lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: (FIC)Kotor 2: The Good ending
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 03-08-2006, 09:40 AM   #1
pokejedi123
Rookie
 
pokejedi123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Estonia
Posts: 172
(FIC)Kotor 2: The Good ending

ok i published the same thing on Kotorfanmedia.com.this is the ending that makes the Original ending and mixes it with a new ending:

Few hours later after the Jedi Council was stunned by Kreia a Jedi walked in."Dammit Korna,what have you done.""Oh,wait.......That was the work of a Sith.Maybe its Kreia."The Talker was Timmy Marong,one of the final Living Jedi."I better Go to Trayus core."Marong taked his ship and Flyed to Trayus Core."Oh god,The EH Crew.Damn You,Traya!!!!!"I better get them back to health".After getting the crew back to health,Marong left a letter to the exile.Then when Bao Dur waked up,he talked with him a little and Marong flyed to Dantoiine Jedi Temple.Then he left a note to the Jedi Council.It said:"Hi this is me,Jedi Master Timmy Marong.You will remember me.The Ebon Hawk crew is back to health,when the exile comes back with Atton Rand,she will be suprised,but i have left her a note.Sincerly yours.Master Timmy Marong. Then he flew to Alderaan Station 9.When the exile returned,he was suprised to find the crew healthy.Then Bao dur gave her a letter:Hiya Korna,remeber me?No,well Its Me,Timmy Marong.I were a soldier back at the Mandalorian Wars....but i was an exiled jedi master....say hello to atton for me ,eh?ok.......if you find revan,can you give him..the jedi part of his memory...bya..theExile smiled,and then the exile and the other guys flyed away to search Revan...

tehn endah!!!!
(Timmy Marong is my charater that i created)
(Korna Kidra Was My Exile on K2)

Edit:Fixed(stupid me.Thx for the heads up.)


Last edited by pokejedi123; 05-26-2006 at 06:33 AM.
pokejedi123 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-08-2006, 10:27 AM   #2
Meatbag
Rookie
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Citadel Station, Entertainment Module 081
Posts: 164
Slow down. It is faaaar too rushed, don't write so fast and muddled, I have no idea what's going on. Don't try to write as fast as you think.
GRAMMAR
SPELLING
Meatbag is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-08-2006, 10:47 AM   #3
gandiva
Rookie
 
gandiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Heart of Gold
Posts: 75
I think you should rewrite that ending. It's full of run-on sentences and well... yes... I agree with Meatbag: bad grammar. Maybe if you fiix it up, people might understand what's happening.


Please visit Ninjai.com! It's an amazing Flash Animation Story about a little Ninja!

www.ninjai.com
gandiva is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-08-2006, 11:25 AM   #4
JediMaster12
Dum Spiramus Tuebimur
 
JediMaster12's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Buried in books...literally
Posts: 5,910
Current Game: Assassin's Creed
LFN Staff Member Veteran Fan Fic Author Contest winner - Fan Fiction Forum Veteran 
I agree. You show slow down and give more detail. It doesn't hurt to describe feelings or what one character sees. I brings a more vivid picture into the mind. Writing is like trying to describe the scenery to a blind person, you have to include things that one would normally see visually. Take that into mind because I got a jumble of images but no clear direction as to where it is heading when I read it. The idea is good but you need to bring it out more.

JediMaster12 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-08-2006, 11:44 PM   #5
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,911
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
I'm always up for a happy ending.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-10-2006, 06:00 PM   #6
cookie12
Rookie
 
cookie12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 18
it was alrite besides the grammer and the mush
cookie12 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-12-2006, 02:29 AM   #7
JediMaster12
Dum Spiramus Tuebimur
 
JediMaster12's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Buried in books...literally
Posts: 5,910
Current Game: Assassin's Creed
LFN Staff Member Veteran Fan Fic Author Contest winner - Fan Fiction Forum Veteran 
Huh? I'm sorry what did you mean pokejedi123?

JediMaster12 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-11-2008, 02:47 PM   #8
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,799
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
read


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-23-2008, 02:13 AM   #9
Darth_Yuthura
Banned
 
Status: Banned
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Vienna
Posts: 1,585
Current Game: KOTOR III
Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli View Post
read
Huh? You seriously recommend people read this?

Or did you mean 'read' as in its past tense?
Darth_Yuthura is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 12-23-2008, 11:22 AM   #10
Bee Hoon
ngom ngom ngom
 
Bee Hoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sydney
Posts: 1,268
Forum Veteran Veteran Fan Fic Author LFN Staff Member Helpful! 
Mach is going through old fics which may have been missed in his reviews. So yes, it is read in past tense, as this is how he is keeping track of the ones he has read.



The sun goes down and the sky reddens, pain grows sharp.
light dwindles. Then is evening
when jasmine flowers open, the deluded say.
But evening is the great brightening dawn
when crested cocks crow all through the tall city
and evening is the whole day
for those without their lovers

-Kuruntokai 234, translated by A.K. Ramanujan

[Fic] Shreds of a Dying Belief
Bee Hoon is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Knights of the Old Republic > Community > Coruscant Entertainment Centre > (FIC)Kotor 2: The Good ending

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:54 AM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.