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Old 07-19-2004, 06:30 AM   #1
Evil Dark Jedi
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A Jedi Story

This is a Jedi named Tel Qual who goes on a long yet exciting mission.This is after the battle of Endor.(By the way this is my first fanfic)

Chapter One:
Arriving on Tatooine

Tal who had been told by his master to go to Tatooine was sitting in the his ship and about to land on Tatooine.When he landed he saw 10 stormtroopers come to investigate the ship.When they come in the leader of the squad says to Tel"What is your name and buisness here at Mos Espa".Tel replies with a Jedi Mind Trick saying"I have no buisness here.You must go away".The trooper goes away but the other stormtroopers noticed the mind trick.They fired at Tel but Tel was ready.He ignited his blue lightsaber and deflected the shots.He used force push on the troopers and they hit the wall knocked out.He that stabbed them all in the chest and put the bodies in the storage compartment of his ship.

Tel then goes to meet his master who said he would wait for him in the cantina near the docking bay.Tel went into the cantina a sees his master.His master says"What took you so long".I had trouble master"replied Tel.They ordered a drink each and disscused the plan which they had to carry out."We must kill the Hutt of this planet but he is somewhere deep in Mos Espa.If he escapes we must follow him on his ship" said Tel's master who was named Master Zorin Blastar.They left the cantina and set off to the Hutt's palace.

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Old 07-20-2004, 05:11 AM   #2
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Chapter 2:The Hutt's Palace

Tel and Zorin arrived at the palace.They saw two twi'lek guards at the entrance.Zorin approached the guards and used Jedi Mind Trick on both of them.He said as he waved his hand"You will let us in".The guards replied"HA we have anti-force implants.So you cant come in".Zorin ignited his green lightsaber.Tel followed suit and ignited his blue lightsaber.They beheaded both the guards.The two Jedi went into the Hutt's palace and approached Tuluk the Hutt.Tel said"Now what master".Zorin replied"Tuluk will send guards upon us.Be ready".They ignited their lightsabers and waited for the guards.Tuluk yelled"Seize them".About 20 guards attacked them.Tel jumped up and used force push on a nearby rodian.The rodian flew back and hit a gran guard.They were pushed onto the wall knocked out.Zorin who had killed 5 guards already, yelled"The hutt.Hes getting away".There were only 5 guards left.Tel used a srong lightning on them and they died.The hutt however had escaped onto his transport.The 2 jedi ran to their x-wings and made pursuit.The hutt transport went into hyperspace.Fortunally the jedi got pulled in with the hyprspace pull.They came out of hyperspace and saw the planet of Ignis. The planet of the Iconians.They were a very brutish against all but hutts and the hutts fellows.Tel said to his master"We are in trouble".


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Old 07-21-2004, 02:10 AM   #3
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Chapter 3:The Iconians

Tel and Zorin landed in a forest near the town where Tuluk had gone.Tel says to Zorin"What shall we do master"."We wait for someone to find us here.The Iconians must have seen us".

A few hours later 3 Iconians came to the two jedi's location.All the Iconians found was 2 x-wings."Maybe they are hiding"said one of the Iconians.Tel and Zorin then snuck up on the Iconians and used a Force lightning on them.They died.Tel and Zorin went to the city gates and waited until nightfall.They then used Force Jump to jump to the top of the wall.They them quietly ran to the place where the hutt landed.They saw the hutt sleeping by a fire.The guards were also asleep.Tel and Zorin used froce choke on the gaurds.They were only dummies.The hutt woke up and yelled"The jedi again.Get them".30 guards rushed and they were Iconians.Tel and Zorin ignited their lightsabers and prepared for battle.The Iconians carried long vibroblades.They started fighting why the hutt got away.Zorin saw 5 guards rush for him.They all hit him at the same time.Zorin blocked four blows but got hit by the last vibroblade.The blow hit him straight in the back.He fell to the ground.Tel who saw this felt the dark rage coming.He unleashed his anger on all the Iconians.They all died in a flash of lightning.Tel ran over to his master."Take my lightsaber as my final wish".Zorin died.Tel took his lightsaber.He felt a anger in him.He wanted to kill all the Iconians in the city(ep 2 anyone).

At dawn all the Iconians in the city were dead.Tel had gone to the dark side.He went to his x-wing and got in.He then headed for Korriban.


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Old 07-21-2004, 06:20 AM   #4
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Not bad for a beginning! The chapters are also small and cute, make them just slightly big. Otherwise, you're not bad!


