lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: When I become Master of the Universe...
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 08-23-2011, 12:27 AM   #1
Darth Groovy
The Dapper Zabrak
 
Darth Groovy's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Joliet, IL, USA
Posts: 11,297
Current Game: Awaiting Greatness from PS4!
10 year veteran! Hot Topic Starter LFN Staff Member LucasCast staff 
When I become Master of the Universe...

I may not become master of the universe, or even ruler of the free world. I may not become president any time soon, but I do feel I got a lot of good ideas...harsh though practical...

1. You must obtain a license to have children.

I live in a predominately catholic town, and I am witnessing too many people having too many kids with not one single clue as to how to raise them or feed them. I have had enough.

You may not have any children before the age of 18, and you may not have any children without completing a 4 year program of education followed by a license to bear children. AND, once you obtain a license, you may only have enough kids that your income can afford. Should you get promoted, or get a better job, you can re-apply and be approved to have more. The program consists of basic child care knowledge, to education, discipline, and ultimately how to help them succeed in life.

Any kids had out of wedlock, or without license will be forced into the military. Where they are forced to stay until they are at least 21. All kids forced into military will be taught discipline, respect, and at the age of 17 will be placed into a vocational military position which can translate into a decent job should they decide to leave the military. At 21, they can stay if they choose. At any time, the parents can visit the child in the military, but cannot claim the child until they serve a minimal 4 year enlistment from age 17-21. Also any body who enlisted in the military for any reason has the right to vote.

2. Telephones

Ever played the game Metal Gear Solid 4? Remember when Solid Snake cannot use any weapons until he get's DNA encoded? The same thing will become of all telephones, cell phones...etc. Kids have no damn business with any phone until they reach a certain age. This will eliminate stupid prank phone calls, and worthless phone bills! No kid before the age of 17 has real reason to have a phone. Any abuse of a phone after that age, the DNA code is revoked.

3. Homeless and Illegal Immigrants.

Reality TV. Give them an option. Either get deported, or "Fight for your freedom" on prime time, or Pay per view! I am sure Bob Barker, and John Madden would come out of retirement to host THIS event! Let them fight the worlds worst criminals to the death for a citizenship! You could get mighty creative on this one! And to quote George Carlin...you use the funds to balance the stupid budget!

4. Drugs.

Legalize weed, opium...and anything that grows naturally. Have it in designated areas. Amsterdam does it! Is it any worse than going to a bar and having too many drinks and driving home? Think of what this could do for the economy? And while you are at it...let people smoke for god's sake. It's ok to let people drink, and drink, and drink, but if they light up a smoke...oh god...that's cancer?! Any body else see the irony in this? It's cool, let the bars make that choice.

5. Gay marriage

I don't normally speak of politics, but dammit, in this day and age why is this even an issue? I don't give a good damn what you do in your private life so long as it does not effect your duty in what ever you do. They finally repealed the "don't ask don't tell" part of the military. I was happy as hell to see this happen. I have known gay people all my life. At no point, did I EVER feel threatened by them ever. And I never understood why it was such a big deal to stay in the closet or not. Most of my gay friends accepted me for who I was as I accepted them for who they were. Let sleeping dogs lie, and leave it alone for goodness sake. And if two guys or two girls can provide a happy home for some homeless kids how can that be wrong? Seriously?

6. Pull our troops out of the middle east.

We had no idea how to fix this mess before we got into it. We do not have the ability to fix it. I say, let the mafia go over there, open a few casinos and install what ever crappy government they see fit. Would it be any worse than it is now? Get our people out of there. Leave it alone!
Darth Groovy is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-23-2011, 06:12 PM   #2
Liverandbacon
I'm only worth a piano?
 
Liverandbacon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 651
Forum Veteran LF Jester Folder extraordinaire 
Maybe I've become internet tone-deaf. I can't tell whether or not you're serious.



--Too Dumb to Quit--
Liverandbacon is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-23-2011, 08:00 PM   #3
TiE23
Get bent!
 
TiE23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Greater Seattle Area
Posts: 6,572
Current Game: Shogun 2
Forum Veteran 
Eh. I wonder what would happen in reality if suddenly we removed troops from various countries... Then maybe more would be put to the UN?

It's going to take a huge event to change anything dramatically.


