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Old 10-15-2008, 03:49 PM   #1
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The Black Visor

1095 days after the Battle of Geonosis
0700 hours

Jedi Master Karig Jorrel stood staring into the frigid snow-filled winds of Mygeeto. Some of his clone soldiers stood around him awaiting their orders. The cold bit at Karig's face, forcing him to pull his hood lower over his eyes. "General Karig, you shouldn't do that. It limits your vision to any attackers. It only takes one dumb battle droid," said a clone in special gray armor. "Ahhhh, Commander Sel, you worry too much, "responded Karig. Sel chuckled to himself and eased back on his left leg, "Sir, any problem that you have becomes a problem to your troops. Besides its my job to keep you alive." Karig smiled and looked into the fog. Sel always said that when he was trying to help. The clone worried alot for everyones safety, though. Sel, besides being an expert worrier, was also an expert warrrior. He could hold his own against a battlaion of battle droids and has saved the day and everyone rears more than once. However, Sel is a very stereo-typical clone, he only has interest in protecting those under him and getting the objective. Besides those, he has an interest in food, but that is more an obsession than interest. Suddenly, Sel brought his hand up and pointed at something in the fog. "Sir, we;ve got movement on the far ridge on our left flank. Take a look." Sel handed Karig a pair of Macro binoculars and Karig took it. He brought it to his eyes and looked where Sel was pointing. At first, Karig couldn't see anything, but then the fog cleared. Sure enough, a platoon of super battle droids were making there way toward them. Karig handed Sel the macro-binoculars, "See if you can get a firing solution on those droids. The order Alpha company to take position behind the main street's spire." Karig pointed at large tower 100 meters to their left. "If those droids continue to advance, order Alpha to pull back to higher ground and prepare for a counter-attack." Sel saluted, "Yessir, right away sir." Karig then looked to another clone, "You, what's your name?" The clone stuttered, "L-Lieutenant G-Gev, sir." Karig nodded, "Alright, Gev, here's your order: Get my apprentice, Garrick. He's a healer so he'll be at the Sector aid station. Bring him to Sector HQ, I'll meet you there." Gev nodded and sprinted toward Sector Aid. Sel tapped Karig's shoulder and he turned to face him. "Sir, we have incoming LAAT\i gunships, they will provide a firing solution. Their ETA is 5 minutes." Karig smiled, "Excellent, we can blow those SBD's without a firefight. You have control of the troops, Sel. I'm off to Sector HQ." Sel saluted and Karig began the long walk to Sector HQ.

