lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: The Redemption of Dustil Onasi
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Sorry, this thread is closed. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 07-07-2006, 03:10 AM   #1
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
The Redemption of Dustil Onasi

From the Creator of The Sith Lord, I bring you my new FanFic on Dustil Onasi. It is called The Redemption of Dustil Onasi and it is set after KOTOR and around the events of Jae's Fic (See below) and will star Dustil Onasi and several familiar faces from KOTOR.

I would like to take the time to thank Jae Onasi (Writer of The Adventures of Jolee Bindo), for letting me use her Character, Jae Onasi (Niece of Carth Onasi) and for giving me a past history on her family. I would reccomend you read the Fic now.

The first Chapter shall be posted in a two minutes. Enjoy it.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-07-2006, 03:12 AM   #2
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter I
Judgement
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dustil Onasi stood before the Jedi Council on Dantooine. Master Vandar, who was a small green alien around two feet tall, was the leading Jedi. He might have been the smallest of all the Jedi Masters, but he was certainly the oldest and the wisest. The other Masters, who were with him, included the Human Masters Vrook and Dorak and the Twi’lek Master Zhar. Vandar was going to start speaking soon.

“Good you have renounced your ways a Sith apprentice, it is,” He started, “You could easily be swayed back to the dark side of the Force, however.”

The grumpy Master, Vrook stood up and continued to speak after Vandar finished.

“Master Vandar makes a valid point,” Vrook told Dustil, “It is recommended that you stay here, perhaps under my supervision, as you learn the ways of the light.”

Dustil felt very angry. He thought that he would be sympathised, but obviously not. Even worse was the fact that he had to be under supervision, under Vrook who had probably fallen to the dark side once. It was okay for everyone else in Dustil’s family. His father, Carth Onasi had been a Republic soldier and had recently become the new Republic Admiral, his cousin Jae Onasi had recently become a Jedi under Jolee Bindo and his uncle had also had a successful career on Onderon with his wife and Jae. He decided not to be jealous of everyone else in his family and decided to rebuild his own life. It was his fault he had fallen to the dark side. Not his father or anyone else’s.

“Why must I be under supervision?” Dustil asked, trying not to be rude, “I’m no charity case.”

“You aren’t a charity case!” Vrook told him, getting slightly annoyed, “Be grateful you maybe accepted back into the Jedi Order!”

“Patience Master Vrook!” Vandar bellowed across the court and calming down he continued, “Fate will be decided here and now, for young Dustil.”

Thanks for the support, Dustil thought. Dorak and Zhar prepared to give their speech out.

*****

Outside the Jedi Enclave, the Ebon Hawk landed. The Cathar Jedi Knight, Juhani got out of the Ebon Hawk. Revan watched, as she was about to enter the Enclave.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” He asked.

“Yes thank you,” Juhani told him, “It has been great being with all of you and you Revan. You have helped me on the path to the Light.”

Revan gave a smile that embarrassed him. He started to scratch an itch of his head.

“Yeah it’s no problem,” Revan told her, “I hope everything goes fine for you.”

“Thank you Revan.” Juhani said as she walked into the Enclave.

As Juhani entered the Enclave, Revan heard a familiar voice behind him.

“So are we going to stay here in midair or what?” Jolee asked.

Revan jumped. He hadn’t expected Jolee to ask him anything.

“Sorry Jolee, I was just making sure Juhani was alright.” Revan told him.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Jolee told him, “Bah, my throat is getting dry. It’s a sign of old age.”

“Do you need to be somewhere Jolee?” Revan asked.

“I need to return to Coruscant and see to my new apprentice, Jae.” Jolee told him.

“Is that Carth’s niece?” Revan asked.

“Yes it is and she reminds me of Carth in a lot of ways,” Jolee told him, “Wha… what was this conversation about again?”

Revan sighed at Jolee. For an old, wise man, he sure had become forgetful.

“Bastila!” Revan shouted across the Ebon Hawk, “Next stop, Coruscant.”

The Ebon Hawk flew off Dantooine and left for Coruscant.

*****

Meanwhile inside the Jedi Enclave, Zhar heard someone enter.

“Please continue with the judgement Masters,” Zhar told them, “I think someone has returned.”

Zhar immediately left the courtroom, leaving Dustil alone with Vandar, Vrook and Dorak.

“So shall we let Dustil be trained?” Vandar asked.

