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Old 12-25-2008, 02:16 AM   #121
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Excellent action scenes mach. Outstanding! Very entertaining chapter, I could see the Mandos spraying blaster bolts on the Republic, clad in their armor. Again, great job!

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Old 12-25-2008, 08:03 PM   #122
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Captain Dono wanted to scream as his pad brought up the carnage. The damn Mandalorian scum had lost over 80 percent of their original force in the initial landing, and almost 90 percent before they had even struck here, yet nothing seemed to stop them! While a large portion of their remaining men had broken into the bunker six; only six had inflicted over 400 hundred casualties on his entrenched forces out here! Two of them armed with swords had gotten in amongst their attackers and between friendly fire and manic swordsmanship had killed almost fifty!

Now Commandant Roykirk was screaming for support, and all he had was one hundred effectives and about 90 wounded.

No help for it.

He began shouting orders. It was interrupted when someone screamed that something was coming down from orbit fast. Dono looked up, not knowing that it was already too late for him and his troops.

Roykirk flinched as the door into the corridor exploded inward, shrapnel from the explosion ripping through his guard. For a moment, there was silence, then a figure in green armor walked in.

“You’ve lost!” Roykirk screamed. “The galaxy will know of your treachery even if I die!”

The figure stopped, the remainder of the Mando, all eleven of them stepped in behind their leader. Merisa removed her helmet, her eyes cold, her grin something you would expect from a predator. “Zakal wasn’t just some woman in a hover chair, you Di’Kut.” She held up a small circuit board. “When it came to improvisation, she was a genius. She was also one of my best friends.” She keyed the small hand made recording pad. Roykirk listened in horror as every meeting he had with the woman was shown in full holographic glory.

“Wait! I’ll admit it all! I’ll testify! It was Provost Marshall Danzik, it was all his idea!”

“Among my people those who have sinned so greatly will fall on their swords. So their shame is expiated by their deaths.”

“I didn’t bring a sword.”

Merisa drew her sword. “I did.”

“I won’t pander to your barbaric customs.”

“Then you would rather be put down like a rabid animal?” She shrugged “As you will.”

“You can’t-”

“Can’t what?” She asked coolly as she stalked forward. “Gain revenge for a friend, a mother and a husband? Kill a prisoner as you have already done? And for what? A propaganda ploy? At least I will do it to honor their memory.” The man backed away, finally coming up against a wall. His hands came up, and her own hand fingers in a cone, snapped into his solar plexus.

His back slammed into the wall, and then he started to collapse forward to his knees. As he did she spun like a dancer, the blade rotating into an underhand grip as if it were a knife, her own knee hitting the floor, the hilt jammed firmly against floor as he fell forward onto the blade.

He screamed as it punched in under the sternum, and he arrested his fall with his hands. “P-please!” He begged.

“Unlike you, none of them pleaded, did they?” Merisa’s hand rested almost gently on his neck, then it drove down like a pile driver, shoving him completely down on the blade.

She stood, looking at him as the bunker shuddered. She looked up, then at the others.

They walked out. Almost 100 men, all with the shoulder flashes of Roykirk’s personal guard had been in the bunker. Now it was a tomb.

Outside, was crowded as a dozen Basilisks drifted over, blasting anything that moved. Off in the distance toward the camp the survivors could see assault craft landing. Off about five kilometers further on Basilisks were targeting vehicles Sange’s men had marked.

Merisa sighed, kneeling near the door. Sange had almost made it to the door, she had not even noticed his absence until they had reached Roykirk. Around her the others moved among their own death, stripping off armor to return to their families. She touched that beloved face, then lifted the pauldron from his armor.

A person came up behind her, and she looked up. For the first time in a long time she leaped into someone’s arms as she cried about her mother and friends in her brother’s arms.

*****

“Nothing alive.” Admiral Dodonna commented as her ships moved toward the planet. There was scattered wreckage from a fierce battle. All attempts at communication had so far-”

“Admiral, a repeating beacon in orbit.” The communications officer reported.

