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Old 12-21-2004, 10:15 AM   #1
Darth Groovy
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Love, Santa

A letter from Santa:

Dear Friends:
I have been watching you very closely to see if you
have been good this year and since you have I will be
telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave
under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you
all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a
little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come
down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing,
the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids
a-milking, and the 9 piperspiping have been arrested
for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The
6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2
turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me
up to my sled runners in bird ****. On top of all
this! Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my
reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay
liberation and some people who can't read a calendar
have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe
next year I will be able to get my **** together and
bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you
get your asses down to Walmart before everything is
gone.
Love,
Santa.
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Old 12-21-2004, 10:44 AM   #2
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lmao
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Old 12-21-2004, 10:50 AM   #3
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Omg...
Now this is serious...
Especially the letter from little Johnny...
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Old 12-21-2004, 11:31 AM   #4
Darth Groovy
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Damn, I been looking all over for that letter too, I first heard it back in 2000, and nearly wet myself.

*saves to the hard drive*

I should print this up and take it to work!
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Old 12-23-2004, 11:54 AM   #5
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go on, it'll be a great laugh!! Say it came through to your adress by mistake or something....

god i was looking for that for ages
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Old 12-24-2004, 07:56 AM   #6
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probably from the same website as above.


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Old 12-25-2004, 12:09 AM   #7
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lmao! that's teh ownage! that's real funny. nice one. Merry Christmas.
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Old 12-25-2004, 05:23 AM   #8
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I printed all of those out and took them to work, needless to say, it lightened the mood for those that were stuck working with me, as a manager, I believe in making the most out of working on the Holidays if you are stuck having to be there.

Happy Holidays gang!
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Old 12-25-2004, 10:02 AM   #9
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If you're allowed to pin stuff tho the notice board (if you have one) stick 'em on that.

Merry crimbo, all
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Old 12-26-2004, 09:03 AM   #10
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Is there a Santa Claus? - a physicist view

Consider the following:

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.> In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
-- PhysLink.com

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Old 12-26-2004, 09:08 AM   #11
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http://www.physorg.com/news2487.html

...




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Old 12-26-2004, 03:07 PM   #12
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How long has the legend of santa been around for because common logic would rule that he's been through about a thousand livers by now with all the sherry he drinks every christmas eve.

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Old 12-27-2004, 02:35 AM   #13
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Alien, the one you found was awesome!
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Old 12-28-2004, 04:28 PM   #14
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Quote:
Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
Best quote ever


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 12-28-2004, 09:51 PM   #15
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I like "The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each." better.

If you want to read something incredible (but not very funny), read "Follow The Bouncing Malware" (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4)

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Old 12-30-2004, 03:21 PM   #16
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I scanned through the first part of that, it's amazing the kinds of things that 'Joe Average' is inclined to click on. Please tell me this only refers to idiots and old people who fear technology. I hurts me to think regular people have done this.


Just because people think what I say don't make sense, doesn't mean I don't like popsicles.
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Old 12-30-2004, 05:52 PM   #17
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As someone who has been called upon to rescue several nearly new, very expensive and powerful PCs from the brink of Spam-Zombieville and the grasp of vicious virus swarms and remote hackers, often within a week of being unboxed... I wish I could say that otherwise intelligent, rational, successful people don't fall for such things, but sadly I cannot.

I just talked my boss through saving his PC from being a spam relay zombie this week. This is after he watched me disinfect his own brother's PC of similar symptoms... twice.



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