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Old 07-21-2004, 07:17 AM   #5
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Thanks Sabre.Ill try and make them longer.Next chapter is tommorow


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Old 07-22-2004, 07:36 AM   #6
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Chapter 4:The Beginning of Darth Qual

Tel landed on Korriban and went to the sith academy.10 stormtroopers ambushed him.He lightninged them and went inside.He went to the master and said"I want to be a sith"."OK good.You will now be Darth Qual" replied the master.Darth Qual trained alot and and killed ohter apprentices while doing it.The master of the academy was very impressed and went to Darth Qual one afternoon and said"I would like you to be my apprentice"."No.I will not let another person die at my hands again"."Alright"the master said very angry.Darth Qual went to his modified X-wing and got in.

He went to Yavin 4 and went to the jedi academy.When inside Luke Skywalker came out to greet him."Welcome back Tel we thought you were dead".Darth Qual replied"Well im here and my master is dead"."Im sorry"said Luke."Dont be"said Darth Qual.When Darth Qual said this Luke scensed the dark side in Qual."You have hatred in you Tel.Release it"."NO I WON'T"yelled Qual.Qual ignited his two lightsabers and attacked Luke.Luke doged the blows and ignited his saber.He deflected all blows and said"Let go of your anger Tel"."IM NOT TEL ANYMORE.IM DARTH QUAL".At once all of the jedi heard this.They all went down to the hall.They watched Qual and Luke dual.Luke deignited his lightsaber and went away.Qual then turned around and went back to his X-wing.He then flew back to Tatooine.


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Old 07-23-2004, 05:12 AM   #7
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Chapter 5:The Upcoming Battle

On Yavin Kyle and Luke were talking about Darth Qual."He can be turned back"said Luke."I dont know"said Kyle."He can.He still has the light side in him.I felt it will I fought him"."Ok"said Kyle.Luke then said"Kyle I want you to follow Tel and see what happens.He went to Tatooine.I will come with you,since I know the planet".Luke and Kyle got into the Ravens Claw and went to Tatooine.


Meanwhile on Tatooine Qual was buying equitment.He bought a vibroblade,two blaster rifles and a sniper rifle.He then went out to a sandcrawler to get an assain droid.He killed all the Jawas because they wouldnt sell him the best assain droid.He then went back to his x-wing and put the assain droid in the small storage compartment.He then flys back to Korriban.


When Luke and Kyle are about to land they see Qual's shia and follow after it.When they get out of hyperspace they see Korriban.They follow Qual and land outside the Korriban city.They then get inside and go to the sith academy with a breif attack from 2 sith appretices.They go in and see the master of the academy they apprach him and Luke says"We are here to see Darth Qual"."You do not see anyone here jedi".The master ignites his lightsaber and then 20 sith knights come out and ignite there sabers.Luke and Kyle do the same and prepare to fight.


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Old 07-27-2004, 03:15 AM   #8
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Chapter 6:The Battle

Luke and Kyle put their lightsabers into a defensive position and waited.2 sith knights ran forward and attacked.Luke ducked and beheaded one of them and Kyle who was in a saber lock with the knight used force push on him and pushed him back.He then immediatly used force pull and pulled him back.He then stabbed him in the chest.Luke and Kyle again waited.Then suddenly all the knights and the master ran at them.


Qual who was in his room was programing his droid to kill the master of the academy.When half way done he heard sabers.He rushed out to the entrance hall and saw Luke and Kyle dueling all the knights and the master.Qual activated his sabers and started picking off the knights one by one.After about a minuteall the knights were dead and only the master was left.He raised his saber and killed himself.Luke said to Qual"Thankyou"."Shut it.I did it because I didnt want you 2 to die.Now go".


Luke and Kyle turned around and went to the Ravens Claw and got in."I knew there was good in him" said Luke."I doubted you again and of course you were right, your always right" replied Kyle.

Qual went back to his room.He then shut the droid off since the master was dead.Qual was now the master of the academy and was responsible for all the sith students.


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Old 08-22-2004, 09:13 AM   #9
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Chapter 7:The Sith and Jedi vs The Iconians

Darth Qual was asleep when a sith apprentice ran into his room and woke him.The apprentice bowed and said"Master,an army of 50'000 Iconians are on their way to he academy.We lost our watchmen that were stationed at the Great Temple."Qual walked over to the apprentice and said"I know why they are here come I need you with me."The apprentice replied"Where are we going master."Qual replied"To wake the rest of the sith."

