"You know, there's always been a lot of tension between me and Lois, and...it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's that I want her to...not be alive...anymore. Sometimes I ask myself if all women are so difficult, and then I think, "Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"
"Rupert! You've been looking at the boys again!"
"Now listen to me...Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES...!"
"All right, Kringle, if the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted. I will be...'nice.'"
"So, is there any tread on the tires, or is it like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?"
"Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch. Wah wah wah my ears are popping and there's no way to console me Wah! Maybe I'm teething, Maybe I'm hungry, who knows? I'm a baby!"
"I think...that the only reason we die...is because we accept death as an inevitability. Ahhhhh!!!"
Be considerate to others or I will bite your torso and give you a disease!