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Old 10-07-2006, 11:03 PM   #1041
Digitaldreamer
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Hmmm...Cinderella? Oh, Hansel and Grettle or however it's spelled would be another good one! And Snow White! *noddu noddu*

Er...yeah, that's all I can think of right now.

...GAH must go write CP! X_x Tomorrow's my usual deadline, eek! *runs off to write*


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 10-08-2006, 12:59 AM   #1042
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Ooh! I'll have to keep those in mind. There is alot that can be done with Cinderella, and I can work something out for Hansel and Gretel. And how could I forget Snow White? On another nte: Write, Digi! Write like the wind! For every dedaline missed, mass germ death occurs. Please, think of the germs.
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Old 10-08-2006, 09:41 AM   #1043
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Hansel and Gretel!

Ford: ...the camp can no longer support you. GO.
Milla: [cries]
Sasha: Don't cry, Milla. I have bread crumbs!
[Telekinetic bears lick up crumbs.]
Sasha: Well, now we're screwed.
Milla: O.o Look Sasha it's a cabin made of bunny meat!
Coach: STOP EATIN' MY HOUSE!!


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 10-08-2006, 09:14 PM   #1044
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Ha, that wins.

In other news Cursum Perficio has been updated, as usual. You can find the sixth chapter here.

Annnd a summary:

Lili and Raz haven't seen each other in two years, and the fact that Raz ran off to Whispering Rock without telling her is making for several marks against him. How do the two react when they find themselves face to face once again? Meanwhile, Agent Cruller continues to look into the Ferrowbrooks case...

Huzzah or something?


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 10-10-2006, 12:11 AM   #1045
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Yes, HUZZAH!
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Old 10-15-2006, 01:28 PM   #1046
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OMFG I finally posted my Jasper story. Basically Jasper gets out of Gloria's head and runs around criticizing everyone. You can find it here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3199725/1/

It's just supposed to be funny... and I get to spend the next 4 or 5 chapters insulting every single character in the game. Anyone got any really horrible insults? Should I start a new thread for that? I need a LOT of witty insults... I've already started collecting them.


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 10-15-2006, 10:07 PM   #1047
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Wow, DylanMay puts up a fic and mine gets updated. Today must be fanfiction day.

So right, chapter seven of Cursum Perficio is up. Huzzah or something.

And here be a summary:

Lili's been at the camp for a few days, but she hasn't seen Raz since she got there. He's avoiding her...is there anything Milla can do to help? Meanwhile, Sasha finally asks what every reader has been wondering and we get an account of what exactly happened at Ferrowbrooks...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 10-15-2006, 10:48 PM   #1048
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Yes! CP is like a bolt from the Gods of...fanfiction...or something. HUZZAH!


"So, if I'm not mistaken you're not Dr. Loboto, you don't have my paycheck. Now kindly step away from my elevator and die." - Crispen Whytehead

"What is the purpose of the goggles?"
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Old 10-16-2006, 06:57 AM   #1049
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..Er...wow. o_o;; I don't think it's that good...but thank you anyway. ^^;


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 10-16-2006, 11:18 PM   #1050
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Eh, what can I say? I'm easy to please. XD


"So, if I'm not mistaken you're not Dr. Loboto, you don't have my paycheck. Now kindly step away from my elevator and die." - Crispen Whytehead

"What is the purpose of the goggles?"
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Old 10-18-2006, 12:39 AM   #1051
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That Jasper fic goes into my Must-Read list!

Insult aimed at Bobby: Your hair is like a good idea wit horrid execution. The premature ghost of substance is there, but it's not neccesarily evven mediocre, seeing as someone is apperantly unable to tame a meer comb. Your skin is pale and ashen, crying out, nay -- the populace istelf! -- crying out desperate pleas for lotion! Your attempts at imidation fall flat as hollow lies, your unclenching fists and moist, widened eyes further proof!
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Old 10-18-2006, 05:42 PM   #1052
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As always more CP is good, well not good. Awesome.

That Jasper fanfiction was the most refreshing piece of fanfiction I've read in a while. I really think Jasper is the best character for fanfiction.

Quote:
“Shut up, Jasper!
I had way too much fun with that. This simple quote that was meant to introduce Jasper became something that was repeated many times over in that "Nu-uh don't go there girlfriend" voice.

Now I know what I do when I have free time.

Quote:
"We put the 'cruel' in 'cheerleading!'" announced Crystal.
I love you, I love the way you write the characters, I love everything about this story. You are my new favorite Psychonauts author.

Last edited by Klia; 10-18-2006 at 05:54 PM.
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Old 10-20-2006, 10:06 AM   #1053
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Awesome... thanks so much. I just hope my subsequent chapters are as enjoyable.


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 10-22-2006, 09:58 PM   #1054
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Annnd chapter eight of Cursum Perficio is up. Huzzah or something.

Summary:

Raz's dreams are becoming worse and worse, and he's still getting no answers as to what they mean. This isn't doing any wonders for his health, which seems to be deteriorating at a considerably fast pace. Lili's scared for him, but what can she do? Meanwhile, Dart has awakened, but he isn't acting like the stocking-capped kid we all know and love...what's he up to?


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 10-29-2006, 09:34 PM   #1055
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And now for Chapter nine, also known as "The s*** hits the fan and everything you know is wrong."

Summary:

This is the night. The dreams, Raz's loss of control over his powers, Lili's arrival, everything...its all lead up to this. The campers have all dissappeared from their beds, and upon going out to search Raz finds himself facing down a lone figure by the name of Galochio...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 10-30-2006, 03:07 AM   #1056
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Methinks we need a seperate CP thread. Just a suggestion.


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 10-30-2006, 04:14 PM   #1057
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DylanMay
Methinks we need a seperate CP thread. Just a suggestion.
I'll sticky it if it's made. CP is like the ultimate Psychonauts fanfic.


I'm done putting links in my signature because every time I do it just links to some old crap I've long since stopped updating.
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Old 10-30-2006, 07:37 PM   #1058
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Haha, yeah. ^^;; I should probably do that so I stop hijacking this thread...*goes off to do that*


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 10-31-2006, 12:52 AM   #1059
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Hey, you know we all love CP! And the review count you've got is really high for the fandom. Be proud...and loud.