“I don’t think so,” Vrook told him, “He is over age.”

“Thing is, we let his cousin, Jae Onasi join,” Dorak interrupted, “Besides I think Jedi training would be great for Dustil.”

“Under the age of becoming a Jedi, Jae was,” Vandar told him, “Twice her age, Dustil is.”

“My age has nothing to do with it Master Vandar.” Dustil told him, trying not to raise his anger, for anger was a feeling of the dark side.

“Silence in the court!” Vrook shouted.

“Age has always been something important of the Jedi Order.” Dorak told Dustil.

“Think on this, we will,” Vandar told Dustil, “For now, you can rest inside your guestroom.”

Vandar left with Dorak and Vrook went to Dustil.

“And hope for the best!” Vrook spat in Dustil’s ear.

*****

Vandar, Dorak, Vrook returned to the meeting room inside the Jedi Enclave. They prepared to discuss about Dustil’s fate.

“Master, I believe that Dustil shouldn’t become a Jedi,” Vrook told Vandar, “Other than Yuthara, Dustil was Uthar’s greatest students. God knows what Dustil could do.”

“He has renounced his ways,” Dorak told Vrook, “I could sense it. Besides we gave Revan a second chance.”

“That was different…” Vrook started, but was interrupted.

“No it wasn’t,” Zhar interrupted, “Revan, Juhani and Jolee were given second chances.”

“Three against one Master Vrook,” Vandar told him, “Dorak, Zhar and myself think that Dustil should be a Jedi.”

“But who should he be taught under?” Dorak asked.

“I have an answer to that.” Zhar told them.

Juhani entered the room.

“Hello Masters.” She said.

All three Jedi Masters were shocked to see her again. They thought that she had stayed with Revan after their quest.

“Welcome back Juhani.” Vrook said finally.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter II Dustil's Fate
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last edited by Pottsie; 07-07-2006 at 03:23 AM.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-07-2006, 07:58 AM   #3
RC-1162
Liquidious Fleshbag
 
RC-1162's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,447
Current Game: SW:TOR
Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction Helpful! 
great job, Pottsie. it's good to see Dustil back. and Vrook is still the a$$hole he was meant to be, i see
nothing against you, of course


Duct Tape is ALWAYS the answer
RC-1162 is offline   you may:
Old 07-07-2006, 09:47 AM   #4
Arátoeldar
Flame Imperishable
 
Arátoeldar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Karningul
Posts: 1,574
Excellent start Pottsie


Not all those who wander are lost.-J.R.R. Tolkien

I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it but by it I see everything else - C.S. Lewis
Arátoeldar is offline   you may:
Old 07-07-2006, 11:55 AM   #5
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Thanks for all the comments.

I thought I made Vrook a little too dark. Yeah, Dustil deserves his own Fic. I mean, not much is known about him, other than what is mentioned in the game. I thought I would make Dustil become a Jedi, after leaving Korriban.

Anyway, I'll try to get the next Chapter up as soon as I can.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-07-2006, 05:18 PM   #6
Niner_777
[RC-1270]
 
Niner_777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Desert canyons of Praesitlyn
Posts: 1,491
Good start. I really have to play KotOR so I can relate with the characters. I take it that most of them were in KotOR?



(^Click the pic to reveal my...) | Republic Commando: -]RC[-AjaX
BF2142: -]RC[-Auxidus | www.redcellgaming.com (I really need a userbar, eh. >.<)
Niner_777 is offline   you may:
Old 07-07-2006, 05:51 PM   #7
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Niner_777
Good start. I really have to play KotOR so I can relate with the characters. I take it that most of them were in KotOR?
In fact, all of those Characters were in KOTOR. Once you play it, you'll start to recognise the Characters. I've tried to make the Characters as similar to the game as much as possible.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-07-2006, 08:15 PM   #8
Niner_777
[RC-1270]
 
Niner_777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Desert canyons of Praesitlyn
Posts: 1,491
I recognized some of the names. I picked them up from various conversations here.



