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Old 07-22-2006, 08:27 AM   #81
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how sad that you never witness any f my fics . i'm always looking for comments and critics to write better, you know. and i've noticed you give pretty good ones too, any help?
@ igyman: well, because i became a pompous dummy, i am suddenly in need of your help . could you PM me the lines that HK says in K2? i guess you could use KotOR tool and find them. if you can't do it, no problem at all. i'm not forcing you .

good luck with the next chapter!


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Old 07-22-2006, 01:30 PM   #82
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Chapter IX

Eight hours after his departure from Yavin IV, Ralik reached Vjun's orbit. He was quickly approaching his goal and he couldn't not feel a slight satisfaction. He entered the Ebon Hawk schematics and composition data into the Rebirth's computer (although he, or any other Vong would never call it a computer, since it had technological connotations) and commenced to scan the planet. He also included the search for faint energy readings as one of the search parameters. Ten minutes later he got the coordinates most likely to contain his search query.

At that moment something happened that can only be explained as a vision. Ralik couldn't recognize his surroundings, white light glowed from every direction. Suddenly a woman in Jedi robes appeared before him.

''You! The woman I saw at the Valley of the Jedi'' Ralik said as he stared at the woman, ''What do you want from me?''

''We must talk, my son.'' The woman said gently.

''Son? What do you mean?'' Ralik already knew the answer to that question, but he couldn't believe it.

''I am your mother, Ralik.'' The woman explained, again in a very gentle tone.

''I see. And what do you want?'' Ralik asked coldly. He could believe that his mother looked like that, but he wasn't completely convinced that the person he was talking to was indeed his mother, or maybe he just didn't want to admit it.

''You are playing a very dangerous game, my son. You are being pulled into darkness.'' The woman said, her voice showing great sadness.

''Power can never be gained by playing it safe, 'mother'.'' Ralik responded, slightly offended.

''Is power truly all that matters to you, my son?'' The woman asked with great fear of the answer.

''Of course it matters to me. Power means strength and strength means respect and fear.'' Ralik responded proudly.

''Then you have truly fallen beyond redemption.'' The woman said with tears in her eyes.

''Fallen? No, mother, I have risen! I have unlocked the legacy I got from you and I will use it with great pleasure on any who oppose me!!'' Ralik replied fiercely, his eyes started to turn red.

''You have unlocked the gift I passed on to you, son, but you are using it for the wrong reasons and for a dark and selfish purpose!'' The woman shouted in despair.

''And what would you suggest I do? Trade one master for another? Join the Jedi? Fight my own kind? Never!!!'' Ralik was offended and disapointed with his mother.

''You broke my heart, my son.'' The woman said and disappeared.

Ralik awoke from the vision to find himself still in the safety of his ship. He immediately set down at the coordinates the Rebirth provided for him.

The surface of Vjun was a wasteland where acid rains and earthquakes were perfectly ordinary things. During the time of the Galactic Empire Darth Vader had a fortress here, the dreaded Bast Castle. It managed to outlive its Empire, but was finally turned to ruin by Jedi Master Kyle Katarn and one of his apprentices, though the fortress still holds secrets to be discovered in the future.

Vjun was a perfect place, if you wanted to hide something. The coordinates Ralik got were the location of an underground web of caves. Under those precise coordinates was a huge underground cave, large enough for the Ebon Hawk to fit in. But Ralik knew the ship couldn't have landed underground, there simply isn't a single opening on Vjun's surface that the Ebon Hawk could enter. Either the ship was intentionally buried afterwards, or it was buried as a result of an earthquake, or some other natural catastrophy. Whatever the cause, Ralik was determined to find that ship. The weather couldn't have been worse, acid rain was falling from the sky and the winds were so strong that they could lift a small animal.
''That's just perfect.'' Ralik said as he saw the weather, ''Ah well, I never expected this to be easy and I've come too far to be stopped by a little rain.''
In order to avoid being burnt by the acidic rain, Ralik had the Rebirth's ''computer'' calculate which cave is the one with the largest probability of leading to the huge underground cave that was presumably hiding the Ebon Hawk. After he got the results he concentrated at that cave entrance, as he was taught in the Valley of the Jedi, and rushed towards it. He reached the cave in just a few seconds, successfully avoiding almost every raindrop. He entered the cave and started to descend to the Ebon Hawk.

