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Old 09-17-2005, 10:02 PM   #1
Fuu
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Smile [FIC] A Jedi's Promise

3/6/06: Here is the FINAL revisions to Ch 1-3. I do not plan on making any changes to these chapters. Hope you enjoy!

Fuu

Okay, I lied. here's the latest version. (1-15-07)
A Jedi’s Promise
A KotOR Fanfic by Fuu

The Knights of the Old Republic, and all of its characters are the creation (and copyright) of Lucas Arts.

******Dream Key: @ : Memory Dream % : Future Dream*************

Chapter One: The Dream and the Decision


(@) “No. I don’t want to leave! Why? Ma’er, tell them I don’t have to…. Please?”

“It’s time. Take nothing with you, understand?”

“No! I don’t want to leave like Rei-Va-Ahn! Don’t make me go Fa’er.”

“You will be safe with us, cleanse the fear from your heart child.”

“Fa’er!”

“My dear Elo-Rei-Aah, never forget. Never forget the voice of your people. Never forget that we love you.”

“I promise.”

“Rei will give you strength little one, speak well with the breath, as you are our hope. Be brave my little Se’nii.”


I awoke in a cold sweat. I didn’t want to get out of bed, and I frowned as recent events worked through my mind. Revan has gone to fight in the war. He left two days ago when I was giving my lecture on blade harmonics. Malak held a secret meeting to recruit a list of us Revan thought might come. He wanted to leave right then, but I wanted to wait a day to prepare and recruit a few more Jedi. This launched one of our planet famous “discussions”, but Malak and I argued often, even if it was mostly in jest. I don’t think Malak likes how close Revan and I have become. We are from the same obscure world after all….. I laughed to myself, thinking of how Revan and I always tease him, and how his face turns that funny shade of blue to match his stripes. I wondered if that would change between us.

Sighing, I rolled out of my bunk. “Time to face the music.” I mumbled as I got dressed, quickly packing the few personal belongings I had managed to hide from Master Kavar for so many years. Under my bunk was the box I used to keep my padawan braid in. Picking it up, I wondered if Malak knew I had given the braid to Revan.
I took one last look at the room Atris and I shared. Bowing a silent goodbye to Master Kavar and the council who raised me, I headed for the docking bay.

Malak approached me as I boarded. “So you really are coming with us.” He said, cocking his brow while folding his arms. I shrugged off the comment, knowing I had better things to do than joke with Malak.

“Yes, I’m coming.” I sighed. “But I have one last thing to do first.”

“Ten minutes. We have a deadline to keep.”

“Agreed, but let’s not forget who set that deadline Malak.”

I left the freighter in search of Atris, who was in the library as usual. She was scanning a data-pad on the first months of the Exar-Kun War, and I leaned over her left shoulder.

“We have to talk.” I said to her in a quiet tone. I knew the council’s stance on the war. “Outside. Let’s take a walk in the garden.” I knew it was one of her favorite places in the enclave.

We walked to the garden and Atris sat on a bench. “What is this about Elora? Is something wrong?” She asked. I could see the concern in her face, she knew before I even told her.

“I’m going to join Revan. Please, come with me.”

“But the council has forbidden it! Surely you wouldn’t ask me to leave the order?” Her look of concern began to change to fear, but I had to try. I had to convince her.

“We cannot just stand by while innocents suffer.”

“You would go against our code!” Atris was visibly upset now, her brows contorted into a shape I had seldom seen.

“Our code tells us to protect. We have all sworn our lives in the service of others, in the service of the Republic. Without the support of the Jedi, the Republic will fall to the Mandalorians. We…..I need your help to stop this senseless murder. I would be honored to fight alongside you sister. I ask you again, please come with us.” It was the first time I had been this serious with her, and in the brief silence I wished for something to break the tension between us.

“You know I can’t Elora….I wont defy the council. That path leads to the dark side.” She was staring at the ground now, and I frowned. I would be leaving my best friend behind, and my heart let out a small cry as I whispered:

“Atris-”

“Just go,” She interrupted. “don’t try to convince me any more.” I sighed. Her eyes told me of conflict, but her resolve was set. Anger vibrated out from her now, I realized my words would fall on deaf ears.

