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Old 10-12-2005, 05:21 PM   #1
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KotOR "0.5"

I'm writing my own fan-fic. It'll based on the fall of Revan and Malak during the Mandalorian Wars. I haven't written much, but I think it's pretty good. Does anybody have any ideas I could incorporate into it?
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Old 10-12-2005, 07:16 PM   #2
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try and keep most of the characters from kotor 1 and them some add ons then it would be easier for you and more enjoyable fo us!!!
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Old 10-12-2005, 08:25 PM   #3
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you stole my idea! bwaaaaaaaaaaa......

Edit: for those of you who cant tell that was a joke.

Hope its a good one!

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[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

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Old 10-13-2005, 02:50 AM   #4
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yep. and dont forget to add the Exile. he desterted revan during the mandalorian wars. how and why he deserted them would be a good idea to add.


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Old 10-13-2005, 03:16 PM   #5
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I'm sure it will be neat, hope your writing goes smoothly.
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[FIC] A Jedi's Promise

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Old 10-13-2005, 10:04 PM   #6
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I was going to include the Dantooine and Coruscant Jedi Councils, Revan and Malak (obviouosly), Bastila as one of Revan's not-so-close friends, Carth as a Republic Lieutenant, Canderous as a soldier who almost kills Carth (they don't recognize each other later because of helms, or whatever - I'll explain in the story) but gets attackedhimself by someone trying to save Carth (probably a junior officer who thinks of Carth as a father and dies saving him).
I wasn't planning on using the Exile, maybe mentioning him/her (haven't decided which I'll use yet) in passing. I plan on doing part one in the Mandalorian wars; Part two (very short) during the search for Revan and his fleet; and Part three during the war with Revan. It will end with Revan's capture, maybe on the Endar Spire.
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Old 10-14-2005, 09:15 AM   #7
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not on the endar spire! thats where kotor begins. revans capture is on his flagship before kotor.


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Old 10-14-2005, 04:36 PM   #8
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It would end before the attack on the Endar Spire, don't worry. Besides, I'm probably going to do a novelization of KotOR at some point, anyway.
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Old 10-23-2005, 09:10 AM   #9
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Old 10-23-2005, 11:04 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RC 1162
not on the endar spire! thats where kotor begins. revans capture is on his flagship before kotor.
I realize that Revan was captured on his flagship (which I will give a name), but I want to connect the story with KotOR as musch as possible. This means that I'll probably end it just before the attack on the Endar Spire by the Sith.
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Old 10-24-2005, 02:20 AM   #11
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Now for the kicker...

Is Revan going to be a Man or woman :P
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Old 10-25-2005, 09:57 PM   #12
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Man. I'm going with the canon style, so Revan will be male.
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Old 10-26-2005, 07:55 PM   #13
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Here is a section ripped out of the story. It's set on the planet Ruusann:

With a screech of it's engines, the Basilisk war droid did a wide U-turn, letting loose a hail of blaster fire. Lieutenant Commander Carth Onasi raised his blaster rifle and opened fire, but his shots simply bounced harmlessley of the ship's armour plating. He dived to the left as the Basilisk opened fire again, the ground scorched where he had been standing seconds eariler. The droid now out of range, Carth turned his attention to the soldiers advancing on the ground only 30 meters away. Taking cover behind a large piece of a downed Republic fighter, he replaced his gun's power pack with the skill and speed of an elite commando and turned around to fire a volley of shots at the approaching Mandalorians. The one in front fell to the ground unceremoniously, his face plate shattered from the attack. The others stepped over the body of their fallen commrade as if he were a dead Gizka.
Carth heard the sounds of turret fire behind him, and turned in time to see the Basilisk droid explode in a ball of fire. The Mandalorian soldiers underneath it ran for cover, but most of them had their armour torn to pieces by the burning shrapnel --
The attack hit him with the force of a rampaging Krayt Dragon. He fell to the ground, stunned by the blow to his head. He rolled over just in time to stare down the barrel of a Mandalorian Assault Rifle...