Just as Ralik entered the cave, a small Jedi craft entered Vjun's orbit. It was Jedi Master Anduil Wrynn. ''I have you now, Vong. Master Skywalker may have wanted me only to observe, but I know a Vong can't be up to anything good with an important ship like the Ebon Hawk. I shall follow you to the Ebon Hawk, evil one and then I shall destroy you.'' Anduil immediately tracked down Ralik's vessel and minutes later he followed into the caves.

*******

Approximately four hours before Ralik reached Vjun, the Raktajorr emerged from hyperspace near Yavin IV. Xerx was slowly catching up to his prey. The massive galaxy-shaped worldship was holding position on the other side of the Red Giant, the sun's radiation effectively hiding it from the sensors of the Jedi Academy, but still enabling the ship to search for hyperspace signatures.

''Perform the long range scans'', the order sounded through the intercomm.

''Long range sensors report that the stolen vessel has left for Vjun, Supreme Commander'', the crewman reported through the comm.

''Then that's where we are going, but increase hyperspace velocity! I don't want to lose that traitor this time.'' Xerx replied.

''Yes, sir'', the crewman replied and did as was ordered.

''You will not escape me again, Ralik.'' Xerx said to himself. He wasn't sure of the validity of that statement, but it was enough to feed his anger.

''One more thing, Supreme Commander'', the crewman said, ''A Jedi vessel is following the fugitive.''

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Old 07-22-2006, 01:35 PM   #83
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RC, I can't promise anything, but I'll try my best to help you. Are there any specific lines that you had in mind? (I mean some specific points in the game)


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Old 07-22-2006, 01:37 PM   #84
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Mama's boy . Good Chapter and it is nice to see the Ebon Hawk again.
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Old 07-22-2006, 01:48 PM   #85
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Well, I thought I should still put that conversation between Ralik and his mother that should have originally ocurred in the Valley of the Jedi somewhere in the fic. Thanks.

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Old 07-22-2006, 03:50 PM   #86
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Good chapter. Also, the length is pretty good.



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Old 07-23-2006, 02:11 PM   #87
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Chapter X

After an hour of wandering through the seemingly endless underground tunnels filled with various deadly beasts, Ralik had finally reached his destination. He stood before the ancient Ebon Hawk at last. The ship's exterior didn't look as deteriorated as one might think, though there were clear signs of corrosion as well as old bumps. Some were from space battles, but there were some caused by explosives. It was now clear to Ralik that the ship's owner burried it here intentionally, obviously to hide the coordinates Ralik himself was looking for, or simply to keep them hidden for the right person to find.

Ralik entered the ship and started looking for the navicomputer. The ship's interior was dark and dusty and showed the same signs of corrosion as the exterior did. As he was passing through the ship's briefing room, Ralik saw two ancient droids, both long since deactivated. One of them was clearly an old Astromech droid, but Ralik didn't know what to think of the other one. It was a biped droid, holding a blaster rifle in one hand, his plating, though rusted, still showed bits of his old red color. Ralik continued towards the cockpit. He had found the Hawk's navicomputer. It was voice-locked, obviously an attempt of the owner to protect the information stored within. That protection might have been enough at the time it was placed, but today it can be easily bypassed. Ralik hacked in and retrieved the coordinates to his pad. It was time to go.

Ralik left the ship and moved for the surface, but a silhouette appeared in front of him. Jedi Master Anduil Wrynn had tracked him down.

''What do you want, Jedi?'' Ralik asked arrogantly, ''Are you another guardian of the ancient Jedi's dark secrets?''