“Goodbye my friend. May the force be with you.” I said, pained. Leaving her behind was all I could bear, yet she scowled at me saying nothing.

As I began to walk away she hissed: “Is it because you love him?” I stopped.

“No. It is because a long time ago, I made a promise. I am going to keep that promise even if it costs me my life.” I turned back to face her, looking directly into her eyes. “But, it is more than that. I believe in him, and our ability to end this war. I know that what we are doing is right, because I feel it in every fiber of my being.” With that I left her in the garden, and I hoped she could forgive me for going.

As I made one last pass through the enclave on the way to the ship, I noticed one of my pupils running to catch up with me. I stopped at the mouth of the bay, smiling as he approached.

“Mikail, how is my favorite apprentice this morning?” I chimed, though I was still thinking about Atris…..and Revan.

“Good morning Master Deral.” At this I grinned, he had taken to calling me master as a sign of respect. I neglected to correct him today, reveling in the word I may never hear again.

“I came to give you wonder-full news!”

“Oh?” I asked innocently, knowing full well the news he had for me. I had requested his second trial the day before Revan left, and was planning to take him as my padawan when I obtained the rank of Master.

“I have passed my second trial!” I smiled, knowing that the parts for his lightsaber were still in my room. Even at only ten he had impressed me. I was sad at the missed opportunity.

“That is good news, I’m sure you will make an excellent padawan.” It had been at least half an hour; Revan was waiting for us. “I have to go away Mikail.” Stunned, Mikail looked at the ground before asking:

“You’re going to fight with Revan?”

“Yes.”

“But why?” He innocently asked.

“Because it is the right thing to do. I cannot stand by and…<sigh> Mikail. There is something in my room I want you to have. Look in the footlocker by the head of my bed. You’re going to make an excellent Jedi someday. I must be going, may the force be with you.” I turned, feeling the sadness rolling off him in waves; I silently apologized to the child for leaving.

“May the force be with you Master Deral, and thank you.” I walked to the ship and up the docking ramp, wondering what would become of him.


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
Fuu sez: GIG= get a girlfriend

Last edited by Fuu; 01-15-2007 at 11:10 PM. Reason: Another Revision
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Old 09-17-2005, 10:52 PM   #2
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Elora...I know that name...oh, that's the girl from Jedi Academy, isn't it? Anyway...

Pretty good so far. Its an interesting idea, starting out before the Mandalorian wars. This is a pretty promising story...


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Old 09-17-2005, 11:35 PM   #3
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I'm glad somone enjoys it. The char I play with is named Elora Deral. <thank Carth in KoTOR for partial inspiration on her basic name, I think his dead wife was named Elora? I dont know I just like the name... never played jedi knight though.> In my world there were some memories too strong for the coucil to change/erase so Revan really IS from Deralia (and thusly so is Elora) which is located beyond the outer rim. Ok so the Deralian languge is hard for a basic speaking tounge so Revan/Elora were given basic names that sounded similar to thier birthnames when they were taken to the Jedi.

WOot! I'm actually looking foreward to the next one.... better start writin'.

Seriously though if anyone has some suggestions... shout it out! Too short? Weird sentence? let me know. Its been awhile since I worked on my writing, so I could use some tips.

Thanks again hope you liked it.

Fuu


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
Fuu sez: GIG= get a girlfriend

Last edited by Fuu; 10-09-2005 at 05:31 PM.
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Old 09-18-2005, 06:11 PM   #4
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3/6/06 FINAL EDIT. Hope you likey!


Chapter two: Travel

I found Malak on the bridge giving the first set of hyperspace jump coordinates to the pilot.

“So, we’re meeting him on Telos then?” Malak looked up.

“Yes. There is a military installation where we can get supplies and plan our attack.” He replied, scanning my face for a reaction.

“I’m going to make up bunk in the cargo hold.” I turned to exit the bridge, but before I could take a step, Malak said:

“The Cargo Hold?” Malak eyed me quizzically.