“Send it to my monitor. Record for analysis.”

The first part was confusing, visions of spinning a brief shot of a ship pulling away with her cargo bay open. Among the debris… She froze the image and leaned forward, Mandalorians in armor in stealth drop configuration. Then it steadied, with the camp at Sooribor in the center of the field of view. Blips enhanced by IFF showed the troops dropping silently from orbit. Then suddenly they were under fire with enough heavy weapons to give a division pause.

Somehow some of them survived. On the screen she caught sight of movement, and froze it again. These had no Mandalorian IFF. She pursed her lips, bringing up the resolution. Not Mandalorian design. They looked like Mastiff class assault speeders. Republic issue.

She watched as the speeders arrived at the camp, beads of men in armor with Mandalorian IFF dropped out, and aimed into the camp. They opened fire, slaughtering the prisoners and their Republic guards, then moved through to make sure everyone was dead before getting back into the vehicles to head off not to join the others, but to head…

A bunker ten kilometers south of the camp. It shouldn’t be there. It was illegal to build a defensive emplacement in proximity to the camp.

The next hours were a flurry of visions. The Mandalorian landing force marching toward the camp, then breaking into two groups, one to loop up and through the camp, the other bulling on with dogged persistence not toward the camp, but toward the bunker.

They had rejoined just short of it, then fire had erupted as the forelorn hope charged the bunker. Minutes later Basilisk war-driods dropped from an orbiting vessel as another channel opened.

A woman in Mandalorian armor connected a makeshift recorder and Commandant Roykirk condemned himself and Provost Marshall Danzik as he boasted about their ploy.

She would have expected it of either officer. Both were political appointments, neither competent as trained officers, both expecting political connections to make up for that lack.

Then the scene changed. A man’s face, almost 20 years older than herself stared out of the screen.

“I am Canderous Ordo, Clan Ordo, laamyc al'verde of the Mandalorian Protectorate. The proof rests within the bunker your own people built, surrounded by those who have earned their deaths. If you have had the honor to listen to the entire presentation, you know what has happened here, and what we have done in retaliation. If you have honor, we will face you in combat, returning honor for honor.

“If you have no honor, we greet you and return that if you wish. The choice is yours.” Then it looped back to the start.

Dodonna leaned back. “Lieutenant Casha.”

“Sir?”

“You will take a shuttle down to this location.” She painted the bunker on her screen. “You will proceed to the command center of that bunker. There is a hand made recorder there. You will bring it back to me in a sealed bag.” She looked at the young man mildly but something about that look drove a spike of fear through the younger man. “If I receive it damaged or changed in any way, you will suffer, because I already know what is on it.

“Do I make myself clear, Casha?”

“Uh, yes Admiral.”

Three hours later, Admiral Dodonna had watched the entire holorecord in the original, right down to the time stamp. As much as she wanted to say otherwise, Dodonna had to admit the honor in this situation belonged to the enemy. She went back to the bridge, and signaled communications to set up a holonet call to Coruscant.

The first face she saw caused her to want to reach across the net and rip his throat out. Provost Marshall Danzik glared at her as he snapped. “Report, Admiral!”

“Provost Marshall, get off my screen.”

“Admiral-”

“Danzik, I know what you have ordered. Either get off my screen or I will call back, directing this to the Chancellor!”

The call died, and she smiled. As threatened, the next call went to the Chancellor’s office.

*****

Now

Merisa finished the tihaar. Her brother’s eyes were dim with unshed tears. She looked at the others. Except for Manda’lor and the Republic commander, all were thinking of what had happened.

“What happened to Provost Marshall Danzik?” One of the children asked. Zakal, who had lived up to her namesake.

“We knew he would never get close enough for us to give him his due.” Merisa replied. “So we placed a bounty on him large enough to buy three ships like our guests arrived in. It took less than month before he was killed.”
“Good.” The girl snarled.

