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Old 01-19-2005, 05:11 AM   #1
ChAiNz.2da
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The Lighter Side of Life (jokes, humor, etc.)

Okay, I'm at work, bored & nothing scheduled to edit until 11am. So what's that mean to you? Absolutely nothing

BUT, here's some things I've found to amuse myself and co-workers (we email this sort of thing all the time) I figured I'd share with my friends here at Holowan as well... These are "worksafe".

Things to do when your co-worker goes on vacation:Other Misc. StuffAnd FINALLY, here's a little 2MB WMV showcasing other people's pain (which is always much more fun to laugh at), accompanied by the tune "That's Life" (adjust your volume). Click to 'stream' it, or right-click and "save target as".

ENJOY!


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 01-19-2005, 08:05 AM   #2
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Nice set of links... gives me ideas...


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Old 01-19-2005, 08:11 AM   #3
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best pics yet!!

good stuff, although i have to wonder where you got the newspaper pic. those papers aren't exactly written in english....


See the struggle of the faithless lot as they negate their time
How low to sink to the depths of their frame of mind

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Old 01-20-2005, 03:48 AM   #4
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was wondering the same too..looks like something close to russia


all darksider

-scored 50 on jedi test-



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Old 01-20-2005, 02:29 PM   #5
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you got them from funny junk right?


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Old 01-20-2005, 02:49 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by dumac
you got them from funny junk right?
Not sure to be honest. These were e-mailed to me from one of the ladies I work with, she in turn got them from one of our old showhosts who moved back to Australia. Though I'm sure it was from them or a similiar type site.

We're always passing around stuff like this (productivity & company time at it's best )


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 01-20-2005, 08:03 PM   #7
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The packing peanuts in the cubicle definately give me an evil idea...


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Old 01-21-2005, 05:14 AM   #8
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Me, I use tk102's KeyTweak to invert the 0 with the o and the i with the 1 on my secretary's keyboard when she is away from her desk ...and contrary to the peanuts, you don't have to clean the mess afterwards...
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Old 01-25-2005, 01:59 PM   #9
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I laughed for 2 hours after seeing the video and the pics!


Ive seen things like this at Funny Junk and funnies.com but they were never this funny!


98 percent of the teenage population has tried some type of drug or underage drinking at some point. Put this in your sig if you like potatoes.
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Old 01-26-2005, 01:46 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Darth333
Me, I use tk102's KeyTweak to invert the 0 with the o and the i with the 1 on my secretary's keyboard when she is away from her desk ...and contrary to the peanuts, you don't have to clean the mess afterwards...
you can also do that with mice in a computer lab. just plug them into another computer and watch the tempors fly. one time i got on a computer the whole keyboard was messed up there were like 20 keys out of place lol



edit

http://funnies.com/redjedi.htm

something we should all relate too well half way at least


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Old 01-26-2005, 04:08 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by dumac
edit

http://funnies.com/redjedi.htm

something we should all relate too well half way at least
since i live in south carolina, it just so happens that i'm around a lot of rednecks (read: to numerous to count). so, this one relates to me even more.

favorite:
Quote:
You Might Be a Redneck Jedi if...
* If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."
that one just so happens to remind me of a bumper sticker i saw on a car the other day:
Quote:
Help stop inbreeding: Ban Country Music!
true, so true....


See the struggle of the faithless lot as they negate their time
How low to sink to the depths of their frame of mind

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Old 01-27-2005, 12:53 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by stingerhs
since i live in south carolina, it just so happens that i'm around a lot of rednecks (read: to numerous to count). so, this one relates to me even more.
Well then "Howdy neighbor" Being a resident of Tennessee I'm just 'over yonder' from yer neck of tha' woods....

I feel your pain (ugghh)...

Though i'm surprised there wasn't a "Every speeder has a blaster rifle rack mounted in the back window" on the list


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 01-27-2005, 12:30 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da
Well then "Howdy neighbor" Being a resident of Tennessee I'm just 'over yonder' from yer neck of tha' woods....

I feel your pain (ugghh)...

Though i'm surprised there wasn't a "Every speeder has a blaster rifle rack mounted in the back window" on the list
just be thankful that you have a job where you work with computers rather than half-drunk rednecks coming through drive-thru @ midnight. trust me, you don't want details.....