''I am here to stop you, evil one!'' Wrynn replied in a tone filled with anger, very uncharacteristical for a Jedi Master, ''You have made a perversion of our galaxy, our great temple on Coruscant is now defiled by your perverse technology! The once glorious Jedi Temple now serves as a factory for your armor, weapons and body... upgrades!''

''Perverse!?'' Ralik was disgusted by these claims, ''We have transformed your vile, machinery-infested planet into a masterpiece of nature! Just as we will do with the rest of your galaxy! And when I return to glorious Yuuzhan'tar and assume command, the Yuuzhan Vong will be unstopable and I will lead them to their greatest victory!!''

''Not if I can help it.'' Wrynn replied and ignited his green lightsaber.

''There is nothing you can do to stop me, but you are welcome to try'' Ralik replied.

''It is said that the Ebon Hawk has information that can make a person extremely powerful and when I defeat you and learn that information, I will banish your entire race from our galaxy.'' Anduil thought to himself, he completely forgot about the danger such thoughts could bring.
Ralik took his amphistaff and assumed the battle stance. Anduil attacked.

Anduil was extremely skilled with a lightsaber, but Ralik was more than a match for him. The fight was flowing very fast, both fighters showing the best they've got. Anduil was showing an enormoous amount of anger, the Dark Side was taking over, but that didn't affect his skills yet. Ralik was fairly calm, he successfully blocked every Anduil's attack, but Anduil was just as sucessful in blocking Ralik's attacks. The victor would not be decided easily.

Wrynn was swinging his saber with great speed. He relied on swift and strong attacks. Ralik held his amphistaff with both hands, each hand was about ten centimetres apart from the middle of the staff. That way he could swing it sideways and also successfully block Wrynn's attacks that mostly went for the middle of the staff.

Wrynn swung his lightsaber at Ralik, but as before, he hit the middle of Ralik's staff, Ralik then pushed Wrynn back, turned his amphistaff diagonally and swung its left end downwards at Wrynn who, unfortunately for Ralik, managed to block it with his saber. Ralik kept pushing the staff to distract Wrynn for a moment and then he kicked him in the torso. Wrynn moved back a few steps, holding his stomach with his right hand. ''You will not defeat me, Vong.'' Wrynn rushed towards Ralik, swinging his lightsaber with only one hand.

Suddenly Ralik saw a weakness in Anduil's tactics and he immediately exploited it and knocked Anduil's saber out of his hand, after which he stabbed Anduil through his left leg. Anduil fell down, but was not about to surrender.

''I will not let such untold power fall in the hands of the Yuuzhan Vong!!'' Anduil shouted furiously, ''I shall gain that power and destroy your damned race once and for all!'' Anduil fell to the Dark Side and wasn't even aware of it. A poor end for the Jedi Master.

''You can shout about it all you want'', Ralik replied, ''but you are still going to die now!''

Anduil attempted to fry Ralik with lightning, but in his anger he forgot that the Yuuzhan Vong cannot be harmed by the Force. Ralik plunged his amphistaff into the fallen Jedi's heart, just then his eyes slowly started to turn red, just like they did in his vision. As the fallen Jedi exhaled his last breath, the expression of Ralik's face turned into a dark smile, filled with satisfaction. Ralik pulled out his amphistaff from Wrynn's body and left for the surface.

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Old 07-23-2006, 02:33 PM   #88
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Another good Chapter igyman and the description was great. It was better than what I could do.
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Old 07-24-2006, 03:09 PM   #89
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Whoa! Intensive battle there. I liked how you describe the dusky interior of the Hawk. Still how is it possible to bypass a voice lock? I know that it is 4,000 years later but you know and don't you need a power source?
I wonder what will happen to HK and T3?