Meanwhile,Luke was awake and meditating.He saw the Iconian army storming the Sith Academy that Darth Qual was at.Luke broke his trance and went to Kyle's room."Kyle wake up"said Luke.Kyle woke up and said"Luke whats wrong?" "The Iconian army are going to take over the Academy that Tel is at.We must help the sith.I dont know why but we must help Tel." Kyle and Luke went around the Jedi Academy and woke up the Jedi.They all loaded into transports fully equiped and left Yavin IV.Luke and Kyle were in the head transport."Take us to Korriban"said Luke to the pilot and the other transport pilots using a commlink.

Qual was getting his two sabers and was looking out his window.He saw alot of bright lights which he guesed to be fire lit torches.Qual went out of his room and to the bottom floor."Ok sith follow me to the battle." Qual led the army around the Academy to a desolit wasteland with a few jagged rocks.Since it was night it was hard to see but not for the Qual who was using the force to sense the Iconians.Then everyone saw many torches coming towards them.Qual yelled"Sabers out and stand your ground."

Luke watched as they came out of hyperspace.He saw Korriban.The transports went over to the Academy.Luke felt no life precense in the academy but he felt alot of life behind it."Go behind the academy"said Luke.As the transports went over the academy all the jedi saw red sabers and a green and blue sabers.The transports landed and Luke said to all the sith"We are here to help you all."

Qual heard this and jumped over the sith and landed to see the jedi."What are you doing here?"he said to Luke.Luke replied"We are here to help you.I saw you being overun." "Ok if you must help us you must remember not to kill any sith and all you sith do not kill any jedi.That is an order"added Qual as he turned to see all the sith with a look of sadness on their faces.


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Old 08-23-2004, 05:15 AM   #10
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Chapter 8:The Thre-Way Battle

The Iconians were running at a fast pace when they saw the jedi transports come.They had taken out their weapons and were determined to kill all the sith and jedi.

Qual,Luke and Kyle were at the front of the vast jedi army.The Iconians finally reached them and everyone was fighting.Qual was fighting an Iconian warrior when Luke jumped up above the two armies and was moving his saber very fast.Luke's saber then let off a bright green light which covered the armies.

When the light faded the jedi army was glowing a greenish colour.An Iconian warrior tried to hit a jedi apprentice but flew away dead after his vibroblade made contact.The jedi army then attacked the Iconian army without fear.

Luke went down to the ground slowly as most of his power had gone after doing the Army Shield.He went down and joined the green glow.He started to regain his power rapidly and started to attack the Iconians aswell.

Qual was killing without fear.Suddenly the Army Shield stared to fade and the jedi were uncovered.An Iconian general hit Qual over the head which knocked him out.The general took Qual to an Iconian transport.The transport took off and went off into space.

Meabwhile,the two armies contnued the fight.The jedi were winning.Luke who was about to put a killing blow on a warrior felt using the force Qual being taken to Ignis.

Kyle was killing very well when he felt a strong push against his side.A sith had pudhed him away.Kyle then went back to the sith and killed him.A portion of the sith saw this and started to attack the jedi aswell as the Iconians.

Since Qual was gone a sith had taken control over the sith army.He told the sith to attack the jedi aswell as the Iconians.Luke also told the jedi to attack the sith aswell as the Iconians.


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Old 08-23-2004, 05:30 AM   #11
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First time I read this, and not even the beginning yet, but I noticed something. You say in the first chapter, when you arrive on Tatooine,, that the troopers come to check your business.
1. The mind trick goes like the troopers say it. You just influence their words, not command them with the jedi mind trick
2. The other troopers would be influenced too, in that situation

More care into the writing. You shall be good in writing soon enought


"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity in all this vastness there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
"

- Carl Sagan
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Old 08-23-2004, 07:48 PM   #12
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This is good as your 1st one. Nice job
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Old 08-24-2004, 03:25 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jaden Malip
This is good as your 1st one. Nice job
Who are you talking to.If you are talking to Saber it isnt his its mine.

Oh and Tepe I will change that part.


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Old 08-24-2004, 06:41 AM   #14
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Ah!!!!!!11!!!!1!1!11!!!!!oneoneoneoneone


No triple-posting!!! (delete two of the posts)

Oh, and if you were talking to me, Malip, thanx! (Never had critics. Ever.)


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Old 08-24-2004, 06:44 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sabretooth
Ah!!!!!!11!!!!1!1!11!!!!!oneoneoneoneone


No triple-posting!!! (delete two of the posts)

Oh, and if you were talking to me, Malip, thanx! (Never had critics. Ever.)
sorry my comp crashed when I pushed Submit Reply


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Old 08-24-2004, 08:02 PM   #16
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It was originally to EDJ, but it can be about both!!!!!!!
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Old 08-25-2004, 05:47 AM   #17
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Thansk but this is my first one.My second one is called The Clone Wars.


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