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Old 07-01-2006, 09:53 AM   #321
Mace MacLeod
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Hello admins? Mach's got MacLeodCorp down as the author of The Gremlins instead of me both in here and on the Star Wars Knights main page. Can somebody please fix that?


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Old 07-01-2006, 10:34 AM   #322
Jae Onasi
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Mach's good about editting, but he's not on quite as often as we are. Those of us who read here know who you are.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Old 07-01-2006, 01:23 PM   #323
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mace_MacLeod
Hello admins? Mach's got MacLeodCorp down as the author of The Gremlins instead of me both in here and on the Star Wars Knights main page. Can somebody please fix that?
done here. Not sure i can fix it on SWK.

As I said in the private, sorry. Mea Culpa


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

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Old 07-01-2006, 02:22 PM   #324
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*takes deep breath*

Thanks. That was driving me nuts.

It's fixed on the main page too.


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Old 07-01-2006, 05:12 PM   #325
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mace_MacLeod
*takes deep breath*

Thanks. That was driving me nuts.

It's fixed on the main page too.
Yes, I didn't know how easy it would be to correct.

As for being driven nuts, I could tell you my last name and the odds were it would not be spelled correctly by you. In almost 53 years exactly three people have.

No worries.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

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Old 07-01-2006, 07:02 PM   #326
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Whenever I have to read a name on a chart and I can't figure out the pronunciation and my staff doesn't know, I'll usually call the person by their first name and just ask them how they pronounce it. Then I make sure to write the phonetic version on the chart for future reference.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Old 07-01-2006, 10:16 PM   #327
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Well, my last names pretty damn confusing. You would not believe how many telemarketers have called and misprounced the name so badly that I just hang up on them
My philosophy: If you can say the name right, then I'll let you talk. Misprounce the name, its a hang up.

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Old 07-01-2006, 10:24 PM   #328
Jae Onasi
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I just hang up on them. I don't want to talk to any of them.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Old 07-01-2006, 10:55 PM   #329
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first, a lot of the people are too flipping stupid to wonder why I get upset. I agree about telelmarketers, expecially when the look at it and 'assume' that it is spanish so they try to pronounce it 'correctly'.

I wasn't talking about pronunciation I was referring to spelling, but pronunciation is number 2 of the list.

That's why I understand why Mace was ticked off. I made an invalid assumption.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
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Old 07-02-2006, 11:26 AM   #330
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^I wish people would assume my name was spanish (which it is), but they all think it's Dutch.

@Jae: You aren't supposed to hang up on them, you have to toy with them, like so:

Telemarketer: Hello Mr. X, do you have a moment?
Me: I'm a little busy. Hey, do you know how to get large blood stains out of a carpet?
T: No...
M: Could you look it up, I'm in a bit of a rush.
T: I'm not supposed to...
M: F*ck! They're here! (hang up)


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 07-03-2006, 12:02 AM   #331
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hallucination
^I wish people would assume my name was spanish (which it is), but they all think it's Dutch.

@Jae: You aren't supposed to hang up on them, you have to toy with them, like so:

Telemarketer: Hello Mr. X, do you have a moment?
Me: I'm a little busy. Hey, do you know how to get large blood stains out of a carpet?
T: No...
M: Could you look it up, I'm in a bit of a rush.
T: I'm not supposed to...
M: F*ck! They're here! (hang up)
Another way is to pretend you're about eighty years old and start a long drawn out description of what it was like 'when I was a boy'. That kinda thing.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
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Star Wars: The Beginning
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Old 07-03-2006, 12:31 AM   #332
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One of my favorites: Effecting a hopelessly ridiculous 'French Romantic Guy a la Pepe Le Pew' and saying to them, "Allo my darleeng, I've been waiteeng fohr you call." Even better since I'm a soprano. Or I just pull out something weird that Murdoch did on the A-Team.
I now return the thread to its original purpose....


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Old 07-05-2006, 09:49 AM   #333
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TADA! Finally finished Victim of Betrayal, after 7 and a half arduous months. Machie, can you give me a bit of review for it? Not sure whether this is the right way to ask and all, considering the special protocol detailed in "Why haven't you reviewed me??". If it isn't let me know. I have a linky of the fic in my sig.


