Join Date: Sep 2004
The never-ending story, complete edition, directors cut, directors comments!
All right, i did a little copy- and paste-job, which took some time, and came up with this magical story made out of
my own mind a thread in "Forum games".
Once, there was this Little Billy, he found a piece of metal.
He expected that piece of metal to be sharp, so he cut himself with it on the hand.
But it wasn't sharp, it was so rusty that it fell apart as soon as it touched his hand.
"Damn," he cried, "how am I meant to cut myself now?"
Then he began to scatch the back of his hand as an itching started to become unabareable.
Then he figured he could just ignore it, until it stopped.
Since he was bored, he started wandering in a random direction, where he met
the most evil thing to ever to exist in the history of man, a mime!
What was worse was that mime had sight its annoying sights on him.
Not only that but the itch wasn't going away, infact it just seem to get worse.
[Warning! The bard comment here]
It got so itchy he decided to play with his hand and his underwear
, or to be exact with his
[End The bard comment here.]
crabs, knowing that he a had a problem,
he headed to the chemist when he met a giant super smelly
[The Bard comment here]
piece of turd in the ground. It was his neighbours dog ****.
He then said maybe the acids in this can make my itchy itchy go away,
he scrubed the **** all over his paws and noticed that it smelled like dog ****. Is it
[End The Bard comment here.]
really a good idea?
"No, its not." he realized.
So he looked around for a hose to wash his hands. He thought he saw one,
but in reallity it was a
[The Bard comment]
piece of turd.
[End Bard comment]
"I cannot wash my hands with that!" he cried. He then jumped into a large vat of
He climbs out of the vat, and then drives to TheBard's house,
where he stabs him thrice with a knife, and lectures his bleeding body
about how he should make decent contributions to the story of his life.
Then, he returns to his activites of plotting to assasinate the The Bard.
He called his buddy's from Iowa who'er all computer hackers and members of the IRA,
but when they arrived they
ate a piece of turd.
Afterwards, they sat down, and seriously contemplated how a 16 year old teenager
could be so immature. They had thought by the time you had reached 16,
you would be a fairly adult person. They assume not everyone is like Kjølen,
then. Later, they went and did this activity,
which has nothing to do with feces of any kind.
But then again, that a person with a red/pink haired avatar
should have more to do than to pay atention to an amteur 16 year
old with a fetish for turds. But wait NOW our hero
did find one thing that helped his itch. PISS. He pissed on his hand and
cleaned it. Urine is very sterile, after all.
Then, he turned his attention to the fish in the bathtub
who told him the world was going to end in 28 days.
He was so scared he ran to the local supermarket
and had an epic battle with a giant coupon-wielding chicken.
Afterwards he stopped watching family guy and got back to his adventure with the lovely
Brenna, queen of the Britains. Afterwards, he conquered Coney Island,
but then he jumped off the Bumper cars and met his friend
Poo Poo Platter, who was a black belt master.
Luckily, Billy knew Tai Jitsu, and eagerly fought his opponent.
But then a pack of ninjas apeared and
scared him to death.
Then he ran to the bar he saw and asked for a shot of tequila.
When he had all the hair in his chest (hehe) he ran to defeat all the ninjas.
After the ninjas were pwned, he settled down and
ate a caramel sundae. But there was something wrong, the sundae...
had turd in it. He said "HEY WAITER!! MY sundae has turd in it".
''i know'' replied the water,''it is mine''.
Our hero looked at him and puked all of his suit.
The waiter puked also and:''you idiot, i was joking!!! That's chocolate!''
Then, TheBard was banned from this discussion
because Billy's stomach couldn't handle any more of his cockknockery.
And they all lived happily ever after.
And so billy got himself a wife. The beautiful Kjolen was of course
his lovely mistress. The next day they went shopping and bought a pack of eggs,
milk, butter and some new clothes
These were of course Love Eggs, and Billy got horrible diseases from them.
So, his wife made him some muffins for him to feel better.
And after that a good nights sleep.
Billy realised his story was being told by someone
who believed that progression was for idiots and that non seqiturs are always funny.
In a moment of Matrix-like panic he licks a disabled guy
and then takes a lot of pills. Blue ones.
So, after a hard day's work he went home to his wife.
And she said to him:''honey, i made this pie for you
I hope you like it'' Billy tried and said: ''how lovely''.
At which point his wife immediatly divorced Billy because he was being overly nice
when she told him to simply cut down on the swearing and immature crap.
She took the family pig and left the house only to be...
[WEIRD WARNING!!! GAAAH!!! FEALIKS!!!]
raped and killed by michael jackson who was trialed and let off...
michael then went over to his friend's house where they spent hous
developing an A-bomb they accidentally cloned it (dont ask me)
and set them all off for a joke.
then they realised that they had put in a
divice that maked it clone itself instead of blowing up.
as soon as one was cloned,
its clone cloned another and so on this went on for several days
until finally they squeezed together and blew up the universe.
the "big bang" created a new one though. THIS WAS NOT A DREAM.