“As I said Malak, I will be staying in the cargo hold. I would like some time alone to meditate.” I could see his displeasure at being rebuffed, so I quickly added “We’ll talk in a few hours ok? It will take at while to get to Telos, so we have lots of time. I just need to rest; we had a late night, remember?”

“As you wish, Master Deral.” I said nothing and walked to the cargo hold.

Unlike Mikail, Malak did not call me Master out of respect. He had taken to teasing me when the date for my first master trial had been set. Revan and I had the same date, it was said we would be the first two masters younger than twenty. The first trial is in three weeks, but I doubt it will happen now.

I walked straight to the cargo hold, noting which of my companions had decided to join us. Talvon Essan was talking with Caviaga Sin in the main hold. Caviaga smiled as I passed, and I returned the smile remembering I still owed her a sparring match.

In the cargo hold I found Nisota already in a match with Xaset Terep. There where others encircling the two and I watched as she deftly evaded a high kick and knocked him on his back in a single motion.

“Your unarmed skills have improved Nisotsa, I’m impressed.” I commended as she extended her hand and helped him to his feet.

“Hey Elora, want a match?” She chucked. The crowd of padawans and knights began to disperse, and I spotted my things in the corner of the cargo hold.

“Actually I was planning on bunking in here but it looks like you’ve got your own dueling ring going.” She laughed at this.

“Naw, we have a training ring set up in the aft compartment, it was just a spur of the moment type thing. Gotta keep sharp, we are going to war.” I nodded, still wondering how Malak knew to put my things in here before I told him where I was sleeping.

“I’m going to get something to eat, that match gave me an appetite. You comin’ Nisotsa?” Xaset said.

“Sure, I could use a bite. C’ya Elora.” I smiled in response and they left me alone in the cargo hold.

I set up my bunk and walked to the back of the hold. There was a small view-port, and I positioned myself across from it before settling into the lotus for meditation. I found it difficult to clear my thoughts; the sound of Atris’ voice still burned in my ears.

“Is it because you love him?”

Her voice had an alien quality to it, and I missed the quiet sound of her speaking the code. Ah Atris, there is no denying the bond between Revan and I is strong. It is apparent even to Malak, who has always been more muscle than telepath. Revan is an incredible Jedi, and I respect him in many ways, but these feelings of comradery cannot be love. I am still a Jedi, and I adhere to the code. Jedi do not know Love.

No. I am going to war to protect those who cannot fight; to prevent the loss of millions.

I felt a small measure of peace at this, but I bowed my head and silently asked Master Kavar for forgiveness.

“There is no emotion; there is peace. There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. There is no passion; there is serenity. There is no death; there is the Force.” I spoke softly to calm my frenzied conscious. Focusing on the center of my mind, I turned in the direction of Telos.

“Rei-Va-Ahn, I will see you soon.” I projected my inner voice, hoping the distance was short enough for him to hear. Our personal telepathy was something we kept secret, fearing the harsh disapproval of our respective Masters.

Revan loved to crack jokes in my head, and poor Malak was sometimes infuriated by my random fits of laughter. He would ask why I was laughing, and I would reply “It is the voice of my people.”

“Never forget that Elo-Rei-Aah.” Revan would silently respond.

“You two sure do love the cryptic part of being a Jedi.” Malak is a good guy but I’m glad he never picked up on it.

I took a deep breath, trying to clear my mind. Instead, I heard the words of my Mother.

“All of our people are linked in the mind. For most this bond transmits only faint thoughts or feelings. However, the most powerful of us can telepathically project their voice into the mind of another. There have been few that could voice into many minds at once, and less that could use this voice to control another.

However strong, this ability is the “Breath of Aah”. It is said that those who have the breath produce a collective will, one that echoes across the universe and affects all it encounters.

Learn this well Se’nii, it is your charge to protect the will of our people.”

Becoming restless, I stood to look out the view-port. The low rumble from the dual-ported hyper-drive could barely be heard through the murmur of the other Jedi. Talvon was busy explaining the details of force heal to the apprentices, and the gravity of where I was going finally hit me.