+ =

now if there was going to be one that i would add, it would be:
"Your emergency rations kit contains chewing tobbacco, a pack of smokes, and a 6-pack of beer."


See the struggle of the faithless lot as they negate their time
How low to sink to the depths of their frame of mind

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Old 01-27-2005, 12:48 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by stingerhs
just be thankful that you have a job where you work with computers rather than half-drunk rednecks coming through drive-thru @ midnight. trust me, you don't want details.....

+ =

now if there was going to be one that i would add, it would be:
"Your emergency rations kit contains chewing tobbacco, a pack of smokes, and a 6-pack of beer."
It's so true, it's hilarious!

Here's some pics so the "Yankees" can appreciate our troubles (worksafe) and NO, I'm not related to anyone in pics #1, #5, #6 (thank goodness)


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 02-03-2005, 07:17 AM   #15
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Post

Since I'm working on a female PC mod, I thought I'd mark the occasion with some 'female' humor (graciously submitted by my work peers...women, of course )

New drugs for women:

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo can cause dangerously low IQ resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R!
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person, can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 02-03-2005, 07:38 AM   #16
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I found this WERDER BREMEN soccer good!
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Old 02-03-2005, 08:27 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da
Since I'm working on a female PC mod, I thought I'd mark the occasion with some 'female' humor (graciously submitted by my work peers...women, of course )
Then I'll answer with some "male" humour, (gracioulsy brought to you by typing "new drug for men" in google.com )

DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost, compared to a control group where only 0.2 percent asked for directions.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks--especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return limit. Hehehe looks like this one works both ways...gives me ideas...

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.

Last edited by ChAiNz.2da; 07-22-2006 at 10:56 AM.
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Old 02-03-2005, 08:39 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by Darth333
Then I'll answer with some "male" humour, (gracioulsy brought to you by typing "new drug for men" in google.com )

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
Heh...I need some of this! I wonder if it works for "modding" projects too...hmmmm...

Quote:

CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.
Replacing toothpaste caps?! What else am I supposed to throw at my cat .. hehe

I'm not even going to touch on the great 'toilet seat debate'... All I have to say is the seat goes in 2 different directions and it's not that heavy..


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Old 02-04-2005, 05:29 AM   #19
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Things That Hallmark® Cards Don't Say


My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you
I've changed my mind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 02-04-2005, 05:34 AM   #20
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chances are that if you have a Spencer's in your local mall, then you can find cards that say those kind of things. well, and then you have the vulger ones as well......


See the struggle of the faithless lot as they negate their time
How low to sink to the depths of their frame of mind

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Old 02-04-2005, 06:27 AM   #21
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serious lolness


Join the BBF

SWbattlefront name:RebelScum!
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Old 02-09-2005, 08:22 AM   #22
ChAiNz.2da
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Obviously we here at my workplace have nothing better to do than forward junk like this to each other... but... Yeah, I'm bored and have nothing better to do until my client shows up for his edit session
-----------------------------

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie __ b = lumpy __ c = buttercup
d = gadget __ e = crusty __ f = greasy
g = fluffy __ h = cheeseball __ i = chim-chim
j = stinky __ k = flunky __ l = bootie
m = pinky __ n = zippy __ o = goober
p = doofus __ q = slimy __ r = loopy
s = snotty __ t = tootie __ u = dorkey
v = squeezit __ w = oprah __ x = skipper
y = dinky __ z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name t o determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple __ b = toilet __ c = giggle
d = burger __ e = girdle __ f = barf
g = lizard __ h = waffle __ i = cootie
j = monkey __ k = potty __ l = liver
m = banana __ n = rhino __ o = bubble
p = hamster __ q = toad __ r = gizzard
s = pizza __ t = gerbilvu __ u = chicken
v = pickle __ w = chuckle __ x = tofu
y = gorilla __ z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = head __ b = mouth __ c = face
d = nose __ e = tush __ f = breath
g = pants __ h = shorts __ i = lips
j = honker __ k = butt __ l = brain
m = tushie __ n = biscuits __ o = hiney
p = chunks __ q = toes __ r = buns
s = fanny __ t = sniffer __ u = sprinkles
v = kisser __ w = squirt __ x = humperdinck
y = brains __ z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober_Chickenshorts. William Jefferson Clinton is Bootie Liverbiscuits.