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Old 07-05-2006, 10:23 AM   #334
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabretooth
TADA! Finally finished Victim of Betrayal, after 7 and a half arduous months. Machie, can you give me a bit of review for it? Not sure whether this is the right way to ask and all, considering the special protocol detailed in "Why haven't you reviewed me??". If it isn't let me know. I have a linky of the fic in my sig.
Just e-mail it to me, ST. If there is no e-mail in the listing (Or try pushing the send mai) let me know. I can't write and read everything on the net I want to simultaneously.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
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Old 07-06-2006, 03:52 AM   #335
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
Just e-mail it to me, ST. If there is no e-mail in the listing (Or try pushing the send mai) let me know. I can't write and read everything on the net I want to simultaneously.
It says that you don't allow receiving e-mail from users. Tell you what, shoot me a PM with your e-mail address and I'll send over the fic. That'll be an attachment in .txt/.rtf/.doc?


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Old 07-07-2006, 12:10 PM   #336
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

master naskin
anakin34

No era set

The piece is not long enough for me to make a whole lot of comments, kid. The primary ones are trying to combine too many eras. There were no dark Jedi (At least that we know of that were trained) during the Imperial era, yet you have master Windu with a mechanical arm, suggesting he is Mace Windu.

Remember the scene in the Karate Kid when he is taught Bonsai. Now, deep breath, picture where you want your story to go, pick an era, and begin again. I think you can do it.


Betrayal and Retribution: Percieved Reality
stingerhs

Set in the interim between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, events begin to spiral out of control.

Like a lot of the writers here, Stingerhs was writing pretty much flow of thought at the start. Every mistake I saw was the kind editing will correct, and since that has not been done yet, I see no reason to harp on it.

It looks like a great story, but I honestly don’t have the time to stay online and read it all.

Graduation Day

Mace MacLeod

A recruit goes through Imperial Special Forces training.

All right, what can I say bad about it?

If anyone has an answer, let me know. Awesome!


Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater


A Greivous Encounter


vesper

General Grievous vs two Jedi.

There isn’t a lot to work with here kid, but you do good work. Keep it up!

Events after Revenge of Sith and Before A New Hope, The series
IamWhoIAm

Title gives time period.

The basics are good, and all of the complaints I can see are technical. First, if the man knew he’d be spying he should have been more careful with his weapon, though having him walk into what was obviously an ambush is a great touch.

Second, the interrogation scene with Gee doesn’t ring true. An interrogator would try not to put himself in a position to be overcome, and there was no explanation for how the man could be able to get into position to strangle him. You needed something to distract him, which failed to occur.

Third, the way you are going with the end section implies to me that he is still in the Imperial chamber, the Emperor and Vader merely making him think he has escaped so that he can lead them to the rebel force he is with.

On the whole, pretty good.


The Gray Jedi
Queso

‘not necessarily following the Star Wars Expanded Universe timeline.’

A fight between a student of Luke Skywalker and a dark Jedi

The scene was well played, the battle not only believable, but easily visualized. The ‘cheese lady’ as she calls herself deserves a look.


kotorfanmedia

Knights of the Old Republic III: Revenge of the Writers

JediDWH

It’s bad enough dealing with life, but when the writer’s are not on your side...

I didn’t look at the author for this piece when I started. A pity, because I would have known what to expect as this is the third time the author has been reviewed.

JediDWH like to mess with the story, but has outside influences do it. I had to agree with his Revan at the end. Nothing can screw up a story more efficiently than a bad writer. The typos are perfect, and Revan getting ticked because they are changing her own creations are just icing on the cake.

30 readers gave this a thumbs up, I give it two!

Collision, Part 1
LordRevan

Set in an alternate universe of KOTOR I Four different version of Revan hash out their differences.

I was confused for a moment when the author set up first one, then another Revan. But the instant he got to the fourth, it all clicked. A lot of choices are based on gender reactions, and there are always choice that will not or cannot be taken. By having a balance of four, the choices become clear.

Those of us who created female Revans can see our characters in there, as can those who had Male ones.

Here is yet another writer I wish I had time to read from start to finish. This is starting out very well.

Prelude to Chaos

Dark Lord of the Bith

The girl who will later be the Exile goes into her first battle.

The biggest problem with RPGs in comparison to books and stories is there’s a lot of back story that never gets told. Our friend DLotB covers an important point in the life of the main character of TSL, and does it well. The character is well fleshed out, and some of the background is excellent. The comment about her using a force choke on an enemy troop attacking an animal tells you more about her than most even try.

