Scott Adams vs. Taliban. Funny Stuff
Here's what Scott Adams, the creator of the Comic Strip "Dilbert" wrote in his newsletter:
My Patriotic Duty
-----------------
I've been wondering about the best way to offer my patriotic
services in this time of global conflict. I don't think I'd be a
good candidate for Special Ops. I'd be the
one with the wheeled carry-on bag saying, "Hey, guys, I have sand
in my shoe! Is anyone else hungry? Can I use my flashlight now?"
I'm already donating money to patriotic causes, and I bought some
plastic flags made in China, but I felt I needed to do more. Then
it hit me. There is one patriotic duty for which I have prepared my
entire life: dehumanizing the enemy. In a sense, that's been my
full-time job for years. I just need to replace the word
"management" with "Taliban." So let's get started.
I've been trying to figure out the Taliban's long-term strategy and
I think I got it: They're trying to reverse evolution. Their
uncontrolled body hair is a good start. Living in caves was an
obvious step too.
The hard part was eliminating any trace of intelligence in the
children. But they've made great strides in that area. Have you
seen the video of the Taliban schools where the little kids squat
on the floor and rock back and forth chanting all day? No math, no
social studies, just rocking and chanting. For PE they use sticks
to whack stuffed dummies labeled "Bush" and "Blair." I'm not sure
how they know how to spell "Bush" and "Blair." On any given morning
they're probably whacking dummies labeled "Tqwft" and "Upxpgt" but
it's a good aerobic workout either way.
Just for fun, ask yourself what part of the Taliban curriculum
could NOT be accomplished by, for example, a monkey: Rocking back
and forth? Chanting? Beating a dummy with a stick? Even if a monkey
only got a "D" in chanting, he would still graduate with honors
from a Taliban school thanks to his high overall grades in rocking
and whacking.
As I write this, our generals are trying to figure out how to get
the Taliban out of their caves. They're running sophisticated war
game scenarios and calculating risks and gathering intelligence. I
have one word for them:
bananas
I don't want my patriotic words misconstrued as ethnic or religious
insults. As soon as the evildoers stop doing evil, I am willing to
promote them to full-fledged Induhviduals and insult them on equal
footing with everyone else who doesn't read the Dilbert Newsletter.
Now that we've dehumanized the Taliban, let's get on to the
important work of dehumanizing our bosses, cow-orkers and family
members.
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