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Old 10-14-2005, 08:34 PM   #1
KingCheez
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Mix-Up [Now With Fight Scene.]



Just a scene from my upcoming fanfic, which involves Mind Control, Raz and Dart (and countless others, imagine Raz being stuck in Sasha's mind) switching minds, and plenty of hilarity tied in with weirdness and an original plot.

But first, I've got to write my crazy uber-short story about Raz. Seriously. It'll be better than you can imagine.


Last edited by KingCheez; 10-18-2005 at 05:29 PM.
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Old 10-14-2005, 08:41 PM   #2
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Aww, wow. Dart looks adorable! I can't believe markers can look that good.


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Old 10-14-2005, 08:46 PM   #3
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Woah. That is very awesome.

I want to read that story now. O_O
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Old 10-14-2005, 08:48 PM   #4
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Hey, Cheez. Are going to post this going-to-be-awesome fic up here? Or somewhere else?


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Old 10-14-2005, 08:59 PM   #5
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Wow..I never even thought of having Dart in fanfiction.
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Old 10-14-2005, 09:17 PM   #6
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Going to post it HERE.

In fact, here is a prologue.

Deep in the eastern deserts, D'Artagnan studied his psychic arts hard. Here, they were considered magical powers, amazing gifts that lifted those in posession of them above the average, to emperors and nobles. He opened a scroll, and read it aloud to himself. "Po...session," he read, very slowly. He read the words across the paper, a chant to awaken his mind control.

"Ano Mak'ht Zein, Le Kjh't Nomr,
E Knei ze Leig,
nas Khag ein Krigzel,
op Auerur sles Karantu,
sies Tran, Tran, Trentua."

As he uttered the words, he realized all too late he had made a mistake. As he dropped the scroll to the ground with a thud, he let out a shout as his mentality left his body, into the Collective Unconscious.

At the same time, Razputin cast forth his mental projection towards Sasha, who clumsily lost his footing and fell to the floor. Razputin was flung into the Collective Unconscious, flying straight through D'art, into his body in a hectic flash of fear.

"D'Artagnan? D'Artagnan? Why did you scream?"

Dart, or rather, Raz, looked up at the old man standing over him.

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Old 10-14-2005, 09:24 PM   #7
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Okay. That is wow. I can not wait to read it.

I'm so excited, there aren't enough exclamation marks in the world to punctuate my sentences with.


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Old 10-14-2005, 09:48 PM   #8
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This reminds me of a lot of cartoons.... but pretty much everything does, nice work!


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 10-14-2005, 10:28 PM   #9
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NEW VERSION = THE SECKS

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Old 10-14-2005, 10:37 PM   #10
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Are those trees?

Because they're friggin sweet.


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Old 10-14-2005, 10:39 PM   #11
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Well duh. Me + Camera + Forest? Definitely trees.

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Old 10-14-2005, 11:05 PM   #12
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Argh. Shup.

You should know you take very good pictures. In general, I mean.


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Old 10-15-2005, 12:15 AM   #13
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those are some awesome trees! Can you make Dart and Raz battle? THAT'D BE AWESOMER THAN MUFFIN BAKING!!
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Old 10-16-2005, 01:56 PM   #14
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Great Pic and I love the idea and I need my master




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-18-2005, 05:24 PM   #15
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THIS IS ACTUALLY LIKE, PART OF THE ENDING.


IF YOU REALLY, REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYTHING THAT HAS NO POTENTIAL OF SPOLING THE PLOT, DON'T READ BELOW

"I'll teach you not to mess with my body, Cappy!"

"Bring it on, Four-Eyes."

With that, Razputin charged forth at D'Artagnan, shoving his hand into his stomach at such an angle he was flung to the ground. They stood on a tall, sandly plateau so high one could not see the ground. Dart made a quick recovery, and punched Razputin in the stomach, grabbing him by his arm and bringing his knee to the wounded area. Razputin doubled over, his leg kicking forth, so high Dart's chin flew straight up. Razputin snuck in one punch and a roundhouse blow, before D'Artagnan tossed a punch right into Razputin's face.