No, this is not the end of the section, but it's all I'm going to post now. I'll post sections from later chapters as I write them. Hope to hear some useable feedback
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Old 10-27-2005, 11:08 PM   #14
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Here's another section from part one of the story:

Bastila couldn't sleep. She rolled over onto her side, trying to get comfortable, but sleep simply wouldn't come. She rose from her bed, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders, and walked towards the window. The tranquil, moonlit plains stretched out before her. She loved the view from her room, especially at night. She turned her back on the window, and headed for the door, with the intention of going to the kitchens for somthing to help her sleep - maybe a nice mug of warm milk. Trying to stay as quiet as she could, she slipped out the door and slowly pulled it shut behind her. She began to walk down the hallway, lost in thought. After about a minute of walking, she turned a corner and ran straight into Revan.
"Bastila? What are you doing?" he asked suspiciously. "You should be in bed."
"I could say the same to you, Revan," she said, with a touch of annoyance. She had never particularly liked Revan, but as one of the few who didn't. She disliked him now more than ever: how dare he reprimand her for being out of bed at night when he was as well?
Brushing past him, she continued to the kitchens, trying to calm herself. She had been slightly afraid of Revan ever since the heated argument she had witnessed between him and Master Vrook, in which both men had yelled considerably. She wasn't sure what the argument was about, but from what she had heard, Revan had told Vrook of his disagreement with the Council's desicion to remain out of the war. She had never seen anybody act as violently as Revan had at that point.
Revan hurried to walk beside her.
"What's up with you? You seem angry with me," he said. She noted how he automatically assumed the problem was hers.
"I'm not angry at you, Revan, I'm scared of you," she answered nervoudly, afraid to meet his eyes. "I saw the argument you had with Master Vrook."
Revan rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry I got angry, but the council can't continue to ignore the Republic's calls for help."
"It is there desicion, Revan. Who are you to disagree with it? You're just a padawan. You don't have the right to..."
"I have the right to do whatever I please!" Revan spat at her. "What right does the council have to tell us what to do? What right do they have to sentence millions of innocent people to death when they can do something about it?" His voice was getting steadily louder, and he looked taller, somehow, in his oncoming rage. "What right-" he grabbed her by the arm in a pincer-like grip, and pulled her towards him so her face was inches from his "-do they have to control us? We could end this war!" She tried to release her arm from his grip, but he tightened his hold on her, sending stabs of pain shooting up her arm. "You dare tell me that I have no right to disagree with them?" he said, his voice cold and harsh.
"Revan, you're hurting me!" she said, all attempts to control her fear abandoned. He stared at her for a second, then his features softned, and he lossened his grip on her. "I'm sorry, Bastila," he said quietly, looking both shocked and sad at the same time. "I don't know what I was doing. Please, forgive me."
Without another word, Bastila pushed him out of the way and headed back to her room at a brisk walk. When she turned the corner and wasout of sight of Revan, she broke out into a full run, and didn't stop until she had closed and sealed the door behind her.

Last edited by The Doctor; 10-29-2005 at 02:09 PM.
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Old 10-28-2005, 10:03 AM   #15
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Nice work, EXCELLENTE! I love it when there are big chapters. Keep it up.

P.S. Hopefully, my first chapter will be up today.
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Old 10-28-2005, 10:39 PM   #16
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These are not full chapters. They are just certain sections taken out of each chapter. This will be written and released very simliarly to a novel, but I will provide a link to a site where the full story can be downloaded for free.
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Old 11-04-2005, 05:33 PM   #17
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A section of Part Three. It takes place a board Revan's flagship (now called the Scimitar).

As the last of the Sith soldiers fell dead to the ground, Bastila gripped her lightsaber hard as Revan placed a particularly hard block against her attack. She pullled back out of reach, and fell into a defensive position. To her surprise, Revan did not press the attck - he lowered his lightsaber to his side, though he was still visibly prepared for an attack. Commander Trycken and his soldiers then opened fire on the Dark Lord himself. He reflected their shots back at them with the same ease with which he had blocked Bastila's attacks. All but one of the soldiers fell to the ground, their chests burned open with their own shots. The last soldier rushed forward, aware that he was as good as dead, and charged at the Dark Lord. Revan simply lifted a black-gloved hand, as if squeezing the juice out of a piece of fruit. The soldier gripped his neck, trying to pry off the pair of invisible hands that were choking the life out of his lungs. Just as he fell to the ground, joing his fellows in the beyod, the other Jedi rushed through the door, their lightsabers ready. Janel rushed to bastila's left, her purple lightsaber pointed at Revan's chest.
"You cannot win, Revan," said Bastila. Revan lifted his lightsaber above his head in a combat stance, and prepared to defend himself. "So be it," whispered Janel, her voice heavy with sadness. The Jedi had begun to advance on Revan when Bastila saw it - weapons fired from Malak's ship; and they were heading right for the Scimitar. They cut through the deflector shields as if they weren't there. The consoles in the bridge exploded. All of them - Jedi and Sith alike - fell to the ground, Revan hitting his head on the relatively undamaged console behind him, half of his mask burned into his face. Bastila raised her head slowly. She lifted herself up onto her elbows, trying to shake out the fog that clouded her vision. She crawled towards Revan, and her stomach lept into her throat - he was badly wounded: she could sense the damage done to his mind - but their was something still there. She could fell it through The Force. A spark of life still existed in his body. She reached out her hand and placed it on his chest, focusing as much as she could on preserving that spark. She willed the Force through her hands and into Revan's body, guiding it towards the flicker of live still inside him. The Republic needed information about the Sith fleet, and through Revan was the only way they could get it. He could not die. She wouldn't allow that to happen. She heard movement behind her, and saw that her fellow Jedi were rousing as well.
"He's still alive!" she said. "Help me get him back to the ship!" Janel and Lurek hurried forward, grabbed him under his arms, and hoisted him onto Tyrran's shoulders. The four of them then hurried for the docking bay, none of them knowing what Bastila had done - nor the future consequences of her actions.
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Old 11-05-2005, 05:21 PM   #18
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Sounds good, and heres an idea about who could save Carth: his commanding officer and mentor, Saul Karath. Keep it up