This is the second person I reviewed this week that makes me wish I had the time to read all of their works.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
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Old 07-07-2006, 03:55 PM   #337
Mace MacLeod
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Wow. Thanks, mach!

*Crosses fingers in hopes "The Droid and the Lightsaber" makes an appearance next week*


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Old 07-14-2006, 12:52 PM   #338
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

The Missions of the Old Knights Part One.
ExileRevan

Set shortly after KOTOR I: A pair of unlikely companions meet and flee a Sith attack.

You’re trying to hurry the story too much. You commented that you cut it from 3 pages. Why? The work needs to be edited and rewritten longer. When you could have expanded the characters (As an example, what do they look like? You never told us) you glossed it over. You went from meeting to attack without a pause, which would have been good except that you hurried it along. Think of a roller coaster. They got in the cars, the cars jumped forward, did three loops, and stopped again.

Remember, this is not a movie. Your reader cannot merely leap from point to point. You must sometimes drag them, I will admit. But if done correctly, they don’t even notice because they are being entertained.

The Droid and the Lightsaber

Mace MacLeod

Set at the end of The Empire Strikes back: A droid is damaged by Luke’s falling lightsaber and begins a riotous rampage.

Mace, all you really needed here was editing and rewriting. The piece was good, and the steady dissolution of the droid was funny. The reaction of droids, thieves, Stormtroopers all made it a silly romp. My only disagreement if with the word ‘Jovian’. Jupiter has a gravity of 2.5. If Luke had fallen out of the Cloud city as he did in the movie into a 2.5 Gravity field he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself. Before you ask, it wouldn’t make sense to protect every spec of the station from that gravity field, so he would have entered it when he dropped from the chute.

However Saturn has a gravity of 1.2, so it would have been possible there. The pull of gravity under each condition is 9.88 Meters per second on Earth, 11.856 meters per second on Saturn, and 24.7 MPS on Jupiter.

Since both are gas giants, it is of importance only in retrospect.

The Geonosian War

steven

There is serious need for a spellchecker here, kid. The one time you did question your own spelling was after a serous misspelling in the previous paragraph, and another in the same paragraph. The story is generic, the dialogue haphazard, (Both rewriting problems) and the only real problem I saw was in the battle scene.

It is highly unlikely that a planet using century old weapons and tactics would at the same time come up with a ship of radically superior capability in armor. It would be like the USS Monitor of the civil war sailing out to take on the British fleet of the 1970s, and the fleet suddenly discovering that the guns and missiles have no effect on the antique.

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater


Struggle of the Heart, The continueing story of Oola
one with many names

The Twi-lek girl fed to the Rancor lives on...

There is serious need for a spellchecker here, kid. More than that, the story needs serious revision. The style is haphazard, and the denouement of who and what the ‘angels’ are was too late to keep me from being confused and frustrated. You are flashing back in the wrong places, actually detracting from that the story is about.

I will accept as possible the idea that a group that occupied Jabba’s palace before his arrival could still be hiding within it. I will even accept the idea that the Force has it’s own version of angels. But the idea that the group could move around freely in the criminal sections is stretching it to the breaking point.

NJO: Heroes

Jediwan

Two months after the Fall of Coruscant during the Yuuzhan Vong war. A fierce battle sees a brave man captured.

The writing is pretty good, but Jediwan needs to slow down a bit. The battle scenes need revision. An Admiral would not rattle off names or types of ships to make an attack unless he had a specific attack planned. In real life the man is far too busy to say ‘send this and this, and oh yeah, this’ unless he is dealing with completely incompetent captains. While there are control freaks in commands, they are not usually the type as you have described able to rally their men with a few choice words.

While there are units of several different species and different ages, they should have been broken into divisions and squadrons. What he should do is point at the target area, and say ‘Hit them here‘. It is a minor flaw in a really good battle scene.

The Insurgents-Part 1,

jedijason91

Set in the future of SW: A renegade Jedi attacks the Galactic Alliance.

The style needs work, and the story serious editing. The battle scenes are haphazard, and the people shooting a little too accurate to be believed. Let’s face it, assuming living beings are using the weapons, and a thousand of them are aimed at one target, the odds that everyone will hit the exact same 6”x8” area from varied ranges and angles is pushing believability right off the cliff.

The worst thing about the battle scenes is the constant problem new writers have of having the enemy talk to each other in the middle of it. Face to face, yes, shouting at each other at longer ranges, yes. Screaming over what has to be secure communications, no.

kotorfanmedia

Family Ties
mcfinnigan

Set in the interim between KOTOR I and II: What if the memories of Revan from KOTOR were really hers, just sanitized and rewritten?

