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Old 06-06-2007, 11:18 PM   #1
Empress Padme
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Question [Fin] Star wars:KOTOR3-worst fanfic...so far

star wars:knights of the old republic
A NEW ERA

CHAPTER ONE: new beginnings and tragic ends

"I never thought I'd see Nar Shaddaa again" mira said stepping out of the Ebon Hawk.
"I never thought i would be able to play paazak again.Well I will be in the cantina"said Atton.
"Yes losing our money no doubt" remarked a female voice from the Ebon Hawk.
"Know who said I was going to play paazak.Excuse me Exile but I would figure you as the paazak addict."replied Atton.
The exile a.k.a. Padme Hawkeye steps out of the Ebon Hawk "Atton am I wrong.I'll admit my addiction if you admit yours"Padme smirked.
"Paazak is not what I am addicted to,but you know what I am addicted to,"Atton replies as he moves face to face with Padme.Padme's heart starts racing.
"Atton that is not the way of a gentleman or jedi" Mical,the Disiple said.
"Well Padme who do prefer better a gentleman or a scoundrel?"Atton asked Padme.
Padme's face flushes and she replies"Not know Atton."
She begins to walk away but Atton grabs her arm and whispers in her ear"When will be the right time.We all just survived Kreia and Malochor Five.I know you enough that you will leave us someday ,just like Revan did to his friends.You will have to deal with this before you leave."
"You know me to well.I promise we will talk but not now we need to get more supplies and take Mandolore back to Dxun.I am not leaving anytime soon."Padme answers.
Padme walks off.The Disiple follows her giving Atton a disapproving look.
Suddenly a cry comes from the Ebon Hawk.Padme,Atton,Mical,and Mira rush back finding Mandolore,Visas,and the driods outside.She notices Mandolore holding a bloody sword.
"Where's Bao-Dur?"she asks.
Mandolore coldly replies"He's dead"

Last edited by Empress Padme; 07-14-2007 at 03:21 PM. Reason: ending it
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Old 06-07-2007, 01:15 AM   #2
Diego Varen
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Okay, this looks interesting, but it needs editing and a bit more description, before it can become good. What does Nar Shaddaa look like? Obviously, we the players of the Star Wars games know, but someone who doesn't will want to know what it looks like. What do the main characters look like? Could there be a brief description of what happened in the climax of TSL? All of these things could improve the Fan Fic.

As I said before, this looks interesting and I'm looking forward to more.
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Old 06-07-2007, 01:35 AM   #3
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advice thank u's

thanks 4 the advice.I am not good editing,thats what i get 4 being a high school drop out.my aunts a teacher so i will have look at my rough drafts from now on.chapter two will have more details and hopefully better.IT WILL BETTER.
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Old 06-07-2007, 08:58 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by revanite
"Where's Bao-Dur?"she asks.
Mandalore coldly replies"He's dead"

sounds familiar.
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Old 06-07-2007, 09:56 PM   #5
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KOTOR:A NEW ERA

* aunt's sick so my bad editing remains until she's better.

CHAPTER TWO

Sith Happens[U]

Padme wipes a strand of her blonde hair from her forehead as she kneels down to Bao-dur's lifeless gray body.She had ran to his sleeping quarters and found him laying on the floor.
"How?"Padme questioned.
"This was found near his body."Visas replied,she hands the exile a hologram.
Padme plays the hologram.It shows Bao-Dur stabbing himself with a sword then Bao-Dur says " You may have killed me but you will find the Exile a harder kill" he then falls to the ground and dies.
"Search the Ebon Hawk we have a Sith aboard our ship,!"orders Padme."Atton,stay with me for a second."
Padme hugs Atton and starts crying.She caresses his brown and clings to his Jedi robe."He survived Malochor Five twice.Sacrificed his beloved little Remote to help destroy Malochor Five.That little Remote distracted GO-TO long enough for GO-TO to be destroyed along with Malochor Five.GO-TO would still be a threat if it were not for Bao-Dur's work.You know how much I hated having that gangster machine with us.Why could'nt I have prevented this?,"she composses herself then continues"We need to go to Telos.that's were he should be buried.He loved that planet.Also contact Admiral Onasi and tell him the bad news."
" You can count on me.You did nothing wrong.Noone saw this coming"Atton kissed her forehead and for once she did not stop him.
Mical interupts them"We can find no trace of any Sith."
"Right on time Blondie as usual."Atton quips.
"No fights you two I just can not handle that right now ."Padme says and heads off to her chambers.
Atton sees that face that Mical usually gives him." I know I know ,but we all can't be like you Mr.Goodie Two Shoes.'' Atton leaves before Mical can respond.
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Old 06-07-2007, 10:08 PM   #6
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Thumbs up