On another note, I wrote the first chapter of 'Happily Ever After', only to realize that it was far too intro and passive, no way to start off a fanfic that is aimed at the horror/fantasy genre. So those 6 pages worth of writing got scrapped(which are nothing compared to my average MS Word chapter count of 11 pages, my longest hitting 17 pages). If anyone is mildly interested in reading it, it's been posted below. No major spoilage, you learn all revealed below in the revamped chapter 1 and more if you've been reading this thread. Pretty much just how Raz and Lili got into the whole mess:

Happily Ever After

Preface: Ever taken the time to mull over your favorite bedtime stories? The tales about brave princes, wicked witches and damsels in distress? A world of wonder and whimsy where good triumphs over evil, happy endings are expected and fantasy and imagination are unlimited, restricted only by the boundaries of the human mind. These tales which helped ease worries, for no harm ever befell the protagonist in the end, and surely real life must work the same. But behind that sugar-coated veil of stark black and white views lies a humble, less sanitized truth of it’s origins. Looking into it one day, reading the true stories for the first time, a twisted plot bunny began to form, gnawing at the edges of my mind till I appeased it – to take all those cherished childhood memories of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, Alice in Wonderland (it simply fits to well) and such – and smash them to pieces.

Blame Edgar Allan Poe’s dark and disturbingly wonderful shorts for further inspiring me, but my goal is to make to you squirm, or at least raise an eyebrow. Fans of Elusive Insanity shouldn’t worry, I am working on the story’s chapter events, and this just cant be allowed to rot in a corner of my mind till it’s useless. It simply gels to well with the source material. Besides, not much happened in EI, I’m not so sure why you’d miss it. This on the other hand, should suck all readers in from it’s inception.

As long as I’m writing, I might as well clear a few things up. I don’t own Psychonauts, it’s property of Double Fine. These stories (really archives of stories that then belonged to none), are part of the public domain, and this version of the tales belong to me. This chapter is intro, mostly dialog, not what I like to do. Reviews let the plot-bunny grow, allowing from here on better updates.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 1. In a Land Far, Far Away . . .

“Look, we have other agents that are more than capable of handling this situation-”

“We’ve told you time and time again, we cant have just anyone. And I hardly think you are in any position to call the shots. Those recent scandals in Budapest and Cairo have proven that much, a push of the speed dial and it’ll be Cairo all over again!”

“Are you at least willing to consider it? They weren’t very happy, being on their winter break and all, I’m not sure if they’ll come at all.”

“Then you better pray that they do.”

The blonde man’s shoulders drooped, a sullen expression crossing his face. A tall youth of only 20 clad in white, he seemed far more haggard and tense then his age alone would let on. Brown eyes were listless and tired, platinum hair matted and unkempt. And why not? He had spent what seemed like an eternity debating with the couple. The woman was a fiery young thing, with ginger hair in a messy bun and glasses resting on her sharp nose. Her pale complexion made said hair and her piercing black eyes even more noticeable, lips pressed into a thin frown. Despite her matronly yellow dress, she was a shark with a finger poised over the speed-dial of her cell-phone. Next to her stood her husband, a tall stout figure with curly black hair and serious features donning a pin-striped suit. But it was the wife the warden was afraid of.

“So, you understand then?” The woman asked. The warden sighed, the lady taking it as a yes and grinning wryly.

For a few tense moments it was just the dry breathing of the three in the stark white room and the pitter-patter of raindrops against the windowpanes. A twist of the doorknob and a push of a squeaky door was an icebreaker to the edgy silence, alerting all to the wet 16 year old boy at the threshold. A lanky kid with acrobat’s muscle and ruby hair, his green eyes were a mix of curiosity and frustration. He wore black pants and a matching black blazer that was rather worn by this point; a striped green turtleneck balancing his attire. Smoothing moist hair out of his eyes with gloved hands he stepped in casually.

“Are you-” the woman began to ask in disbelief, but his eyes narrowed and he held up a finger for a lapse of quiet.

“This better be important, and I know I never say this but the pay must be decent because I was called out during a new episode of Law and Justice. If this turns out to be a cop-out and I miss out on the truth behind Cathy’s checkered past and her ties to the dead mobster I swear I will scream in agony. Oh, and you should really get an overhead for the front and some heaters or something, cuz three stories up from the front desk and I’m still wet.”

The warden’s ear to ear grin drooped noticeably and he rushed forth to grab the youth by the shoulder, dragging him away to a corner, whispering, “Um . . . actually, this is off the record.”

“What!?” he asked in contrast to the warden’s hushed voice, “I’m missing out on Cathy’s dark familial ties and steamy affairs for nothing?”

The woman lowered her glasses, inspecting the boy head to toe, “For nothing? On your end, perhaps. But for the organization your cooperation is fundamental. You ARE Razputin Aquato, right?”

Raz smiled smugly, he loved having a rep, “The one and only! You’ve heard of me from what? True Psychic Tales or my interview on Our Nation?”

The lady rolled her eyes, “I didn’t know about you before an hour ago when I heard Carl, the goofball warden here, whisper something to himself. I think he said, ‘We could sure use Razputin Aquato’ I’m not too sure. Then some other agent’s names, but I didn’t hear them. I asked him who this Razputin was and he told me, then me and Dean decided that only you would suffice. But . . . I didn’t expect someone so young and inexperienced.”

“Inexperienced? Listen lady-,” Raz retorted with crossed arms.

“Bella Mayfew” she corrected.

“-Whatever, but I’ve been in the business for 6 years, I’m capable of taking whatever you throw at me. And why is this off the record!?”

“Please,” the warden presumably named Carl pleaded, “You’ve heard of the incidents in Cairo and Budapest, right?” Raz grimaced, shuffling his feet and nodding a pained yes.

“Well, the Psychonauts cant have any more bad exposure. They came to the asylum to enlist their children for a Psychicly-Gifted program but . . . there’s been an accident. And now, well, the parents have given us 42 hours to fix this mess and insisted that only you and a miss . . . ah, I forgot her name but the point is only you and whatsername could deal with it. If this is isn’t fixed, they are threatening to press charges and have us wound up in another media-circus! I’d go in myself, but not being psychic I’m not qualified. I just do, ya know, sciency mind stuff.” He finished solemnly.

“Isn’t that blackmail?” Raz asked inquiringly.

Carl sighed and answered dolefully, “Technically, but it was our fault for just leaving it lying around. And well, with the prospect of said circus hovering over us, this is being done off record so things stay hush-hush. Please try to understand.”

“What is this ‘it’ then?” a female voice asked.

Heads turned to notice the new face in the room: A lithe girl of wine-colored hair in a ponytail, with cold, auburn eyes and zealously done mascara and shadow looked on dispassionately. She wore a dark-bluish version of the green Psychonauts uniform, the pants tucked into fuchsia boots and a white belt resting on her hips. None other than-

“Lili?” Raz murmured in skepticism.