The small blurb at the start hooked me and the story flowed on from there. Excellent work!

Cartharsis 1
Annaf3

After the destruction of the Star Forge. Told in flashbacks with present events as the background; the Jedi don’t react as anticipated when our heroes return to Coruscant..

The only problem I saw with this was the write obviously didn’t research beyond the game. The idea that a medpac is just an injector that you shoot into someone as often as needed fits the game but not real life or a story. According to the Essential Guide to Weapons and Technology, it is, as I anticipated, the futuristic equivalent of a first aid kit with a number of times that would not be expended simultaneously. Since this is the case, it should not have been difficult to get specific components rather than using ‘medpac after medpac‘.

However that one flaw does not stop this from being an excellent read.

Knights, Chapter One.
taris

The events aboard Endar Spire in KOTOR I

The character has a lot of internal dialogue which is fun to read. The story could use fleshing out, and the irritated Carth lambasting her because she is moving so slowly, and threatening to throw her in the lifepod is an excellent touch. People tend to be too polite in these games, even when they are furious. Worth a second glance.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 07-14-2006, 01:12 PM   #339
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Originally Posted by machievelli [url=http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165558
Exiled[/url]
Rain128

Scenes from the Mandalorian Wars.

There isn’t much to work with here, but I can tell the kid has some moves. The problem I had was two different battles, one a ground action, the other ship combat, connected only by the person with no explanation as to who what and why.

Rain asked us to come up with a better title, but without more that I have seen I would have to say ‘untitled work in progress’....

Thanks Mach, i was really scared to actualy post something.. =/
As for the battle scene's they were supposed to be dream Sequences, and I wasnt sure how to put them across...

but i have another in the works, hopefully ill put out soon heh

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Old 07-16-2006, 07:36 AM   #340
Mace MacLeod
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Once again, thanks for the review, mach!

There are actually some minor differences between that story as it appears here and the copy I emailed you, mainly just some cosmetic stuff in the grammar and a slightly longer passage when the befuddled C3PD is on the bridge of the Opal Rising, and I've been a bit lazy in updating. I have continued to tinker with it, though.

And I used the word "Jovian" just because Bespin is supposed to be a gas giant planet. I'm not sure if its size or gravity level has even been specified, but when Luke fell out of the chute, he landed on the weathervane-thingie projecting from the underside of Cloud City, so apart from some serious bruises on the backs of his thighs, he would've been okay either way.

Now you got me curious, so I checked on wookieepedia:

Bespin's diameter: approx 118,000 km.
Saturn's diameter: 120,536 km equatorial, 108, 728 km polar.

*edit* I can't find a listing for the word Jovian in the online dictionary. Wikipedia only lists a Roman Emperor by that name in the late 300's. Does it refer to Jupiter specifically? Can't remember...


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Old 07-16-2006, 04:36 PM   #341
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mace_MacLeod
Once again, thanks for the review, mach!

There are actually some minor differences between that story as it appears here and the copy I emailed you, mainly just some cosmetic stuff in the grammar and a slightly longer passage when the befuddled C3PD is on the bridge of the Opal Rising, and I've been a bit lazy in updating. I have continued to tinker with it, though.

And I used the word "Jovian" just because Bespin is supposed to be a gas giant planet. I'm not sure if its size or gravity level has even been specified, but when Luke fell out of the chute, he landed on the weathervane-thingie projecting from the underside of Cloud City, so apart from some serious bruises on the backs of his thighs, he would've been okay either way.

Now you got me curious, so I checked on wookieepedia:

Bespin's diameter: approx 118,000 km.
Saturn's diameter: 120,536 km equatorial, 108, 728 km polar.

*edit* I can't find a listing for the word Jovian in the online dictionary. Wikipedia only lists a Roman Emperor by that name in the late 300's. Does it refer to Jupiter specifically? Can't remember...
In my Websters' new International unabridged dictionary it is defined as 'relating to Jove or Jupiter, either the god or the planet. The same term for Saturn is Saturnian.

The gravitational difference is that for every ten feet he falls in an Earth grafity, he is falling the equvilant of 12 in Saturn's gravity and 25 in Jupiter's. At 25 falling flat on your back you're talking broken bones.