Interesting plot so far.

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Old 06-09-2007, 01:25 AM   #7
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[FIC]KOTOR chapter3


A NEW ERA
Chapter Three: What Once Was Lost Can Be Found

TELOS
Admiral Carth Onasi, a soldier in his 40's who had been an ally of the
reformed Jedi Revan, greeted Padme in his office.
"I'm sorry for your loss,Exile,it is Telos"s loss as well.He was a great help
at rebuilding Telos for that he has my eternal gratitude.If theres anything
I can do let me know.I unfortunately know loss all to well" Carth sympthized.
"Yes you lost your wife here several years ago here because of Darth Malak
and an Admiral who was once a friend of yours,I believe.I want a quiet,small
funeral for him.If he can be buried by the shores of Telos I would be grateful
beyond words"asked Padme.
Carth replied "Consider It done.A small shrine for him will be made-"
Visas Marr entered the room.A Miraluka she had no eyes a red headdress
hid her face where her eyes would have been .She dressed head to toe in
black and red.It hugged her body which did not go unnoticed from the
Admiral.
Carth approached her "Pleased to meet any ally of the Exile.I saw you once
after you had helped the Exile and Cand- I mean Mandolore.You didn't
notice.I mean it's not like you could be-"
Visas cut him off"Because I am blind.I have Force sight Mr. Onasi I sensed
your presense.Was not that hard , grief and anger reeks from you."
Ouch,thought the Exile,[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Well insult for insult I guess.
Carth was taken aback.Visas sensed this and wished now that she had chosen her words better found herself suprisingly guilt-ridden"I have lost
alot as well.I know your pain,your regret,I understand it."
"You lost your home planet.You know how it feels to lose your home.To feel
so alone as your world literally falls apart around you."Carth was suprised
how open he was around her.
"I was a Sith asassin, my presense here must bother you.I just wanted the Exile to know that the body is ready for buriel.So now I'm gonna-"Visas started leaving as she was leaving but Carth grabbed her hand.
"I learned many years ago from Revan that redemption is possible.He did it
and so have you.You helped save the place I call home.Thank you.''Carth told Visas.
Padme watched there tender exchange and thought maybe what they have
lost they can find in each other.
"So we can have his funeral tomorrow by the shore.Padme asked.
"Yes,tomorrow,''Carth replied then looked to Visas,"Til' tomorrow"
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Old 06-09-2007, 10:14 AM   #8
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It looks good.

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Old 06-09-2007, 05:47 PM   #9
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[FIC]KOTOR chapter4

A New Era
Chapter Four:
Saying Goodbye To An Old Friend ,Saying Hello To A New Enemy