[END FEALIKS' COMMENT]
In a Review of the New Universe, Billy gave it a 78.
He said "It had a good beat, and I could dance to it".
But he soon got tired because he was depressed.
Oh so depressed he was, oh no, yes he was, yes but
But then he realised that if he could start a story with
multiple writers then instead of continuing the story they'd all
add in random bananas, so Billy grabbed his shotgun and jumped in his poom poom wagon.
So he drove to the bakary to have some bread.
Oh so delicious it was. Miss Bistis really outdid herself this time.
The bread was sooo good. So good indeed. Good good. Good good. Oh yes it was.
(WTF? Where did you pull bakery from? Okay, its random but...)
Bread. Billy's mind was full of bread.
It was now corsing through his veins.
It was falling out his ears, and it was welling up behind his eyes.
He feel to the groud and orgasmed bread.
His tears of joy became crumbs,
his gasps forming into bagettes as he breathed.
He lay, quietly panting,crumbs pouring from his mouth, and grinned softly.
[EXTREME BARD COMMENT]
And so he ate turd. yes turd turd turd turd.
oh **** i said turd oh **** i said turd turdturd turd
[END EXTREME BARD COMMENT]
Then Mr. Fibble said
"Dude what the **** is up with you?"
Then i said
"Bard, please stop spamming my thread with turds."
Continuing the story:
He decided to go home and eat his sweet, sweet bread.
Outside his house, he saw a flying car,
but it wasn't flying, it was actually standing on the ground,
and looked like a normal car, but
It wasn't flying, not as such.
It seemed to be travelling at a ground level of its own devising.
Billy approached it in a dreamlike state, still dripping criossants from his mouth.
From a distance it was travelling quite quickly, but up close it wasn't moving at all.
Billy reached out a crumb laden hand to open the door when
(Then Joshi, who is a moderator, decided to remind The Bard of what
i said and what he said before and what everyone thinks.)
[OMG FEALIKS COMMENT]
then he got off the game that was the last 6 posts excluding joshi's (the new universe people)
"FO??T ???µ?!!!! ???.... ?????" he asked in greek, the new universal language
"dude what you said doesnt make sense" said the remainders of his child
then he realised that he only existed in words!! MUHAHAHAHA!!!! im killing him looooook
[Hammersmashing smiley here]
[Weird Smiley here]
anyway billy's dead the new character is *drumrolls*...
[End Fealiks' comment.]
Fealiks decided to browse lucasforums a little, but little did he know that...
In about three hours, he'll be banned from the boards.
fealiks then rejoiced because he hadnt been ba--
Billy's back baby! in his new mini cooper copy,
he attempted a death defying feat which consisted of him
borrowing into the mind of Barbara Walters (Psychonauts? -PoM) who
fell off a cliff and into the outstretched arms of
ME: ME: ME: ME: ME:
Bleep! The message you enter is to short,
i said, or rather my computer said, so i decided to add this random smiley:
(Insert smiley of head exploding here.)
freaked out the other day.
so then he jumped from my arms and flipped across
the train tracks, narrowly avoiding being flattened by a train driven by
C. Skye did nothing to save him, because he wanted to paint the train red anyway,
but not that hue! Softer tones are required for a train of this stature, so
he paint it black. No colours anymore, want it to turn black.
See the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes.
He got very distracted by the women in his mind, and fainted.
Then he ended up at lucasforums without a clue on how that happened.
Billy thougt that was odd so he wanted to
post at this ridiculous topic
But he didn't because he saw all his life was written there. WHY??? HOW?????
The answer was simple, and could be found painted right on
Billy kept reading this thread, and asked:
In what way is it painted on my mind and what is the answer?
In THAT way he answered himself. It was
not something he could openly disclose,
but he took it to heart anyway.
BUt now that he had the answer in his grasp, he would have to
... continue reading this thread in the hope that it would tell him what to do next,
no such luck.
(if anyone can tell me the really obscure referance, I'll be really impressed)
(What was the reference? -PoM)
So he went turned off the computer and now we can continue the story.
Like the voodoo lady said it's not right to know the future.
Billy decided to go to San Andreas.
In San Andreas, he met CJ.
CJ said: Hello, mah homie!
said: "WHATEVA!". CAUSE THIS IS MY UNITED STATES OF WhATEVER!
Me: And then he ran away screaming "I am
Bard: gay and like to have plenty of dogs in my living room''
'So here we understand that he considered his ex-wife, the beautiful kjolen,
nothing but a mere pet. No wonder he treated her nice.