(^Click the pic to reveal my...) | Republic Commando: -]RC[-AjaX
BF2142: -]RC[-Auxidus | www.redcellgaming.com (I really need a userbar, eh. >.<)
Niner_777 is offline   you may:
Old 07-07-2006, 11:08 PM   #9
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,912
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
Nice start with your story.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may:
Old 07-08-2006, 05:10 AM   #10
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
Nice start with your story.
Thanks Jae. I hope that if I use Jae Onasi (Now under your permission to use her), I hope I portray her right. Anyway, I'll try to get the next Chapter out as soon as I can.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-08-2006, 10:41 AM   #11
Jason Skywalker
Fight da Powah
 
Jason Skywalker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,152
Current Game: SMT: Imagine
Good start Pottsie. Yeah, Dustil does deserve his own fic.
Jason Skywalker is offline   you may:
Old 07-08-2006, 03:54 PM   #12
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Thanks Jason and just to let you all know, the next Chapter will be slightly short, because it will be about what will happen to Dustil, but don't worry. I will make Chapter III longer. Expect Chapter II in a few minutes. Also thanks to Revanscool for the comment below.

Last edited by Pottsie; 07-08-2006 at 04:05 PM.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-08-2006, 04:00 PM   #13
Master Jimmy
Forumite
 
Master Jimmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: In a house
Posts: 623
very good, I like it


Led Zeppelin + The Beatles = Gods

New fanfic Metroid/Star Wars Crossover: http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=183539 Chapter four is up.
Master Jimmy is offline   you may:
Old 07-08-2006, 04:04 PM   #14
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter II
Dustil’s Fate
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


“I appreciate the welcome,” Juhani told Vrook, bowing to him and turning to the other Masters, she continued, “It is nice to see you all again.”

“Juhani, you’ve done well,” Zhar told her, “I think travelling with Revan has helped you.”

“I agree.” Dorak said.

“I agree.” Vandar said.

“Listen, I’m sorry to break up this “so called” reunion, but I think we need to discuss on more proper matters.” Vrook told them.

Vandar, Zhar, Dorak and Juhani looked at him.

“Such as what Master?” Juhani asked.

“With Dustil Onasi.” Vrook told her.

Juhani thought for a moment. Could this be the same Dustil Onasi that Carth had told her about, prior to the attack on the Star Forge? If it was, Juhani wanted to meet him.

“Need a Master, Dustil will,” Vandar told them, “None of us can train him, however. Too busy, we are with rebuilding.”

“I can train him.” Juhani told him.

“But Juhani, you aren’t a Master yet.” Zhar told her.

“I know Master, but I feel ready to take on the role of the Master.” Juhani told him.

“Humph!” Vrook muttered angrily, “And what makes you think you can train the boy? You yourself couldn’t even look after yourself!”

Juhani tried not to feel angry. Sure she had had problems with her past, when she struck at her Master, Quatra, but now she was a different person. Revan could have killed her at the ruins, but instead he spared her life. Now she knew why. Revan could see good in her and because of him, the Jedi forgave Juhani.

“I… I can look after myself Master,” Juhani told Vrook, managing not to get angry, “I think that now I can teach others the way of the Force.”

Vandar thought for a moment. Perhaps Juhani was ready for the next part of her training.

“Perfect choice for teaching young Onasi, you are.” Vandar told her.

Juhani bowed to him.

“Thank you Master Vandar.” She told him.

*****

Dustil started to feel impatient. He had been waited for the Jedi Masters for two hours now. He wanted to start learning the ways of the Force, but what if he was rejected? What would he do then? He could perhaps become a soldier under his father’s command or perhaps he could become a pilot. Whatever his path would lead him, he knew that his path would be like that forever. His communications comlink in his room, beeped. Dustil turned it on. The picture showed Vandar.

“Ready to tell you’re fate, we will.” Vandar told Dustil.

“Thank you Master,” Dustil told him, “I shall be down as soon as I can.”

Dustil turned the comlink off, put on his grey robe and went off to return to the courtroom.

*****

As soon as Dustil arrived at the courtroom, he noticed all the Masters had returned. Dustil sat down and awaited the Master’s decision.

“Decided your fate, we have.” Vandar told him.

“And…” Dustil asked, hoping for one of them to tell him.

“And we’ve decided to train you.” Zhar told him.

Dustil was surprised. The Jedi had decided to train him. What Revan had told him on Korriban was true. That Jedi forgave and gave anyone a second chance. Dustil was eager to find out who was his Master.

“I can tell what you’re thinking,” Dorak told Dustil, “You’re Master is the Cathar Jedi, Juhani.”

A Cathar woman walked over to Dustil and immediately shook his hand.

“It is an honour to meet you Dustil Onasi.” Juhani told him.

“Err… Same here.” Dustil told her, feeling slightly nervous.