Just as an aside, I have a achieved a record here. This work has an average of 20 hits a day. Better than anything else I have done.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 12-25-2008 at 09:52 PM.
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Old 12-26-2008, 12:59 AM   #123
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This great mach, your works continues to impress me. I really don't know what else to say, other than it was nothing short of great. This, was my favorite part in this chapter:

“Can’t what?” She asked coolly as she stalked forward. “Gain revenge for a friend, a mother and a husband? Kill a prisoner as you have already done? And for what? A propaganda ploy? At least I will do it to honor their memory.” The man backed away, finally coming up against a wall. His hands came up, and her own hand fingers in a cone, snapped into his solar plexus.

His back slammed into the wall, and then he started to collapse forward to his knees. As he did she spun like a dancer, the blade rotating into an underhand grip as if it were a knife, her own knee hitting the floor, the hilt jammed firmly against floor as he fell forward onto the blade."


She spun like a dancer. I like it, and would like to say that the last paragraph that I quoted is quite similar to a homeric simile.

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Old 12-27-2008, 12:23 AM   #124
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Danika sighed, and Merisa looked at her. “It seems perhaps you have a story as well, Mand’alor.”

The younger woman poured a cup of her own full of tihaar. “I will tell of betrayal revealed, and the aftermath. Everyone wonders how I was able to convince those that followed me, 1500 Jedi marching to war.

“Every war has it’s battle cry, ours was ‘Remember Sooribor’.” She smiled mirthlessly. “We came into the war because of a lie. Over a thousand of those I brought died with that lie on their lips. A lie not revealed to me until Mando-Yaim.”

****

Four years earlier.

The Republic fleet came out of hyper space on the edge of the Mandalorian system. Revan stood on the bridge of her flagship, Tik Harvest Moon. She had not believed the name at first; A warship named after a fruit grown on one little insignificant planet in the Mid-Rim. Ah the wonder of political payoffs she considered. The only reason she had picked the ship was because she was the newest ship, needing the firmest hand. She listened silently to the reports. Twenty-seven ships, most still damaged at the victory at Malachor V. Facing over five hundred fresh ships.

She wanted to snort. Victory. Almost 700 Mandalorian ships dead, over 400 of our own in a debacle with all the grace of a tavern brawl. The Republic couldn’t afford another such victory.

They would fight if she merely went forward. Outnumbered outgunned, they would fight and die. In space, and on the ground. Men, women, even children. Part of her early in the war would have wanted it. Some wag in the Senate had said, ‘When this war is over, Mandalorian would be a language spoken only by the dead’.

She had learned better with the passage of time, seen the Mandalorians fight with honor, even in defeat. Seen too many of the Republic act like the monsters they painted their enemy.

Besides Marai had never hated them as much as the others had. She had spent years living among them with Master Kavar. She knew her enemy too well now to condemn them all, or paint them as monsters. She signaled the communications officer. She knew what she looked like, tall, slim, her figure swatched in red robes. “I am Revan Chadar Bai Echani. I challenge Mandalore to personal combat. Let none interfere.” The signal stopped and she waited. The challenge had to be answered, and by their own custom, could only be answered one way.

The communications officer signaled, and she replied with a wave. The man facing her was in his sixties, still hale and strong. “I am Jaral Borse, clan Krios. Mand’alor.” He said. “I will face you as honor demands. The location is being sent. One ship alone from each side will be allowed to approach. You may shuttle down yourself and your witnesses.” The com officer nodded.

“The ship will approach the site.” She ordered. “I will take four officers with me.” She handed the pad to Commander Baltar. “These four.“ Then she turned, walking through the ship.

Shuttles slipped between the ships, then Tik Harvest Moon moved. Forward. On the other side, preparations completed, the captured Coruscant Class cruiser Fondor, renamed Vikrant by her captors also moved forward.
The asteroid was huge, a dome set on one side. Vikrant slowed, and an assault shuttle launched, arcing down. As the ship moved away Tik Harvest Moon approached.

