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Old 10-14-2006, 01:35 PM   #1
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Star Wars: The Way of Bendak Starkiller

This is going to be my last short fic untill I finish Darth Yoda. It will explain the last battle and retirment of Bendak Starkiller Im working on the fic now. It will also be my first Kotor fic.


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Old 10-14-2006, 04:29 PM   #2
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Star Wars: The Way of Bendak Starkiller

The crowd was the first thing Bendak heard as he stepped out onto the arena. He had heard it many times during the past few months. He had made a living off these death fights for Ajuur. His payment was good as long as there were many bets. He looked at his opponent now completely focused.

“On this side, we have the great Magic with hot blood running through his veins and a blaster so hot you turn onto flames. And on the other of the Arena we have the great champion Bendak Starkiller.”

Bendak grinned as he grabbed his blaster, the man still had bad introductions. He fired toward his opponent and jumped to the side a second later as the shot flew back toward him. Shocked his body slammed into the ground as the shot flew over him. He looked up to see Magic holding a blood red lightsaber.

“Sith slime.” He muttered as he got up.

He removed his virosword, it would hold against a lightsaber for a little while. He swung the blade toward the women only to for it to be blocked by the saber. He moved in for a critical attack. But Magic attacked in a long flurry. Bendak threw the virosword at the women and grabbed his heavy blasters. Clapping erupted from the crowd as Bendak suddenly was raised from the ground and hurled toward the wall. Magic ran toward him prepared to kill him. Bendak activated the deadly flamethrower on his arm armor. The fire hit Magic catching her cloak on fire. The fire crept up her skin; she screamed and yelled in pain as the fire burned her. Suddenly a blaster shot emerged from the crowd and hit the sith women in the chest. Blood ran from the wound as the blaster shot tore through her skin. A sith officer ran down to the arena and stepped out. A squad of sith troopers followed.

“From this day on.” The officer started. “All death matches are now illegal except for proper promotion from the great Malak himself.”

Udder disbelief struck the crowd. Then the protests started, everyone for the death matches started yelling at the troopers. The troopers didn’t care about the people they shot all who were advancing. Bendak turned and left the arena and would not return for a long time.

Bendak walked toward Ajuur the Hutt, ready to speak to the great Hutt.

“Ah, Bendak you did well on the last of these death fights. 10% of the bets, as always.”

“Ajuur, I’m retiring I don’t won’t to use stun blasters and stuff. I’m not cut out for it.”

“What.” The Hutt said angrily. “I had a special battle planned, you Vs. Twitch.”

“Sorry, old buddy I’m done.”

With that he walked out of the cantina planning to fight some death matches for Zax down in the lower city of Tairs.


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Old 10-14-2006, 05:25 PM   #3
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I'm glad that this is your last Short Fic for a while. I might write some soon, before releasing my planned Fic, but let's stay on topic shall we? I liked this and the spelling, grammar has improved a lot, though there are still some occasional mistakes. However, mostly this is improved, more than the Darth Yoda Fic in many ways. Anyway looking foward to more of Darth Yoda.
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Old 10-14-2006, 05:28 PM   #4
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I've been doing all these short fics when I'm stuck on Darth Yoda. I'm trying to make a really long chap on DY and then 2 smaller ones and I'll be done with it. Then later I'll do part 2

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Old 10-14-2006, 05:33 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth Grivis
I've been doing all these short fics when I'm stuck on Darth Yoda. I'm trying to make a really long chap on DY and then 2 smaller ones and I'll be done with it. Then later I'll do part 2
Let me guess. Darth Yoda will become another Trilogy.
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Old 10-14-2006, 05:35 PM   #6
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I thought I already mentioned that...but It might turn out to be 2 of them...but more likely a trilogy

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Old 10-17-2006, 02:28 PM   #7
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Well, it's not a bad idea in theory, but I can't say I liked it much. First of all, the fight is too short; a blaster shot, some saber-to-vibrosword combat, some Force usage to throw Bendak around, ending with a flamethrower and a shot from the crowd. Second, Bendak doesn't make the kill; I can only assume it was the Sith officer, ending the fight prematurely, but it was Bendak's last fight... I think that for his last fight, he ought to be the one to take the shot. Finally, a spelling error. 'Women' is plural, as in "The women went together to the costume party." 'Woman' is singular, as in "The woman ate a sandwich before going to the movie with her boyfriend."

One more thing: I understand this was supposed to be a short fic, but it still could've been longer... looks like it might be about a page in Word. It could be two pages and still be 'short'


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Old 10-24-2006, 01:48 PM   #8
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Well I can't really tell you anything about your writing since I'm foreign but...

Cool setting, as far as I know, noone has ever written a fic about Bendak.
You really should go on with this, or better yet, write prequels!

Like "Bendak Starkiller: From Zero to Hero"
Anyway, I think you should describe the combat with a bit more tension and detail.
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