She faced him and gave him a meek smile, “Who else, Raz? Long time no see, huh?”

“Two years actually So you’re a Psychonauts now?” Raz replied.

“A junior, those mind-feeds let me finish school early and work on my Psychonauts training. But I’m focusing a lot more on psychoanalysis.”

“Sounds too . . . passive for you,” Raz remarked.

Lili only shrugged in response, setting down a backpack she’d been toting and sauntering in past Raz, extending a hand to the couple, “The name is Lillian Zannotto, the psychoanalysist you asked for. So why are we here for?”

With another wry smirk, Bella took Lili’s hand in a fierce shake, “Bella Mayfew, and my husband Dean Mayfew. Long story short, it’s a rescue mission.”

Lili was taken back and asked incredulously with a frown on her features, “A rescue? Then why is this being kept under wraps?”

“Follow and I’ll show you,” Carl responded, leading the party out of the room. Raz and Lili walked alongside each other, caught in an uneasy silence. They were still friends, but the awkwardness couldn’t be helped. Then a loud hum broke it, filling the hallway. The couple and warden were oblivious to it, but Raz and Lili felt it drilling into their skulls, suffocating their thoughts with that hum.

“What are the psychic dampeners for, they’re annoying!’ Raz bit.

“Oh, sorry, but it’s a safety precaution,” Carl said.

Lili scowled, her hands pressing vainly against her ears in effort to rid of that hum, it’s pitch going ever higher and higher as they continued further into the corridor, “For what? We aren’t going to hurt you!”

“What are you talking about, I don’t hear nothing?” Dean asked fruitlessly.

“We keep our more violent psychics in here, sometimes they fly off the handle and we had to install the dampers about a year ago to keep them under control.” Carl continued, “I can turn them off once we reach the room”

As such, Lili and Raz had to bear with the hum till they reached the room in question. Carl fished his pocket for a key, opening the door and ushering them inside. It’s safe to say that the situation at hand became quite clear. Huddled in the corner of her padded cell was a woman, her yellow tresses in two braided plaits. She muttered to herself in an incomprehensible language, holding herself with thin arms. A psiportal lay at her feet, and mere yards from her was another person. A child. The seemingly 11 year old child had that same short and loose ginger hair and sharp features akin to her mom, though the complexion was more her father than mother. Black eyes were vacant and cloudy, staring holes into those who met her eye to eye. Despite the seemingly warm green jacket and denim pants she wore, her hands rubbed up and down her arms in attempts to keep warm. Though not squealing or saying nearly as much as the blonde in the room, her lower lip was muttering something to herself.

Raz ignored the hum and knelt down, “Ah, now I get you. How did she even get inside the cell, or find the portal?”

“The portal was just negligence and she somehow hacked the door with TK, crafty li’l tyke. Something about wanting to be the second youngest Psychonaut ever. I’m thinking the girl is very optimistic and slightly dense” Carl commented, receiving harsh glares from the parents and a blush creeping up Raz’s face, “We cant wake her up from her astral-trance, f-y-i. I also doubt she’s got smelling salts.”

“So her psyche is wandering around that woman’s mind?” Lili asked.

“Her name is Rosa , and pretty much. Now, she isn’t very dangerous, but she’s still insane. She used to be a Psychonaut 10 years back actually, but having a psychic damper strapped to your neck mixed with Psytanium overexposure all at once isn’t very safe. She was marooned somewhere, she couldn’t telepath anyone for help, and she was unable to unstrap the damper,” Carl said.

“See? Those things should be outlawed! Just the noise can drive you crazy.” Lili hissed.

“Well, now you see what you’ve got to deal with, and as far as I can tell by Raz’s bulging pockets and your backpack, you should be all set.” Carl feebly smiled.

“48 hours,” Dean added.

“Gotcha,” Raz replied, “But you’re gonna have to turn the dampers off in the room.”

“Very well, me and the Mayfew’s will be in the reception room, waiting for you to finish,” Carl sighed in relief. With that, the Mayfew’s and Carl exited the room, leaving Lili and Raz alone with the two girls. Before he closed the door though, Carl craned his neck inwards to face the two, “Keep in mind this woman was always a romantic at heart, filtering through harsh realities with idealized notions and the dream of her very own happily ever after ending. What happened to her was tragic, and shattered her sense of being and reality. It wasn’t the best way to view the world in the first place, but it kept Rosa happy and optimistic, most importantly giving her hope. It’s all been taken away, so expect to see some really freaky stuff in there. I’m not psychic, but strike up a thought-transfer with me and I should be able to continue on fine if you need to.”

With understanding nods, Carl finally left.

“So then,” Raz said nervously, “Let’s get this done.”

“Look Raz, I know this is kinda weird for the both of us, but don’t act like nothing happened. You’re a horrible liar anyway. But, just remember that we’re still friends, okay?” Lili said. Raz was just silent.

“I guess at least we’re on speaking terms, most of the time I suppose it does turn into a nasty brawl,” He finally spoke.

“Nice to hear,” Lili beamed in her usual sullen manner, “And yeah, I’ve got tickets to a concert later on in the week I cant miss, so lets get this over with. Hey! The stupid dampeners are off too.”

Raz reached for the psiportal on the floor, flinging it onto Rosa’s forehead. Adjusting his goggles, he felt that same sensation of weightlessness as his psyche was pulled in. he managed a glimpse of Lili alongside him though, and a weight dropped in his stomach. Man, this mission was gonna be bizarre, no doubt about it . . .

And let’s just say that things were about to get much stranger than the two had originally anticipated. For as they felt a stable ground beneath their feet, vision yet to be clear, they heard a loud, curt voice rip through the darkness,

“Long, long ago, in a land far, far away there was an unlikely pair, a boy and a girl, Raz and Lili ...”

If that didn’t sent shivers down their spine, than nothing would. And just as the dark shroud lifted and the voice continued once more, they simultaneously shared their sense of fear and confusion . . .

Cliff-Hanger-noun 1: an ending often used for the close of a chapter or the end of a continuous serialized story meant to keep the reader’s interest. And if this doesn’t have you wanting more, than you are already lost. Either way, cliffhanger endings usually call for a review.
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Old 10-31-2006, 07:56 AM   #1060
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Ooooh, nice~! I loved Raz's enterance and how he was complaining about being called during an episode of Law and Order, and the case is compelling...

It seems fine to me, but if you think you can do better...well, I can't wait.

^^ I can't wait to see where you go with this, it looks like it's gonna be awesome.


