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Old 06-09-2010, 01:57 AM   #1
ChAiNz.2da
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Post The Lighter Side of Life, pt. II (jokes, humor, etc.)

* For those not familiar with the original thread click here *.

Rather than resurrect a 3 year old thread, I've decided to see if we can breathe life in to a new one

Basics (rules/guidelines) for the thread.
Quote:
Basically, The Lighter Side of Life is a thread for jokes, humor, funny pics, etc.
  • Just keep it PG-13, or if you can, put adult-ish humor in hidden or spoiler tags
  • Common sense applies, no nudes, crude language etc. blah blah.
  • Try not to double post, at least within the same day, however the rule isn't quite as strict in this particular thread.
  • Basically, just look over the old thread to see what you can get away with
That said.. here we go!

--------



A nun arrives at the local bar

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"



The Redneck Galleries (lots of pics)
Show spoiler


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 06-09-2010, 05:32 AM   #2
Ztalker
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Hahaha, nice joke alcohol jokes are always nice.
I won't try jokes, language difference might make the clue difficult to understand.

I have one addition to your Redneck pics though: Redneck bodybuilder.
Show spoiler


How do those sexeh hidespoiler tags work btw?


Last edited by Ztalker; 06-09-2010 at 09:57 AM.
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Old 06-09-2010, 08:48 AM   #3
ChAiNz.2da
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ztalker View Post
How do those sexeh hidespoiler tags work btw?
just use:

[hidden] subject [/hidden]

OR

[spoiler] subject [/spoiler]

Spoiler is good for text. Creates a white box you have to highlight to read.
Hidden creates the clickable "dropdown" good for pics (or anything really)

More VB tags here


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 06-09-2010, 12:19 PM   #4
Totenkopf
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This scene is always good for a laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gf8N...eature=related


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Old 06-09-2010, 09:45 PM   #5
Darth Avlectus
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^^^Oy. That has to be a textbook example of two-bit law enforcement.


"I cant see S***! --YOU GO TO HELL!" --Tourettes guy
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Old 06-14-2010, 09:43 AM   #6
ChAiNz.2da
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More useless knowledge to occupy the grey matter in your head.

Names of 'nameless' fictional characters
  • Did you know the Comic Book Guy on "The Simpsons" has a name? It's Jeff Albertson. But that wasn't the decision of creator Matt Groening.

    "I was out of the room when [the writers] named him," he told MTV in 2007. "In my mind, 'Louis Lane' was his name, and he was obsessed and tormented by Lois Lane."

  • Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. (Ken's last name is Carson.)

  • Cap'n Crunch's full name is Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch. His ship is the S.S. Guppy.

  • In the Peanuts comic strip, Peppermint Patty's real name is Patricia Reichardt

  • Snuffleupagus has a first name -- Aloysius. Want more Snuffleupagus trivia? In a Sesame Street scene that never aired, Snuffy's parents announced they were separating. But in testing, children were too devastated by the news, so the idea was scrapped.

  • The Wizard of Oz rolls off the tongue a lot easier than the man behind the curtain's full name, Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. From Frank Baum's Dorothy And the Wizard in Oz:

    "It was a dreadfully long name to weigh down a poor innocent child, and one of the hardest lessons I ever learned was to remember my own name. When I grew up I just called myself O.Z., because the other initials were P-I-N-H-E-A-D; and that spelled 'pinhead,' which was a reflection on my intelligence."


  • Mr. Clean has a seldom-used first name -- "Veritably." The name came from a "Give Mr. Clean a First Name" promotion in 1962.

  • In a deleted scene in the 2006 Curious George movie, The Man With the Yellow Hat's full name was revealed as Ted Shackleford. (Since the scene was deleted, perhaps the last name doesn't count.)

  • The real name of Monopoly mascot Rich Uncle Pennybags is Milburn Pennybags.

  • The policeman in Monopoly has a name, too. You can thank Officer Edgar Mallory the next time he sends you to jail.

  • On Night Court, Nostradamus Shannon was better known as Bull.

  • On Entourage, Turtle's real name is Salvatore Assante.

  • Sesame Street'sresident game show host Guy Smiley was using a pseudonym all these years. He was born Bernie Liederkrantz.

  • The Michelin Man's name is Bibendum.

  • On Gilligan's Island, Jonas Grumby was simply called The Skipper.

  • The Professor was Roy Hinkley.

  • The unkempt Shaggy of Scooby-Doo fame has a rather proper real name -- Norville Rogers.

  • The Pillsbury Doughboy's name is Poppin' Fresh. He has a wife, Poppie Fresh, and two kids, Popper and Bun Bun.

  • The patient in the classic game Operation is Cavity Sam.

  • The true identity of The Lone Ranger was John Reid.

  • MacGyver's first name? Angus.


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 06-14-2010, 07:49 PM   #7
Darth Avlectus
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Useless and not so funny knowledge:

William Todd, of Boloxi Mississippi was fired from his job at a newspaper company when pictures of him surfaced on the internet with some rather disconcerting text written across them. Photos were taken by a photography student for his class project during his homeless time after hurricane catrina as a construciton worker. The pictures somehow made their way onto the internet.

Some douche cone later decided to come along on the internet and that it'd be funny to make rape jokes with text on these pictures.

I have angrily used one such picture on one occasion but actually it was not in jest, rather in mind anger and malice toward someone IRL who was no longer a friend that made similar jests about that kind of misfortune. Which I should note, was promptly taken down. Though I do understand the creep-out factor occasionally is amusing, this kind of thing isn't funny.

I feel sorry for William Todd and all the ill notoriety those pictures have gained him. I also frown upon the student who posted those pictures on the internet for such easy access. And lastly, I want to kick whom ever made those bad pictures. There are real people out there who have fallen victim to that kind of thing.

Lesson here: Careful what pictures you let people take of you with a digital camera because it may end up on the internet.


"I cant see S***! --YOU GO TO HELL!" --Tourettes guy
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Old 06-18-2010, 12:48 AM   #8
Jae Onasi
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There's a Pokemon section on the Lotus fleet forum (a Star Trek fleet, as if I need any more geeking out, but they're fun!). Today, someone posted a link to this video, where 2 guys mix Obama's health care with Pokemon discussion to test the listening powers of unsuspecting passersby.

http://funnyvideos.todaysbigthing.com/2010/05/05


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Old 06-21-2010, 08:02 PM   #9
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Old 06-21-2010, 08:20 PM   #10
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"No, Mama. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket." ~Black Dynamite
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:09 AM   #11
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>_>

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Old 06-22-2010, 09:46 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jai'galaar Bralor View Post
>_>

Show spoiler
http://instantcrickets.com/


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 06-23-2010, 05:38 AM   #13
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I've just been fired from my job at Pepsi.

I tested positive for Coke.







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Old 06-23-2010, 11:39 AM   #14
ChAiNz.2da
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I've just been fired from my job at Pepsi.

I tested positive for Coke.



-------


New Word Definitions

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 06-23-2010, 05:07 PM   #15
Ztalker
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChAiNz.2da View Post


5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Oh. HATE it when that happens. Seems to be a matter of IQ by the way, as some ten year olds seem to get it opposed to some 20-30'ers that don't....

Nice list!!

Linkie. For all the slaves of society

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