Revan watched as those she had called arrived. Admirals Karath and Dodonna, Commander Lazek, Jedi Knight Kollor. “You have been called as witnesses only.” She informed them. “This is not like a normal duel, the Mandalorians do not expect the witnesses to fight as well. Kollor, I wished you here because of all of our members, you have hated most. I want you to see how our enemy faces defeat. Admiral Dodonna, your son and daughter died at their hands. You were first at Sooribor to witness the worst the enemy could do. I wish you to witness the end of this. Admiral Karath, you have been among the fiercest of our warriors. I want you to witness the end and know that it is the end.”

“And why am I here, Fleet Admiral?” Lazek asked.

“Because I ran out of names.” She answered. The others chuckled. “Actually, Lazek, for a brief time I am appointing you governor here. You will see to dismantling the military might of our enemy. Now board, Admiral Lazek.”

She followed the others aboard. The shuttle had enough room for two score, empty with only these five. “Admiral Dodonna, if you would.” I motioned toward two of the seats near the rear, and my glare drove the others to sit further away. She nodded, strapping in and I sat beside her. I felt the shuttle lift, then slide through the permeable force-field.

“You puzzle me, Admiral. Of all our commanders, you seem to hate the enemy the least. I am not saying you are not efficient, you are an extremely efficient warrior.

“Yet when others, Karath among them have used the harshest methods in dealing with them, you never did. You spent time gathering life pods when enemy ships were destroyed, your medical staff speaks of you walking the sick berths, checking that all, not just the Republic wounded were well treated. You even slapped a doctor who used disparaging language toward them, and sent him packing with an efficiency report that landed him planet side and destroyed his career as a Naval officer permanently.

“What I want to know, is why.”

The woman sighed. “You Jedi were never told.”

“Told what?”

“The truth of Sooribor.”

“What truth?” Revan watched her. “Admiral, we are going to end this war in a few minutes. Do I have to drag the truth from you a sentence at a time?”

She handed the Jedi her pad. “The Republic did not sanction attacks in retaliation for what happened at Sorribor. The reason is was because the attack, the slaughter by the Mandalorians had been faked. A pair of ignorant fools set it up, butchered all of those prisoners and their guards as a ploy to stiffen the public’s spine. Read this.”

Revan took it, and scanned the pages, listened to the report from the Mandalorian satellite, the reports Dodonna had added.

She set it down, and in her chest she felt a chill. Almost 1400 of my fellow Jedi. All dead for a lie.

The shuttle landed, and they debarked. As was military custom, Revan was first to disembark. Across a field of grass the Mandalorian shuttle had landed. The Mandalore in his ancient armor climbed down, followed by half a dozen. She recognized only one face, the Admiral who had left the message at Sooribor. Canderous Ordo, Clan Ordo.

Revan stepped forward, her witnesses staying in a line in front of the shuttle. Mandalore walked toward her, bowing.

“I have never dueled in the Mandalorian style.” She said. “Are there any rules?”

“The last one to die wins.” He replied gruffly. Then he turned walking back toward his witnesses. She walked back, stripping off the cloak of her robe, handing it to Kollor. Then she spun, the blade a teal slash against the sunlight from the distant sun.

Mandalore drew his pistols, blaster bolts ripping toward her. She deflected them, then moved, running at an angle, forcing the man to turn to maintain his fire. She came to a wall, bouncing up and into a spiral, her blade deflecting every shot. She landed, a bolt hitting the ground before her, and she stumbled, falling, clutching her side. There was a cry from her side of the field, and she grinned. If she had fooled them…

Someone was approaching, and she rolled up, her lightsaber deflecting a shot from her attacker only ten meters away and she leaped again, foot hitting the wall somersaulting to land behind him, she swung, the blade sliding between the helmet and breastplate. Mandalore’s head and helmet fell forward as his body collapsed to it’s knees, then forward onto his chest.