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 11-03-2006, 01:17 AM   #1061
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Glad you liked it, thought things are taking some time since several of the mental characters talk in rhyme. Raz and Lili can't really take part, not at first, but it's something they have to get accustomed to since Rosa's love of music managed to remain intact. Full-on musical numbers would be fun (blame Nightmare before Christmas), but due to the overall lack of a visal department in the medium, most of it is during somewhat stagnant dialoge between 2 characters. Below is a taste, and I doubt it's much of a spoiler since no names are given and the scen may not make the final cut anyway. Still, I'd like to know if the flow of words and th way the rhymes are constructed isn't a total flop and just doable...:

' “What’s this I hear about some bells?”

“If they ring the two are . . . dead”

“This just isn’t right, can’t you tell?”

“Be glad she doesn’t want your head!”

“Can’t you help? Lend a hand?”

“I take only Her commands”

“She’s mad, crazy, and completely insane! She’s purged these lands, you cant give in to her demands”

“Young lad, you simply must refrain!”

“Can’t you tell that this is wrong? Have you, do you always agree?”

“As her butler I shall remain, as is I belong, and what exactly do you mean?”

“Have you, do you always agree with what she does and says?”

“ . . . not always . . .”

“See! Her means aren’t the only ways!”

“But . . .”

“No buts, no ifs, no reprimands, the choices you make are in your hands”

“Still . . . the two are both locked away in Miss ____’s room, all that can await them now is pain, death . . . DOOM!” '
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Old 11-03-2006, 01:17 AM   #1062
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Old 11-03-2006, 08:18 AM   #1063
Digitaldreamer
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Heh, seems fine to me. You might wanna have a few actions from the characters here and there though, just so we know exactly who's speaking, it took me abit to realize who was saying what.


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 11-05-2006, 09:52 PM   #1064
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I NEED HELP!!

I'm returning to ff.net with a new peice. I just want opinions on casting. Here's my idea...

Whispering Rock is putting on a performance of Phantom of the Opera(Yes Zete!), and it's gonna be really cool. Everyone at camp is going into Gloria's mind, and it's goin'down.

WHO PLAYS WHO??

We need a..

Erik/Phantom
Christine
Raoul
Carlotta
Madame Giry
Firmin and Andre
Piangi
Meg
and more random fillers, dancers, ex....
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Old 11-07-2006, 04:12 PM   #1065
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Ooohh, sounds interesting! Unfortunately I've never actually seen The Phantom of the Opera so...can't help you there. I'm terrible sorry!

And not to draw attention away from Ave here, but I've got a new fic....yes, I heard the groans, as well as the "Dear Lord Digi, stop shoving your work in our faces!" whines of doom. I'm sorry, but I don't have much else to do in Photography class so...yeah, I have a one-shot here for you all.

'Tis about the upper floors of the asylum, because when I was playing through them for the first time I found them insanely creepy, and I've had a yearning to type something about Raz going through them ever since.

I know you're thrilled.

Twisted Hallways: As Raz makes his way through the unending labyrinth that makes up the upper floors of Thorny Towers Home for the Disturbed, he starts to feel as if this job might be a bit more than it's worth.

Crits and comments are, as always, greatly appreciated!


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 11-11-2006, 02:28 AM   #1066
DarthAve
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Got a fanfic idea.

Six Feet Under.

Raz has died! See how everyone else at camp reacts to this and how everyone's life changes for better or worse.
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Old 11-11-2006, 11:34 AM   #1067
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Hmmm, interesting. Shame I'm busy as it is, or I'd totally write it, it's the kind of thing that's right up my alley...

Ah well, I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there who would write it, and they're not hated for spamming this poor board with ficcage.


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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Old 11-11-2006, 02:50 PM   #1068
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You can write it. i'm changing the premise, just keeping the title.

The new premise is based on the first 3 minutes of every episode to see how the person dies. I'M KILLING EVERYBODY OFF!!
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Old 12-28-2006, 08:07 PM   #1069
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Holy smokes. My thread is now a sticky?

Nothing like this has ever happened before.
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Old 01-06-2007, 09:20 PM   #1070
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I did a Raz/Bobby fic. Why? Because I'm a horrible person, that's why! With a surprise guest appearance at the end!


I may not request that my brain is put into a Dalek shell instead of a brain tank.
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Old 01-26-2007, 02:30 AM   #1071
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Just started this: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/liv...toryid=3357196

The front part is kinda boring, because I did it at about 5-6am in the morning (I stayed up all night), so it's a 'Prolouge'. The next Chapter is the first proper...

Right, I haven't actually played the game yet, hah! And it contains an OC! HAH!

Oh relax, I make good OCs...I mean, I'm pretty famous back on the Hellsing fandom for my OC...it was a good famous...and I hate Mary Sues!
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Old 02-04-2007, 09:46 PM   #1072
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Byakko
Just started this: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/liv...toryid=3357196

The front part is kinda boring, because I did it at about 5-6am in the morning (I stayed up all night), so it's a 'Prolouge'. The next Chapter is the first proper...

Right, I haven't actually played the game yet, hah! And it contains an OC! HAH!

Oh relax, I make good OCs...I mean, I'm pretty famous back on the Hellsing fandom for my OC...it was a good famous...and I hate Mary Sues!
The Link doesn't seem to lead anywhere...
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Old 02-06-2007, 08:23 PM   #1073
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The probably final draft of the first chapter of Happily Ever After. I like this version MUCH better =) . It's the end I'm worried about though: it doesn't seem to lead anywhere. I wrote another full page where Raz and Lili encounter my version of Hansel and Gretel, but I didn't like the pacing. If I was to keep it I'd have to write the full thing (thus making it too long), or I could cut it off, but then the next chapter Raz and Lili would have escaped the hazardous situation too quickly and either the chapter would be too short, or could be longer but have little sense of finality in terms of the Hansel and Gretel thing. Any suggestions on what I could add to the end would be awesome, because I want to write a little bit more. I'd be personally dissapointed for stuffing in so much dialog into this 10 page work instead of more atmospheric stuff which I like more. Suggestions!? Anyone!?!?