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Old 07-16-2006, 06:41 PM   #342
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
The gravitational difference is that for every ten feet he falls in an Earth grafity, he is falling the equvilant of 12 in Saturn's gravity and 25 in Jupiter's. At 25 falling flat on your back you're talking broken bones.
At 10 feet, falling on your back may break bones, too. 25 feet will definitely cause some significant damage.


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Old 07-16-2006, 10:25 PM   #343
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
At 10 feet, falling on your back may break bones, too. 25 feet will definitely cause some significant damage.

That is why, without knowing Bespin's base gravity, I compared it to Saturn rather than Jupiter.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

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Old 07-21-2006, 10:39 AM   #344
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The Galactic Senate is closed due to security problems, so the review this week is short.

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Knights of the old Republic III, The Unknown Regions
TheExileReturns

Set after KOTOR II: T3 and HK return from the unknown regions.

There are spelling problems, and you tend to forget conversation breaks, but other than that it isn’t too bad a start.

But I would like to see more before I decide.

the jedi in the east

anakin34

No specific era given: conversation between a master and his student.

I think just about every negative that can be said was made in the commentary by others on this site. My only additional comment is that it is too short to really get reviewed properly. Let me know when you have edited, corrected spelling grammar and paragraph breaks, and added about three pages.

The second appearance by the author here.

Star Wars: Gamma Squad
Alkonium

Set in a future after ROTJ. A clone team is sent on a mission.

First, I don’t know if there is still contact with the Kamino in this period. Is it possible? Yes. So I will reserve judgment. Also, by making as you call them ‘composite’ clones, you no longer have a clone per se, they are now ‘genetic constructs’. Interesting idea when well done, but making them composites also blurs the legal lines. I.E. If they ever make a human clone, they will argue as to whether they have the rights a human has, and it will probably end up as yes. However a genetic construct by definition was created, not merely duplicated, and they might have a harder time of it.

The animosity between the team members would bother me some, but like the idea so far. Keep it up, and let’s see where it goes.
kotorfanmedia

Sacrifice (KOTOR version)
sithangel77

In an Alternate Universe: A fight to the death.

The style is a bit confusing because you aren’t really sure who is speaking to whom. Nothing that an edit wouldn’t correct. The style is harsh and dark, but so is the subject matter.

The piece is short, but poignant and I commend the author on the portrayal.


Chapter One - Snap Shots from the Past
Wintera

Prelude to KOTOR: The events from before finding the Star Map to the direct confrontation with Mandalore.

An excellent work. The author had my attention from the first. My only problem is ‘who’ is the master she spends time with at the start? Unfortunately, I do not have time to read all of the other postings.

Message in a Datapad
Darth Meatbag

Set during KOTOR II: The Exile gets a message from her lost love.

The style is good, the story well done, the subject matter excellent.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
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Old 07-24-2006, 11:55 AM   #345
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If The Galactic Senate is closed, maybe you could do twice the amount of CEC Fics to review. Anyway, I'm still waiting for a review of my first finished Fic (I'd never thought I'd see the day). It is called The Sith Lord and it is in my Sig.

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Old 07-24-2006, 02:34 PM   #346
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pottsie
If The Galactic Senate is closed, maybe you could do twice the amount of CEC Fics to review. Anyway, I'm still waiting for a review of my first finished Fic (I'd never thought I'd see the day). It is called The Sith Lord and it is in my Sig.

I cut all the websites slack, Pottsie. They are back up and running, they just weren't when I checked last week.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
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Star Wars: The Beginning
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Old 07-28-2006, 11:15 AM   #347
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Coruscant Entertainment Center

it isn't finished yet, but you can read what I have so far.
raven Onasi

Based on KOTOR: The incidents aboard Endar Spire and first arrival on Taris;

I could find nothing wrong with this work. The style needs some work, but that is practice editing and rewriting.

One of the people commented that I had already done the entire book, and while true, any writer can find more to write on the subject. R-O has already had her character uncomfortable because she shares a room with a man, had her decide ‘why does she need help’ with Bastila, and added the ‘keep sequestered from the Jedi’ comment in the service record that my character never saw.

I agree with another commentator that there is a lot we do not see that can be developed on. I found things, so will R-O. I’d like to see more.

Galactic Conquest: The Rise of the Imperials
RC1162

A battle during the Rebellion. Specific times not set.

All of the problems with this are military technical and timeline. Nothing that disparages the work.