She turned, looking at the warriors. “As the canons require, I have defeated Mandalore. I stand as your Mandalore now. Does any gainsay my ascension?”

The warriors knelt on one knee, eyes down. She nodded. “You will return with your ships to Mando-Yaim. There you will abandon every vessel larger than a customs boat.”

*****

Now Danika spoke in a whisper, forcing her audience to lean forward. “I felt that both of us, you and the warriors I had led, had been betrayed by those two monsters Roykirk and Danzik. But I had to go through the motions of punishing your people. That is why I ordered, as your Mand’alor, that you would have no honor until it was returned.

“In doing so I did you and your people a grave injustice. Most of your warriors fought with great honor, and I had stripped them of that with a word. I had not expected it to be so long. I was only meaning to keep it from you until I beat the Republic, until I had removed the kind of monsters who sat in the Senate and allowed the war to drag on through incompetence and favor.

“But I was ‘killed’ and reborn. The me that lives now owes your people justice for that grave dishonor. That is part of the reason I made your brother Mand’alor, Merisa. To give back what could never be taken without your allowing me to seize it. I ask him to tell them, tell those who have sunk into apathy that my last command as Mand’alor to those in this room is this; take back what is yours, and make me proud.”

The next day, the Ebon Hawk lifted off, bound for Coruscant. Merisa watched them go.

“We have our honor again mother?” Kiara asked.

“What she meant was we had never lost it, only forgotten that we had it for a time.” Merisa smiled gently. “So like Zakal she is. Now about that contract you have taken…”


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 12-27-2008 at 02:17 AM.
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Old 12-27-2008, 12:40 AM   #125
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Interesting turn of events. You really portrayed Revan's personality well in this chapter. You showed her as someone that is confident, knowledgable, and a great leader. Looking forward to the next installment!

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Old 12-27-2008, 12:49 AM   #126
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A nice chapter, Mach, however, as I read, I discovered a discrepancy in the Point of View (moving from third person to first person): at first, when Revan's tale is being told, it is in third person, however, several sections (the following, specifically) are in first person:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mach
I watched her. “Admiral, we are going to end this war in a few minutes. Do I have to drag the truth from you a sentence at a time?”

She handed me her pad. “The Republic did not sanction attacks in retaliation for what happened at Sorribor. The reason is was because the attack, the slaughter by the Mandalorians had been faked. A pair of ignorant fools set it up, butchered all of those prisoners and their guards as a ploy to stiffen the public’s spine. Read this.”

I took it, and scanned the pages, listened to the report from the Mandalorian satellite, the reports Dodonna had added.

I set it down, and in my chest I felt a chill. Almost 1400 of my fellow Jedi. All dead for a lie.

The shuttle landed, and we debarked. As was military custom, I was first to disembark. Across a field of grass the Mandalorian shuttle had landed. The Mandalore in his ancient armor climbed down, followed by half a dozen. I recognized only one face, the Admiral who had left the message at Sooribor. Canderous Ordo, Clan Ordo.
In the sentences both before and after, third person is used. Just wanted to bring that to your attention.

At any rate, I enjoyed the chapter very much, including the duel with Mandalore and Revan. I wonder, however, why Mandalore would use pistols against Revan? Also, the 'restoration' of the Mandalorian honor that was 'stripped' with their defeat was an interesting twist, and one that fits the personality of Revan (in my view, at least).
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Old 12-27-2008, 02:20 AM   #127
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A nice chapter, Mach, however, as I read, I discovered a discrepancy in the Point of View (moving from third person to first person): at first, when Revan's tale is being told, it is in third person, however, several sections (the following, specifically) are in first person:



In the sentences both before and after, third person is used. Just wanted to bring that to your attention.