Telos
The Ebon Hawk crew were all dressed in there Jedi robes.Mandolore was
absent due to an emergency on Dxun.Admiral Onasi was there.
Padme holding back tears said her goodbyes.In a rare show of unity Mical and
Atton each held one of the Exile's hands without fighting.Mical ever the Jedi
gave a moving speach about being one with the Force.
After the funeral Carth pulled Mical aside "I send you to spy on her and you
become a Jedi.You wanted this mission to see the Exile again,right,"
Mical responded"I am sorry I did not tell you my history with the Exile.I know
I was supposed to get information and come back but-"
"You fell in love with her.I know that look.I have had that look."Carth said.
"Yes Admiral I have.I love her ,I really do.She has such strength and courage
what she has faced and what she will face.I could never have such strength
as her.She says I will become a great Jedi.She said she was told this.She
also said where she soon must go , we can not follow."said MIcal.
"Like Revan.So she does plan to find him and help him."replied Carth.
"Yes.She just wanted to make sure all of our training was complete.That we
would be okay without her."Mical smiled as he said this.
"Yeah your hooked.Is it me or do you have compatiton for the lady's heart?"Carth asked.
"Atton Rand, you mean.Yes he is rather fond of the Jedi.I actually worry
about him.What will become of him when she leaves?"Mical answered.
"That is just like you Mical, worrying about the rival's mental health"Carth
chuckled.
KORRIBAN
"I am back Master.I have a list of the rest of the Exile's companions.Shall
I read them off?" asked a cloaked figure in black.
"Yes,you may said another cloaked figure in black.
"Mira:early 20's,red hair,known for wearing a skimpy green top and black
leather pants.Mical:also early 20's.Blonde hair,blue eyes.He's being trained
to be a Jedi Master.Atton Rand:early 30's.Brown hair and eyes .A scruffy demeanor.He and Mical may be a problem they watch over the Exile like
hawks.The new Mandolore is also an ally of the Exile.Visas Marr is also-"the
cloaked man was interuppted by the other cloaked man.
"WHAT! VISAS IS NO LONGER A SITH! THAT TRAITOR WILL BE PUNISHED
! I WILL SEE TO IT MYSELF!,"he screamed."That traitior will be punished
most harshly for her betrayal.This Exile shall suffer.This is far, far from over"
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Old 06-10-2007, 11:43 AM   #10
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A New Era: Chapter 5

Star Wars:Knights Of The Old Republic
Chapter Five
Bastila Returns

"Exile,Exile I know your scared of what you must face, but the longer you
wait your loved ones will die. Your love will destroy them.More deaths,more blood on your hands .Can you live with that?"Padme woke up from her dream she knew that voice-Bastila.
Padme,pale as a ghost, rushed into Carth's office, taking him by suprise.
"Is something wrong Exile your shaking?" Carth asked.
"Bastila,Is she still alive?"Padme said.
"Yes,she is why?"Carth questioned.
"I think she contacted my in a dream.I need to know if it was really her,"Padme finally stopped shaking.
"I will see what I can do.Besides invaded dreams,how are you and your crew
?"
"We are still in shock but we are dealing with are grief."
"You believe a Sith took over his mind and had him kill himself.How do you
this won't happen again?"Carth said worried.
"I don't know.If I leave to find Revan know ,I don't think this Sith will stop.
I think this will continue whether I am here or not.At least I know Visas
is somewhat safe considering a certain Admiral has been spending alot of time with her."Padme shocked Carth with her words, he blushed.
"Well I um-heh-.Being aruond Revan and watching him with Bastila-I believe their falling in love played a big part in them turning ther back to the light,as a Jedi might say.At the end of the day they used their love in a positive way.I see Visas struggling and I believe I can help her.I have to try. It's something Revan would encourage if he were here."Carth said and smiled.
"She wants to go to her home planet,Katarr.To make as much peace as she can.Will you help me make sure she lives long enough so she find this peace?"
Before Carth could answer his office door opened.
"Carth why would'nt your secretary let Rocky and I through"came a female voice.
Padme froze.Standing in the doorway,in equal shock,was Bastila and holding
Bastila's hand with his tiny little fingers a little boy- a spitting image of Revan.Same dark features but with Bastila's blue eyes.
Carth said"Hey Rocky how are ya.Bastila this is a bad time"
"So,Padme Hawkeye you got my message"Bastila looked at Padme.
Carth thought to himself,this will not end well.
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Old 06-10-2007, 12:26 PM   #11
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chapter 6