“Rei, give me strength.” I whispered.

“Elora? It’s been six hours. Are you all right?” Malak had come into the cargo hold, and was standing near the door. I kept my back to him, not wanting him to see the look on my face.

“Thank you Malak, but I’m fine. Just a little tired. I was lost in meditation; sorry I didn’t get back to you. Have you spoken with Revan?” I asked innocently, unsure of my own intentions.

“Yes, he said we’ll discuss the battle plan upon arrival, and that he has some good news.”

“I see.”

“I told him you were coming.”

“What are you getting at Malak?”

“Well, it’s just that he didn’t think you would come, and I don’t think he wanted you to.”

Surprised, I turned to look at him; he was gazing out the view-port with a blank stare that mirrored my own just the moment before.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, broodingly. Malak doesn’t usually talk to me like this.

“I don’t exactly understand it myself. When he left he told me who to recruit, even gave me suggestions on convincing other Jedi to join us.” He frowned at the gravity plating on the floor. “I asked him about you. We’re all friends, heh, as much as I don’t like to admit it.” Malak grimaced for a second before returning his gaze to the view-port. “When I asked him….he just said, “She will know to find you, if she chooses to come. Put her things in the cargo hold, she will want to bunk alone.”” I blinked. Revan knew me all too well.

“We should get some sleep; this might be the last chance for rest we get. I wouldn’t mind running some drills in a few hours…..hasn’t it been awhile since our last match?”

“Yeah, and later on you’ll be remembering how I showed you the floor.”

“We'll see about that."


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
Fuu sez: GIG= get a girlfriend

Last edited by Fuu; 03-09-2006 at 09:58 PM.
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Old 09-18-2005, 08:26 PM   #5
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MMM little rough around the edges? I'd like to make it better though.... someone give me a suggestion here <please?>
Ha Ha. No more bumping, I promise.


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
Fuu sez: GIG= get a girlfriend

Last edited by Fuu; 10-09-2005 at 05:39 PM.
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Old 09-18-2005, 10:49 PM   #6
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Not bad...but a suggestion...

When you have dialouge, when a new character speaks, you may want to start a new paragraph.

ie:
“Well it’s just that he didn’t think you would come, and I don’t think he wanted you to.” I turned to look at him, he was staring out the veiwport. “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, defensive. Malak doesn’t usually talk to me like this. “I don’t exactly understand it myself. When he left he told me who to recruit, even gave me suggestions on convincing other Jedi to join us.” He looked at the gravity plating on the floor. “I asked him if I should bring you. I know you are his friend, as much as I don’t like to admit it. When I asked him….he just said, “she will know to find you, if she chooses to come. Put her things in the cargo hold. She will want to bunk alone.””

Would be better as:
“Well it’s just that he didn’t think you would come, and I don’t think he wanted you to.”
I turned to look at him, he was staring out the veiwport. “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, defensive. Malak didn't usually talk to me like this.
“I don’t exactly understand it myself. When he left he told me who to recruit, even gave me suggestions on convincing other Jedi to join us.” He looked at the gravity plating on the floor. “I asked him if I should bring you. I know you are his friend, as much as I don’t like to admit it. When I asked him….he just said, 'she will know to find you, if she chooses to come. Put her things in the cargo hold. She will want to bunk alone.'

Also, when a character has a thought or mind-speaks (telepathy), you may want to put it in italics.

ie:
* Rei-Va-Ahn: I will see you soon.*

Rei-Va-Ahn: I will see you soon.

Just a few suggestions. It makes your writing easier to read.

Other than that, it seems alright to me...


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Old 10-02-2005, 02:21 AM   #7
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wow this is good not much I can help ya improve on though



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Old 10-02-2005, 02:49 AM   #8
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Thankee kindlee! I think I'll spend some more time on it in the next week...... October is a busy month for me this year......... Thanks again


Time for REM Sleep.