Raz narrowly avoided it, and took Dart's extended arm, flipped him over like a pancake, across the plateau. As he charged towards him, Dart put his hand out and the plateau erupted, cracking in half and spreading apart to reveal a magma-filled grave for the loser.

They began firing psi-blasts tactically at eachother. A stunned Sasha and Milla climbed the plateau, barely mobile, to see the events that transcended.

D'Artagnan jumped across the gorge, when Razputin made a psychic disc and held him back with a Psi-Pulse. Dart jumped back onto the canyon wall, jumping up in a wall-jump fashion, onto Razputin's side of the new canyon. Razputin made a psychic shield to protect himself from Dart's blind fury. D'Artagnan, however, penetrated the shield, and left his fist in place. He turned around smashing another opening with his elbow. He put his back in, to make one last hole. He struck a fist forth, knocking Razputin flying towards the edge of the plateau, right next to Sasha, at the cost of Dart's own hand. "Gryaaaaaaaah!" he screamed, his eyes turning red.

Two figures in cloaks stood on the other side of the canyon. "The two fight with ferver, but I have no doubt my D'Artagnan will win," one said. "He has refined his sheer anger into pure force."

"I doubt that," said an old, cracking voice. "I know Razputin, and I know he can take quite the challenge." They both laughed.

Razputin rose up, near Sasha and Milla. Milla climbed onto the platform, hoisting Sasha up. "Razputin. Now normally, darling, I do not encourage of fighting. But this boy, you must take everything you've learned. He is very strong, and there is no way around this."

"Razputin. Remember my advanced technique." Raz produced a psychic sword, grinning with his advantage, but his smirk was wiped off of his face. D'Artagnan did the same, and the two of them began to duel. Raz brung his sword down in a vertical manner, while Dart brought his sword sideways.

"This is my Holy Pilgrammage, Razputin," said Dart, bringing his sword back. "They did not intend me to fight. But should you interfere, I must."

"I only thought you were trying to take over my body."

"I the same, one with Goggles. But, why?"

"Razputin," said Sasha. "I may be to blame for that. I tought you wrong, and sent your mentality packing."

Razputin and Dart put their swords to the ground, in sheer sorrow and self-blame. As they moved towards eachother to shake hands, a sudden shout occured. The first dark cloaked figure took off his cloak, revealing his face.

"My god," said D'Artagnan, "it's you."

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Old 10-18-2005, 05:39 PM   #16
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OMFG That is so good you should send it to Tim! It's friggin' awesome! And I think it's rockin'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-18-2005, 05:41 PM   #17
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Cheez, that was SWEET.

Excellent descriptions, cool fight scene, and from what I've heard you got Dart's personality down pat.


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Old 10-18-2005, 05:42 PM   #18
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It Rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-18-2005, 05:55 PM   #19
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Wow. Thanks-a-rooney.

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Old 10-18-2005, 05:57 PM   #20
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Oh yes. Dart loses his hand. But don't worry. He'll get a metal one. Sorry to all (do they even exist?) Dart-lovers.

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Old 10-18-2005, 06:01 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by KingCheez
Oh yes. Dart loses his hand. But don't worry. He'll get a metal one. Sorry to all (do they even exist?) Dart-lovers.
GHASP.

I wasn't sure about that part in the story, because I didn't expect you to take his hand off...

Hopefully he isn't angsty like Anakin.


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Old 10-18-2005, 06:06 PM   #22
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Aw man Dart's gon' be a bit more powerful w/ a mental hand. Considering it has mental powers.




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-18-2005, 06:07 PM   #23
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I wasn't sure I was either, but then I was like "Well, it'll look cool, am i rite lols"

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Old 10-18-2005, 06:09 PM   #24
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I wasn't sure I was either, but then I was like "Well, it'll look cool, am i rite lols"
It will look pretty cool.

