please, it always snows in Christmas specials. But it wouldn't be a christmas special without...

*Syrnl walks in*

Syrnl: Hello!

Deac: without....

*Enter Lokpihet and Reletha*

Both: Hi there!

Deac: It definatley wouldn't be a christmas special without...

*Beler Jil enters*

Beler: Yes! I got invited!

Deac: Oh for crying out loud! It says so in the script!

"Deac: It wouldn't be a christmas special without...

Enter Rwos, left stage!
"


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Old 12-03-2003, 06:42 PM   #7
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*Sophae and Sellena walk in.*

Flax: Hay Deac, who writes the parts about my dead wife coming back to life? *To Sophae.* You're not supposed to come back till Ep 15!

Sophae: I need the money. Besides. *Holds Mistletoe over Flax' head.* I wanted to say you.

*They start kissing.*

*In walk Hal and Kal, along with Mirra*

*Hal sees his parents groping.*

Hal: Ah, no! That's just wrong!

*Mirra goes and sits down next to Orthos.*

Mirra: Hello Orthos, you look good.


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Old 12-03-2003, 06:48 PM   #8
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RH Irvine "Too bad they don't know what mistletoe looks lke, thats poison Ivy..."
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Old 12-03-2003, 10:06 PM   #9
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Kaildor walks in.
kaildor:Heyhey, i know hardly any of you, and none of you well
*nothing*
Kaildor:...rigggght
*begins backing toward the door*



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Old 12-04-2003, 08:35 AM   #10
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*Rwos stumbles in, out of breath*

Rwos: Sorry, am I late? It was a long way to walk from...wait, what am I doing here anyway? I'm supposed to be er...*looks round shiftily*...something...else...in my own universe. *Looks around at the snow* Oh! Of course...it's the Christmas Special. How could I forget?


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Old 12-04-2003, 04:51 PM   #11
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Orthos: Uh...thakns. I...have been going to the gym a lot.

Syrnl: Deac! It's been great! Dismembered Ewok have our "Best of" Album coming out in a week. Someone might be getting it in their stockings... *Motions to Lokpihet, Reletha and Orthos*

Reletha: Not again.... Now, what about the irrevlevant Christmas related plot?

*Lokpihet stands*

Lokpihet: As was revealed at the end of Cantina 10, I....HAVE A CELLPHONE!

*It rings. Everyone looks cross.*

What!? I don't know how to change the ringtone!


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Old 12-04-2003, 06:10 PM   #12
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RH Irvine "I wish I could have gotten one of those... Too bad they don't work in this universe... Or do they??"

*RH Irvine thinks about a cellphone that has 'Duel of the Fates' as a ring tone. Expression on face: ^_^*
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Old 12-05-2003, 05:23 PM   #13
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*Lokpihet keeps punching his cellphone*

Lokpihet: Come on! Change!

Orthos: You're gonna break it...

Lokpihet: There! ...Uh oh

*The phone now beeps. A vortex has appeared in front of them*

Deac: Wow. It seems your inability to use your cellphone has opened upon a portal to who-knows-where.

Orthos: You're the writer. So you must know where. So tell us.

Deac: That's not really been decided. Votes?


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Old 12-05-2003, 05:31 PM   #14
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Odin: How about the North Pole, and we all get to do something like save christmas, or kill some of those annoying elves.


"Dulce bellum inexpertis."

Official Forum Expert on Norse Mythology
As Odin says in the Hovamal:
"Praise no day 'til evening; no wife 'til on her pyre; no sword 'til tested;
no maid 'til bedded; no ice 'til crossed;
no ale 'til drunk."
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Old 12-05-2003, 08:59 PM   #15
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Rwos: Yeah, the North Pole. While we're there, we could, you know...save the world...from Christmas...or something... Besides, I want to know once and for all if Santa Claus really exists.

*Looks around at everyone*

Rwos: What?


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Old 12-05-2003, 10:00 PM   #16
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*RH Irvine leans over to Lokpihet and mutters a joke about Rwos, then laughs.*
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Old 12-06-2003, 03:34 PM   #17
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*Lokpihet hears the joke and laughs*

Lokpihet: Hiyo!

*Deac is not amused*

Deac: Only one way to find out...

*Deac enters the portal, and finds himself in the centre of a crowded street. The people are dressed for winter, except a few. All wear clothes that Deac is not familiar with. Fortunatley, he sees a few handy Rebel Pilots*

Deac: Excuse me, what planet am I on?

Pilot#1: Earth man! Outer Rim, Milky Way Galaxy!

Deac: I don't believe I've heard of it...

Pilot#2: My first time too. I'm from Vulcan *shows ears. Deac looks more confused*

Passer by: The convention centre's two blocks away- NERDS!

Deac: My gods. I've gone through a portal and arrived on the strangest and most backward planet imaginable...."Earth"!!!