Sector Aid Station

Padawan Jax Garrick sat in his tent meditating. He was trying to center himself when the chaos of pre-battle feelings swept over him. He could sense the nervousness and anticipation of the battle-ready clone soldiers. There was also a great feeling of fear, all of the clone soldiers felt this. But this fear was outshown by a great feeling of confidence. This confidence was ultimately dominant in all of the clones, they were at home on the battlefield. All this was usual now that Jax had been fighting the Seperatists with Master Karig for at least 3 years now. Master Karig had looked after Jax all that time, and Jax would surely be dead if Karig wasn't there. Karig was definately more soldier than he was Jedi, often trading Jedi traditions for Military traditions. This angered some other Jedi in the order, but Karig has always thought of others in combat as equals instead of subordinates. Many in the Jedi Council itself encourage this. Suddenly, the tent flap opened and a clone trooper in red armor poked his head in. "Padawan Garrick?" Garrick opened his eyes and broke the meditation. "Yes." The clone snapped to attention, "General Karig requires your presence at Sector HQ." Garrick stood and straightened his Jedi tunic, "Thank you Lieutenant, let's get going. Garrick started running toward HQ and the clone followed close behind. "So, Lieutenant, what's the situation?" The clone quickened his pace, "Well sir, we've spotted a platoon of SBD's and are going to engage soon, pretty simple." Garrick nodded, "Well, there shouldn't be much problem." The clone nodded.
They finally arrived after a long run at HQ. HQ wasn't much of anything, it was simply a large tent surrounded by gun emplacements and trenches. Garrick walked inside to a place bustling with activity. Clones were moving everywhere, organizing files, strategizing over maps, giving out orders, and tracking radar transmissions. Karig came from the center of the chaos and placed both his hands on Garrick's shoulders. "Well, Garrick, combat is upon us, General Ki-Adi-Mundi himself needs us in the main control room. The two walked right throught the middle of activity and into the control room. Ki-Adi-Mundi stood next to a large map of the area with several other clone troopers including Commander Baccarra and a few of his Galactic Marines. "Ah, General Karig, Padawan Garrick come in, you're right on time." Ki-Adi-Mundi pointed at the map, "We have droid forces stuck in a pocket, they are fighting hard, but victory is within our grasp. We are now discussing the final offensive. Everyone nodded in unison. "Karig, your men will cause a simple diversionary assualt on their left flank, while Commander Baccarra and I lead on assualt to their center quadrant. Airbourne from the 27th Airbourne will also attack the center. There paradrops will confuse the enemy and give us both the time we need to attack. Suddenly something on Commander Baccarra's belt started blinking. Baccarra excused himself and walked away. Something about this call made Garrick suspicious. Something in the force made Garrick feel this way. Garrick then expanded his sense of hearing to Baccarra's area where he picked up a hint of the conversation.
"...66, yessir, we will remove them, sir. It may take awhile, though. There much too powerful together, we'll wait till' there seperated, yes sir. Over and out." Garrick couldn't believe what he was hearing. [I]They couldn't possibly mean to kill us,[I thought Garrick. Suddenly a blaster shot rang through the air and everyone drew their weapons. The clones didn't shoot and the Jedi didn't kill anyone, then who fired the shot? Then something moved and Garrick looked for it. In the corner, there was something. Something that had a helmet with a T visor. A black visor. Mandalorians....

End of Part 1

Part 2

Garrick couldn't believe what he was seeing. Mandalorians? Here?,thought Garrick. The clones saw the Mandalorian, too. They quickly opened fire into the corner of the control room. "Come on, get a grenade over there, he's cornered!" Shouted Commander Baccarra. Suddenly, the room lit up as the Mandalorian activated his jetpack toward the ceiling. Baccarra took out his hand blaster and started firing to no avail. The Mandalorian rocketed toward the ceiling at increasing speeds. "Cease fire! Cease fire! He'll only kill himself at that speed!" Baccarra ordered. The clones stopped firing and awaited the inevitable crash. But the Mandalorian wasn't going to crash. A rocket fired off the top of his jetpack and blew a hole in the ceiling, just enough to get through. The Mandalorian escaped. Baccarra sighed and cursed under his breath, "There goes our battle plan, they'll be waiting for us when we attack. Blasted Seps!" Baccarra then left the room, his anger pulsing like a beacon. Garrick knew this would be the best moment to warn General Ki-Adi-Mundi. "General," he said. Ki-Adi-Mundi turned his massive head, "Yes, Padawan Garrick." Garrick motioned the General to come closer. "Have you heard of Order 66?"
"Yes, it is the Contingency order to destroy all our fellow Jedi, us included."
"Well, that order has been activated."
"Not so loud sir, Baccarra's last message was Order 66."
Ki-Adi-Mundi shuddered. He shook his head back and forth. "Not possible." Garrick nodded a disagreement. "They will never bring that order up."
Garrick realized to his horror that Ki-Adi-Mundi didn't believe him. "Padawan Garrick, you and Master Karig are dismissed, do not bring this subject up again." Garrick couldn't believe a word he was hearing. By the time Garrick recovered from his trance he was outside the HQ walking next to his Master Karig. Garrick started to warn Master Karig about the clone troops turning against them, when blasterfire erupted. Garrick and Karig ran to where the blasterfire came from. Ki-Adi-Mundi was on the ground in the middle of war zone of a street, a small puddle of red collecting near his body. And Commander Baccarra was standing over him. Master Karig suddenly realized the situation and said, "Run!"