First, a squadron is between 12 and 24 aircraft. Any larger formation is a Wing, so it should have been Gray Wing and Blue Wing.

Second, you have the empire expanding too slowly. If Palpatine had done his job, there would be scattered pockets or resistance, not the equivalent of an invasion force pushing on. We don’t have an idea how many planets actually tried to break away, and taking only 7 in one year is deadly slow.

As an example here Kashyyyk already had an occupation force in place, so why are they invading? Think of the times when coups fail or don’t succeed readily. The Russian revolution which was a spasm that lasted almost 4 years is a perfect example.

In timeline, you have both Yoda and Kenobi on the bridge, but unless it is an alternate timeline, this could not occur. Kenobi could be there, but Yoda hid out on Dagobah almost immediately. Both would be sensed by Vader, so there should be an immediate ‘aha!’ when the Rebel ships arrive. If it were early in the Imperial period, the X-wing would not be in use yet but might be on the drawing board. Remember, 22 years between The Revenge of the Sith and a New Hope.

Also, Wedge looked to be about mid 20s in the movies. He was competent but not genius in A New Hope. If it had been a WWII fighter combat movie I would have tagged him as a 1st lieutenant. He would have made captain by the time of The Empire Strikes back, and maybe colonel for Return of the Jedi. If you made this Wedge’s father, or older brother it would make more sense.

RC1162’s fourth appearance and still quality work.

The crystal of life.

Renegade Puma

The story is well done but needs editing and rewriting.

The idea that the midichlorians might be sentient was suggested in KOTOR but I don’t agree that they would have a opinion on the whole on how they were used. If they did there would never have been a Star Wars because there is just one small step from repugnance to censure. The Emperor would have suddenly found himself unable to do anything, and Vader would have had the same problem.

I used the idea in my own work when I suggested that the Rakata of KOTOR were deprived of their ability to use the force by the force itself, but that was an entire race and took a millennia or more for it to be noticed. But in reflection if my example had been true the Sith, both as a race and as a group would have suddenly been struck in the same manner.



http://www.galacticsenate.com/forumd...e=3&order=desc


The Essence Conflict
Miasmo


Between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. A man who always wins finds that he can lose.

There are spelling and grammar problems, but nothing that can’t be fixed readily. The premise is excellent and the method used to portray it superb.

The main character is a little unsettling, but since I have created characters like them, it doesn’t bother me that much.

The Second Oath
Sniper Gelgok

A scene aboard Ebon Hawk, with no specific part of the KOTOR universe given.

The story is honestly too short for me to make much of a determination. There are no specific flaws to point out.

Knowing the Void: Oppressed
DarthSolo

A look at the history of the Yuuzhan Vong race. One of a series of five;

An excellent work. As much as people look at an enemy and see a heartless monster, as often as they are in truth monsters, it is rare that they begin that way.

DarthSolo took one of the most vicious races in the Star Wars Universe, and gave them a heart, made us see what set them on the path. The work is worth more than the glance I was able to give it.

DarthSolo’s fifth appearance in these pages

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?cat=6&paged=15

The Angel of Death
Old Wolf

Set within Revan’s mind at the confrontation between her and Bastila aboard Revan’s Flagship before the start of KOTOR I.

When it comes to angst, Old Wolf outdoes every scene I have ever written. The Female Revan appears to have already reached burnout before Bastila confronted her. Death would have been a mercy. My question OW, is did you do the entire book? How did Revan react when she found out who she was aboard Leviathan?

A Rude Awakening
mcfinnegan

After the destruction of the Star Forge, the Republic Troops have a blast to be remembered. Both Bastila and Alana however would rather forget it.

The piece started with four disclaimers, ending with one that meant the author really expected flak.

O-Kay.

Then I read it.

After I was done laughing, I decided, what could I say? First, having two of the characters end up in bed didn’t disturb me as much as it did them. Mission’s reaction was choice and brought even more laughter. Juhani’s was icing on the cake.

My complaints are to the other reviewers. First, I have had too much to drink before, so I understand waking up in bed with someone and not being at all sure what might have happened. While one appears to have been nude, and the other topless, that doesn’t mean anything happened. (I know, you’re all sitting out there saying ‘A the Critic protests too much methinks!’ but it is true. Mission’s reaction is what I would expect from a girl her age. Juhani’s was taken as a lesbian offer, but think about it? The principles don’t remember what happened, the only existing picture is of them SLEEPING. She was just saying doing what every person who has ever caught a friend in such a position would have done, teased them unmercifully. Ask me about the hole in the bedroom floor sometime.


