lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: A Debt Unpaid: Prolouge to Echo of the Force
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 03-05-2012, 09:36 PM   #1
Ferc Kast
Modder
 
Ferc Kast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tython
Posts: 1,586
Current Game: SWTOR
Helpful! Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction Veteran Modder 
A Debt Unpaid: Prolouge to Echo of the Force

[Onderon, evening]
Thunder crashes could be heard throughout the street, while rain poured down. In a corner, a pair stood in the pouring rain: a Rodian and a female human. Kira Sadow, the female human, showed no sign of reaction to the rain. Kira’s brunette hair, forest green eyes, commoner clothing and open jacket attracted little attention from anyone else on the street. The green Rodian, however, looked in every direction quickly before continuing their conversation.

"Is it safe; are they gone?" the Rodian asked Kira.
"They are gone, for now." Kira replied, after a quick glance around. "Now, complete your deal; The Hutt wants it delivered quickly."
"Very well, human. Here it is." the Rodian said, handing a small crystal to Kira.

She put it inside her jacket and turned to go to her ship.

"Wait, human;" the Rodian cried, blocking her path. "There’s something else you need."

The Rodian extended a datapad in his hand toward her.

"What's this?"
"Information about what really happened to him."
"Is he alive, then?" she hastily asked.
"I've said too much already; just read the datapad. All will be explained."

Kira took the datapad with some hesitation, stashing it too inside her jacket, and sprinted to the landing pad. Reaching the landing pad, she quickly scanned the area. Finding herself alone, with her heart beating rapidly, she took out the datapad and eagerly read it.

Ferc Kast has requested a fanfic review for this thread.

Last edited by Ferc Kast; 03-10-2012 at 11:05 AM.
Ferc Kast is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-05-2012, 09:55 PM   #2
Sylthar
Rookie
 
Sylthar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 78
Hm. Interesting. Incredibly short however. I think you should flesh it out a little more, also this is just my personal preference but I think past tense works better than present tense.
Sylthar is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-05-2012, 10:03 PM   #3
Ferc Kast
Modder
 
Ferc Kast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tython
Posts: 1,586
Current Game: SWTOR
Helpful! Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction Veteran Modder 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ziost View Post
Hm. Interesting. Incredibly short however. I think you should flesh it out a little more, also this is just my personal preference but I think past tense works better than present tense.
Forgot to mention that it was just the beginning of the prolouge; so, there will be more added to the prologue before it's finished. (Although, it's technically more of an expanded back story for Kira Sadow, a party member in my WIP mod Echo of the Force, than a direct prologue to my mod.) As far as tense, I just noticed I changed tense a few times. I'll probably fix it on Wednesday, but I just wanted to at least get that part posted.


Last edited by Ferc Kast; 03-05-2012 at 10:15 PM. Reason: Clarifiction...
Ferc Kast is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-05-2012, 10:03 PM   #4
MsFicwriter
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 424
Current Game: Arcanum
Roleplayer 
I also believe that even for a prologue, this is entirely too short. By the way, is Kira any relation to Naga Sadow? I guess I'll have to wait and see, but the surname caught my eye.

My score: 5/10 (5 points deducted for the AWFUL BREVITY of this potentially great piece)
MsFicwriter is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-05-2012, 10:04 PM   #5
Sylthar
Rookie
 
Sylthar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ferc Kast View Post
That's just the beginning; so, there will be more to the story. As far as tense, I just noticed I changed tense a few times. I'll probably fix it on Wednesday, but I just wanted to at least get that part posted.
Well yes, but it's still incredibly short, even for a prologue.
Sylthar is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-05-2012, 10:05 PM   #6
Ferc Kast
Modder
 
Ferc Kast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tython
Posts: 1,586
Current Game: SWTOR
Helpful! Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction Veteran Modder 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ziost View Post
Well yes, but it's still incredibly short, even for a prologue.
I meant that it was an introduction to the prolouge.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MsFicwriter View Post
I also believe that even for a prologue, this is entirely too short. By the way, is Kira any relation to Naga Sadow? I guess I'll have to wait and see, but the surname caught my eye.