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Old 07-25-2006, 06:57 AM   #90
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excellent description, igyman. this was a very good chapter. i liked the battle sequence. poor Anduil, though :|
great work. cant wait to see more


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Old 07-25-2006, 08:19 AM   #91
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Quote:
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Still how is it possible to bypass a voice lock? I know that it is 4,000 years later but you know and don't you need a power source?
I improvised, it just didn't seem to me like Revan to leave the ship hidden and the navicomputer's data unprotected, but Ralik had to get it somehow and he certainly couldn't impersonate Revan's voice.
When it comes to HK and T3, they were there just to make the atmosphere complete, they won't have any role in this story.

The next chapter will be posted in a few minutes, so check it out.


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Old 07-25-2006, 08:27 AM   #92
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Chapter XI

At that moment the Raktajorr entered Vjun's orbit. Scans were showing that the stolen vessel was still on the planet. Supreme Commander Xerx couldn't suppress the satisfaction. Ralik was finally in his grasp.

''Triangulate the traitor's position'' Xerx ordered through the intercomm. He was walking back and forth with impatience.

''We have his coordinates, Supreme Commander'', the crewman replied two minutes later.

Xerx sat down in his chair and set the viewscreen on his table to show that location.

''Excellent. Commence bombardment of that position!'' Xerx ordered with untold pleasure.

*******

Ralik was halfway to the surface when the ground started to shake. ''What now?'' he wondered, then he heard an explosion. He realized that this was no earthquake, someone was bombarding the planet.

He ran as fast as he could and reached the exit, luckily unharmed by the tremors. Bombs were falling over the entire area, Ralik realized that this wasn't just anyone that was bombing the surface. His former comrades have tracked him down. He hurried into the Rebirth and lifted off. He punched in the coordinates from the Ebon Hawk's navicomputer and as soon as he left the planets orbit, he engaged the hyperspace drive. The Raktajorr followed.

Ten hours later the Rebirth had reached its destination, a Dark Planet at the outer edge of the Unknown Regions, just outside the galaxy. One enormous structure could be seen on the planet's surface. It was obvious where Ralik had to go. Just as he prepared to land, the Raktajorr arrived.

Supreme Commander Xerx opened a comm channel to Ralik: ''There you are, traitor. I always knew it would come to this, half-breed, I knew you couldn't be trusted and that you would betray us, now I have the satisfaction of killing you for it.'' Xerx wanted Ralik to know who his executioner was.

''You old, arrogant fool!'' Ralik replied fiercely, ''I have gained power you can only dream of and here I shall reach my full potential! No one will stop me, especially not you!''

''And how do you intend to stop me in that little ship? I shall destroy you and then I shall finish off this dead planet! All guns, open fire!'' Xerx ended the transmission. The expression on his face soon showed an evil smile.

Hundreds of plasma cannons simultaneously fired on the Rebirth. Ralik engaged in evasive maneuvers but he knew he couldn't withstand that kind of firepower for long.

The whispering voice from his dream finally returned: You are so close! You must not be stopped now!''

''But how can my small craft resist the power of the worldship?'' Ralik asked the voice.

''It cannot, but you can. The worldship is more of a creature than a ship. That means it can be killed. Use your power, use the Force. Concentrate!'' The voice replied.

As before, Ralik obeyed the mysterious voice. He felt the creatures the worldship consisted of. The Coralskippers, the Dovin basals, the wormlike Dread Weapon and the Rikyam, the central brain of the Raktajorr He thought it and they died, one by one. The enormous worldship bursted into bright green flames and slowly started to fall apart. The hated Xerx was dead. Ralik watched the ship burn with great satisfaction, he almost smiled as he plotted a course and started his descent to the Dark Planet.

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Old 07-25-2006, 08:48 AM   #93
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wow, that was quick. great work! the length is much better and your skills are improving


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Old 07-25-2006, 10:25 AM   #94
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Great chapters. Perhaps a more thourough description of how Xerx died would have been good, but how you did it is fine also.



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Old 07-25-2006, 02:00 PM   #95
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Perhaps, but since the whole ship exploded I couldn't think of anything further to describe. This chapter was shorter than the previous ones, but I hope it wasn't boring.