Vrook sighed, so everyone could hear.

“Great…” Vrook said angrily, “Now that you all know each other, you should be training.”

“In good time Master.” Juhani told Vrook, which seemed to make him quiet.

Zhar walked over to Dustil.

“I’m honoured to welcome you into the Jedi Order.” He told Dustil.

“Thank you Master.” Dustil told him.

“Well it is time to begin you’re training,” Juhani told Dustil, “Let’s go.”

Juhani led Dustil through the corridors of the Enclave. As Dustil and Juhani left, Zhar felt like he needed to ask his Master a question.

“Do you think young Onasi will succeed?” He asked.

“Will succeed he will,” Vandar told him, “I know it.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter III The Training
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-08-2006, 08:23 PM   #15
Niner_777
[RC-1270]
 
Niner_777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Desert canyons of Praesitlyn
Posts: 1,491
Good chapter. There was lots of dialogue, but I think that that's a good thing. It makes you feel more like your in the story, maybe.



(^Click the pic to reveal my...) | Republic Commando: -]RC[-AjaX
BF2142: -]RC[-Auxidus | www.redcellgaming.com (I really need a userbar, eh. >.<)
Niner_777 is offline   you may:
Old 07-09-2006, 05:23 AM   #16
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Niner_777
Good chapter. There was lots of dialogue, but I think that that's a good thing. It makes you feel more like your in the story, maybe.
I know about loads of dialogue, but Dustil will have a training session with Juhani and there should be alot more description. Anyway, thanks for the comments and I'll try to get the next Chapter out ASAP.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-09-2006, 08:41 AM   #17
Jason Skywalker
Fight da Powah
 
Jason Skywalker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,152
Current Game: SMT: Imagine
Good chapter. I think Dustil and Juhani will get along just fine.
Jason Skywalker is offline   you may:
Old 07-09-2006, 09:02 PM   #18
HK-42
HK47+Marvin=
 
HK-42's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Unknown Regions
Posts: 2,040
Current Game: AssassinsCreed,kotor
Hot Topic Starter 
finaly a fic i havent read it since im busy but...i will soon hope its good

HK-42 is offline   you may:
Old 07-10-2006, 07:32 PM   #19
RC-1162
Liquidious Fleshbag
 
RC-1162's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,447
Current Game: SW:TOR
Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction Helpful! 
great work with the latest chapter, Pottsie. and it's good to see Juhani get some limelight. she was practically ignored in the game.


Duct Tape is ALWAYS the answer
RC-1162 is offline   you may:
Old 07-11-2006, 01:41 AM   #20
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RC 1162
great work with the latest chapter, Pottsie. and it's good to see Juhani get some limelight. she was practically ignored in the game.
I know. Whenever I used to have Dustil in a Fic, his Master used to be Atris, but then I remembered how much I don't like her. So in the end, I thought Juhani deserved the place to be Dustil's Master. Jolee (Who Jae has "total writing domination" over) couldn't because he was training Jae.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-11-2006, 10:55 AM   #21
RC-1162
Liquidious Fleshbag
 
RC-1162's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,447
Current Game: SW:TOR
Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction Helpful! 
so, any news about the next chapter? check out mine while youre at it


Duct Tape is ALWAYS the answer
RC-1162 is offline   you may:
Old 07-11-2006, 03:37 PM   #22
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RC 1162
so, any news about the next chapter? check out mine while youre at it
Don't worry RC, you're Fics are some of the most enjoyable to read on LF. Anyway, I haven't even started it, but if you want it, I'll give it to you.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Old 07-12-2006, 08:35 AM   #23
igyman
Tension!
 
igyman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: White City
Posts: 3,409
Current Game: Trine Enchanted Edition (PC)
Forum Veteran Helpful! Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
This one seemes very interesting, but it has one fatal flaw - Malak destroyed the academy on Dantooine, so you might want to change the location to Coruscant. Looking forward to seeing more.

igyman is offline   you may:
Old 07-12-2006, 11:22 AM   #24
Diego Varen
Left and may not return
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,850
Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
When I get the chance, I shall edit this and change the location to Coruscant. I forgot about that, so thanks igyman. I'll see what you've put about my other Fic.
Diego Varen is offline   you may:
Post a new thread. Sorry, this thread is closed. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Knights of the Old Republic > Community > Coruscant Entertainment Centre > The Redemption of Dustil Onasi

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:36 AM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.