Against All Odds
kattalez

As Ebon Hawk leave at the start of KOTOR II, Carth pours out his own angst.

I have been bombarded with people asking me what I thought about a game I didn’t even own since I began this column last October.

A friend bought me a copy of The Sith Lords on the 26th, the day after my birthday, but I have yet to load it. I don‘t know if I have enough room on my hard drive.

But this one piece, with Carth watching his love go into danger without him makes up for everything I have yet to do in that new game.

I immediately recognized ’Take a look at me now’ by Phil Collins, and the music fit the situation better than it did in the movie that used it. I can feel the angst Carth is feeling. Worth not only a second look, but a third and fourth one as well.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
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Old 07-28-2006, 11:32 AM   #348
Jae Onasi
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So, what caused the hole in the bedroom floor?

I'm glad you're posting reviews on fics from different sites, btw. I've been learning different things from the writers who post in these places. Each place has a different approach. Of course, the more I learn, the more I realize there's a whole lot more to learn.

P.S. Happy Belated Birthday!

Hope you didn't see too many


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Old 07-28-2006, 12:04 PM   #349
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whoop! i really should do my research next time. ah well, you gave an honest review. thanks a lot Mach!

also: Happy (belated) Birthday!


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Old 07-28-2006, 01:51 PM   #350
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Thanks for the reviews Mach...and Happy Birthday!
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Old 07-28-2006, 02:12 PM   #351
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
So, what caused the hole in the bedroom floor?
We had bought a shotgun because my wife is just a leetle paranoid. The only one with real experience with firearms is your truly, and I still haven't gotten them out to the range to teach them.

My stepdaught is a pain and she and her boyfriend tend to do things like offer to buy things for friends, and then come up shy or don't deliver. So we had an irate woman over at our house demanding money. Unfortunately it was after my wife got home and she had a temper tantrum that matches that red hair I love so much.

Right in the middle of it I decided that having a loaded shotgun in the house with someone with that temper at that time was... unwise, so I unloaded it. However, I forgot to check the chamber. I did what they tell you to do to protect the hammer spring, which is dry fire it. Luckily I aimed it at the floor, so the charge blew a hole about the size of a quarter in the floor. At least it broke her mood, but I won't hear the end of it in my lifetime.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
I'm glad you're posting reviews on fics from different sites, btw. I've been learning different things from the writers who post in these places. Each place has a different approach. Of course, the more I learn, the more I realize there's a whole lot more to learn.
when I first started, I decided that doing just the one site was counter productive. I had already been a member of the three sites I review at and ignoring them wouldn't have been proper. Besides, I wouldn't have had a chance to read 'a rude awakening' if I had just stuck to this site.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RC 1162
whoop! i really should do my research next time. ah well, you gave an honest review. thanks a lot Mach!

also: Happy (belated) Birthday!
Part of the reason I suggested to Jae and Darth to start the expert forum was to assure that you guys have something to look at if you're unsure. As you can tell from The Beginning and Republic Dawn, I am knowledgeable about espionage and military tactics. But you would have known I knew about fighter operations if you had read 'why we die', my Clone War short. Reforming a fighter squadron in an emergency is pretty much as I described it, and I researched how many snubs are carried aboard the different kinds of ship to make it fit as well as possible.

Just remember, research is never wasted, ever.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile

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Old 07-28-2006, 02:22 PM   #352
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Happy late Birthday, Mach, hope you had a good one. Also I swear The Crystal Of Life has already been reviewed (Then again it is a good Fic).
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Old 07-28-2006, 03:58 PM   #353
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
Just remember, research is never wasted, ever.
yes, i see that now, Mach . thanks.
about the X-Wings though, they arent that advanced. not even as much as in ANH, but at that time period, theyre the best. and it's 18 years, i beleve, between RotS and ANH .
i'll be sure to check the expert forum from now on.


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Old 07-28-2006, 04:19 PM   #354
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RC 1162
and it's 18 years, i beleve, between RotS and ANH .
I thought it was nineteen...
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Old 07-28-2006, 04:46 PM   #355
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pottsie
Happy late Birthday, Mach, hope you had a good one. Also I swear The Crystal Of Life has already been reviewed (Then again it is a good Fic).
I think what happened was I posted it early, Pottsie.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RC 1162
yes, i see that now, Mach . thanks.
about the X-Wings though, they arent that advanced. not even as much as in ANH, but at that time period, theyre the best. and it's 18 years, i beleve, between RotS and ANH .
i'll be sure to check the expert forum from now on.
I thought the X Wing was an outgrowth of the fighters the Arc troopers used. However when it comes to aircraft design, except for more powerful engines ducted exhausts and stealh, there is nothing an F4 can't do that an F15 can.