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Old 07-25-2006, 05:32 PM   #96
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Whoa exploding ships. I hope no one was saying 'ouch'
Nice chapter. I vaguely remembered in one of the new jedi order book or something other that the Y.V. ships were biomechanical in nature meaning that they were grown or something. That was a nice twist on things. Maybe you could have put the rage coursing through your baddies veins and how it felt like a power surge or something. It could add to the intensity.

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Old 07-25-2006, 11:51 PM   #97
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Quote:
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Yeah, I know. I just try to put the action before the description, it's important to me that my chapters aren't boring to the readers.
They don't have to be mutually exclusive. In fact, being descriptive can make the action even more exciting, because we can 'feel' like we're there even better.

Keep it up!


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Old 07-26-2006, 08:30 AM   #98
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Epilogue

As the Rebirth slowly descended to the dead planet's surface, the voice sounded once again: ''You have succeeded. Come to the throne room, we are waiting.'' Moments later Ralik landed onto the enormous structure. He looked up one last time, what remained of the Raktajorr was still slowly burning in the sky with that same bright green flame. Ralik wished it would burn forever, thus forever serving as a monument of Xerx's downfall. He gazed at the burning wreckage one more minute, then he entered the building.

He wandered through the compound for a whole hour, on his way he saw ancient armor and weapons, ancient carvings on the walls that portrayed some kind of history. From what he gathered the carvings told that a Jedi came here to confront the True Teachings, he battled with the Master of the Teachings, demonstrating both skill with the Force and with blades. After a long and difficult battle the Jedi managed to defeat and kill the Master, after that he left never to return again. The ones that survived the Jedi's visit made these carvings to serve as sources of insight to any future visitors of this place, then they left too and were never seen again. Ralik was certain that the Jedi portrayed in the carvings was Revan. After all, the voice told him that only one ship returned from this place and that ship, the Ebon Hawk, was Revan's.

As Ralik continued further through the compound, he wondered where did those survivors go and how come there are no records of this planet anywhere. He saw the training rooms, the prison, the former occupants' chambers, the meditation rooms, even the burial chambers. As old and ruined as the huge building appeared to be, it was strange that most of the lights were still working. At moments he wondered if he was only imagining that voice, this place was obviously deserted, but then he found the throne room.

As Ralik entered the throne room he saw the dark, hooded figure from his dream. What was even more strange to him, he could see right through the figure. Eight more transparent figures appeared, four of them to the left of the dark figure and four to the right, they formed a semicircle. Ralik couldn't recognize the species, but it was clear that neither of the nine was human.
Though Ralik couldn't see the dark figure's face, he could still see the figure itself more clearly. Though transparent, the robe that the figure was wearing appeared to be red with a black armor on the torso. The figure's alien hands also appeared black.

''Welcome, young one'' the dark hooded figue whispered.

''It was you'' Ralik said, ''You were the one talking to me this whole time, but who and what are you?''

''We are the spirits of the ancient Sith Lords, all except me drawn from the distant tombs they haunted for millenia to this place'' the figure replied.

''But why?'' Ralik was confused, ''For what purpose?''

''To train you'', the figure said, ''And when your training is completed you will be the most powerful Sith Lord that ever lived and eventually you will restore the Sith to their former glory.''

''But with this power I can assume command of the Yuuzhan Vong forces and destroy any who oppose me!'' Ralik said arrogantly.

''The power you wield now is but a fraction of the power you possess.Your time will come, young one'', the figure said, still whispering, ''but it is not now. You still have much to learn and we are here to teach you.''

''The True Teachings? You are talking about them?'' Ralik asked calmly. He understood his destiny at last.

''Yes, young one. The very ones.'' The figure replied.

''Very well, Master.'' Ralik replied, calmer and more satisfied than ever.
The dark figure was pleased: ''Welcome to the fold.''

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Old 07-26-2006, 08:45 AM   #99
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Don't tell me that this Fic has ended already? Oh well, it was a good Epilogue.