At any rate, I enjoyed the chapter very much, including the duel with Mandalore and Revan. I wonder, however, why Mandalore would use pistols against Revan? Also, the 'restoration' of the Mandalorian honor that was 'stripped' with their defeat was an interesting twist, and one that fits the personality of Revan (in my view, at least).
Corrected and thanks

As for giving them back their honor, if you have read my KOTOR novel, you will know that is exactly what my Revan did on the Rakata homeworld during the awards ceremony.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-28-2008, 05:19 PM   #128
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Interesting turn of events. You really portrayed Revan's personality well in this chapter. You showed her as someone that is confident, knowledgable, and a great leader. Looking forward to the next installment!
I had actually thought of ending this here...

Am I going to get more threats if I stop?


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-28-2008, 05:38 PM   #129
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Am I going to get more threats if I stop?
Of course.

Your choice really, either way is fine with me.

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Old 12-28-2008, 05:54 PM   #130
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All right, if threats are possible I will agree if five new people complain


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-28-2008, 06:28 PM   #131
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No, that's not fair! [/fan]

Either choice is fine with me, Mach: it's your story, and, at any rate, I've loved it. If it were up to me, I'd attempt to pursue writing a history of the Mandalorians, or another people, it seems. If not the Mandalorians, the Galaxy is full billions of planets, a good portion of which sustain life. Take your pick, and make something new!
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Old 12-28-2008, 07:50 PM   #132
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No, that's not fair! [/fan]
to Quote David Bowie from Labyrinth, I'd like to know what yu're using for a basis for comparison.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 12-28-2008, 08:06 PM   #133
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This isn't a complaint; I think you've wrapped up this story pretty well as it is. If it were your intent to finish the story where it stands... then that is exactly what you should do. The more story you add, the more it detracts from the quality unless you want to continue writing.

For me, Shrouded in Darkness hasn't yet covered certain objectives I still want it to, which is why it goes on. It's at a point where I COULD bring it to a conclusion, but I always intended for more story to be told.

If this story has reached its intended end, then anything else would detract from the quality. If you want it to progress even further, then do so; otherwise this is a very decent conclusion as it stands.
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Old 12-28-2008, 08:19 PM   #134
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This isn't a complaint; I think you've wrapped up this story pretty well as it is. If it were your intent to finish the story where it stands... then that is exactly what you should do. The more story you add, the more it detracts from the quality unless you want to continue writing.

For me, Shrouded in Darkness hasn't yet covered certain objectives I still want it to, which is why it goes on. It's at a point where I COULD bring it to a conclusion, but I always intended for more story to be told.

If this story has reached its intended end, then anything else would detract from the quality. If you want it to progress even further, then do so; otherwise this is a very decent conclusion as it stands.
I don't know... I haven't had people demanding more of my work like this in years. So I'll leave it as I said. If we get five people who did not comment earlier asking for more I will continue. Part of what was happening during the interim before the return of the Exile is trying to write itself.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
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Old 12-28-2008, 11:48 PM   #135
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Why 5 people?

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Old 12-28-2008, 11:55 PM   #136
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Why 5 people?
last was four.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

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Old 12-29-2008, 12:02 AM   #137
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Fair enough.

Hopefully more people make some comments.

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Old 12-29-2008, 04:46 PM   #138
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Current Game: The Old Republic....what else?
*Ahem*

<fan!>
LOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT!!!!!!!!

I want MOAR! Rawr!
</fan!>

EXCELLENT set of chapters, Mach. The battles were very vivid, the emotions and confusion of that kind of a skirmish well protrayed, even the characters we hated we could connect with....excellent story. If you have thoughts on were to go to finish wrapping this up, I say put it out. I'd love to read more.

If not....it was a great sub-story in the Knights timeline.

<threat(for posterity)>
And if you do decide not to write more....I'll cry. *nods sagely*
</threat>
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Old 12-29-2008, 06:14 PM   #139
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*Ahem*

<fan!>
LOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT!!!!!!!!