*The terminator theme begins to play. Then the man in the television shop changes the channel so that the theme to "Doctor Who" can be heard, then finally the theme to "Teletubbies"*

Deac: Thank god this is only a christmas special...

----------------------------------

Orthos: Shouldn't we go in after him?


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Old 12-06-2003, 04:28 PM   #18
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RH Irvine "I donno. but..."

*RH Irvine is interupted by two small humanoids dressed in semi-worn out clothes.*

*One of the small creatures pulls out a gold ring on a necklace, he proceeds by making a short chant of some strange and exotc sorts...*

Small humanoid "Ring goes on" *Dissappears* "Ring goes off" *Re-appears* "Ring goes on" *Dissappears* "Ring goes off" *Re-appears* "Yes Sam!" *talking to his companion* "We shall go fourth to Mordor!"

*His companion whom twas named 'Sam' holds a look on his face with embarresment.*

Sam "Alright, let's go."

*The two jump into the portal.*

RH Irvine *in a squeeky voice* "...precious..." *Coughs while shaking his head real quick.* "Sorry, where was I? Oh yes! the portal, Sure let's follow Deac..."


Last edited by Kuuki; 12-06-2003 at 04:55 PM.
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Old 12-07-2003, 12:04 AM   #19
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Odin: Sure we could follow Deac, or we could wait until he dies, and come back to life again. And while we wait we can get drunk and play Sabacc.


"Dulce bellum inexpertis."

Official Forum Expert on Norse Mythology
As Odin says in the Hovamal:
"Praise no day 'til evening; no wife 'til on her pyre; no sword 'til tested;
no maid 'til bedded; no ice 'til crossed;
no ale 'til drunk."
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Old 12-07-2003, 08:54 AM   #20
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Rwos: Never found Sabacc entertaining. Might as well follow him.

*Rwos jumps through the portal and finds himself on Earth*

Rwos: Well. That was rather anticlimatic. Could've just used my own teleporter.


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Old 12-07-2003, 12:06 PM   #21
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??? "Tell me about it."

*Leaning up agenst a wall stood a very young man, roughly 17, with blonde hair. RH Irvine jumps through, and reconises.*

RH Irvine "Hey I know you! Aren't you a little old for this time frame, havok?"

Havok "Aw, can't I just introduce myself now? At least now my 'creator' desided to at least give me a name."

RH Irvine "Yeah, but you're only what 6 in this current time?"

Havok "No, actually, in this current time I'm less then a year old!"

RH Irvine "Oh right, right. Cloned. gotcha."

*Havok already 'ticked', turns away.*

RH Irvine *muttering* "I wonder if the brains behind creating malice knows that the brains behind creating him would start having him call his 'mother'..." 'Hmmm, makes a plot. I think.'
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Old 12-07-2003, 04:41 PM   #22
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Deac: Rwos? You know this place? Can we get back?

*A random guy walks past and looks at Deac, then at a skecthbook he is holding*

Guy: What? Cool! The royalties will be here any moment *Dances off*

Deac: Hmmm. This planet must have a monarchy or something....


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Old 12-08-2003, 01:45 AM   #23
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*some Aesir appear, they join Odin in a thrilling game of Sabacc. They play for various worlds*


"Dulce bellum inexpertis."

Official Forum Expert on Norse Mythology
As Odin says in the Hovamal:
"Praise no day 'til evening; no wife 'til on her pyre; no sword 'til tested;
no maid 'til bedded; no ice 'til crossed;
no ale 'til drunk."
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Old 12-08-2003, 08:03 AM   #24
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Rwos: Normally I'd say yes, but since this is the holiday special I'm not so sure.

*Watches the man dance by* This planet's got hundreds of divided countries. Judging by the level of civilization here, and the fact that they still have a monarchy, I'd say we're in England or one of its sister countries.


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Old 12-08-2003, 04:20 PM   #25
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Deac: Is that an important planet or something?

[Note: Players of Freelancer will notice it's the largest sector!]

*Deac then notices a familiar figure in a shop window*

--------------------------------------

Lokpihet: Hey Reletha, we need to do something evil.

Reletha: I suppose.

Lokpihet: Want to kidnap the most important person to an Earth Christmas?


Reletha: You mean.... Jesus! No wait...we can't kidnap deities.

Lokpihet: No...

Reletha: Dick Clarke? Then they would never know what year it was!

Lokpihet: I mean Father Christmas!

Reletha: You mean Santa?

Lokpihet: Just because Star Wars was American doesn't mean we should stop being English! Yes! Let's go to the north pole, kidnap him and then hold him ransom for the earth. That sounds like a fiendish enough, yet Christmassy enough silly plot!


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Old 12-08-2003, 06:07 PM   #26
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*In Fused irvine*

Fused Irvine "Shall I be of some assistence?"
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Old 12-09-2003, 04:28 PM   #27
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Lokpihet: Why not?

Reletha: Well, I think my Dick Clark plan is far more fiendish! In fact, I'm gonna do that and get Dad to help!