Tie's Kindle Reading Project
"Making myself a more learned person and then bragging about it."
Since October 2010 - I'm a slow reader
-----------
27 Books Completed
('10: 4, '11: 9, '12: 7, '13: 6)
Fiction: 12 | Fantasy/Sci-Fi 5; Classics 3; Literature 4
Non-fiction: 15 | Investigative 2; History/Politics 3; Science 3; Biography 7
-----------
237,123 'locations'
11,865 pages (approx)
-----------
Last book: Cosmos by Carl Sagan - Dec 2013
TiE23 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 12:01 AM   #4
RoxStar
Moderator
 
RoxStar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Chicago
Posts: 3,411
Current Game: Everything Zelda
10 year veteran! Forum Veteran LFN Staff Member 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liverandbacon View Post
Maybe I've become internet tone-deaf. I can't tell whether or not you're serious.
^ This.

Ninja edit: In before "Get off my lawn, back in my day, dragons, etc."

RoxStar is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 12:42 AM   #5
Lynk Former
internet hate machine
 
Lynk Former's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,978
10 year veteran! The Walking Carpets Guild Officer Imperialist Meatbags Guild Officer LF Jester 


...and this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liverandbacon View Post
Maybe I've become internet tone-deaf. I can't tell whether or not you're serious.

Lynk Former is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 12:43 AM   #6
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,912
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
^^^ LOL this!

Hey--I want my teenager to have a cell phone. How else am I going to totally geek out and send him a text message in the middle of a Star Trek convention while he sits right next to me?

Groovy clearly needs a vacation from the kids at work.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 12:50 AM   #7
mimartin
TOR ate my KotOR
 
mimartin's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,052
Current Game: TOR/FO:NV
Imperialist Meatbags Guild Officer The Walking Carpets Guild Officer Alderaan News Holopics contributor 
Groovy when you are Master of the Universe can you also do something about the idiots that get in the drive-through lane at the bank before filling out their deposit slip? Nothing drastic perhaps cutting off a finger or two?


mimartin is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 12:53 AM   #8
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,912
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimartin View Post
Groovy when you are Master of the Universe can you also do something about the idiots that get in the drive-through lane at the bank before filling out their deposit slip? Nothing drastic perhaps cutting off a finger or two?
I would like him to
a. shoot a flamethrower up the butts of people who drive slow in the fast lane and won't move over,
and,
b. cut the balls off the people who cut you off without even using a turn signal for warning while driving 85 down the interstate, only to get off at the next exit.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 12:56 AM   #9
Lynk Former
internet hate machine
 
Lynk Former's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,978
10 year veteran! The Walking Carpets Guild Officer Imperialist Meatbags Guild Officer LF Jester 
Psh, why not just make cars obsolete and have everyone fly everywhere with the power of their mind.

Lynk Former is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 01:20 AM   #10
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,912
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynk Former View Post
Psh, why not just make cars obsolete and have everyone fly everywhere with the power of their mind.
Well, if you're high, could you be sure how high you were really flying then? It might give a new thrill to bumper cars, however.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 01:22 AM   #11
Lynk Former
internet hate machine
 
Lynk Former's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,978
10 year veteran! The Walking Carpets Guild Officer Imperialist Meatbags Guild Officer LF Jester 
Well if you're going to be the master of the universe, you may as well bend reality to your will.

Lynk Former is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 01:31 PM   #12
Liverandbacon
I'm only worth a piano?
 
Liverandbacon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 651
Forum Veteran LF Jester Folder extraordinaire 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi View Post
a. shoot a flamethrower up the butts of people who drive slow in the fast lane and won't move over.
Maybe it's just because I've had a bad drive today, but that sounds pretty reasonable to me. Though for me, it's not as much the speed itself as the speed relative to the cars to their right. Go 55, but pass people at a reasonable pace, and we're good. Go 80, but gain ground vs. the other cars at a painfully slow rate? Flamethrower time. Not up the butt though; I try to keep my violence as non-homoerotic as possible.

South Africa is ahead of the curve on this one: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/232777.stm



--Too Dumb to Quit--
Liverandbacon is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 03:26 PM   #13
Astor
It's Thornhill!
 
Astor's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Warwickshire, UK
Posts: 3,632
Current Game: The Old Republic
LFN Staff Member Forum Veteran Helpful! 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi View Post
Hey--I want my teenager to have a cell phone. How else am I going to totally geek out and send him a text message in the middle of a Star Trek convention while he sits right next to me?
So not to ensure they can call in case of emergencies, then?






Astor is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 04:50 PM   #14
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,912
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astor View Post
So not to ensure they can call in case of emergencies, then?
That's a good backup use, especially if his emergency is telling me that he's now chatting with Nichelle Nichols at the next Star Trek convention.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 04:56 PM   #15
purifier
Forumite
 
purifier's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: DisneyLand
Posts: 721
LF Jester 
Quote:
When I become Master of the Universe...
Wait! Hold on! I've seen this before...I think they call it "Skeletor Syndrome"



SITH HAPPENS
purifier is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-24-2011, 11:35 PM   #16
Darth Groovy
The Dapper Zabrak
 
Darth Groovy's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Joliet, IL, USA
Posts: 11,297
Current Game: Awaiting Greatness from PS4!
10 year veteran! Hot Topic Starter LFN Staff Member LucasCast staff 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi View Post
^^^ LOL this!

