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Old 11-14-2009, 05:48 PM   #1
MysticSpade
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Seperated

ok guys ive been a member on these forums for a long time and some of you still know me so im gonna let you in on my situation. Tuesday night my wife left me and took my 10 month old daughter with her. She apparently had been building a relationship with the 40 yr old guy on xbox live over the past few months. The past 2 months ive been selling what i could and busting my ass at work to make ends meet for us and it turns out this guy just mailed her $1000 to help her out. She put none of this money towards bilss or nothing. I overheard her tell him she loved him took the phone that i paid for called the cops and had her escorted out of my home. So now today she is on a flight from Dallas TX to Rhode Island to move in with this guy. She has NEVER met this guy only played videogames online with him. She is going for 3 weeks by herself, she comes back on Dec. 2 to spend the holidays with her family then she is taking my daughter with her.

This whole situation just confuses me because she just got on medication for her Bi-polar and post partum depression. While she was on these specific meds we were great with absolutely no problems. They switched her meds last week and we broke up a few days later.

People keep telling me that she will most likely come back to me. But after everything she has done to me i know i dont want to take her back, but i most likely would.

When i comes to our daughter the situation is difficult. She was 2 months pregnant when we got together. I raised someone elses child for almost a year, she calls me daddy. I taught her how to walk, say daddy, clap, she didnt even do that because i was letting her go to college. while i was home from work.

In short i have a lot of things running through my head and am looking for guidance/oppinions.


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Old 11-15-2009, 02:13 AM   #2
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To be honest, with the way your woman overreacted with the whole craigslist thing--I sort of saw this one coming. But no matter. That is a tough break and I'm sorry you have to put up with this.

There is a law (I think) or something to the effect of "He who acts as the father is boud to be the father". In other words, though I do not know which law this is, I do believe you have an arguable case in that you have been acting in good faith as a father. You'd have to be WILLING to argue *thoroughly* your case, however. You can almost certainly count on her trying to use that AGAINST you to get child support or alimony if she decides to leave you. She doesn't sound like a very genuine person at all--in fact almost sounds like she uses her depression/bi-polar as a crude tool to get what she wants and not have to face anyone or any issue. I have no idea how conniving she is, though.

Do some investigation--you'll be glad you did. I'm serious, this is beginning to look like a repeating trend. Do not get slack and ignore it.

Go with your instincts. If you are beginning to doubt her, now is the time to separate yourself from your attachment to her and prove you love basically what is your daughter.

Bill might be rather crude but he will be a straight shooter with you on the REALITY of situations from a legal standpoint as to whether or not you have a case. Bill Handel:
http://www.handelonthelaw.com/home/default.aspx

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Old 11-15-2009, 02:15 AM   #3
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That is absolutely horrible man. I agree with GTA... she blew up over that craigslist thing, and even though you proved you were innocent, she went behind your back and basically did the same thing she accused you of.

You deserve better than that man. Best of luck.


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Old 11-15-2009, 04:49 AM   #4
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GTA you have a very valid point. But alas lawyers arent free nor are paternity tests which is the hard part. Im trying to let her go but its hard given everything we've been through but i just cant stand by and let her take my daughter to another state to live with someone that she doesnt know at all. Sure shes visiting him for 3 weeks but that doesnt mean shes gonna find out everything that she will need to know about him in that time.


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Old 11-15-2009, 09:12 AM   #5
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All I have to say is definitely seek legal advice. This can get way out of hand if not handled.

I would imagine that there are law firms where you live that would at least speak with you / consult for free, but I would find a way to hire one. If only to protect your daughter. You have no idea who this other guy is.

I guess you could call this guy for advice, he goes on the BTLS morning shows.
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Old 11-15-2009, 11:42 AM   #6
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Beaches be scandalous. Sorry to hear that pal. Just remember to put that anger somewhere it'll be used wisely... Like possibly her sister?




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Old 11-15-2009, 09:24 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by MysticSpade View Post
GTA you have a very valid point. But alas lawyers arent free nor are paternity tests which is the hard part. Im trying to let her go but its hard given everything we've been through but i just cant stand by and let her take my daughter to another state to live with someone that she doesnt know at all. Sure shes visiting him for 3 weeks but that doesnt mean shes gonna find out everything that she will need to know about him in that time.
That is why you must prepare for the worst. Even if you think you still love her. If she's this close now--what's to say she won't gun it on full next time? You're not doing this just for you, you're doing this for your little girl.