Fuu


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
Fuu sez: GIG= get a girlfriend
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Old 10-02-2005, 08:37 AM   #9
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thats pretty good. i like the way you explained revan and eloras names.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuu
Oh yeah and I picked a title ! (I tried to change the thread title to match but it wont let me )
try PMing a mod and ask him/her to change it for you. i think it can be done. ive seen instances where that happened before although that was before the forum update. try, anyway, and keep up the good work. and if youre not sure of the grammar, type it in MS Word. the correction options can help you out.


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Old 10-12-2005, 07:37 AM   #10
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changed the name i see, cant wait for the update


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Old 10-22-2005, 12:37 AM   #11
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3/6/06: FINAL EDIT


Chapter Three: Reunion

“Go ahead.” Revan nods, stepping toward a massive crystalline matrix in the center of the chamber. As he moves close to it the crystal grows brighter, he lays his hand upon it and there is a flash of light.

“It’s….beyond words.”

I move toward the crystal and lay my hand next to Revan’s, as a blinding flash of white light bathes us for an instant.

“Take it.” My voice is alive with the force.

In a single motion we each remove a termination from the matrix. The cave is filled with illumination as we examine the crystals.

“They are tuned to the force inside of us. Elo-Rei-Aah, these crystals focus the Breath of Aah.”

“All the better to keep my promise then.”

******

“Rei-Va-Ahn, before we go back to the enclave……… I want you to have this.”

“This is……..”

“My padawan braid. You understand, better than anyone, why I am a Jedi. You know the promise I made, and you know the voice that echoes through our hearts.”

“Elo-Rei-Aah……………...”


******

"Well done Ayri. It’s rare for one to be so precise on their first try, but this lightsaber is beautifully constructed.”

“Thank you Master.”

“Congratulations Ayri Gilar. You are now officially my padawan. So, what do you want to do first?”

“Lets go kick some Mandalorian ass!”

“Taking after her Master already.”

******

“General, were ready.”

“Activate on my mark……………………………”

“Mark!”

“Rei forgive me.”

*****

“Are you all right? Wake up General!”

“Where is Ayri?”

“I’m sorry General, her ship was destroyed.”


“Admiral Revan…….” Lieutenant Dol Rinda’s voice cackled from the com on my desk. I opened my eyes, already knowing the reason for his call.

“Revan here.” I stretch, standing to fasten my black hide cloak.

“We’ve just received a transmission from Malak sir. They have entered the system and will dock at 0600. We’re transmitting the planetary coordinates to him now.”

“Very good Lieutenant. Some of our ships are still two days off, so transmit the quarter assignments.”

“As you say Admiral. Dol Rinda out.”

Thinking to myself, I rummaged through a footlocker near the workbench. It is no small thing that she is here. I knew it would be difficult for her to leave the council, but was it selfish of me to wish she didn’t come? She is an excellent Jedi Knight…………I am glad she came. We need all the Jedi we can get, but if anything were to happen to her………

I paused, finding the custom battle robes I created for Elo-Rei-Aah. Once she showed me a holo-image of her mother, I was touched that she chose to share her hidden secret. The augmented robes were constructed to look the same, but only we would know the significance.


I put the robes in their canister and called for it to be delivered to Elora’s room.
The next few hours were spent in preparation, sending out troop assignments and monitoring the transmissions from the front lines. The Republic is ill prepared to face this threat; it will take much effort on the part of the Jedi to win against such a considerable foe.


0600 arrived and I made my way to the docking area. The freighter arrived on schedule and I was pleased to see the familiar faces. Malak headed the group spilling from the ship; following up the rear was Elo-Rei-Aah.

“It is good to see you again my friend, or should I say Admirall now?” Malak chuckled as he approached.

“Nice to see you’ve arrived in your usual spirits. Unfortunately, the business of war is at hand, and we have little time to prepare.” Malak nodded.

“Here. These are the ship rosters and mission briefs for the rest of your crew. Take care of it will you? Contact me when you’re finished and we’ll go over the battle plan.”

“Very well.” Malak led the group out of the hangar, save Elora.

It is good that you came. I’ll show you your quarters, we have a lot to talk about.

Elora simply nodded and followed me through the halls of the installation; I was surprised at her silence. The swirl of emotions around her made it difficult to sense what she was thinking, even though I had always been good at reading her.