Syrnl: Sorry. Don't do evil anymore. Not since that redemption scene.

Lokpihet: Oh....yeah.

--------------------------------------

Deac: What a strange world. Half of them seem to worship something called Microsoft, the other half various gods...*points out a rocker, and goes up to him*

Deac: So what can you tell me about "Led Zepplin"

Rocker: Jimmy Page is the God of Guitar!

Deac: I see, so you worship him to gain musical benefit!

Rocker: Errrr....sort of....they are my band's influence!

Deac: See, Rwos!


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Old 12-09-2003, 05:27 PM   #28
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RH Irvine *holding a can of soda* "I wonder if Dr. Pepper is a real doctor. Something tells me that he isn't qualified to be a "Soft Drink". But then yet again I can't get enough of this stuff!" *Begins to shake uncontrollably*

-------------

Fused Irvine "Well I guess I could fill in for ya."
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Old 12-09-2003, 11:40 PM   #29
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*shortly after several blaster shots are heard, Kioet walks down a dark alleyway and takes notice of something horrible*

Kioet: oh my god, what the hell happened here??????

???: mind your own business.

*Kioet takes a closer look....and nearly passes out. what he sees is a dark elf taking a piss on some bodies he just hacked to death with his fireblade shortsword*


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Old 12-10-2003, 01:36 AM   #30
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((I see some one has played to much morrowind))

*Odin stands from the table.*

Odin: Now that I own the galaxy, lets go through the portal.

*The Group of Aesir follow Odin through the portal. They arrive in the mountains. The first person they encounter is a stranger wielding a sword*

Stranger: There can be only one.

*Takes a wide swing. Odin ducks and draws his sword. A brief fight ensues ending with the strange's head leaving his body.*


"Dulce bellum inexpertis."

Official Forum Expert on Norse Mythology
As Odin says in the Hovamal:
"Praise no day 'til evening; no wife 'til on her pyre; no sword 'til tested;
no maid 'til bedded; no ice 'til crossed;
no ale 'til drunk."
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Old 12-10-2003, 08:05 AM   #31
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*Flax is still kissing Sophae, only now they're on the table.*

*Disgusted the kids jump through the portal, before things progress any further.*


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Old 12-10-2003, 01:10 PM   #32
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Fused Irvine *yelling loud enough that his voice splits* "GET A ROOM!!"
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Old 12-10-2003, 01:58 PM   #33
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Rwos: Jimmy Page? Must be a British thing...er...I mean...they don't literally worship music stars here...I think...I hope.


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Old 12-10-2003, 07:32 PM   #34
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*Flax stops kissing Sophae long enough to take his jacket off.*

*Sellena shakes her head, takes a final look at her sister and the reprobate she married and jumps through the portal.*

*Hal, Kal, and Mirra emerge on Earth, Sellena follows a moment later.*

Hal: Mom and Dad were "catching up" so we left them to it.

Kal: It should be illiegal for married people to have sex.

Hal: Did dad never give you the "talk"

Kal: Talk?

Hal: About the birds and the bees?

Kal: What are Bees?

Hal: Never mind.

Sellena: Colonel, My Brother in Law should be along in a couple of hours, or may I call you Deac? *She gives Deac "the" smile.*


((Same smile Sophae uses to get what she wants.))


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Old 12-10-2003, 10:35 PM   #35
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*Kaildor wanders through the portal.....late as he always seems to be, and appers on earth*

Kay: Zepplin rule!

*kaildor kicks kay*

Kaildor: Danm hippie

*walks over to Deac and co*

Kaildor: Why do all these people have long hair?

*points at a load of people with long hair*

kaildor: see? this place is strange.



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Old 12-11-2003, 12:29 PM   #36
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Rwos: *glares* Hey, I have long hair. *looks hurt and strokes his thin white ponytail to comfort it*


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Old 12-11-2003, 08:29 PM   #37
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*They're still kissing.*


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Old 12-11-2003, 09:20 PM   #38
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*RH Irvine glares at Kaildor.*
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Old 12-12-2003, 04:07 PM   #39
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Deac: Oh go on then.... Right everyone! We need to find out why we're here!

*TV in the shop window changes*

Newsreader: Dick Clark has been kidnapped! Without him TV will never be the same this new year!

Also...strange figures have been seen heading for the North Pole! Could there be a connection? And why do we have no real heroes on this planet!

--------------------------

*Lokpihet looks round his new ice palace*

Lokpihet: Cold, but it'll do...Mr Christmas

*Santa is tied and gagged behind him*


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Old 12-12-2003, 06:29 PM   #40
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*Fused Irvine walks in*

Fused Irvine *to Lokpheit* "I've made sure that the elves made giant ice sculptures of our liking. Killed a few with our, heh, 'Magic'." *force lighting arcs from finger time to tinger tip innocently, while he grins widely*
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