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Old 08-25-2009, 03:19 PM   #1
Godric Volturi
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Mandalore Wars: The Four Jedi Generals

STAR WARS
THE JEDI CRUSADE


The Republic is in great turmoil, the Mandalorians have decided to get their revenge on the Republic for breaking apart the clans during the Sith War with Exar Kun. The few Massassi that remained, joined the Mandalorians in their attacks upon the Republic. Darkness is quickly spreading upon the Outer Rim, as the Mandalorians start their conquest for the Rim Worlds.

As the planet, Cathar and Onderon are stormed by Mandalorians, panic grips at the heart of the Outer Rim World. All fear that Taris will be the next victim to fall prey to the Mandalorian threat... Taris that is the Courscant of the Outer Rim. The Mandalorians have set their sights on their next quest for domination, Telos.

The Republic has requested that the Jedi intervene and help them to defeat the Mandalorian threat. The Council, however, remembers the war against Exar Kun and how it greatly diminished their numbers. They refused to join the Republic. The Jedi Knight, Revan and three of his friends, have not heard exactly what has happened, however Revan already plans to start a Great Crusade to aid the Republic...



Chapter 1: The questioning of the Jedi Council

Darkness shrouded the walls on Dantooine. The Jedi’s sacred halls were defiled by the Sith Artifact that the Jedi had taken and thrown into the archive room on Dantooine, but all the padawans and Knights alike could feel the dark power emanating from the room, echoes bounced across the hallway.

One particular Jedi Knight smiled at his three friends as he left the safety of the Council’s chambers. “Revan… wait. You can’t go, you shouldn’t be doing this… it is wrong.” A soft alto voice rang out to the Jedi Knight.

Revan turned around and smiled yet again. “Oh, my dear Semala, don’t you realize that this is the reason the Jedi Masters have brought the Sith Artifact here? They want to test us, to see which of us can resist the call of the Darkside the strongest that has to be it. There would be no other reason for them to have brought it here.” He spoke, in a quiet baritone voice. His midnight blue eyes searched through Semala Regis’ soft gray eyes.

She nodded slightly and drifted back behind the 6’3” man that she loved to death, Ashnan Corri. His sheer size kept the small Jedi Knight from view. He turned around and smiled at her, his perfect white teeth glistening in the soft glow of the Enclave’s lights. His vibrant green eyes glowed off the reflection of his teeth. His pale skin was absolutely perfect in her mind. Semala hid behind her midnight black hair, blushing darkly. She had absolutely beautiful olive toned skin.

Revan looked over at his friend, Alek, and smirked. “I believe it is time that I go now… I will be back shortly.”

Alek’s super pale head nodded slowly. “As you wish, Revan.” His soft brown eyes searched his friend for the reason that Revan was going to seek out the Sith Artifact, but he couldn’t find it. Alek turned his attention back to the other two Jedi Knights and cleared his throat.

Semala and Ashnan both looked over at their friend. “Yes, what is it?” They asked, in perfect unison and then grinned widely. Ashnan gently slid Semala’s hair out of her face.

“There is something off about Revan, perhaps it is just that the Council has refused to become involved in the Mandalorian Wars, perhaps it is something else, I do not know.” Alek said, quietly.

Both Semala and Ashnan nodded. “We know Alek. But the Council is wise to stay out of the Mandalorian wars, what would happen if we went and joined the war and then gave into our baser emotions… we became as obsessed with battle as the Mandalorians are? We would fall prey to the Darkside.” Ashnan said, quietly.

“Perhaps, though don’t you think it is wrong that the Jedi stay passive until the Mandalorian raids reach the core planets?” Alek asked, louder.

“I do think that it is wrong that the Mandalorians are attacking, but I also can tell you that we do not wish to get in another war… look at what happened when we fought Exar Kun and Ulic Qel-Droma… our forces have been depleted… how many more would we lose to the Mandalorian Wars? Many more. We need to stay here and plan our next course of action, which the Council has so wisely seen.”

Alek growled and force pushed Ashnan against the wall. Ashnan yelped in surprise and broke Alek’s force connection against him and shot the man with lightning. He only did it, to prove to Alek that his affinity was still stronger, so in force powers, Alek would have to leave him alone. “Don’t do that again… do you not think that the Council will wipe your memories and you’ll have to go through training again, if they believe that you are evil and cannot be saved any other way? Using force powers against a fellow Jedi, out of training or self defense, is strictly prohibited. Perhaps the Council was too quick to pass you to Knighthood, Alek.” A soft bass voice came from down the hall. The three friends looked down the hall to see Jedi Master Rig Helio walking towards them. All three nodded at him and looked at each other… then the master noticed that something was off. “Where is Revan?” He asked, alarmed.

