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Old 04-08-2006, 03:24 AM   #1
pokejedi123
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(FIC) Thestory of Timmy Marong

hi im starting this fic all over since someone destroyed the original thread


THE STORY OF TIMMY MARONG

BY

TARVI HIRV (POKEJEDI123)

1 PART

MARONGS LIFE



At Republic Station 9 orbiting Alderaan, a soldier named Marong waked up because of a beeping.”Ouch.What is that beeping?” It was the Station manager. ”Hey,we need you at the Crazy Juma Cantina.””Got it,Boss”Marong said as he putted his suit on.”Dammit,its another one those patrols days.” Marong thinked when he walked to his Cosmic Speeder Bike IT 40001-TO.He drived to the Crazy Juma Cantina and as he was right,he was going to patrol.” Hey Marong,you and Mike will be patrolling,cya.””Bya,Chief.”Marong said when the chief walked out.”damn,Where Mike is”Marong thinked.”Hi,marong,well lets go.”They walkedalong the city road and the saw a criminal.”Mike,BLAST HIM!!!”
Mike blasted that criminal.”Good Job,Mike,go back to the station and get the credit.Il come back later.”Mike taked the Criminal and dragged him to the speeder and flyed to the station.”



End Of 1 Part

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Old 04-08-2006, 01:43 PM   #2
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Well, to be honest, this really needs a lot of work. Your grammar is horrible, and the story is impossible to follow. I recommend you think over your story a bit more first.

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Old 04-08-2006, 01:46 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alkonium
Well, to be honest, this really needs a lot of work. Your grammar is horrible, and the story is impossible to follow. I recommend you think over your story a bit more first.
Quoted for emphasis.


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Old 04-08-2006, 01:49 PM   #4
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Your format is all over the place, as well. When a new person speaks, you have to start a new paragraph. Otherwise, it's impossible to follow.
As Alkonium said, your grammar is atrocious, and your spelling is off a little, too.
I do have one question, and please, do not be offended: Is English your second language? It seems as this was written in another language, and then badly translated. Things like 'putted' and 'waked' are mistakes that anyone speaking English as a first language should not make.

I find it hard to believe that the thread was 'destroyed'. It was most likely lost in a database error. If it was destroyed... well, I won't speculate.
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Old 04-08-2006, 01:53 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Doctor
Your format is all over the place, as well. When a new person speaks, you have to start a new paragraph. Otherwise, it's impossible to follow.
As Alkonium said, your grammar is atrocious, and your spelling is off a little, too.
I do have one question, and please, do not be offended: Is English your second language? It seems as this was written in another language, and then badly translated. Things like 'putted' and 'waked' are mistakes that anyone speaking English as a first language should not make.

I find it hard to believe that the thread was 'destroyed'. It was most likely lost in a database error. If it was destroyed... well, I won't speculate.
I think he is actually 11 years old, but still, I had better grammar and spelling then that at 11...


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Old 04-08-2006, 11:37 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reclaimer
I think he is actually 11 years old, but still, I had better grammar and spelling then that at 11...
Well, for an 11 year old whose primary language is likely Estonian (per his website profile), it's pretty good English.
I didn't even begin learning a second language til I was 12 or 13.


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Old 07-03-2006, 06:17 AM   #7
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im re-writing the original story now.

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Old 01-01-2009, 12:39 PM   #8
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