Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: White City
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[FIN] Inner Darkness Chronicles
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Inner Darkness Chronicles
Alone at last. Today's classes are done and I can finally get some well deserved rest. Well deserved... The fatigue is starting to get to me, I am repeating myself without even realizing it. Aaahhh, bed, sweet bed. If only the Jedi Temple wasn't such a huge structure, if only I was already in my room. Hmmm, now that I think about it, I'm not sure I want to be in my room at all.
The classes I had today didn't differ much from the ones I've had so far. It was the same story over and over again, the Masters simply used different words. The message, the point was the same though. Beware of the Dark Side. The Masters spoke of the Jedi's calling, of the Jedi Code and its importance. They ranted endlessly about the dangers of feelings. A Jedi needs to control them, they said, lest they drag him to the Dark Side. The Light is the only true path according to them, the Darkness is deceiving and perverse. My own Master said to me once that a good Jedi can't allow himself to feel, because feelings, he said, prevent a Jedi to achieve his true potential. They prevent him to become a true emissary of the Light.
I have pondered often on my Master's words, mostly when we were out on a mission, but the more I think about them the more they sound like a load of rubbish. My Master also said that the Jedi protect the innocent and pure hearted and punish the evil, thus reducing the influence the Dark Side has on the galaxy. Yet more... rubbish. I have went on dozens of missions with my Master and I have yet to see a person with a pure heart, how my Master so eloquently decided to put it. Sure, the bandits and crime lords we put away are the worst scum of the galaxy, but even those we are supposed to deem innocent are in fact far from it.
I have felt it in them. Every time me and my Master talked to someone. I have felt the little white lies coming out of their mouths. There were so many lies that the person who speaks them doesn't even know the difference between them and the truth. Ah, how sad it is that the great Jedi Masters don't care about those lies, since I doubt they can't feel them, if I, a mere Padawan, can.
I couldn't always feel what I can now. My senses sharpened over time. Now I don't even need to concentrate to know what hides in a person's heart. All it takes is a look, but most of the time I don't like what I see. It is truly saddening, the amount of darkness that exists here, on Coruscant alone. I dare not think about its true proportions in our galaxy.
The darkness is here. Even the city streets are filled with it. I have seen it. Every person I look at, while walking down one of the many busy streets of Coruscant... Every mind I peak into, even in the mind of a child, I see nothing but darkness. Lately the feeling has become even more terrifying. I don't just feel their darkness anymore, I can see it, manifesting itself to me in forms of horrifying visions.
Ah, I am finally at my own door. A good night sleep will clear things up for me. It has helped, so far. I am not entirely sure about this time, though. Another terrible vision makes me uneasy as I walk into my room. I look through the huge window and instead of a bright and vibrant city with blue skies and beautiful tall buildings, I see a... perverse and ruined place, with blood red sky and black skyscrapers engulfed in flames. Strange dark creatures fly in flocks between them, carrying rotting corpses and dropping them on the masses in the streets. The screams I hear next drop me on my back.
From my bed I stare at the ceiling of my room and watch it dissolve into nothingness as it reveals the blood red sky once again. This isn't the first vision of its kind that I've had, but it's definitely the most intense. I can actually hear a whisper amongst the screams, calling to me. So far I have managed to ignore the call, but now...
My eyes are opened. I have always considered myself different than the other Padawans and now I know why. Now I know why everything felt so unnatural to me. I have kept my strange power and my visions a secret, I thought it was a curse, but it was in fact the greatest of blessings. The Jedi Masters... the worst bunch of hypocrites. They preach the suppression of feelings and yet they themselves don't suppress them, they simply hide them well from others. I realize now that the Light the Order preaches is something completely unnatural to most living things. Every single heart has a small seed of darkness inside and it is up to us to decide how big it will grow. Even the wisest Jedi Masters have it, but they aren't letting it sprout. I know, I have seen it deep in their hearts.
I can't stay in this palace of lies anymore. I quickly pack my things and sneak out through the back entrance of the Temple. Good riddance to all you hypocrites! I walk away slowly, losing myself in the crowded street and as I stand there, in the mass of mutilated beings, I look to the red sky to see the flock of black demons fly once more between the burning skyscrapers. A smile makes its way to my face, a feeling I haven't experienced in a long time. I feel... at home.