StarWarsPhreak has made another reccomendation to another radio show giving legal advice. I know it's not free but both these sites do have stuff to help you out. But it's totally your call. You wanted help, this is the best I could offer.

At least learn your legal rights and recourse you could take.

If you do take her back, then she really needs to get serious help--this must be a condition for her to continue living with you. As a sign of good faith. Maybe check her in somewhere.

I just don't want to see you out on the street with nothing, man. I may not know you very well on these forums, but I see this happen all the time and it bothers me.
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Old 11-16-2009, 05:21 AM   #8
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If you want the kid, file for abandonment now, while she's gone. Easy. Whatever you do, consider yourself lucky to be rid of your ex. Anyone that would haul ass on their family to go play x-box is a ****ing embarrassment you don't need.


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Old 11-16-2009, 07:05 AM   #9
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that's pretty bad....women are crazy. sucks that the daughter has to go through it.


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Old 11-16-2009, 08:40 AM   #10
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If you want the kid, file for abandonment now, while she's gone. Easy. Whatever you do, consider yourself lucky to be rid of your ex. Anyone that would haul ass on their family to go play x-box is a ****ing embarrassment you don't need.
Quoted for trouth.


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Old 11-16-2009, 02:54 PM   #11
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Well, as hard as it sounds, you'll probably be better off w/o her. I'd look into the legal side of things if you wish to be the child's legal protector. As they've said above, research your options and contact a lawyer after that if you still wish to pursue the matter. I say the first part b/c this is the same gal who was ready to drop you in a flash over an alleged incident. Seems she either has been cheating on you longer than you suspected and was looking for the first excuse to cover her own infidelity or she's a verrrry jealous person. Even if things seemed ok while she was on her older prescription, she was still unfaithful by your account and apparently doesn't have the same feeling you share for her.


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Old 11-17-2009, 06:33 PM   #12
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I'm definitely in the "you're better off without her" crowd. Once you recover you'll be glad that she left. Don't ever take her back.

She seems like a real jewel.


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Old 11-17-2009, 09:48 PM   #13
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When in discussion about child custody, bring up the fact that she's trying to take an infant cross country to live in the house of a man she met over x-box live. It may not be a great standing argument, but piling it ontop of the fact that you did much of the raising will hold more ground than her simple argument of being the biological parent. I'm very sorry to hear this has happened and I can only say that you must be certain to get good counsel.

I also agree with filing the abandonment while she's gone, it will provide documentation that points toward her general disregard for the child.

Best of luck to you man, you have the support of this forum.


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Old 11-18-2009, 02:09 AM   #14
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When in discussion about child custody, bring up the fact that she's trying to take an infant cross country to live in the house of a man she met over x-box live. It may not be a great standing argument, but piling it ontop of the fact that you did much of the raising will hold more ground than her simple argument of being the biological parent. I'm very sorry to hear this has happened and I can only say that you must be certain to get good counsel.

I also agree with filing the abandonment while she's gone, it will provide documentation that points toward her general disregard for the child.

Best of luck to you man, you have the support of this forum.
Wisdom.


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Old 11-18-2009, 05:01 AM   #15
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Hey man, sorry to read this. I'd say that seeking legal counsel would be the best option. Perhaps get the input of close friends/family. I remember your thread earlier about the Craigslist nonsense, and this is just seeming shady. Something is wrong here and must be confronted.

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Old 11-18-2009, 07:17 AM   #16
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yeah me and Ash had a blowout today. Her alleged biological babies daddy contacted me and agreed to sign his rights over to me. But the downside here is i live in Texas parents cant sign over there rights here. You have to take responsibility in this state or you go to jail. Also i contacted a lawyer and i cant file abandonment because Sky is with Ash's mother being taken care of. Ash told me today that i am no longer allowed to see sky anymore which is killing me but in the end it may just be best. I just dont want her to grow up and see her baby pics and think i abandoned her. I dont want her to ever think that about me.