“How was the trip from Dantooine?” I asked politely, trying to lighten the mood.

“I spent many hours in training and meditation with the others. They all look promising, but there still aren’t nearly enough of us.” Elora fell quiet again, and we walked for awhile before reaching the officer’s quarters.

“Here it is.”

“Thank you Admiral…….would you like to come in?” My personal communicator chimed as I stepped into the room.

“Go ahead.” I followed Elora with my eyes as she walked to the bed and began unpacking personal items from her robe. I recognized the holo-emitter that contained an image of her mother.

“Sir, we just received a message from the Harbinger. They are entering the system and should arrive ahead of schedule.”

“Thank you for informing me. Is there anything else?”

“No Sir. Glaner out.”

“Harbinger?” Elora eyed me with curiosity. Malak didn’t tell her?

“Your ship. You take command today, General Deral.”

“You recommended me, Admiral Revan, I am honored.”

“There is no need for formalities, Elo-Rei-Aah. I did so for obvious reasons. Your skill in the force, your understanding of tactics and technology alone would have been enough, not to mention how handy you are with a blade.” She blushed then smiled in thanks, and I removed my force mask. Setting it on the table, I began to unclip my robes.

“You were there…………” I could tell she was holding back embarrassment. Setting my robe over a chair I looked at her, busying herself inside the workbench footlocker.

“Dream sharing is common among the seers of our home-world. I wouldn’t be surprised if you started leaping into my dreams as well. Besides, we both know the latter were only possibilities. Our action will dictate the future.” Elora shrugged, but her face was somber. I gestured to the canister in the corner.

“Open it. It’s a new model I just created, and there’s something in it I want you to have.”

“ERA Serial 9 Armament Canister” she read aloud and I smiled when the holo-interface came alive. The base image was of an altered humanoid male, but it was the language that mattered.

“Neural scan commencing……..scan completed. Imprint match request.” Elora looked at me inquisitively. The interface was speaking Deralian instead of Basic.

“Match.” I stated calmly. There was a whirring from the canister and the holo-interface chimed:

“Welcome Elora Deral. Your neural patterns have been saved.” The interface powered down and the locking mechanism released, opening the canister. Elo-Rei-Aah reached in and pulled out her new battle robes.

“By Rei they look just like.... you did all this from memory?”

“I had to be sure that in keeping your promise you didn’t get yourself killed. I still need a general…..after the war.” She stood speechless for a moment, staring hard directly into my eyes.

“Revan,” Malak’s voice resounded from the com on the desk. “I’ve finished briefing the others.”


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
Fuu sez: GIG= get a girlfriend

Last edited by Fuu; 03-06-2006 at 06:12 PM.
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Old 10-22-2005, 11:20 PM   #12
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thanks for the recognition but ya didn't have to I was happy to help



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Old 10-23-2005, 09:00 AM   #13
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Hmm.... This story is getting very good, please continue
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Old 10-23-2005, 12:46 PM   #14
Fuu
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@ RTG I know I didn’t have to, but you helped me through a small writers block, so that in itself says something.

@RA Thank you. I'm glad you like it.


@ Everyone:

I have found it challenging to write from two points of view, so sometimes I am unsure if it’s coming off too cheesy, or the flow isn’t quite right. At this point I would like some constructive criticism really; it’s difficult to improve it without more feedback.


Also, what <if anything> do we really know about the Mandalorian wars aside from a few planets that Atton talks about in TSL? What do we know about the organization of the Republic army? Were there many other generals besides Elora? We know Saul Karath was another Admiral, and of course Carth Onasi has to fit in somewhere since he was the general just under Saul. Is there somewhere that I can find more info than this, or is there no cannon info about that time?


Thanks for the comments. Any thanks or criticism is appreciated.