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Happily Ever After

Preface: Ever taken the time to mull over your favorite bedtime stories? The tales about brave princes, wicked witches and damsels in distress? A world of wonder and whimsy where good triumphs over evil, happy endings are expected and fantasy and imagination are unlimited, restricted only by the boundaries of the human mind. These tales which helped ease worries, for no harm ever befell the protagonist in the end, and surely real life must work the same (ha!). But how dare you believe the picturesque, sugar-coated fantasies so readily laid out for you on a silver platter in your childhood be the original pieces! Looking into it one day, a twisted plot bunny began to form, gnawing at the edges of my mind till I appeased it – to take all those cherished childhood memories of Snow White and Hansel and Gretel, Cinderella and such – and give them a fresh, somewhat grim and morose twist. Blame Edgar Allan Poe’s dark and disturbingly wonderful shorts for further inspiring me, but I hope this yarn will make some hairs on your neck to stand on end, and a few chuckles to escape your lips — for when seen under a certain light, you should find some humor, albeit dark.

As long as I’m writing, I might as well clear a few things up. I don’t own Psychonauts, it’s property of Double Fine. These fairy tales (really archives of stories that then belonged to none), are part of the public domain, and this version of the tales belong to me. I don’t particularly like this chapter, for most takes place in a humdrum environment, and I much more look forward to future updates which take place in ink and illustration mindscapes, and there is more dialog than description and doing in this chapter; and dialog is so much harder to make beautiful and melodic. Either way, I hope you enjoy this first taste and continue to read. Keep in mind that reviews make the plot bunny grow, assuring faster, and better updates.
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Once Upon a Time,

Why were the skies weeping? Their cold tears forming in the heavens and being shed to the earth below. Layers upon impenetrable layers of thick gray clouds carpeted the skies, as if enveloping all beneath them into a sorrowful mourning. Let the ground below be witness to the anguish and bear the tear’s marks and grow moist with each passing moment of personified rainfall. The winds howled in a most horrid manner, sweeping through the rolling hillsides and valleys and the scraggly pines of the forest. Even the trees themselves seemed lifeless, their wet bark a dull and musty brownish grey tone, their needles limp and of an uninviting muted green hue. The aura of sadness was inescapable and penetrated through even the most optimistic of demeanors.

A meandering little strip of dirt road cut through the listless green of the wood, it’s path choppy and uneven, as if it were the result of an intoxicated man’s spontaneous desires. Yet a lone spot of color, a vibrant little dot of yellow amidst the drear ambled along the aforementioned winding path.

The woman driving the little taxi cab was a young thing with curly brown locks and freckles sprinkled across her nose. She clutched the steering wheel with an iron grip, for she hated when clients asked to be taken to places that required navigating bad roads such as this, especially with such unpleasant weather, and had little trust in both her cab and the path. She couldn’t help but sneak a few furtive glances to her passenger in the back however. His hair was reddish brown hue, his skin tan and his eyes an all too vivid emerald and he looked about 16. He wore a blue-green turtleneck with a little badge visible beneath the dark brown leather jacket he had paired with matching brown leather pants. Oddly enough, a pair of crimson goggles were slung around his thin neck.

His name was Razputin.

He rested his elbow on the window ‘sill’, his face in his gloved palms. Those vibrant emerald green eyes showed all signs of boredom and possible irritation, for they were listless and concentrated on no particular subject despite the fact that his attention was facing out the window. Tree after decrepit, emaciated tree flicked across the window view, catching his thoughtless interest for a fraction of a second before disappearing from sight, only to be replaced by another gnarled ancient that captured his eye for just as long.

It was eerily quiet within the little cab. Raz’s breath was rather audible even against the soft pitter-patter of rain droplets against glass and steel that seemed to be ‘gaining momentum’ if you will, signaling a torrent yet to pass.

The woman contemplated striking up a conversation, or turning on the radio to something pleasant and upbeat, but another peek at the young man and she could tell his mind was deep in thought and reflection. Either of things that had been or things that could be, she never dared to ask. Clients would at times welcome human interaction with gusto, but there were doll-eyed, silent others who reacted with a little jump and all the emotion you could expect from one who’d been startled or interrupted from a pleasant dream, as if her voice were an unwelcome intrusion to a carefully constructed fantasy.

This boy alone seemed too lurid for so drab and somber a setting, she acknowledged with a dash of curiosity. Why would he possibly want to head to a place of even higher degrees of drear and gloom? They neared their destination, the cement and cinderblock behemoth casting a dark shadow over the cab, looking destitute and haggard in it’s own right. She pulled the automobile into the pathetic excuse for a parking lot, the asphalt cracked in so many places stilettos would dread it passionately had they had unfortunate opportunity to end up there at all.

Under the circumstances of the building being it’s own microcosm, the downpour would have been perfectly suitable. Sunlight would have been too garish and plastic an atmosphere considering the building’s purpose, and birdsong too sweet and melodic (unlike the steady mourning of the rainclouds) to create adequate ambiance.

The young woman turned to face her client, and said in an airy voice, “We’re here . . .finally. . . are you going to need a ride back?” she awaited his answer with trepidation. Please . . . say no . . .

Razputin had been momentarily been transfixed on the building with utter dismay, but gave the girl a slight, if forced, smile, “I dunno how long I’ll have to be there so. . . do you have business card?”

The girl nodded slowly and reached for a small compartment built below the dashboard. She clasped a thin white card between her thumb and index finger, giving it up to the mysterious boy, “Call the number and one of the company’s cab drivers will arrive to pick you up. It may be a bit of a wait however, seeing as how bad the weather is getting . . . you don’t want to be here . . . do you?”

Raz nodded no, “Of course not, I’ve got better things to do. But it’s my business to be here. Anyway, thanks for the ride.” He handed her the money, opened the clunky door and stepped out into the rain. It was so cold . . .

Family matters then? The woman pondered the idea, but she wasn’t about to prod. She merely took the money and stuffed it into another little compartment. Within moments, the car vanished into the distance, veiled by a thin layer of freshly forming fog.

Not much use standing out in that bitter chill, so Raz regained his composure into something more respectable and businesslike than his current disheartened one and entered Cedar Heights Insane Asylum. To his further disappointment, there was neither overhead nor an automatic-gust, or even a little mat to dry and clean his lightly muddied shoes on, so he passed straight into the asylum through the automatic doors sopping wet and leaving faint tracks in his wake. If anything, the heater was on and tempered his coldness a bit. The reception hall had made pitiful, though sincere attempts at being welcoming with some nice ferns in pretty planters, plush suede furniture, and a couple colorful paintings on the wall. Surely at one point the illusion was an honesty and hardly a façade, but over the years the decently executed décor had grown into a ruse that fooled none, but still tried. Ironically, despite the rain outside, the plants seemed dead and neglected, and he wrinkled his nose at sight of the seating arrangements which had torn at it’s edges.

