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Old 08-22-2004, 08:59 AM   #1
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Star Wars - Episode X - The dark shroud

A long, long time ago...
In a Galaxy far, far away...

STAR WARS
EPISODE X - The dark shadows

15,500 years have passed from the formation of the New Republic. Many secret organizations have tried to take control from many of the planets, but now, a new threath has arrived. The system of Hoth, wiped out from the overgrown Wampa population, has mutilated against the New Republic. After the Hutt-wars, that destroyed the overgrown and powerfull Hutt organizations, and over 50,000 soldiers from Hoth had died, the Mandalorian population of the Hoth-system stepped down from the senate. Many factories rose and droids were made. Hundreds of thousands of the Mandalorians on every planet of the system armed themselves and got ready to be trained. Some trained in the empty forests of Endor, some in the snow of Hoth. Some trained in space to become more agile in flying. In the dawn of the 16,000 millenia of the republic, the system of Hoth had grown an army, which held over 1,000,000 human soldiers. An enormous fleet was hiding in the asteroid field, protected by the planet's tractor beams that held the asteroids not to hit the ships, fighters were numerous, and thedroid army was hitting the number of 2,000,000.

"The Republic will not have the strenght to confront our troops, King Black" a dark man said. He was walking with the young King throught the mighty corridors of the palace. "Yes, Lord Gani. We have grown in strenght. But what about the jedi?" the King responsed quickly. "I shall handle the jedi. You shall have to bear my words, that the Republic will attack. You are too strong for them, and many spies are allready here, working on their missions. You must be ready for a full scaled war in the beginning of the millenium" The dark man said and turned from the larg corridor and throught a small door that led into the hangar. "I shall return to your side when you need me. But for now, my apprentice shall be here to help you. He knows everything about the plan, and I shall contact him from any changes" the man continued and turned to the king. He bowed and left to his large ship.


"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity in all this vastness there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
"

- Carl Sagan
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Old 08-22-2004, 09:41 AM   #2
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Nice.


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Old 08-23-2004, 04:36 AM   #3
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Now that's original thinking... millenia after the New Republic, brilliant!


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Old 08-23-2004, 06:12 AM   #4
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Coruscant, the planet-city, divided inmto the lower parts, slums, and the higher parts, luxury and rich people driving everywhere with their fancy pancy hovercars...
'Wham! Wham!' "Order! Order!" the hammer and the chancelor sang in the same time. The senate was once again debating, and some senators even threathened the others. "ORDER!" the chancelor shouted once again and hit his hammer to the table. Everyone shut up, and looked into the middle of the chamber. "We do not have the resources to grow our army before the end of this millenia! What shall we do?" the chancelor said and one of the senators approached with his pad. "What about Kamino? They can grow us troops in no time"
"Clones?"
"Yes. These Kaminoans have a great resource to clone humans, but they need an example from somewhere"
"Haven't they got something in their archives?"
"Yes, they do"
"We shall vote. Who says that we should use clones?"
The result soon revealed itself, as the first clone troopers arrived to coruscant.
The jedi council was scared...
"Repeat itself, the history does..."
"Yes, we should send a couple of jedi to check if they would come into something more agreeable than war..."
"Master Alegis has just arrived from Naboo with his padawan. They are our best choise"
"Shrouded, the padawan's future is. Mean this could many things"
"Still, they are our best choise"
"Send, Aledis, and Gensan to this mission, we will"
The three jedi masters spoke, as the others watched and listened.
The middle one was small, gremlin looking creature, on his right was a human, on his left was a Twi'lek. Soon, a red jedi starship blasted off from Coruscant, and the jedi council waited for the worst...

"Chancelor!" a shout called out from the door that lead to the chancelors luxurious appartment. The chancelor turned from looking out the window, and now looked down to the dispared human. "The jedi have sent one of their best pairs to Hoth!" the man said and breathed deeply. The chancelor sighed and shook his head, dissapointed to the jedi council's mistakes. "Leave me" the chancelor said and the human went off. The chancelor went to his bedroom.

"Sire, Lord Gani is on line two" "Yes, put him throught"
A holopod lit up on the floor infront of King Black's throne. The dark man appeared."Lord Gani, why do I have this honor?" the king said but soon was choking. The King rose a little, but then dropped to breath and to try to take some air into his lungs. "There is a jedi starship coming to Hoth. Do not reveal anything to them. Every man and droid in your army must be underground. Lord Sauron, you must take care of the jedi in the right time. Follow them back to Coruscant when they leave peacefully. Take their lives there, and then place the bodies infront of the jedi towers..." the other dark man next to the kings throne nodded and the hologram disparsed. The King now got enought of air into his lungs and looked at the sith next to him. The king looked dispared as the sith looked him under his hood. The sith turned his head and left throught a side door into his quarters.


"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity in all this vastness there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
"

- Carl Sagan
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Old 08-29-2004, 06:47 AM   #5
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A red jedi starship landed into a dark hangar. A large sith ship was covered in the side of the hangar, and the jedi didn't see it, which was crucial to their investigation. They got to the hangar door and a droid came to them. "Our King welcomes the noble jedi to the system of Hoth. He will see you in a minute. Would you pleace proceed to the waiting room for a while" the droid said and led the jedi into a small but luxurious room. The jedi sat down as the droid left.