I want MOAR! Rawr!
</fan!>

EXCELLENT set of chapters, Mach. The battles were very vivid, the emotions and confusion of that kind of a skirmish well protrayed, even the characters we hated we could connect with....excellent story. If you have thoughts on were to go to finish wrapping this up, I say put it out. I'd love to read more.

If not....it was a great sub-story in the Knights timeline.

<threat(for posterity)>
And if you do decide not to write more....I'll cry. *nods sagely*
</threat>
All right, that's one, and you only count because you only made one previous comment.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:16 PM   #140
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Interesting turn of events. You really portrayed Revan's personality well in this chapter. You showed her as someone that is confident, knowledgable, and a great leader. Looking forward to the next installment!
The Senatorial comment hearkened back to a comment made by Willam 'Bull' Halsey who is it is said commented 'When this war is over Japanese will only be spoken by the dead'.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:32 PM   #141
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Well we all know that Japanese is still spoken.

Interesting roots

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Old 12-30-2008, 12:46 AM   #142
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Excellent next chapter, Mach!! You have shaped the characters and plot so much so that I can draw similarities to other historical events and how they repeat in Human nature. Excellent work, Mach! I look forward to more!

Now, for my fanlike threats.....


{fan}POST SOON! OR WE WILL SHOWER YOU WITH BAD REVIEWS, RAAHH!! {fan}

Excellent work!


you very much
If a tree would fall in the woods.....would the other trees laugh at it?
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Old 12-30-2008, 01:02 AM   #143
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Excellent next chapter, Mach!! You have shaped the characters and plot so much so that I can draw similarities to other historical events and how they repeat in Human nature. Excellent work, Mach! I look forward to more!

Now, for my fanlike threats.....


{fan}POST SOON! OR WE WILL SHOWER YOU WITH BAD REVIEWS, RAAHH!! {fan}

Excellent work!

Sorry Commander, I said 5 new, and unfortunately you don't count.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
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Old 12-30-2008, 01:34 AM   #144
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Aw well...what can I be then? The other newspaper critic? Well, I'll read anyways


you very much
If a tree would fall in the woods.....would the other trees laugh at it?
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Old 12-30-2008, 11:01 AM   #145
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Aw well...what can I be then? The other newspaper critic? Well, I'll read anyways
Sorry, Commander. I said five new. The one vote I did count only commented once. I'm trying to get the lurkers off the fence this once


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
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Old 12-30-2008, 11:27 AM   #146
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I'm a lurker? Okay, so be it....


you very much
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Old 12-30-2008, 12:35 PM   #147
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I'm a lurker? Okay, so be it....
If you were a lurker, the vote would have counted. You've read and commented on every section so far.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
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Old 12-30-2008, 10:44 PM   #148
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*Breaks into wild applause* mach, if this doesn't get picked for the 2008 Readers' Choice Awards, I'll eat my hat. I think that final chapter was the best one yet, the most intense in terms of psychological impact. My jaw hit the floor when I realized the rationale behind Sooribor, and it just goes to show you what some people will do in order to achieve their own ends and purposes. As for whether you continue this, I will leave that up to you to decide, but I think this serves as either a great ending or great transition...
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Old 12-30-2008, 11:22 PM   #149
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*Breaks into wild applause* mach, if this doesn't get picked for the 2008 Readers' Choice Awards, I'll eat my hat. I think that final chapter was the best one yet, the most intense in terms of psychological impact. My jaw hit the floor when I realized the rationale behind Sooribor, and it just goes to show you what some people will do in order to achieve their own ends and purposes. As for whether you continue this, I will leave that up to you to decide, but I think this serves as either a great ending or great transition...

Thanks Tys. The only thing that bothered me was I couldn't think of a way to save Zakal.

I hadn't considered getting an award. I only got one for my pre-Republic work a couple of years ago.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

Last edited by machievelli; 12-31-2008 at 12:42 PM.
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