His footsteps alerted a kindly looking receptionist who had remained sitting at her post for who knows how long. But by her expression, Raz could tell she had been affected by the depressing weather outside and the unavoidable monotony of her job. She was dark skinned and with curly hair pulled into two pigtails, and it didn’t take the boy any gleaming to tell her personality did not suit her occupation . . . she would probably do an afro justice, Raz thought, amusing the idea a bit. Don’t blame him, afros are a universally acknowledged symbol of a very funky decade and are very sexy.

Raz stepped up the receptionist’s table and curtly asked, “Um . . . I’m Agent Razputin Aquato. . .” What else was there to say? In all truth, he wasn’t sure why he was called here at all. . .

The receptionist’s eyes widened and her bubblegum pink lips curled into a smile, “Ohh! My brother Carl tol’ me ta watch for a young man named ‘Razputin sumthin’!” Raz just gave her a curious look, for he did want to know why he’d been called there in the first place.

The receptionist continued in her British inflected accent, “Well, your ‘task’, for lack of a better word, is in one of the upstair rooms, I’ll take ya there.”

Raz followed her with no resistance till they reached the room in question. On the way, Raz asked her if she’d ever considered an afro. The girl laughed and elaborated on the fact that while the suggestion had been offered to her by others, she wouldn’t for she didn’t like disco or funk music nearly as much as she liked country.

She opened a door and pulled Raz into the room. It appeared to be another waiting room of some sort, where a very upset looking couple, a warden and a mystery figure who appeared to be asleep on one of the benches with a long coat draped over the feminine form awaited. The warden appeared to be the receptionist’s older brother she had mentioned earlier (and that wasn’t saying much, for the two seemeded as if they were still in college), and looked absolutely fatigued. He seemed incredibly relieved at the sight of Razputin however,

“Sherri! Is that the Aquato boy!?” he asked in utmost exasperation of his sister, Sherri, the receptionist. Sherri nodded in an equally jovial manner and essentially pushed Raz into the room.

“Hey, hey! What’s going on???” Raz questioned.

“You’re going to help us is what!” the other man snapped. Him and his wife seemed torn between rage and anguish; he tall with short, curly brown hair and a tanned complexion donning a rumpled, pinstripe suit; she with long ebony tresses that fell to her waist and of undeterminable origins clad in a teal ‘skirt-suit’.

The wife attempted to say something, but Raz held up his index finger for a lapse of quiet, “Look, I love my job and all, there’s the excitement and the cool factor – so I’ve never really objected to whatever missions I was assigned; but this better be important because I was called out during a new episode of Law and Justice!!!” - his eye began to twitch a little, but he continued, “If this turns out to be a cop-out and I miss out on the truth behind Cathy’s checkered past and her ties to the dead mobster I swear I will scream in agony! And I don’t think you want to hear that.”

Carl attempted to console the youth, “Look, I know this is sudden but we’re under a lot of pressure, time is crucial and we cant afford to waste time. A child’s safety and sanity are at stake here. Considering the circumstances, we had to get the nearest qualified agents possible.”

Raz’s eyes widened, “. . . Did you say a ‘child’?”

He turned to the couple, who grimly nodded.

“Our girl, Antonia,” the woman sniffled, “My name is Dianne, and this is my husband, Cicero, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Dianne and Cicero. . .” Raz replied incredulously, unsure of what to make of . . . it. “What’s the problem?”

An oddly familiar voice replied with a little yawn (most likely the fourth person in the room), “Their daughter, Antonia’s psyche—”

Raz’s head flipped (and would certainly have spun a full 360 degrees had he needed) to face . . .

“-Lili?”

He hadn’t seen her in three years. That first year he knew her was considered mere blissful puppy love, and if one could shake off the salacious connotations, a summer fling even. The next few were spent as a friendship. There was no nasty breakup . . . the two had simply (and thankfully, had mutually) grown apart. There was an awkwardness for while, but there was no spark anymore; and in this environment Raz had met the side of Lili reserved for friends and acquaintances alike. It was colder, more cynical, and a bit more demanding on his end than the warmer, more affectionate front she showed to those she was most intimate with. Then . . . Lili moved away. At that point, Raz hadn’t minded too much. He had no interest in any girl (or girls) at that time and long afterwards — that weren’t his age anyway, if you must count his innocent obsession with Asian born, rising musical talent Keiko Aramaki — and made other friends among the children of the agents working at Psychonauts HQ, seeing as due to the nature of his circumstances he practically lived there, as well as many other children of the aforementioned agents. He made occasional trips to her blog. . . but other than that, there hadn’t been any contact between the two teens in 3 years. Well, until now.

Her garnet hair was pulled back into a lone ponytail, and apparently over time her physique had grown to be more willowy and svelte than voluptuous. She seemed around his height, and with her thin body seemed unfit to be an agent, but then again, that was on mere physical pretenses. Raz knew she was a very capable psychic, her talents belying her small build. The zealously applied eyeshadow had proven to be a staple of the girl, and still remained. She wore the official uniform shirt of dark green and her khaki pants were tucked into black leather boots.

“Is, that really . . . yeah it is. . .” Raz quickly corrected himself, having done an exploratory gleaming of the girl’s outer psyche. It was intangible in nature, yet the sensation felt nearly tactile . . . a girl like Lili, a girl he knew well and had once loved, had a ‘texture’ all her own.

She cast her long jacket onto a coffee table as she jumped up. Lili seemed bemused, but a wry grin crossed her lips, “Raz!? For a moment there I though you were agent Mayfew!”

The two walked up to each other and friendly hugs were exchanged.

Raz laughed, “Man! 3 years and we’re reunited for a mission! Did you graduated early? I see you have a badge now.”

Lili kind of shrugged, “I preferred to take mindfeeds instead of traditional school. It takes a lot less time and you actually learn something. I finished four years of highschool in a little more than one and could focus on ‘naut training.”

“I took some lessons through mindfeeds, but it’s still mentally taxing. You have to voluntarily go comatose so some person can feed you information. . .” Raz’s voice trailed off.

Lili changed the topic and smirked. “What are you doing in Cedar Heights?”

“Watching Law and Justice—”

“I cant believe I’m missing the new episode either!” Dianne exclaimed out of the blue, her small hands clasped over her gaping mouth. She seemed genuinely concerned. Why she hadn’t mentioned it earlier . . .Oh, of course . . . there was a situation at hand . . . Ahem!

Raz calmed down, “So what exactly is going on with your daughter?”

The parents themselves seemed unsure, so Carl stepped in and explained as best he could, “Cicero and Dianne wanted to have Antonia tested for psychic abilities . . . you do remember the HazardWater scandal six years back, right?”

