lfnetwork.com mark read register faq members calendar

Thread: Qantas is an Australian Airliner (humour)
Thread Tools Display Modes
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Old 08-05-2005, 11:52 AM   #1
Jan Gaarni
Grand Moff
 
Jan Gaarni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,806
LFN Staff Member Forum Veteran 
Qantas is an Australian Airliner (humour)

I found this years ago, and thought I would share it with the people here, in an effort to liven up the place abit.


Anyway, after each flight, the pilot fills out a form that says what faults have occurred during the flight, which the mechanics can look at and fix the problems if needed.

The mechanics then fills out on the area at the bottom part of the form, telling what they have done with the problem. The pilot then reads the report before the next flight. You canít say that the ground crew and mechanics donít have a sense of humour, to say the least.
Here are some actual registered complaints over lack of maintenance and problems, which Qantasí pilots have submitted, aswell as what solutions the maintenance personell have noted.


P: Problem noted by the pilot.
S: Solution noted by the mechanic.
Quote:
P: Innermost wheel on left side almost needs to be changed.
S: Almost changed the innermost wheel on the left side.


P: Test-flight went OK, except the autolanding was alittle rough.
S: There is no autolanding system installed on this aircraft ...


P: Propeller #2 does not receive enough lubricant.
S: Supply to propeller #2 is normal.
Supply to propeller #1, 3, and 4 is out of order!


P: Something in the cockpit is lose.
S: Something in the cockpit has been fastened.


P: Dead bugs on the windscreen.
S: Live bugs are in requisition.


P: Autopilot creates a drop of 200 feet when the airceiling level is punched in.
S: Cannot recreate problem on the ground.


P: Evidence of leak on the right landinggear.
S: Evidence removed!


P: The sound level on the communication system is unbelievable loud.
S: The sound level have been changed to a more believable level.


P: The throttle lock makes the throttle lock.
S: Well, thatís kinda the reason why itís there for.


P: The radio is out of order.
S: The radio is always out of order, when the switch is in the OFF position.


P: I have a feeling thereís a crack in the windscreen.
S: I have a feeling you are right!


P: Missing engine #3.
S: Engine found on the right wing after some search effort...


P: The plane behaves funny.
S: The plane has been instructed to pull itself together, fly properly, and to be abit more serious!


P: The radar is growling.
S: The radar has been reconfigured to speech.


P: Mouse in the cockpit.
S: Cat installed.




Empire At War Moderator
&
SWGalaxies Moderator

- What we do in life, echoes in eternity!
- May the pants be with you!

A smile is the shortest distance between people - Victor Borge!


Custom Avatar by Wraith 8

Last edited by Jan Gaarni; 08-05-2005 at 02:27 PM.
Jan Gaarni is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-05-2005, 08:37 PM   #2
FroZticles
Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 774
Qantas not Quantas


Age of Empires 3
vs
Empire at War
vs
Rise of Legends
vs
Battle for Middle-Earth 2

Let the battle begin.....




FroZticles is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-05-2005, 09:17 PM   #3
Darth333
Administraterror
 
Darth333's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: In my secret dungeon...
Posts: 8,292
lol yes I remember that and I think I still have it somewhere...I work with airlines and this was all around the place a few years ago

...the autolanding thing is a bit disturbing
Darth333 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-06-2005, 05:32 AM   #4
Jan Gaarni
Grand Moff
 
Jan Gaarni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,806
LFN Staff Member Forum Veteran 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FroZticles
Qantas not Quantas
I know.

Did I miss one before I posted or?

Oh, right, the title didn't change.

Ohwell, as long as I got the other ones corrected.

EDIT: Ah, there we go, found the way to edit the title aswell.
I forgot to change it when I posted it.

I posted this a couple or 3 years ago in the SWG Off Topic, and a friend of mine corrected me on it back then, so I knew it wasn't Quantas, but Qantas.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth333
...the autolanding thing is a bit disturbing
I'm sure there was an autopilot on it.

Hey, congrats with your promotion by the way, Darth333.




Empire At War Moderator
&
SWGalaxies Moderator

- What we do in life, echoes in eternity!
- May the pants be with you!

A smile is the shortest distance between people - Victor Borge!


Custom Avatar by Wraith 8

Last edited by Jan Gaarni; 08-06-2005 at 06:09 AM.
Jan Gaarni is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-14-2005, 12:53 PM   #5
Lynk Former
internet hate machine
 
Lynk Former's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,978
10 year veteran! The Walking Carpets Guild Officer Imperialist Meatbags Guild Officer LF Jester 
A friends dad used to be a mechanic for Qantas, he quit cause Qantas cut so many corners with airline safety, he wondered how any of them stay up in the air as it is. But meh *shrugs* what can ya do.

Lynk Former is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-14-2005, 05:01 PM   #6
Jan Gaarni
Grand Moff
 
Jan Gaarni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,806
LFN Staff Member Forum Veteran 
There was a notation at the bottom the first time I posted this some years back that they had never had any serious accidents up till that point.

But I left it out this time seeing I have no idea how the company is doing today.




Empire At War Moderator
&
SWGalaxies Moderator

- What we do in life, echoes in eternity!
- May the pants be with you!

A smile is the shortest distance between people - Victor Borge!


Custom Avatar by Wraith 8
Jan Gaarni is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 08-15-2005, 12:17 AM   #7
Lynk Former
internet hate machine
 
Lynk Former's Avatar
 
Status: Administrator
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,978
10 year veteran! The Walking Carpets Guild Officer Imperialist Meatbags Guild Officer LF Jester 
Qantas still hasn't had anything serious happen to them uptill now. They have incredible luck it seems lol.

Lynk Former is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-02-2006, 10:46 PM   #8
GhostlyYouki
Rookie
 
GhostlyYouki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 19
Lol nice.

P: Mouse in the cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Lol, well would like to see what a computerized cat will do.


GhostlyYouki is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Old 01-02-2006, 11:26 PM   #9
popcorn2008
Little Green Friend
 
popcorn2008's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
Posts: 1,239
Good one! lol

Jeez I would hate to work there lol. Whats up with losing an engine? haha After some search effort lol These are great


> Lucas Forums Moderator
> Petroglyph Forums Moderator
> Unofficial Petroglyph Fan Forums Global Moderator
popcorn2008 is offline   you may: quote & reply,
Post a new thread. Add a reply to this thread. Indicate all threads in this forum as read. Subscribe to this forum. RSS feed: this forum RSS feed: all forums
Go Back   LucasForums > Network > Empire At War > Community > Dexter Jettser's Diner > Qantas is an Australian Airliner (humour)

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:32 AM.

LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2011 - All rights reserved.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.