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Old 06-20-2004, 10:03 AM   #1
roytordes'babe
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Im back and here to stay

Hi all, did you miss me when I was gone, I know you all did so just admit it.

how is everyone anyway, did I miss anything while I was gone. anyway I am here to stay this time.

Has anyone got any funny jokes.


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Old 06-20-2004, 11:55 AM   #2
Thrik
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*hovers over towards the "ban user" button*

Just kidding, of course. Welcome back, you freak!


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Old 06-20-2004, 02:15 PM   #3
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He-heeeey! I remember you!
Welcome Back!


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Old 06-20-2004, 03:51 PM   #4
Das Mole
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hi again!
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Old 06-21-2004, 05:59 AM   #5
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Lightbulb Lucky rabbit's foot

Quote:
Originally posted by roytordes'babe
Has anyone got any funny jokes.
Funny you should ask. This english painter goes into a bar, see, and leaves his girlfriend out in the car. Along comes a rabbit that drives off with her and nine months later poses this question...

Q: 'Knock-knock!'

A: 'Who's there?'

Q: 'Looks like rabbits.'









...

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Old 06-23-2004, 01:48 AM   #6
Skinkie
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Yo.


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 06-23-2004, 06:45 AM   #7
Sivy
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how many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

hella


what do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad


how much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

a buccaneer


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Old 06-23-2004, 07:25 AM   #8
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...

i don't get them...

*shrug*




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Old 06-23-2004, 07:51 AM   #9
Sivy
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Quote:
Originally posted by Siv
how many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

hella

Northern Californians say 'hella' meaning 'a lot' a lot.

what do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad


toad sounds like towed, like if you're illegally parked your car would be towed.


how much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

a buccaneer


buck (slang for a dollar) - an - ear

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Old 06-23-2004, 08:53 AM   #10
Alien426
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I got the last two. I got "hella" as an abbreviation for "hell of"...

but why is "hella" funny in Engwish? In German "hell" would mean "bright" and "hella" (rather "heller") would mean "brighter"... but in Engwish???

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Old 06-23-2004, 12:35 PM   #11
Das Mole
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i got one...it's not just a question and answer, though. here's how it would go if i was talking with someone...

"how many women with pms does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

"uh...two?"

"nope. six."

"......why?"

"BECAUSE IT JUST DOES!!!!!!!!"
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Old 06-23-2004, 05:21 PM   #12
RoyTordesLegend
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Quote:
Originally posted by Alien426

but why is "hella" funny in Engwish?
The company 'Hella' make lights, although I'm not sure if that's what Siv was getting at!!

Hi sweetest! (and no I'm not talking to Alien....OR Siv!)


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Old 06-23-2004, 07:12 PM   #13
Das Mole
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you're talking to me, right roy?
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Old 06-23-2004, 08:52 PM   #14
Skinkie
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Engwish?


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 06-24-2004, 01:39 AM   #15
Alien426
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> Engwish?

It's a little like AYB or trolls or teh OMFG, but it never got that big.

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Old 06-24-2004, 02:31 AM   #16
DrMcCoy
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Quote:
Originally posted by Siv
Northern Californians say 'hella' meaning 'a lot' a lot.
never heard that... well, i've never been in nothern california...

Quote:
Originally posted by Siv
toad sounds like towed, like if you're illegally parked your car would be towed.
never heard "towed" either... i never needed it when talking/writing/whatever in english...
but interesting to know...

Quote:
Originally posted by Siv
buck (slang for a dollar) - an - ear
argl... i should have understood that...

...

anyway:

how many romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
twelve; one to screw the light-bulb in, and eleven to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.

what's the difference between america and yogurt?
yogurt has a living, active culture.

do you know what the death rate around here is?
one per person.




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Old 06-24-2004, 03:15 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by DrMcCoy
what's the difference between america and yogurt?
yogurt has a living, active culture.
Heehee.

Anyway, how many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish.


There's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going. There's no knowing where we're rowing or which way the river's flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing? Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing. Are the fires of hell a-glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing? Yes, the danger must be growing 'cause the rowers keep on rowing, and they're certainly not showing any signs that they are slowing. AAAGGHHH!!!
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Old 06-24-2004, 05:47 AM   #18
Alien426
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Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly 1.0000000000.

Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

Q: How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that's a hardware problem.

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.