I have a friend in Mississippi who created a play on the floor game called Basic Fighter Combat back in the 70s. I was going to do an outgrowth of it for Jets and except for heavier guns and larger payloads, there was little a jet of the early 50s could do better than a prop job. Remember that the premium fighter for the North Vietnamese during that war wasn't the mach 2 Mig 21, it was the barely mach 1 (In a dive) Mig 17. Doctor Doom, the best fighter jock they had almost outfought a brand new F4A. Yet he is credited with shooting down everything from a B52 to F4s and F104s.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RC 1162
and it's 18 years, i beleve, between RotS and ANH .
i'll be sure to check the expert forum from now on.
According to the book Star Wars by George Lucas, Luke was 22 at that time. According to the New essential Chronology, he is 19. It's a matter of someone creating canon, then ignoring it. I think I mentioned that I stopped reading and watching Star Trek when the violated canon with the development of the transporter a century too early and having the Romulans using a cloaking device a century before the Star Trek Original episode 'Balance of Terror'.

My logic was this; Transporter, no biggie. The way they did it actually helped. However why would a General of say our own modern day be surprised if an enemy is using the outgrowth of technology from a century ago? I wouldn't be a bit surprised by the Luftwaffe of today using machine guns after all.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
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Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
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Last edited by RedHawke; 07-29-2006 at 02:42 AM. Reason: Combining triple post...
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Old 07-28-2006, 05:04 PM   #356
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Hey, Mach, you've posted three times in a row. Can't you Edit Posts or something? Anyway, I'm looking foward to your next Reviews. Whenever they are.
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Old 07-28-2006, 05:07 PM   #357
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pottsie
Hey, Mach, you've posted three times in a row. Can't you Edit Posts or something? Anyway, I'm looking foward to your next Reviews. Whenever they are.
Yeah I can, but sometimes it hard to shut me up. My tombstone is going to read;

SO THERE!!!!!


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
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Old 07-28-2006, 05:32 PM   #358
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Nice retaliation Mach. I'm glad you have reviewed Against All Odds. I read that one three or four times myself and it never fails to produce a result.
BTW: Happy Birthday (belated)

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Old 07-28-2006, 06:24 PM   #359
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JediMaster12
Nice retaliation Mach. I'm glad you have reviewed Against All Odds. I read that one three or four times myself and it never fails to produce a result.
BTW: Happy Birthday (belated)
It had to come up. At this rate I will be doing this fifteen years from now and still haven't moved out of the KOTOR 1 light side female Revan category.

To all of you that wish me happy birthday; Thank you. However I was a member of the Queen's court at Faire, and Northern Faire had a song about birthdays sung to Scotland the Brave;

'when you were two or three,
your parents would always see
that you had a perty on your birth-day

But now you're older and more mature (Snicker)
at least we are pretty sure
There's no need to treat you like a baby.

Cause no one gives a S**t
about
your birthday anymore
no, it's not important.
And if you want the truth
it's only a good excuse
for your friend to all get drunk together

Now I'm sure you will agree
your brains starts to atrophy
each time that you celebrate your birthday

Un-fortu-nat-lely it's to remind you
The best part of life's, behind you
and soon you will throw your final party

Your teeth will rot
your hair fall out
and sex will merely
refer to your gender only

So raise a cup with me,
a toast to senility
oh please have a happy crappy birthday.

For anyone that really feels a need to say it, send a dollar to a charity, give some old bum a sandwich, or put a dollar in a fund that I can spend to make me happy.

Better yet, how about any used books?


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
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Old 07-28-2006, 07:53 PM   #360
Old Wolf
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Thanks for the review, it's nice to think that people are still reading that
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Originally Posted by machievelli
My question OW, is did you do the entire book? How did Revan react when she found out who she was aboard Leviathan?
Not yet, it's taking a while to do around my other obligations, it will be up some day, it's just finding time to finish it.
She didn't take it terribly well though considering her next few actions involved trying to kill someone and she had to be in a reasonably fit emotional state for that fight.
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