A New Era
Chapter Six
A Long Time Ago We Used To Be Friends

"Sweetie,can you wait outside for minute"Bastila said to the little boy.The boy listened and left.
"Well old friend I am gonna guess that is Revan's son.I heared you finally
bagged him- for awhile at least.He doesn't even know that he has a son does he"Padme said.
"No he doesn't.I found out after he left."Bastila inhaled sharply and ran her
fingers through her light brown hair.
"Not that I am not curious about your little boy but I do believe you said that you did send that message.Have you ever heard of mail,Bastila.I can't believe your invading minds again."
"It was the only way I knew that I would have your undived attention"Bastila smirked.They both glared at each other.
"I can't believe I'm saying this: there is no emotion,there is peace."Carth said
,trying to intervine.
"SHUT UP!"the women screamed.
"Listen ladies this is my office okay ,so both of you calm down.May I remind you both theres a little boy out there wondering why you two are yelling.
'' Carth finally got through to them.
"Sorry,Bastila-it must be hard"Padme apologized.
"Carth helps me out alot."Bastila said.
The door burst open again.Carth wondered does anyone around here knock anymore.
"Admiral I have my report on my time with the Exile and my resignation"said Mical.Mical and Padme locked eyes.
"Mical,your a spy?"Padme could hardly get the words out of her mouth.
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Old 06-24-2007, 02:24 AM   #12
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the time 4 truth is now-chapter 7

A New Era
chapter 7
Padme grabbed Mical and dragged him outside Carth's office.
"I had a feeling you were a spy when we first met but the way you practically
worshiped me I thought,no he would not keep anything from me or spy on me.I thought you were different ,I thought you were good and pure.That you would not betray me like Revan,Kreia,and the Jedi Masters.I see now you would make a great Master,you lie and keep secrets like the best of them"Padme coldly said.
"I understand your hurt but believe me when I say,I was trying to protect you.All I want to do is keep you from harm and help you.I lo-"Mical cried but Padme cut him off.
"You love me ,that's what you were gonna say right.How can I trust those words"Padme ,choking back tears,said.
"I love you Padme Hawkeye.I knew that telling you this,all of this, would have been an extra burden for you.But now I can not hold it in"Mical grabbed Padme and kissed her.
Padme pulled away,she sensed they were not alone.She was right.She turned her head to the left and saw Atton.Atton looked like he had been gut punched.Atton ran away.Padme followed Atton, leaving Mical all alone.
Padme ran into the room Atton had been staying in.Atton looked up at her while he packed his bags.
"You made your chose I see.I was standing right here when I felt like you were in pain so I went looking for you and witnessed that So much for the pain theory."Atton said.
"He kissed me Atton,not the other way around.I would never kiss him it would feel like I was betraying-"Padme cut herself off.
"Finish your sentence ,who would you be betraying.For once just let your guard down and be honest with yourself."Atton asked
"You want honesty Atton well here it is.I love you for reasons that are beyond me.Yes I feel like I would be betraying you.Were the same Atton.Like you said we have both killed Jedi,although mine not intitionally like you did.You devotion to me scares the crap out off me.I believe you would follow me down to the dark side had I become a Sith.The way I influence people makes me wonder if they are really feelin what tey want to feel.You exspecially Atton.Do honestly believe you love me or are you just feeling that way because I want you to love me.Your overly protective and are driven by lust.That's the way to the dark side Atton.I fear if I let you love me it would lead to your destruction and I can ot have your blood on my hands they are stained with blood to much as it is.I love you to much to destroy you."Padme started to cry.
Atton cupped her face in his hands and wiped her tears"Don't you see angel our love redeems me and you.It can only be destroyed if let it and we won't let now will we.We have been given a second chance.I know I have nothing to offer you ,you deserve so much more but I love you too"Attonkissed her.
Padme sniffled"Kreia said something similar to that before she died,but your both wrong.Atton your love is unconditional and that kind of love is such a huge offering that it pales in comparision to anything else."
"Padme , when I say I love you its me saying it.Not the influence you have,none of that.It's me all me and heres proof'' Atton kissed her again so passionately that she knew he was now here my his choice and his choice alone.
"Atton I will have to leave but I want something to fight for and your it.I know guys are supposed to say this but ,will you marry me"
"Padme I would marry you in a second but are you sure.This is sudden"Atton was shocked.
"We have been dancing around each other since we met on Peragus.Besides it would mean I am legally required to return to you alive when I help Revan defeat the True Sith."Padme grinned.
"Well when you put it that way.I did promise you I would help you defeat the Sith and if marrying a scounderal will keep you alive,I feel It is my duty to be that scounderal",Atton smirked.
Padme laughed and kissed him"Can we have the honeymoon first"she giggled.
"As you wish,General."Atton answered.Then they embraced.
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Old 06-24-2007, 02:30 AM   #13
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Okay.Padme's last name Hawkeye is from the anime''Full Metal Alchemist''character Riza Hawkeye.Revan and Bastila's son is named after my oldest and favorite chihuaua,Rocky, who is like a son to me .
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Old 06-28-2007, 12:23 AM   #14
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Calm Before The Storm ( Or The One With All The Songs)

