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Old 12-18-2008, 09:33 PM   #41
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Chapter 9 released!

Chapter 9

The Telravin Star dropped out of hyperspace a few hundred kilometers from Imperial Center and slowly approached the planet. In the cockpit, Cadran, Teg and Asha'ri we're going over their plan.

"Alright," Cadran began. "I'm going head for the gangland and try and get in touch with my underworld contacts. Asha'ri, you're coming with me, posing as my slave." he glanced at her and she nodded back.

"Teg, you're going to pose as a technician, and hack into the Imperial network, and find the location of all raids in the next 2 weeks. Are we clear?" he asked.

"Got it, Cadran. I'll be back before you are." he replied with a wink.

Landing on a platform on the planets dark side, the trio disembarked from the ship.

Teg headed off for the nearest transport to the imperial communications center while Cadran and Asha'ri hailed another transport and asked for the Sign of the Tri-Forked Tongue.

Ten minutes later, the slipped out of the speeder and onto the dark street. Entering the bar, they walked to the counter where they we're met by four Codru-Ji bodyguards.

"I'm here to see your boss." he said.

One of the Codru-Ji nodded and motioned for him to pass. Heading to a table in the darkest part of the bar, where a lone man was sitting.

"Cadran! So good to see you!" he began.

"Save it Hat Lo." Cadran replied. "I'm not here to listen to your whimpering."

"Well then, how about something to drink?" the shady businessman added as he snapped his fingers and a waitress appeared holding two drinks. She set them down in front of them and both men downed it in one gulp.

Hat Lo was watching Cadran with an anxious look in his eyes.

After licking his lips, Cadran said, "Waiting for the Dozoisian Snark Venom to kill me? You'll have to wait for a long time. I've spent the past ten years immunizing myself against the most deadly poisons. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, perhaps you'd like to help before i decided to kill you."
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Old 12-18-2008, 10:29 PM   #42
CommanderQ
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Excellent next chapter, Kado! Very good indeed! Well, once again not much for me to correct on but there are a few things. Check your grammar again, PROOFREAD. That is very important during the writing process.

Besides that excellent work! I look foward to more!


you very much
If a tree would fall in the woods.....would the other trees laugh at it?
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Old 12-18-2008, 11:00 PM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CommanderQ View Post
Excellent next chapter, Kado! Very good indeed! Well, once again not much for me to correct on but there are a few things. Check your grammar again, PROOFREAD. That is very important during the writing process.

Besides that excellent work! I look foward to more!
I do proofread.

I couldn't find any grammatical errors. Anyways, here's another chapter.
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Old 12-18-2008, 11:01 PM   #44
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Chapter 10 released!

Chapter 10

Cadran and Asha'ri emerged from the shady cantina half an hour later burdened with weaponry and datapads. They hailed a speeder and arrived back at the landing pad where the Telravin Star was waiting patiently. They carried their supplies onto the ship and Asha'ri packed them into the cargo hold, while Cadran stood at the base of the exit ramp waiting for Teg to arrive.

An hour later, Cadran was woken from his revere by the roar of speeder engines and blaster fire. Drawing his rifle, he emerged from the overhang and began to sprint to the end of the pad. Seconds later, a military speeder emerged from around a corner, closely followed by two more, and crashed onto the pad. As the speeder skidded to a halt, a Human and a Gotal jumped out of the speeder and sprinted for the ship. As the two dodged blaster fire from their attackers, Cadran took aim with his pistol and began shooting.

"Asha'ri! Get the ship prepped for launch, NOW!" he screamed into his comm.

As he said this, the human was hit in the leg by the blaster fire. He screamed, and Teg turned and scooped him up as more shots hit the ground where the mans body had just been. Reaching the ramp, he screamed for Cadran to get inside.

Sprinting to the cockpit, Cadran took over the controls from Asha'ri who scooted into the co-pilots chair. The ship lifted off and left the atmosphere closely persued by 6 TIE fighters.

"Teg, take over for me. I'll take care of the fighters." he said as he stood up and ran for the gunwell. Climbing the ladder until the gravity took over, he dropped into the quad cannon control chair, and attached his headset. Warming up the lasers, he shouted, "Set the coordinates for Telravin, Teg."

Swiveling around, he blasted the first two fighters for they could realize what was happening. The other fighters quickly noticed that the ship only had a cannon on top, and began to attack from the bottom.

"Teg, we're going to have to perform an Delven Swivel."

"Yes, sir!" Tegs static-filled response came through the comm.

Immediately the ship began to corkscrew. Cadran shot twice in mid-loop and both shots hit his targets, completing the spin, Cadran fired twice more at the ships above him and both exploded into clouds of plasmic gases.

Sporadic whooping was coming through the comm from the cockpit, and Cadran disconnected and slid down the ladder. Walking into the cockpit, the bright streaks of hyperspace we're a welcome sight after the battle.

Tegs enormous hand clapped him in the back and Asha'ri smiled at him.

"That was quite some flying." said the man in the rear seat of the cockpit.

Now that Cadran got a look at the mans face, he noticed that he was a good looking middle aged man, probably in his early thirties.

Still staring the man in the face, Cadran asked, "Teg, would you like to introduce me to our guest?"

Tegs face was split by a large grin. "Cadran, meet Tertian Col."

Sticking out his hand, Cadran said, "nice to meet you, Tertian, my name's Cadran."

Shaking his hand, Tertian said, "I hear you're seeking out the Rebels."

"Yes." Cadran replied. "I don't suppose you can tell us where they are. Thats about the only reason I can see for Teg rescuing you."

"I can do better. I can take you too them."
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Old 12-18-2008, 11:37 PM   #45
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Well, excellent next chapter, Kado! No corrections as of now! Well, I look forward to the next chapter!


you very much
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Old 12-19-2008, 12:33 AM   #46
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Well, excellent next chapter, Kado! No corrections as of now! Well, I look forward to the next chapter!
no corrections? well there's a first time for everything.

New chapter will be out tomorrow or later tonight. Haven't decided if I'm going to write anymore tonight. |-)
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Old 12-20-2008, 02:55 AM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kado Sunrider
An hour later, Cadran was woken from his revere
*reverie

Quote:
where the mans
*man's

Quote:
eft the atmosphere closely persued by 6 TIE fighters.
*pursued

Quote:
Tegs enormous hand clapped him
*Teg's

Quote:
I can take you too them.
*to

Just a quick run-through to point out that you shouldn't slack off the proofreading!



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
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Old 12-21-2008, 12:41 AM   #48
Kado Sunrider
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bee Hoon View Post
*reverie

*man's

*pursued

*Teg's

*to

Just a quick run-through to point out that you shouldn't slack off the proofreading!
DOH!

How come whenever I don't put an apostrophe, I need one and whenever I put one I don't!
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