And of course, I shall be known in the "Underground" as.....

Tootie BubbleHiney
Fear me now!


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 02-09-2005, 08:56 AM   #23
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ok.... then I am Loopy Bubblelips
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Old 02-09-2005, 09:11 AM   #24
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And I am ... Zippy Appleface.

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Old 02-09-2005, 09:16 AM   #25
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Poopsie Gizzard-Tushie

Nice.


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Old 02-09-2005, 12:18 PM   #26
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Poopsie WaffleSquirt.
Niice.

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Old 02-09-2005, 12:39 PM   #27
T7nowhere
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poopsie gorilla-butt
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Old 02-09-2005, 06:10 PM   #28
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LOL! This stuff is hilarious. My friend works at an office job and sends me a lot of stuff like this, but rarely this funny. Oh, yeah...I am.... Loopy Bubble-Sniffer


"Never argue with a fool, for he could be doing the same."
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Old 02-09-2005, 06:32 PM   #29
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Crusty Girdletush.
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Old 02-09-2005, 06:48 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
Crusty Girdletush.
I think they make an ointment for that

oh wait, that says Administrator doesn't it!?


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Old 02-09-2005, 07:15 PM   #31
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Cheeseball ChickenBrains here!
Quote:
Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da
oh wait, that says Administrator doesn't it!?
Run, ChAiNz... run!!!


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"Liella d'Orien says, '"You're the fool, Devil. -- Witness the power of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL Titan!"'"
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Old 02-10-2005, 12:01 AM   #32
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Cheeseball WaffleBuns!!!!

OK, fearsome.


Quote:
Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da
It says Administrator doesn't it!? [/size]
Oh My God. Consider community doomed.


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Old 02-10-2005, 12:08 AM   #33
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Get me some of that ointment and I'll forget this whole thing ever happened.
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Old 02-10-2005, 01:59 PM   #34
Liverandbacon
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I end up as Crusty Bubblebuns
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Old 02-10-2005, 02:47 PM   #35
ChAiNz.2da
Brony 4 Life. Yo.
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
Get me some of that ointment and I'll forget this whole thing ever happened.
Straight from the Elf Factory®.... New & Improved!

RHETT-ATION H®

I've heard it works for both Administrators & Moderators

hope this works everyone.. hehe

------------------
ps - just in case, click it....it's a link
Feel free to use & distribute as necessary


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Last edited by ChAiNz.2da; 02-10-2005 at 04:12 PM.
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Old 02-24-2005, 06:40 AM   #36
ChAiNz.2da
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Yeah, it's me again....
Not much today from the fine folks at JTV (my work), but here's something that wasn't a definite 'thread locker'... I hope
ENJOY!


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 02-28-2005, 08:01 AM   #37
ChAiNz.2da
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A man and a woman who have never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 a.m., he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married".

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

---------------
sometimes it's the simple things that make me laugh the most...


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 03-01-2005, 04:40 AM   #38
ChAiNz.2da
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JTV and I "proudly" present...

As I Mature (204kb .jpg)

Be Careful of What You Wear (568kb .WMV file) - Nothing "dirty" but it does have sound and a guy dancing around in the "skivvies" (workplace headsup)

ENJOY!


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 03-03-2005, 04:56 AM   #39
ChAiNz.2da
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Things to waste your valuable brain cells on
  • In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
    Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
  • Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
  • The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
  • Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
  • Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
  • Coca-Cola was originally green.
  • It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  • The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
  • The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
    - The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
  • The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
  • The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
  • Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
  • The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
  • The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
  • Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

    - Spades - King David
    - Hearts - Charlemagne
    - Clubs - Alexander, the Great
    - Diamonds - Julius Caesar
  • 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
  • If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
  • Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and CharlesThomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
  • Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
    A. Their birthplace
  • Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
    A. Obsession
  • Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
    A. One thousand
  • Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
    A. All invented by women.
  • Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
    A. Honey
  • Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
    A. Father's Day
  • In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
  • It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month . Which we know today as the "honeymoon".
  • In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
    It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
  • Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow


"Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines"


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Old 03-03-2005, 06:45 AM   #40
stingerhs
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^^^^
*reads post*
Quote:
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
now my life is complete.


See the struggle of the faithless lot as they negate their time
How low to sink to the depths of their frame of mind

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