Calm Before The Storm

Padme squints her eyes, the light from the window is bright.She brings the pillow to her face and inhales.It has Atton's musky scent and she remembers.She looks to her left and sees Atton beside her, he's staring at the ceiling, grinning.
"Did we," she asks.
"Yep"
"Wow"
"That's what I said." She smacks him with her pillow and listens to the song playing in the background.
'Your part of my entity/
Here for infinity/
When the world has took it's part/
When the world has dealt it's card/
If the hand is hard/
Together will mend your heart.
"Nice song"Padme says and then snuggles into Atton's arms.
Meanwhile in the cantina
Mical sips his beer.He's never had beer but he wanted to drown his sorrows.A twilek sings on the stage
"But when your day comes/
When he's through with you/
And he'll be through with you/
You'll die together but alone,
Mical guzzles down the last drops of his beer , then heads for the docks.

Cantina, a hour later
Visas listens to the same twilek , at a nearby table.She asks the twilek if she does requests, the twilek says yes.Visas whispers her request.The twilek starts to sing as Carth sees Visas.Carth asks if he can sit next to her.
''You may.'' is all she says as she listens to the song.
' So let mercy come and wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've done
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done
'' Visas would you you like to take a walk by the shore with me.''Carth asks her.She looks over at him and smiles, then nods her headv yes.

Ithorian Compound
Chobo Habat greets Padme and Atton.With Moza and T3-M1 as witnesses,Padme asnd Atton are married by Chobo.Padme hears a song in the distance.She can only make out a couple of lyrics.
''Fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they/
And I forsee darkness ahead if I stay
As thry exit the compound a TSF officer hands her a note.She reads it and goes pale.Atton grabs the note, it reads:
Visas was shot by the shore.Barely made it to hospital.Critical condition.Go to Grenn and he will take you to us.
Carth
The lyrics of the song play over in Padme's head
'Fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they,
And I forsee the dark ahead If I should stay.

THE END OF CHAPTER 8

SONGS USED:
''UMBRELLA''- RHIANNA
''NEVER AGAIN''- KELLY CLARKSON
''WHAT IV'E DONE''-LINKIN PARK
''BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY''- FERGIE
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Old 06-28-2007, 07:17 PM   #15
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[FIN] THE END

* due 2 recent events this fan fic is coming to an abrupt end.

THE END


Padme left for the Unknown Regions shortly after Visas married Carth Onasi.Visas survived the assassination attempt.Carth and Visas divided their time between Telos and Kataar.They had 3 children :2 boys and a girl.Mira died saving a village, as Kreia predicted.Atton stowed away on the Ebon Hawk when Padme left.She couldn't talk him out of it.She also found out she was pregnant. The baby was a girl , she had Atton's hair and Padme's blue eyes.Due to the fact that she had to go to the Unknown Regions ,Atton and Padme with a heavy heart left the child with Mical,who although broken-hearted raised the child like she was his own.Padme and Atton were never heard from again.Their child was named after Mira.Mira Rand grew up to be a Jedi Counsler ,she was kind and beautiful.But that is another story, for another time.
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Old 07-18-2007, 04:40 PM   #16
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[FIN] Star wars:KOTOR3-worst fanfic...so far

the end


you can find me here since I have left LF :

http://starwarsknightscouncil.com/
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