What is it now? Sequel? Other Fic?
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Old 07-26-2006, 10:20 AM   #100
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Good fic, igyman. I wasn't expecting it to end, but you wrapped it up nicely, and you left it open for a possible sequel.



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Old 07-26-2006, 10:21 AM   #101
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I have no idea. When I have the time, I'll probably start working on another fic, in the meantime I thought I'd post a concept art of Ralik and the Dark Figure, if anyone's interested to see how I imagined them.

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Old 07-26-2006, 10:23 AM   #102
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Sounds good.



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Old 07-26-2006, 09:45 PM   #103
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Wow! That was short. I was expecting maybe a final battle or something. Still this leaves for a new chapter. Someone has to stop the baddie.

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Old 07-27-2006, 06:01 AM   #104
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that was unexpected, but it wasnt hurried though. i hope you put up a sequel soon, igyman. it was very well written


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Old 07-27-2006, 07:00 AM   #105
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Well, thanks to all of you I'm seriously considering a sequel to the story, but in order to do it properly and have better and longer chapters, I'm going to need a little help, so here's a couple of questions for those who read the NJO books (since I didn't do it yet):
1) How long did the war with the Yuuzhan Vong last? (I'm interested in the number of years, to be precise)
2) Were there any Sith Lords during the war and after the war and what were their names?
3) Who lead the Imperial Remnant during the war and who lead it after the war (assuming there was an Imperial Remnant to lead in the first place)?

Thanks in advance.

In the meantime here's a concept art of the Dark Figure and Ralik


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Old 07-27-2006, 08:27 AM   #106
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http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page

you should find all you need on that website


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Old 07-27-2006, 10:16 AM   #107
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I've read it before I started writing this fic, but I didn't quite understand how long did the war last.

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Old 07-27-2006, 11:54 AM   #108
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okay, i had a look in one of my books and it says that the wars were for 10 years.

there werent any sith as far as i know.

the imperial remnant were on the Republic's side and even helped them out a lot of times


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Old 07-27-2006, 12:07 PM   #109
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Thanks RC, that helps a lot.

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Old 07-31-2006, 10:00 AM   #110
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actually the wars were five years, and everything else RC said was correct. Good ending of your story igyman
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Old 07-31-2006, 10:11 AM   #111
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Thanks for the update! Looks like I'll have to fix a few things in the sequel and I do have a new question: How long after the war ended passed until Darth Krayt became Emperor?

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Old 07-31-2006, 10:48 AM   #112
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Lol, I don't know, sorry. Good concepts, btw.



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Old 07-31-2006, 02:54 PM   #113
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Thanks Niner. I'd still appretiate an answer to that question, if anyone knows it. I'll need it for the third part of the fic.

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Old 08-01-2006, 10:33 AM   #114
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sorry, i'm not sure about that either
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Old 08-01-2006, 11:09 AM   #115
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it was 97 years later, igyman, darth krayt. 97 years exactly after the end of the Yuuzhan Vong, Krayt came into power.
go here and here just in case you need to double check.
hope that helps!


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Old 08-03-2006, 03:29 PM   #116
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It helps a lot. And now I have another question whose answer is also essential for the third part of my fic: When and how did Luke Skywalker die?
I went through wookiepedia and couldn't find anything about his death, according to everything stated there he's still alive, but I'm not convinced. If anyone knows the answer, it would be a big help to me.

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Old 08-03-2006, 03:54 PM   #117
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i was curious about that too. unfortunately, although it's obvious that Luke dies sometime, that time is not specified. i'll keep searching and let you know if i find anything.


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Old 09-23-2006, 04:43 PM   #118
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Good Fic wish I read it earlyer but then my computer's memory was deleted and the hardrive had to be replaced but any way GOOD Fic

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Old 09-23-2006, 06:29 PM   #119
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Thanks a lot. I'm glad that there are people still interested in these older parts.

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