“Of course!,” Raz answered proudly, his shoulders rising and his chest swelling with pride (along with his ego),“I was actively involved in finding the Grand Head all those years back!”

Lili nodded, “Now don’t take all the credit, I got to help . . . It’s also simply hard to believe that crazy couple managed to lace so much public drinking water with Psytanium before they got caught!”.

Carl waved off any more stray talk, “Great. I get it. You’re experts. Point blank: we’re still feeling the effects. Despite all their efforts, the government was unable to clean up all traces of contaminated water when they found out. And much had already made it to the homes of ordinary civilians. The amounts of Psytanium were so minute, that it couldn’t make people go insane. But it was enough to cause other effects. The girl ingested contaminated water, and the Psytanium managed to spark some buried psychic skills . She began acting weird as a result, and probably didn’t know what to do about it. The school noticed too, and asked her parents to send her here for testing.”

Dianne sniffed, “We figured it would be a routine test. Afterall, thousands of kids and teenagers and adults alike have had to take it because of HazardWater. Just that if the psychologist was right about her being a telepath or something as he said in his call, we wouldn’t be able to see anything concrete. It would be something more personal for her. That would be why she didn’t show signs as early or as blatantly as a telekinetic or something.”

“Turns out the parents were right on the money,” Carl included, “We had some empaths administer the test who found she was an telepath. Considering all the outside input the girl would have received over time, as part of standard procedure, they were going to perform a mindsweep. They had the psiportal and were about to but she panicked and sent out a flush of pent up negativity. The empaths had good mental shields, but weren’t expecting that. In her daze, Antonia ran out and bumped into one of the asylum inmates. She is docile and didn’t attempt to harm her or anything; but as you know, before a mindsweep the person who is performing it does a dopamine share or stimuli, or at least a slight mind-scramble. In Antonia’s confusion she entered that inmate’s mind. . .”

“. . .And it’s up to us to get Antonia out, then?” Raz asked. Carl nodded.

Lili crossed her arms, “Have you tried smelling salts?”

Carl feebly nodded once more, “But with the mind-scramble she is unaffected. That means she’d have to know that she is taking it, physically or mentally. Extension of mind from body is scary enough, but with that mind scramble, she’s really susceptible to whatever is inside that inmate’s mind. And being a telepath in that state, at that age, and with so little experience, what we’re most worried about it making sure that the inmate’s karmic signature doesn’t imprint itself onto her. You must have heard of all those people that have lost their individuality from doing freelance mind-hacks — and counting that the inmate is, well . . . obviously, insane is most disturbing. We need to untangle Antonia’s mind from the woman’s quick.”

Raz nodded, “’Kay, I’ve seen people who’ve lost their individuality, and it isn’t pretty. If I can stop it from happening to someone else — especially a frightened little kid, Cathy’s steamy affairs and obscure connections are worth missing out on.”

Lili agreed as well. With formalities aside, Carl took them to their mission. Laid out on 2 beds were the inmate and Antonia. The woman was restrained and asleep, fair haired and fair skinned, with her blonde tresses in two fat braids and a moony face who seemed to be in her late thirties; the woman was surely pretty before her madness. Antonia was a female miniature version of her father and had little resemblance to her mom aside from her hair and the obvious feminine facial features, and was about 11, in a blue woolen turtleneck and faded jeans. It was easy to tell that she was lost in her astral trance the way her eyes were clouded over.

Carl indulged his waiting crowd, “I don’t know much, but I do know her name is Rosaline . . . she was some lyricist composer person and made a lot of money writing songs for musicals and stuff like that. Then she married this man that ran off with her money. She became severely depressed and the final blow came with some Psytanium overexposure. Not sure how it happened. . . but it did.”

Lili turned to the parents, Carl and Sherri (who for reason’s unknown was still there), “Me and Razputin are highly trained despite our age. I can assure you that we are very capable of retrieving your daughter. I suggest you stay in the waiting room, however.”

The four understood and left the room as she had asked, though not before Dianne gave her little girl an encouraging hug. Lili headed to Rosaline and placed her hands on a part of her head. Unseen psychic force passed through her fingers, and noting Raz’s curious expression, she informed,

“I’m stimulating the part of the brain that releases endorphins, and some dopamine to boot. We need this lady as calm as possible. For our sake . . . and for Antonia’s.” When she finished, Raz adjusted his goggles and took out his standard issue psiportal, flinging it onto Rosaline’s forehead.

“Ready to do this?”

“Of course.”

A Turn for the Worst (noun): 1 When things in a constant state either positive or negative go really bad, more than before 2 Hollywood director’s indispensable tool in horror films 3 what is going to happen/happening to Raz and Lili at this moment.

‘Once upon a time, a land far, far away . . . there was a boy . . . and a girl . . . their names were . . .Raz . . . and Lili . . . and here . . . their tale begins . . .’

That airy, deep voice far too reminiscent of a certain, smooth voiced turtle for comfort was the first thing Raz and Lili experienced of Rosaline’s mind. It drifted in through one ear . . . and out the other . . . as if the sound was a vessel in and of itself and floated of it’s own accord. Moments into the transference of your psyche into another’s mind, there was a lack of all sensory input. Be it taste, touch, smell, sound, sight . . . there was nothing. The first sense you got back was usually touch; there would be an awkward rush of air through one’s stomach, and then you became aware of the ground beneath your feet. Yet . . . this time it had been that voice. Completely deprived of all your other senses, it is hardly pleasant.

The two youth’s managed to cobble all their senses together shortly afterwards, taking very little time to note what they could already tell would be a difficult to navigate environment. They appeared to have manifested in the outskirts of Rosaline’s mind, a densely wooded forest with all the quaintness and charm of a decapitated fish-head. The trees were exceptionally tall and rather impressive, their gnarled branches twisting this way and that, the canopy so dense that sunlight poured down to the ground in pockets and streams between leaves and limbs. The foliage in itself was hardly exceptional — in fact, the imagination and creativity poured into the landscape was equal to that of a household encyclopedia — each one seeming as it could have been a prime specimen from a real world forest in northern Europe to be cataloged into a plant nursery’s merchandise index.
Yet that wasn’t to say there was nothing eerie or ethereal about the forest. There was something simply unsettling about the lack of color — as if the milieu been naught but a painting who’s settings were toned and muted down by an omniscient, detached entity till it was sheer degrees short from grayscale and required some effort on part of the person to identify the true colors.