Karig Jorrel grabbed Garrick by the back of his cloak and ran toward the nearest alley. They reached the alley unnoticed by the now enemy-clone troopers. Karig then let go of Garrick's collar and moved stealthily down the dark, snow-filled alley. Suddenly there was a crunching noise coming from above them. Garrick and Karig looked up and saw a man in dark green armor slowly climbing down the wall. It was the Mandalorian. The Mando looked down and saw the two Jedi. He jumped off the side and body slammed Karig. Karig hit the ground hard and with a sickening thud. The Mandalorian stood up and grabbed Garrick by the neck and was about to slam him into the wall when suddenly, "Halt Identify yourself!" The Mandalorian froze and turned around, letting go of Garrick. A clone in Galactic Marine armor motioned with his DC-15 rifle. "Hands above your head and line up against the wall!" The Mandalorian did this and the clone walked closer and aimed his rifle at the Mandalorian. The clone was about to end the Mando's existence when the clone quickly began to float in mid-air. "What the.." The clone dropped his rifle and was thrown into the sky, screaming as he flew. Karig let out a breath, "That was close." The Mandalorian brought his hands down and bowed slowly to Karig, "You are my comrade now, Jedi. As much as I hate it. I'll help you in anything you need in payment of this debt." Karig nodded, "Just help us get off this rock and you can go wherever you like." The Mandalorian nodded and started walking toward the end of the alley. "Where are you going?" Said Karig. The Mandalorian stopped, "If you want to escape follow me." The group then moved slowly and steathily along until they reached a large landing pad with a medium-sized ship parked there. "Welcome to your escape route." said the Mandalorian. The ship was a fire-spray assualt craft and was heavily armed. "Karig then put his hand on the Mandalorian's shoulder. "Before we escape, we don't know your name." The Mandalorian stopped and turned his head slowly toward Karig. "My name is better not to be known. Most Mandalorians don't show Jedi mercy, but today I think I'll make an exception." The two Jedi smiled and they walked into the ship. Karig looked at the side of the ship and saw its name, Slave 1. I wonder where I heard that before, thought Karig. The two Jedi sat in some seats behind the main cockpit seat, where the Mandalorian sat. "Well, that was easier then I thought," said Garrick. Unknown to the Jedi, Boba Fett smiled, Very Easy, he thought.

To be continued...

CommanderQ has requested a fanfic review for this thread.

you very much
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Old 10-16-2008, 08:24 PM   #2
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That was pretty good, but there are a few problems. One, if the Jedi knew what Order 66 was, they'd be ready for it. Two, I don't think Ki-Adi Mundi would be so quick to disbelieve Garrick, ESPECIALLY if they knew what Order 66 was.

Three, I don't think Boba Fett would
A. Shoot off his gun before blowing through the roof
B. Let a clone trooper get the drop on him
C. Try to slam Garrick into the wall. He would shoot him first
D. Travel with two Jedi, even if they did save his life

Also, the grammer needs work.

Chapter 12 of A Soul Adrift is out.

Short stories:
T'katlu: On the planet Felucia, a young apprentice of the Dark Side thinks back to the beginning of her training as she lies in wait for her prey...

All the Time: After four years in the Unknown Regions, the Exile returns to the known galaxy to visit an old enemy.

Broken: A master of the Dark Side finds himself about to lose the one thing he cares about--and he will do anything to stop her from endangering herself.
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Old 10-16-2008, 09:54 PM   #3
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I could've done a lot better of a job here, very true. I didn't plan it very well and I was off subject. Alot of this could've been better. Anyway, thanks for these important points. They'll definately help.

you very much
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Old 10-17-2008, 10:40 AM   #4
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Sounds more like Boba is trying to collect a bounty on them, but that seems pretty risky! I enjoyed the military talk, and there's some interesting descriptions in there. The story may have a somewhat improbable twist, but it does have potential As Inyri said in your other fic, try to space out your paragraphs--that would be better for people with short attention spans like me.

The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:48 PM   #5
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For a first try in the Javyar's Cantina, this is pretty cool!
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