ME:He had 3 dogs and 5 dogs and 2 dogs and K-Jo.
ME: Said The Bard.
The Bard: Said piece of metal.
Me: Said the Bard, and then decided to never say
"said piece of metal" ever again or anything that reminds of it.
Bard: Thought piece of metal. As you see piece of metal
was having quite and interesting conversation in his mind.
Me: ...And then The Bard decided to continue the story about Billy by writing
Bard: : Billy then left wherever he was and continued looking for his arch enemy.
When he found him his arch enemy said:
Me: In a happy tone:
BARD: '''Hello, Billy you idiot, i am here to give you the worst day of your ****ing life''
ME: Expected Billy, but in fact he said:
BARD: ''Bily, YOU IDIOT!!!! I"M GONNA GIVE YOU THE SECOND WORST DAY OF YOUR LIFE"
AND THIS IS WHAT IN FACT HE SAID. BECAUSE IF NOT RIGHT THE ****ING STORY AS YOU LIKE IT!
Then Billy got really scared and...
BARD: ate a puding.
ME: While eating the puding,
his arch enemy started getting really annoyed because Billy seemed to ignore him,
so he said to Billy that
BARD:he would shoot his leg and then the other and then his arms
and then he would cut off his tongues.
ME: Both of them, actually, but apparently Billy
Leapt at his attacker from behind (somehow)!
He began throttling his foe,
as the villain bucked here and there trying to dislodge his would-be adversary.
Finally he succeeded, and hit Billy square across the face.
Billy stumbled, and then returned fire with two more hits in the face and abdomen.
His attacker wheeled, stumbling onto a nearby fire escape.
HE turned and retreated upwards, Billy giving chase.
They resumed fighting as they found themselves at the top of the winding stairs,
leading to a vast rooftop.
Billy aimed a flying kick at his opponent.
He missed, and the foe grabbed his leg and spun heaved him to the ground.
Before Billy had the chance to recover,
The fop began dragging Billy towards the roof's edge
ME: ...Of DOOM!!!!!!!!1111oneeleven
Billy would jump in the air and make 8 perfectly perfect somersaults(sp?)
while whistling "twinkle twinkle little star" backwards in slow motion.
Then they went back to reality and realized that they where only talking about that,
so they started acting it out in real life,
but when Billy came to the roof's edge of DOOM!!!!!!!!1111oneeleven,
he started to doubt he would be able to do 8 perfectly
perfect somersaults(sp?) while whistling "twinkle twinkle little star"
backwards in slow motion, so his arch-enemy said:
I consider this considerably considerable!
Billy tryed out that 5 finger thing...you know the one in Kill Bill...
(Five point exploding heart techniuqe (SP?) -Me )
but it didn't work!! SO
ME: He woke up!
BARD: And said to his enemy...''PLEASE, DON"t"'!!!
HAVE MERCY UPON ME!!! AND I GET DOWN ON MY NNEES!!""
ME: Then he realised all of it was a dream,
so he went outside and found a piece of metal...****!
He just realised this happened in his dream!
So he quickly bought an airplane ticket to...
BARD: BUT WAIT!!!! Now he was wondering when did the dream began???
But then surmised that any fool could see the dream began shortly after he fell asleep.
And with that, he fell back to sleep...and never woke up again.
He found himself in the recurring nightmare of the foe attempting to kill him.
He was back on the rooftops, only this time things were a bit different.
He noted that the rooftop was now a vast carp, and his foe had a dreadful tie.
Other than that, he could find no other differences with the scenario.
Suddenly, he realized that his foe was still dragging him to the edge of the fish.
He thought quickly
ME: "I am dreaming!"
He was lucid dreaming!
He knew everything about that, and he knew he could do anything, so he pulled up a...
He plummeted off the edge of the carp.
"Have a nice day", it said to him.
"Thanks." He fell and fell, until he landed in a puddle of...
ME: Signs saying "It's PoM's birthday today!
That really confused Billy, so he...
Sang POM a birthday song...but wait. Wha...?
His tongue was gone! Oh noes!
Billy started groaning loudly and running around,
until he tripped on one of the haphazardly placed signs.
He fell flat on his
Then C. Skye said:
(((I guess that clinches it, eh? No more protagonist.)))
Then Joshi (Who is a moderator) said:
Does that mean I can close this sorry excuse for a thread?
Then C. Skye said:
Eh, whatever. I'm good with it.
Then Joshi (Who is a moderator) said:
That sounds like a request to me, motion granted.
This is a mixture of spam and useful litterature, the perfect combination, which you need the ingredients
*Twelve somethings of sugar
*A lot of other stuff.
*The fact that this was my longest thread ever without cheating whatsoever.
Last edited by PoM; 09-29-2005 at 01:35 AM.