My score: 5/10 (5 points deducted for the AWFUL BREVITY of this potentially great piece)
As I said above, it's just the introduction to the prologue. So, it will be longer before the entire prologue is done. Also, Kira is no related to Naga Sadow. (I only realized months after initially creating Kira that it was the same surname. )


Last edited by Ferc Kast; 03-05-2012 at 10:20 PM.
Ferc Kast is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-05-2012, 10:07 PM   #7
Sylthar
Rookie
 
Sylthar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ferc Kast View Post
I meant that it was an introduction to the prolouge.
Oooooh. Okay. That makes sense then. Sometimes I'm just silly, especially when I'm sleepy.
Sylthar is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-07-2012, 07:17 PM   #8
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,834
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
read


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-07-2012, 07:25 PM   #9
machievelli
Local curmudgeon
 
machievelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Posts: 2,834
Current Game: Dungeonseige series
Hot Topic Starter Veteran Fan Fic Author Helpful! Forum Veteran 
read


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
machievelli is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 03-10-2012, 07:46 PM   #10
Ferc Kast
Modder
 
Ferc Kast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tython
Posts: 1,586
Current Game: SWTOR
Helpful! Forum Veteran Contest winner - Fan Fiction Veteran Modder 
Chapter 1

[Tatooine, midnight]
After a typical week followed the conversation between the Rodian and Kira, she found herself unable to sleep. How could I sleep, especially after reading that datapad? She wondered. Just then, she thought she heard someone walking toward her door. Using only minimal movements, as to avoid being heard, she snatched her blaster from its holster lying beside the bed.

Just then, the footsteps stopped feet away from her door. She then saw a circle being sliced around the metal door. She closed her eyes. Not a Jedi; not now, please. Kira desperately thought to herself, while pretending to be asleep. The door was pushed open, but quiet enough only she and the intruder could hear it.

“Get up and drop the blaster.” the intruder demanded, aiming a pair of heavy blasters at her.

She opened her eyes, though she was hesitant to drop the blaster.

“Do you wish to endanger yourself with the wrath of the Exchange?” Kira boldly asked.
“Smugglers are expendable to them; so, you are full of empty threats.” the man corrected.

Kira almost responded, but stopped herself when she realized that this man had a point. With no other logical choice, she put her blaster on the ground slowly.

“I’m glad to see that you're smarter than most with whom I have to deal.” the man said.

He put binders on her hands, and led her to his ship. After they boarded it, he punched in the hyperspace coordinates for Nar Shaddaa. With the ship en route, he decided it was time to check on his "passenger". He found her struggling to get her binders off.

“That won’t do you any good, especially since the ship is in hyperspace currently.” he informed Kira.
“Who are you? Where are you taking me, and why?” Kira demanded, disregarding the binders for the moment.
“All good questions; let’s just say that you’ve attracted the wrong attention.” he answered. “As for my name, if you must know, it is Junn Khan.”
“I’ve heard that name before.”
“With good reason.” Khan replied. “Is there more I could do for you before we arrive?”

After no response, Khan left with the hood of his cloak lowered, revealing Mandalorian armor. Kira noted that quickly. Junn Khan: Why do I know that name? Wait a second; isn’t he an ex-Jedi? Kira thought to herself. Yes, I am. Kira heard inside her head.
[Nar Shaddaa, sunrise]
“I’m at the rendezvous point with the girl; when will you arrive?” Khan said into a comlink.
“Soon enough.” came the reply, in Huttese.

Within minutes, a Hutt and his bodyguards arrived. He motioned one guard to grab Kira; Khan grabbed the guard’s arm before he could.

“You said that she was to remain free. Do I need to inform the Jedi that you’re breaking the law?” Khan questioned.
“I don’t answer to Jedi or any ex-Jedi.” the Hutt insisted.

Khan took his cyan lightsaber, after letting go of the guard. He held the blade against the Hutt’s jaw.

“You were saying?” He sarcastically asked.
“Fine; Keep the girl, but know that the bounty is still live on her.” The Hutt said.

Khan took Kira out of the guard’s grip and glared at the Hutt, until the Hutt left.

“Care to explain what just happened?” Kira asked, as Khan put his lightsaber away.
“You weren’t supposed to get that datapad. The Hutt already had the Rodian killed; you, however, were supposed to go free after I paid off the Hutt.” Khan said, with a deep sigh.
“What happens now?” she hesitantly asked.
“I will accompany you where the Hutt won’t find you. Before then, there’s something I want to show you.”

He walked her over to his ship, and motioned her to kneel on the ground. She, starting to trust him, complied. He used his connection to the Force, and showed Kira it in her head. She began to feel the Force inside her, while hearing all the voices on Nar Shaddaa.

“What…what are you doing?!” she cried.
“I am providing you protection from the Hutt.” Khan said. “But, no one can know I taught you; especially the Jedi.”


Last edited by Ferc Kast; 05-10-2012 at 09:27 AM.
Ferc Kast is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Knights of the Old Republic > Community > Coruscant Entertainment Centre > A Debt Unpaid: Prolouge to Echo of the Force

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:43 PM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.