Fuu

Last edited by Fuu; 11-01-2005 at 11:35 PM.
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Old 11-04-2005, 02:06 AM   #15
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According to what I have been able to ascertain Except for the fact that Exar Kun fought against the Republic (The writers of the game got it wrong, try 4,000 years earlier, not 1000) that he made his last stand on Yavin 4, and that he killed off a race called the Massassi doing it, there is not one thing I have been able to find.
Actually, there aren't a lot of Generals, even in wartime. If you can't to give Carth Onasi a rank, I'd probably say Lt Commander or Commander. Not General.
The writers of the present Star Wars gave the Jedi the rank of General for only one reason, to make them someone the Clontes were supposed to obey, nothing more.


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Old 11-30-2005, 05:29 PM   #16
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^Carth is a Lieutenant Commander in my fic. I just assumed he would be in the navy, not the marines, for some reason.
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Old 01-24-2006, 07:12 PM   #17
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Did you stop this Fuu? 'Cause I was really liking it

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Old 01-24-2006, 08:28 PM   #18
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^^^
I'm curious too, Fuu. You're off to a great start with this story. I'm keeping an open mind on your way of relating it using 1st person for both Revan and Elora. I can see how that would be a writing challenge but the only difficulty I had with reading it was recognizing when you switched from Elora to Revan.


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Old 01-25-2006, 02:04 PM   #19
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Basicially Ive been experiencing massive writers block. Im trying to work out how to continue without getting too far into their relationship early in the story.While I wanted it to be obvious that Elora is in love with Revan <and in denial of her feelings> I dont want to take it to the "next level" until somwhere after the battle @ Dxun ( I imagine this would be 2/3 though the Mandalorian Wars? or closer to the end?)

Also, I have some revision to the first few chapers that I need to do (Thank you Machiavelli, you've been exceedingly helpfull.) To be honest I was feeling daunted by the writer's block and I wasnt sure If anyone besides myself would benifit fromt he continuation of the story.

Now that I know others are looking forward to It maybe I'll take another whack @ it when I get off work.


The only question I have is this:
Which would people rather see first: My Lightsaber Mod, or another chapter of my fic?

Yes, yes I know I've yet to post a wip thread. It was supposed to be a blazing suprise...but oh well.

Fuu


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
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Old 01-25-2006, 06:42 PM   #20
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BTW: If any of you have suggestions or comments, now would be a good time to interject <yes yes Im finally in the mood to write something, hopefully my writers block will not continue> seeing as how I'm going to start on the next chapter today.

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Old 01-25-2006, 08:17 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuu
BTW: If any of you have suggestions or comments, now would be a good time to interject <yes yes Im finally in the mood to write something, hopefully my writers block will not continue> seeing as how I'm going to start on the next chapter today.

Fuu
ya know my stand on what you have down already but

you know how to reach me if ya need help over your writers block XD



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Old 01-25-2006, 11:05 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuu
The only question I have is this:
Which would people rather see first: My Lightsaber Mod, or another chapter of my fic?
Another chapter of your fic. Of course, my vote probably shouldn't count because I can't use mods.

Can't wait to see the next chapter, if there is one. Is writer's block the latest style on LF?


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 03-06-2006, 03:49 PM   #23
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OK, so after some serious feedback from Machiavelli <THANK YOU MAN!> among other people <thank you RTG, JK707.> I have done alot of reveision to CH 1-3. Some parts are radicially diferent and others exactly the same, but I feel this will be a more solid foundation for the folllowing chapters.

If you have the inclination read the fic again and tell me what you think. PLEASE .
As for now, I'm going to go work on Ch4.


Hope you enjoy!

Fuu


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
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Old 03-06-2006, 06:07 PM   #24
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Q: Is there anywhere I can find out about the ship classes of the KOTOR era? What about the size of the Republic? Military power? I found somewhere that has many of these Stats for the Empire Era <movies> but some of it is inapplicable to KOTOR because of the diffrence in timeline.

The Force.net is where I found all of this for the Empire Era.

HUrr..... I'm sort of @ an impass.... There are defined points I want to interject, but I have to get the story to the right place first. Getting there seems to be half the battle.