Roffle.

Totally digging this fic already.


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Old 10-18-2005, 06:19 PM   #25
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Please finish drawing it and post it can't wait THIS STORY ROCKS!!!!




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-19-2005, 10:53 PM   #26
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CHAPTER 1: SWAP

Deep in the eastern deserts, D'Artagnan studied his psychic arts hard. Here, they were considered magical

powers, amazing gifts that lifted those in posession of them above the average, to emperors and nobles. He

opened a scroll, and read it aloud to himself. "Po...session," he read, very slowly. He read the words across the

paper, a chant to awaken his mind control.

"Ano Mak'ht Zein, Le Kjh't Nomr,
E Knei ze Leig,
nas Khag ein Krigzel,
op Auerur sles Karantu,
sies Tran, Tran, Trentua."

As he uttered the words, he realized all too late he had made a mistake. As he dropped the scroll to the

ground with a thud, he let out a shout as his mentality left his body, into the Collective Unconscious.

At the same time, Razputin cast forth his mental projection towards Sasha, who clumsily lost his footing and

fell to the floor. Razputin was flung into the Collective Unconscious, flying straight through Dart, into his

body in a hectic flash of fear.

"D'Artagnan? D'Artagnan? Why did you scream?"

Dart, or rather, Raz, looked up at the old man standing over him.

"Dart? Are you okay?"

Raz coughed, sputtering and hacking. "I'm not a dart...I'm Razputin! Where am I?"

"Why, you're feverish. I suppose you shouldn't have left the palace in this condition. Come along. There's only

even more contaminants here." The old man shepharded him out of a dark cave covered in hieroglyphics and

cryptic drawings. Raz stepped into the desert sun, looking at how beautiful and expansive it was.

There was never something so beautiful at home. Sand as far as the eye could see, yet an industrious thriving

population. A small defiant river, and a few animals crossed his path. The sun was warming, but still

comfortable even through his thick jacket and pants. "Well. The palace is this way, child. Don't associate

yourself among these peasants. You're our Psychic Royalty, just like your...father..." He became silent. He

turned away. "You seem to have matured, you usually get very sad when I mention your father."

"But my dad is alive," said Razputin, confused.

"It's been nine years, D'Artagnan."

He stepped into a beautiful palace, covered in tapestries, a red carpet no one was allowed to walk on but him,

servants ready to cater to his every whim, an advisor at his side. He looked at the gigantic chair, and took the

seat next to it, the modestly small seat.

"My goodness, D'Artagnan. This is not your chair! Your fever has thrown you out of your loop. Please, I

suggest you rest up the stairs."

Raz followed his advisor up the stairs to his bed. "Stay in bed," he said. "You are in no state to leave. Poor, sick child."

He closed the door behind him, and Raz looked at a giant stained-glass window, a symbol engraved of an angel, holding above her a swirling psychic thought bubble. Razputin looked out, sighing. He wanted to see just how people lived. He saw a solitary girl go to the market, her hair tied back in two pigtails, and her clothes so familiar. But it was ridiculous to think that she was. But she was still so beautiful to him.

Night fell. Razputin looked at the most clear pane of the stained glass window, and removed it. It was luckily at the very bottom, and he crawled out, jumping down onto the sands with a silent landing. He walked to the field of tents, cottages, and small plants growing along the strangely fertile desert soil.

As he walked out, he heard a voice claim, "Psst! D'Artagnan! I have some important information for you!"

He walked towards the tent of origin, and saw the same girl, her back turned to him, tending a fire. "You didn't hear it from me," she spoke gravely, "but your advisor has a secret plan to kill you." Raz felt so connected to her, her voice sounding so familiar, and he turned her around by her shoulders, and grabbed her hand.

"Are you...Lili? Lili Zanotto?" He asked, lifting her face-veil. She stared right into his eyes. "Lili!"