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Old 06-24-2004, 01:44 PM   #19
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I just want to know what will happen when Roy Tordes and his babe breaks up? Will she try and change her name?

You probably don't really want to talk or think about something like that... But I do.
Joke

And here's another one.

Three blondes trapped on a desert island, one kicks a can and a genie appears and gives them a wish each. The first asks to be 25% smarter and gets turned into a red head. She jumps in the water and smims for the mainland. The second asks to be 50% smarter and gets turned into a brunette. She builds a raft and rows for the mainland. The last asks to be 100% smarter. She turns into a man and walks over the bridge.

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Old 06-24-2004, 03:34 PM   #20
Das Mole
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how many kids with a.d.d. does it take to screw in a light bulb?

answer:
spoiler:
can we go get some ice cream?
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Old 06-24-2004, 07:52 PM   #21
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A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde are stuck on an island eight-miles out from shore. The red-head swims 4 miles to land and drowns. The brunette tries and only makes it six miles, then drowns. The blonde make an attempt at it, swims 7 miles, gets tired, then decides to swim back to the island.
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Old 06-24-2004, 08:14 PM   #22
Das Mole
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a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are all being chased on foot by the cops in the city. they turn down an alley and see it is a dead end. hiding anywhere they can, the redhead hides in a dumpster, the brunette hides in a garbage can, and the blonde hides in a potato sack. the cops hit the dumpster to see if anyone's in there, and the redhead says "woof! woof!". they kick the garbage can, and the brunette goes "meow!". they kick the potato sack and the blonde says "potato!".
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Old 06-25-2004, 01:39 PM   #23
roytordes'babe
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Nice jokes, that had me laughing.

Hi my darling, and I mean my dearest roy.

and hi you guys too


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Old 06-25-2004, 04:00 PM   #24
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A blonde has just bought a £250 000 red Porsce. She's out cruising down the motorway at 110mph when suddenly she comes up behind a truck tavelling at 70mph and taking up both lanes. She can't stand this, so she starts tailgating the truck. the trucker gets angry and waves at her in his mirror for her to pull back, but she just thinks he's waving so she waves back. he does this again, only to get anohter wave, so finally he gets her to pull over. He gets out of the truck with a piece of chalk and draws a circle around the blonde on the floor and tells her to not step out of the circle at all. The he goes back into his truck, grabs a baseball bat and beats the living crap out of the porsce. After about 20 minutes the blonde now has herself a £250 000 red heap of scrap metal, but when the trucker looks around, the blondes laughing hysterically. "Why are you laughing, I just totaled your car?!" she looked at him through a giggle and said "While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle."

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Old 06-27-2004, 02:25 AM   #25
Darth Groovy
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Quote:
Originally posted by Thrik
*hovers over towards the "ban user" button*

Just kidding, of course. Welcome back, you freak!
Here, let me help you with that....

*reaches over Thrik's ban button*

No i'm joking of course....

Welcome back!

So uh, what's new in your corner of the universe?
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Old 06-27-2004, 05:05 AM   #26
Zoom Rabbit
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Lightbulb

Well Darth, the news in my town right now is that some old guy built a big ass model train.

Q: How many adepts of zen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: What light bulb?












...



Oh, never mind.
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Old 06-27-2004, 01:29 PM   #27
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Hmm, this seems kinda risky, but whatever

A dyslexic goes to a toga party as a goat.

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Old 06-27-2004, 04:36 PM   #28
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Wait...what do you mean she's back? You mean HER?! the stupi-

oh HI! So great to see you!

j/k

JOKE [idiot]

its an old one, but a good one.

Three guys are running from the police, and they get to a cliff. All of a sudden, a genie appears and says "When you jump over the cliff, yell out what you wish to land in." So the first guy jumps over, and yells out ''Water!" so he lands in water. The second guy jumps and yells "pillows!" so he lands in pillows. The third guy goes to jump off the cliff, but he trips and says "SH*T!" Guess what he landed in?






Two guys walked into a bar...the third one ducked.
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Old 06-28-2004, 04:09 PM   #29
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

And that's the end of those, I'm sorry to those I have offended and also sorry for saying sorry, as appose to not doing to thing I'm sorry for.

A man walks along the road and slips.












Silly man.

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Old 06-28-2004, 04:40 PM   #30
Ray Jones
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some of you might know this one..

a horse walks into a bar and the barkeeper asks "why the long face?"


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