“In the distance . . .” Razputin rasped, pointing with an outstretched hand to a series of turrets and spires that jutted above the treetops somewhere in the distance, like a castle from a fairy tale. Lili turned to see it, looking somewhat amused,

“. . . It’s like it’s made of ink.” She concluded. Working on a little hunch, the girl knelt down and closely inspected a dandelion. If one looked carefully enough, they could just make out the semitransparent hatching patterns that were inked into the plant.

“A dandelion, good sir?” she questioned Raz in a warmer tone that usual. With a little flick she plucked the dandelion from it’s moorings, surprised to immediately see ink thread itself from the other plants like strands of spider-spun gossamer and draw the little dandelion back to it’s former self before her eyes.

“The whole world is made of ink,” she realized, dropping the wilting bloom absentmindedly. Raz attempted an equal discovery of his own, snapping a twig off a tree bough, looking delighted at it’s effects. He didn’t take too much pleasure in his find however, when a faint melody rang through his ears and disrupted his reverie.

“Do you hear that?” He asked Lili, cupping his ear to hear the noise better. She nodded no. Dismayed, Raz beckoned her to come over to him, perhaps from there she could snatch a few notes. Lili obliged, but it was still in vain for she heard nothing. Now frustrated, Raz convinced Lili to do a little empathic mindshare. Lili grumbled, not too pleased. She rather disliked sharing empathy and telepathy between her and anyone else, it made one subject to another’s experiences and left your mind open and vulnerable to the mental equivalent of computer viruses (though catching one was on accident instead of malicious intent). Seeing as it was Razputin however, she would make an exception.

“Ohh. Now I hear it,” Lili responded. Now on the same page, the two teens began to follow the curious music, both knowing it would be their best bet for escaping the thick woodland . . .
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Old 02-06-2007, 09:01 PM   #1074
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Good story so far, Mayem. Keep it up and I'll stay tuned.
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Old 02-06-2007, 11:55 PM   #1075
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Do you think I should just end it there?
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Old 02-10-2007, 08:36 PM   #1076
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss_Mayhem
Do you think I should just end it there?
No, I personally don't. But it's your thing so if you want to end it, I think it can be done.

Dude, so, BEST IDEA EVER for a sequel to Shoemaker's Son. (Some of you may know me as Carcaohtar on fanfic.) I never wanted to write a sequel, because I liked the ending so much, but a lot of people wanted one because they felt it was too cliff-hangery. (That's why I say, keep going, Mayhem.)

But yeah, I'm going to pick it back up, along with my Jasper fic. My idea was that Milla would be thinking Sasha was insane and exploring how he's insane, and at the end he'll just snap. I have a GREAT why-Sasha-wears-sunglasses-theory, I don't want to ruin it, but it rocks so much. The only thing is, to do this I really have to harp on Sasha's mom, and I don't want this to feel forced. Would that be like overdoing it? If anyone has any ideas about what Milla should be doing, that would help... feedback is really appreciated, I hope to start it this weekend.


"Remember, if it's anhydrous, that means it's crunchy." ~ Dr. Bukowski
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Old 02-11-2007, 08:58 PM   #1077
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First Time's Dreamtime
Raz's first day as a Psychonaut and already Sasha has to give him the talk.
Rating: G
Notes: Set after the game in Sasha's lab, ignoring the whole jet ending. Or you could imagine this after that.

Raz fidgets,“Does it hurt when someone goes inside your mind?”

“Not particularly, no,” Sasha pauses. “Why would you ask, Razputin?”

“Oh-no reason.” He leans into a chair cooly but his voice wavers.

Sasha turns back to his work-there’s no point in falling behind when he can do both. “Are you worried about something?”

“It’s just...” Raz lets his voice trail. “I’m a Psychonaut now and-”

“And no one is just going to jump into your mind.” But he trails off too.

“Sasha.”

“Well, you are the youngest Psychonaut we’ve ever had. Fascinating really, nobody thought it possible for a mind to mature so quickly or surpass the psychic abilities of an adult so rapidly, and if we-“ He stops himself short when he hears Raz shifting uncomfortably behind him. “It depends...”

“On what?”

“On a lot of things. On your mental fitness, on your and the other’s physic abilities, and on number of times.”

Raz raises an eyebrow, “Number of times?”

“Yes, with more practice it becomes easier for the physic and the receiver to connect. I remember my first time-”

Raz smiles mischievously.

Sasha raises an eyebrow, “Already? At this age?”

Raz shrugs a shoulder.

“Well, at first it hurts a bit, and then little to no pain is felt on subsequent trials. This is because the receiver or “host” falls into a dream like state that others in the scientific community call Dreamtime. It’s a new concept, actually. I was one of those who helped found the idea. Before we thought...”

“Dreamtime? That sounds pretty stupid.”

“Excuse me?” Sasha is startled out of his lecture.

Raz strolls out of his chair, I’m just saying Dreamtime sounds a little ridiculous. Might as well call it naptime or nightynight.”

“It’s just a name, Razputin.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got better things to do than talk about ‘Dreamtime’.” Raz snaps on his goggles. “Now that I’m a Psychonaut. See you around Sasha.”

But Sasha is already absorbed in his research, “Yes. Goodbye.”

Before he’s ten seconds into his work into his work, Raz’s voice suddenly cuts in. “Hey Sasha?”

“Yes, Raz.” Sasha is already tired of this.

“When they do decide to, you know, go into my mind; could you...”

“I’ll see to it myself personally.” He can’t help but smile and he’s only saved by the fact that his back is turned to Raz.

“Thanks Sasha,” Raz at lasts, leaves.

Sasha turns back to his work but stops short, “Dreamtime?” He looks over his notes. “What were we thinking?”

Last edited by Klia; 02-12-2007 at 03:13 PM.
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Old 02-11-2007, 09:05 PM   #1078
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I have arrived on to the board to say that this is one great piece you've got here.



^Above picture=awesome.
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Old 02-12-2007, 06:37 AM   #1079
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoidish
I have arrived on to the board to say that this is one great piece you've got here.
Mhmm. Thanks, but I don't believe it's that great, I do enjoy it and am proud of it, but I feel that something's missing from it.

I was worried about the dialouge eating up the story tpo, that and how choppy it looks.
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Old 02-12-2007, 06:44 AM   #1080
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Originally Posted by Paranoidish
I have arrived on to the board to say that this is one great piece you've got here.
I agree. I personally think it's great the way it is. ^^ You have Raz and Sasha down perfectly, and I really love the dialogue. The ending is especially cute.

...Dreamtime. *snorts*


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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