"Dart? You don't know me, but how do you-"

"My name isn't Dart!" he exclaimed. "Well, I think it's not. It might be, but MY name is Razputin. I mean, my mind. Because I'm not-"

"Raz!" shouted Lili, with a smile. She drew his face to hers, and as she kissed him, she turned her face and spit.

"Eugh. Your mouth tastes like sand! And you're not as good a kisser in this body, I guess."

"Well, after sitting in sand for five hours unconscious, your mouth tastes pretty bad too!"

"Oh come on. You're just...You know what? You can get some mouthwash in the back, and then we can-"

"Wait," he said. "You said someone was out to kill me? If I get someone I don't even know killed, how could I live with myself? I think we need to flee."

"That's also a good idea. But can we try to like, make out WHILE we flee?"

"Lili, listen, I don't really care about the making out right now."

"Well, I wrote a song about you, too, I bet you wanna hear it..."

"Lili!" Razputin shouted. "This isn't about us, it's about Arrow,"

"If you're gonna fit in," she replied with a caustic sting, "your name is D'Artagnan, or as you call yourself, Dart."

"You know what? Let's just run."

"Yeah, I think that'd be the easiest way out. Let's go."

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Old 10-19-2005, 11:19 PM   #27
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OMFG that is the best thing I've ever read!!!!!!!!!!
Please send it to Tim Shcaffer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE DO PICTURE W/ DART AND THE MENTAL HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-20-2005, 04:05 PM   #28
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Alright. So I'm printing your story out and I'll get to editing it.
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Old 10-20-2005, 04:08 PM   #29
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PLEASE???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-20-2005, 04:41 PM   #30
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Dart is from the desert? I thought he'd be from some kind of royal family from Tuscany or Turkey or somthing.
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Old 10-20-2005, 04:46 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth_Ave2011
Dart is from the desert? I thought he'd be from some kind of royal family from Tuscany or Turkey or somthing.
I thought Dart was supposed to be a gypsy. I mean, Raz is. I thought he had the same-ish background, but different personality/look. Cheez got him down good.


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Old 10-20-2005, 04:49 PM   #32
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Yeah no kidding this story rocks sox!!!!!!!!
And on a calmer note: I thought he'd be from somewhere cold 'cause of his hat and the way he's dressed. Maybe where Quentin grew up if you look @ how he's dressed.




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-20-2005, 04:51 PM   #33
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I always thought he was from Russia or Ukraine.


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 10-20-2005, 04:53 PM   #34
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Quote:
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I always thought he was from Russia or Ukraine.
Jajaja. Russia-Dart sounds logical. Also I like Russia.

MISERY AND RADISHES. Mmmm. And snow. I forget snow.

In communist Russia, comments post YOU!


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Old 10-20-2005, 04:54 PM   #35
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No, MISERY, VODKA, AND RADISHES! yay Russia!!!
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Old 10-20-2005, 04:57 PM   #36
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GO RUSSIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-20-2005, 04:57 PM   #37
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Why are you editing it, Klia...?

And D'Artagnan, well, I like the desert. It's a thing involving a Five Iron Frenzy song.

Also, I just gotta ink the Dart picture.

RAY TURN OFF CAPSLOCK BTW STOP USING SO MUCH PUNCTUATION AND MAKING POINTLESS POSTS???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO CUT DOWN ON THE PUNCTUATION

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Old 10-20-2005, 04:58 PM   #38
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Ah, yes. The ol' 'I like desert' routine.

The desert IS cool, though.


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Old 10-20-2005, 04:59 PM   #39
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Okay I only use caps some now but I'll stop and 2. Less punctuation it is.




You have the insanity of a MANATEE!!!!!!11

I gotta car and now I'm on da road. Watch out highway, here I come!!!!
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Old 10-20-2005, 05:00 PM   #40
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Quote:
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Why are you editing it, Klia...?
Not editing it betaing it. Sorry. I just like to edit.
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