Hey--I want my teenager to have a cell phone. How else am I going to totally geek out and send him a text message in the middle of a Star Trek convention while he sits right next to me?

Groovy clearly needs a vacation from the kids at work.
It's cool Jae Jae! I was prepared for this answer, and I thought this out before I came up with by diabolical plan!

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Motorola-M...Alert/10913179

Two way radios! Up to 23 miles! 22 Channels, 121 privacy codes, and NOAA weather alert! Best part? No data plan necessary! If your kid gets away further than 23 miles....well...that is your problem!


Quote:
Originally Posted by mimartin View Post
Groovy when you are Master of the Universe can you also do something about the idiots that get in the drive-through lane at the bank before filling out their deposit slip? Nothing drastic perhaps cutting off a finger or two?
Done! Grocery stores have a "20 Items or less" lane. Should not be a problem for banks to have a "I already got my **** together" lane. Anybody not prepared....drive through and get in the other lane, or risk being shot on site!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynk Former View Post
Well if you're going to be the master of the universe, you may as well bend reality to your will.
Well if I could augment reality, there would be no need for me to be master of the universe. That would be fine by me actually. Cuts down on my workload. Until then, let's be realistic here!
Darth Groovy is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-25-2011, 03:41 AM   #17
Lynk Former
internet hate machine
 
Lynk Former's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,978
10 year veteran! The Walking Carpets Guild Officer Imperialist Meatbags Guild Officer LF Jester 
Not much of a master of the universe if you can't change reality to your will... what you're describing is more like some kind of absolute dictatorship of a country

Lynk Former is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-25-2011, 04:53 AM   #18
Sabretooth
鬼龍院皐月
 
Sabretooth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Mumbai
Posts: 9,364
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth Groovy View Post
1. You must obtain a license to have children.

I live in a predominately catholic town, and I am witnessing too many people having too many kids with not one single clue as to how to raise them or feed them. I have had enough.

You may not have any children before the age of 18, and you may not have any children without completing a 4 year program of education followed by a license to bear children. AND, once you obtain a license, you may only have enough kids that your income can afford. Should you get promoted, or get a better job, you can re-apply and be approved to have more. The program consists of basic child care knowledge, to education, discipline, and ultimately how to help them succeed in life.
Too many people are also misusing free speech! I propose nobody be granted free speech until they complete a 4 year course, an extra 2 year course and then a PhD on free speech. And even then, they only be allowed to say what the Supreme Leader has approved on the Supreme Table of Speakable Free Sentences.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth Groovy View Post
2. Telephones

Ever played the game Metal Gear Solid 4? Remember when Solid Snake cannot use any weapons until he get's DNA encoded? The same thing will become of all telephones, cell phones...etc. Kids have no damn business with any phone until they reach a certain age. This will eliminate stupid prank phone calls, and worthless phone bills! No kid before the age of 17 has real reason to have a phone. Any abuse of a phone after that age, the DNA code is revoked.
Damn right, if they're getting raped by drunk hobos, they have no right to call 911.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth Groovy View Post
3. Homeless and Illegal Immigrants.

Reality TV. Give them an option. Either get deported, or "Fight for your freedom" on prime time, or Pay per view! I am sure Bob Barker, and John Madden would come out of retirement to host THIS event! Let them fight the worlds worst criminals to the death for a citizenship! You could get mighty creative on this one! And to quote George Carlin...you use the funds to balance the stupid budget!
Yeah, deport all the Europeans from America!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth Groovy View Post
4. Drugs.

Legalize weed, opium...and anything that grows naturally. Have it in designated areas. Amsterdam does it! Is it any worse than going to a bar and having too many drinks and driving home? Think of what this could do for the economy? And while you are at it...let people smoke for god's sake. It's ok to let people drink, and drink, and drink, but if they light up a smoke...oh god...that's cancer?! Any body else see the irony in this? It's cool, let the bars make that choice.
legal opium lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth Groovy View Post
6. Pull our troops out of the middle east.

We had no idea how to fix this mess before we got into it. We do not have the ability to fix it. I say, let the mafia go over there, open a few casinos and install what ever crappy government they see fit. Would it be any worse than it is now? Get our people out of there. Leave it alone!
Yeah, just hand it over to the damn mafia. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right?
Show spoiler


Sabretooth is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > JediKnight Series > Community > Yoda’s Swamp > When I become Master of the Universe...

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:59 PM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.