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Old 11-18-2009, 09:38 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CapNColostomy View Post
If you want the kid, file for abandonment now, while she's gone. Easy. Whatever you do, consider yourself lucky to be rid of your ex. Anyone that would haul ass on their family to go play x-box is a ****ing embarrassment you don't need.
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Sitherino View Post
When in discussion about child custody, bring up the fact that she's trying to take an infant cross country to live in the house of a man she met over x-box live. It may not be a great standing argument, but piling it ontop of the fact that you did much of the raising will hold more ground than her simple argument of being the biological parent. I'm very sorry to hear this has happened and I can only say that you must be certain to get good counsel.

I also agree with filing the abandonment while she's gone, it will provide documentation that points toward her general disregard for the child.

Best of luck to you man, you have the support of this forum.

This and this. You are very much in the right here and you should do all that you can to fight her so that your children aren't victimized by her actions. Good luck.

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Old 11-19-2009, 11:04 PM   #18
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Sorry to hear man. Good luck. The child should be in custody of the person that takes care of her best. I believe that would be you. Keep fighting for it.

f your wife.




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Old 11-20-2009, 12:36 PM   #19
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**** thats awful. Whatever you do man, don't let her take your daughter. She doesn't count as a mother


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Old 11-20-2009, 05:58 PM   #20
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I'm sorry to hear this man. But, you need to fight. This is unjust, as you're well-aware. Your wife sounds like she's got some serious issues - you'd be better suited as the parent.

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Old 11-20-2009, 06:28 PM   #21
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Man, this isn't right. I dunno what to tell ya if you won't fight it. I hope that if you truly do love the little girl who calls *you* daddy, that you do pick up. I know your options are between bad and worse...but still, I can't believe you're just giving up so easy. This is not right or fair. Even if she doesn't see pictures, do you really want in the future for the biological mother to lie and twist her mind? About you? About anything?

While it is your choice, you at least have a chance if you *try*--if you give up then you have NO chance.

Maybe I'm outta line saying this: if I had a daughter I loved like the way you sound like you love yours, I would do everything I could to fight to keep her. I would fight for someone I loved. If you truly do love her, you'll fight for her. ...Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:59 PM   #22
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but sadly, chances are you won't get the daughter. taking custody from the biological mother and giving the child to a non-biological parent is an extremely difficult case.

MysticSpade: I truly feel for ya bud. I recently went through a very similar situation myself. My ex wife left me for an ex con she met at the bar she worked at. It sucks. I too raised children that weren't mine. Funny how attached you get to them. But the sad thing is, you have to let the child go. If you don't she'll use the child to get things from you. She WILL use that child to get you to help her out.

I know what you're thinkin... But she won't do that... WRONG! she will. she'll manipulate you through the child. "Sky needs this. Sky needs that. and I can't afford X for her." She won't be different. Sadly, you'll fall for it. We all do at first.

Leave Ash as a part of your past. If she does come back to you, you don't want her. She cheated on you. May not have been physical, but it was cheating just the same. If you take her back because mister X-Box Live guy didn't turn out to be the guy she was dreaming of, within a few years, she will find someone else to cheat on you with. Probably even be so bold as to cheat in your own bed, while you're off at work, and accuse you of cheating on her. That's how a cheater is.

But you won't believe me. She'll want to come back and you will take her back. because you will think "Tommycat doesn't know me or Ash, She's different. She's the perfect person and will be the exception. It's the meds. It was a 'One Time Thing™' and it will never happen again." Yep I said that myself... well not about Tommycat, but it was another forum several years ago. I didn't want to believe that someone I invested 2 years of my life with was just like what that moron on the forum said. But he was right. eight years later I caught her cheating again, and this time it was in my own house, and in my own bed.

But it's not all bad news. After she's gone, you can focus on improving yourself. Do something YOU want to do. Live how YOU want to live. and eventually you will find someone else. Trust me. And she'll make Ash look like a worthless layabout piece of garbage.


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Old 11-22-2009, 03:12 PM   #23
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GTA your oppinion is just and true no doubt about it sir. Tommy i can see where you're coming from as well on this as ive been in this situation before without a child involved. I know i dont want her to ask about me and Ash says that i abandoned her. i cant have that happen.


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Old 11-23-2009, 07:03 PM   #24
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