The king was in a strong debate with the sith. "But lord Sauron. I cannot talk to the jedi! They will feel that I am lying, and not telling them everything!" the king shouted at the sith, but the sith stayed calm. "You must speak to them, or our plan will fail" the sith answered under his hood and the king sighed. "C-8T3, go serve them some drinks" the king said and the droid left with a small tray.

"Something is wrong here, master. I can feel it" the padawan said. His master looked around the room. "Be mindful about the future, my padawan. This conversation will be short" the master said and the padawan nodded. "Yes, master"


"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity in all this vastness there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
"

- Carl Sagan
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Old 09-02-2004, 10:06 AM   #6
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Nice, but it reminds me a lot of the Phantom Menace... in light of this, it is really cool that one of the Jedi said that the past was repeating itself... it really is!


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Hidden Histories: The Galaxy Hacker

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Old 09-03-2004, 12:35 PM   #7
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The droid arrived into the room where the jedi were, served them some drinks and left just as the room started to fill up with water and the doors hissed as they unpressured the doors and sealed their escape way at the same time. The open windows closed by an iron hatch.
The jedi looked around, dropped their drinks and drew their sabers. "Try to open that door! Get your aqua-breather!" the jedi master said and drew his breather out and placed it on his mouth. The young apprentice did the same and ran to the door to try and open it just as the water got to his throath. The master started to cut one of the windows, but didn't manage to do that before the water flushed him away from the window. The master hit the door at full speed and the padawan ignited his lightsaber. He cut a large hole into the door and kicked it. The water that now had filled the room, flushed throught the door, dragging the jedi with it. The jedi took off their masks and went back-to-back as droids surrounded them. The jedi ignited their sabers and flashes filled the small corridor. In a few seconds, the droids were cut into half, and the jedi ran towards the hangars with their ignited lightsabers. On the way there, the jedi met a dark man. A man with two red bladed lightsabers, that is. The jedi got ready to battle this sith.

The sith dropped down his black cloak, revealing a disgusting, reptile face and two yellow, gleaming eyes. The sith drew his lightsabers and ignited the two bright red blades. The jedi, a 15 year old, brown eyed human padawan attacked first, only to be confronted by two bright flashed that first cut his cloak, then hit his lightsaber away. The jedi master, 20 year old human male joined his padawan just as the blue lightsaber unignited in the air as it flew towards the floor. The padawan backed away as his master's lightsaber clashed to the two sith lightsabers.


"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity in all this vastness there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
"

- Carl Sagan

Last edited by Darth Tepe; 09-03-2004 at 01:18 PM.
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Old 09-03-2004, 12:44 PM   #8
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Just a few suggestions. Try to make the chapters a little longer. Give us more to read while you're writing the next part. It's more interesting and less frustrating that way.

Also try giving a little more detail, what the Jedi look like, what the room they are in looks like. You can start with this man you have just introduced. Describe him, give us a mental picture of what he looks like. It makes the story more meaningful.

Nice work so far. I look forward to more.


Mom tells me I need brain food... but if writing ain't that, I don't know what is!

My work in progress:
Hidden Histories: The Galaxy Hacker

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Old 09-03-2004, 12:50 PM   #9
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I know, but If I write it too long, the browser signs me off, and at this time (22:49/10:49 PM/etc...) I don't really want to wait for some writing program to load up. I might change the last post a bit when I get an inspiration and have a bit of time to write it on a text editor


"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity in all this vastness there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
"

- Carl Sagan
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Old 09-15-2004, 06:26 PM   #10
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An easy way to prevent yourself from loosing all you write in here would be to copy it before you click send. That way, you can paste it again after you sign on again. You have no idea how many times I've had to do that. I speak from experience.


Mom tells me I need brain food... but if writing ain't that, I don't know what is!

My work in progress:
Hidden Histories: The Galaxy Hacker

Have a read, give a review, yah?
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Old 11-12-2004, 10:12 AM   #11
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((A long time...))

The jedi ran to the hangars just as the sith lightsaber hit the wall besides them, ignited. The jedi had underrated the power of this sith, and ran to a two-seated fighter not too far away from the doors. The fighter flew off just as the Sith ran into the hangars, drawing his other arm with him, as the apprentice had cut it off in the end of the battle. The sith grinned in mixed thoughts, deactivated his lightsabers and ran to a sith fighter. The sith flew off trying to catch the jedi before they could inform the Jedi council.

The jedi talked, exchaused of all the fighting. "So they have a strong sith on their side..." Alegis finally blowed out, and they both sighed. The hole Republic would be doomed if the clones get raised and a sith controlling them, like in the past. Jedi council should be informed, but the fighter had no equipment for any kind of transmission.

The black space covered the large planet of Coruscant somewhere in the inner parts of the galaxy. A fighter speeded to the planet, with a sith fighter almost behind it. God, this would be the first day of the last days of the New republic...


"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity in all this vastness there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
"

- Carl Sagan
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