*Prays the mods dont kill her for double posting. Squeeee!!!!!*


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Old 03-09-2006, 05:16 PM   #25
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I liked the story and Elora's character in particular. I like the description of some of the angst the characters feel when deciding to leave the order or stay.
The only place I got briefly stuck was when you switched characters--it took me a moment to realize 'oh, that's Revan talking now, OK,' and go on.
Carth says he's a soldier in the Republic (instead of a sailor) when we begin Kotor, so I always thought of him along the lines of a Captain or Lt. Colonel. Of course, later on he's an Admiral in TSL just to make things all mixed up in the rank department, so whatever you want to call him is fine.
I really liked how you started to describe the Deralian people--very interesting.
Just keep writing about any part of the story--eventually something will unblock and it'll all come out. I don't think any of us is going to mind if you skip ahead, either.


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Old 03-09-2006, 09:15 PM   #26
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It always feels SO nice when someone gives me positive feedback. As for the perspective, I got the Idea from "The Mists of Avalon". For those who havent read it, the novel has three book each written from the perspective of a diffrent woman <3 generations, all related to each other but with diffrent personalities.> Marion Zimmer Bradley handled this exceedingly well, and so I thoulght I would try my hand @ it. I can definitely say that its challenging writing from two diffrent veiwpoints < I've had some trouble writing from the male perspective.> nonetheless I try to make the transition as smooth as possible.

Ive started on Ch 4. The going is kinda slow, but at least I'm starting to put together the totality of it in my mind.

Thanks for the feedback JaeOnasi. If anyone else has comments or suggestions for improvement, PLEASE speak up!

Hey Machiavelli, how about another reveiw?

Fuu


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

Jae sez: GAL= get a life
Fuu sez: GIG= get a girlfriend

Last edited by Fuu; 03-09-2006 at 10:08 PM.
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Old 03-10-2006, 12:30 AM   #27
JediKnight707
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I kinda have an idea...UPDATE
Seriously, keep updates coming.
Oh ya btw what's angst mean?

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Old 03-10-2006, 02:03 AM   #28
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Angst is a German, Dutch and North Germanic word for fear or anxiety. It is used in English to describe an intense feeling of internal emotional strife.

A different but related meaning is attributed to Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (1813–1855). Kierkegaard used the word angst (Danish, meaning "dread") to describe a profound and deep-seated spiritual condition of insecurity and despair in the free human being. Where the animal is a slave to its God-given instincts but always confident in its own actions, Kierkegaard believed that the freedom given to mankind leaves the human in a constant fear of failing its responsibilities to God. Kierkegaard's concept of angst is considered to be an important stepping stone for 20th-century existentialism.

While Kierkegaard's feeling of angst is fear of actual responsibility to God, in modern use, angst is broadened to include general frustration associated with the conflict between actual responsibilities to self, one's principles, and others (possibly including God). Still, the angst in alternative music may be more accessible to most audiences than the esoteric tradition of existentialism. The term "angst" is now widely used with a negative and derisive connotation that mocks the expression of a common adolescent experience of malaise.


-wikipedia

In other words......EMO.

Hope that helps.

Fuu


[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

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Old 03-10-2006, 12:26 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuu
< I've had some trouble writing from the male perspective.>
Really, Fuu? *** scratches head*** Gee, I wonder why?

I've got no ideas on where you can get specific details about KotOR era ship classes. Have you PM'd Prime? He may know or be able to point you in the right direction, if the information exists at all. I kind of get the sense that it's similar to what's in the OT, only we don't have specific class names like Venator, X-wing, tie-fighter, etc. It's more like capital ships, fighters, light freighters and that's about all we see from the game. KotOR had the Leviathan, TSL had the Harbinger, both capital ships although obviously of different types. Perhaps the Leviathan could be called a "Star Forge-class" capital ship. The Harbinger seems to be the same type of capital ships the Republic used to attack the Star Forge in KotOR although I don't know what class that is. And I don't think we ever actually saw Carth's ship, Sojourn anywhere in TSL although it's mentioned. The Ravager seems more like an actual Star Destroyer as opposed to having an appearance like the Leviathan. I don't where GOTO's yacht would fit in either. But really, if there isn't anything specific about ships in KotOR-era EU sources then you've got quite a bit of liberty to do what you want with the ship classes.


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