“Ummm… he claims that Master Vandar has given him access to the Sith Holocron. He wishes to see what it is that the Dark Lords find so interesting about Sith Magicks.” Ashnan said, quietly.

Master Helio nodded slightly, afraid of what might happen. Revan was possibly the strongest with a force connection at the enclave… though Ashnan might possibly have a stronger connection, no one really knew, because Ashnan always held himself back, while the others tried to release their full potential. “I see… however it is late and you three should be in your rooms…”

“We know, Master Helio, but we were really hoping to see what Revan said about the ordeal.” Alek muttered quietly.

“Alright, fine. Alek and Ashnan, you have permission to remain, as for you Semala, I really need your help with something down at the training complex.” Helio said, softly.

The three friends looked at each other, but Semala left with Helio. Alek looked at Ashnan and smirked. “Well, well, well… mister I have a strong affinity to the Force.”

Ashnan rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Squint.”

Alek’s nose flared up, but he made not another remark to Ashnan… they were only ‘friends’ because of Revan. If Revan and Ashnan hadn’t been compared to each other, then they would never have met. Ashnan kneeled down on both knees and began meditating, while Alek just stared at the wall. Hours slowly crept by as Revan remained in the Archives. Then finally, just before daybreak, a severely weakened Revan stumbled out of the Archive room. Revan’s eyes had gained a few yellow specs in them over the course of the night and that’s when Ashnan became very weary of his friend.

“Revan… what happened in there?” Ashnan asked, quietly, fearing that he knew the answer.

“S-Sith artifact… s-st-strong conn-connection to the d-d-darkside.” Revan stammered. “N-nearly con-consumed me.”

Ashnan’s eyes darted to the pouch at Revan’s waist, next to his lightsaber. “Revan! You can’t take that out of the Archive room! Put it back!” He shrieked, noticing the faint lines of a triangular holocron. “Exar Kun is not to be trifled with… the Council-“

“Oh who cares about the Council… they care not for the Outer Rim planets.” Alek said, feeding his hatred towards the Mandalorians. Though, whether or not that was because of the holocron, Ashnan knew not.


“You don’t mean that Alek… the Council is our leader. We must tread carefully with this. Revan… you must return the holocron to the archives before we get in trouble… please.” Ashnan murmured softly.

Revan nodded, his shaggy black hair falling down into his eyes. Only then did Ashnan realize that Revan’s slightly tanned skin was stained by sweat and… blood? Ashnan remained quiet on the subject, but he knew Revan had noticed that Ashnan had seen. “I will go return it now.” He mumbled and stumbled back out to the Dantooine Archives.

Godric Volturi has requested a fanfic review for this thread.

Wants to post something epically amazing here... will work on that laterz.

Last edited by Godric Volturi; 08-26-2009 at 10:20 AM.
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Old 08-26-2009, 10:21 AM   #2
Godric Volturi
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Ummm... sorry if this is considered double posting, I'll fix it if it is... but...

I was wondering if maybe some moderator/admin could change the name of the thread for me... if so, I would like for the thread to be renamed The Jedi Crusade


Wants to post something epically amazing here... will work on that laterz.
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Old 08-26-2009, 10:34 AM   #3
ForeverNight
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Alright. Here's what I have to say:
  • Make sure you keep close to cannon, this story has been told several times through comic books and the like
  • Tone down the Mary Sue-ish-ness of Ashnan Corri. Definition from Wikipedia
  • Remember that Jedi are forbidden to have romantic attachments, so Semala giving the perfect Jedi exterior might feel a little bit torn between loving Ashnan and the code
  • Maybe change Ashnan's name so it isn't your own
  • NEVER PROMISE AN UPDATE SCHEDULE Not that you haven't, just giving you that warning because I've done that and gotten totally flamed because I didn't update on schedule... heck, I need to type up a 4000 word chapter for an FF of mine right now anyway.... :s
  • Try to finish the story, it's annoying for readers to have an unfinished story
  • Have Fun

Anyway, good luck with this project of yours.


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Old 08-26-2009, 10:39 AM   #4
Godric Volturi
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Haha... I actually changed my name on here to Ashnan because of the fic. :P I've had it written for a while, I've just been too lazy to release it. xD

But hehehe... thanks for the advice!

:edit:

Oh and about the Mary Sue thingy... don't worry... it is toned down in later chapters... (meaning that the second one to what I have written so far. :P )


Wants to post something epically amazing here... will work on that laterz.
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Old 08-26-2009, 10:42 AM   #5
ForeverNight
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Alright, just thought I'd give you the heads up.

As I said, good luck!


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Old 08-26-2009, 02:20 PM   #6
machievelli
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