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 11-05-2005, 09:49 PM   #19
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I was going to make it someone who dies saving his life (someone he thinks of as a son), but that's good too.
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Old 11-06-2005, 05:02 AM   #20
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great story, though by sections, do you mean 'chapters' sorry if i sound dumb.
anyway, the concet and story is good, however, like FFWM12 once said, start a new para when a different person speaks, for example check out my fics, i have wriiten them in this format (links in sig) or even FFWM12's fic (link in sig again) same format.


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Old 11-06-2005, 01:15 PM   #21
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No, these are not chapters.
I have not edited very much, so excuse the lousy format.
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Old 11-06-2005, 11:37 PM   #22
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Good work, but you should make these chapters

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Old 11-06-2005, 11:40 PM   #23
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I'm not going to post entire chapters. It would take up to much space. The chapters I am writing take up almost 14 pages in Word Perfect on font size 11, so they are pretty long. I'll keep posting sections to keep people interested, then I'll post a link to my website where you can download the story in full, or chapter by chapter for those with slower connections. I'll probably also create a new website where you can read the story without having to download it. Probably using freewebs.com again.
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Old 11-06-2005, 11:54 PM   #24
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Sounds good

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Old 11-26-2005, 12:34 PM   #25
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Quick questions:
Bastila was from the planet Talravin, correct?
Revan was already "dead" when Telos was destroyed, right?
Did Carth ever give his wifes name? I don't think he did, but I want to make sure.
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Old 11-26-2005, 01:12 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Doctor
Quick questions:
Bastila was from the planet Talravin, correct?
Revan was already "dead" when Telos was destroyed, right?
Did Carth ever give his wifes name? I don't think he did, but I want to make sure.
Bastila was brought from Talravin, and it is assumed it is her home planet.

Since there is no definititive time-line for either the Mandalore war or the Sith War, we don't know if Revan was dead when Telos was attacked or not. You have to remember that in a large scale war, the main officers won't always be in the same battles. I assumed that Revan had sent Malak to attack Telos.

There was no mention of a name for Carth's wife in the game that I have found, but someone who has supposedly contacted one of the designers/writers of the game said that she was named Morganna.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 11-26-2005, 01:14 PM   #27
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Thanks, Machievelli.
Part one is going well, and part three is almost done.
I'm suffering from writers block for part two. I might scrap the whol section and just allow a time gap.
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Old 11-26-2005, 03:56 PM   #28
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Give me the URL for your site, and tell me what the problem is. I'll see if I can help


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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Old 11-29-2005, 05:11 PM   #29
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I haven't set up a site for my Fan-Fices yet, I just have the Doctor Who one. I can't get the second section started. I was thinking about making it in between the Mandalorian Wars and the Jedi Civil War. FOA, I'm not sure whether to make it from Revan's point of view or that of Doddanna, Carth, Bastila, etc.
SOA, I'm not sure what to write for wither Point of view.
I think it would be best to just make it a two part story.
Any suggestions are welcome, however.
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Old 12-04-2005, 12:32 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Doctor
Quick questions:
Bastila was from the planet Talravin, correct?
Revan was already "dead" when Telos was destroyed, right?
Did Carth ever give his wifes name? I don't think he did, but I want to make sure.
Darth Revan was definitley alive when Telos was attacked... I think he wanted Malak to go and capture Telos but instead Darth Malak deceided to destroy it. Revan probably reprimanded Malak for that since he wanted the Republic to surrender after a war of attriation not be destroyed outright.

As for Revan... I like to think Revan was male, he looked like one of the faces that is given in the game. Also he was more than a lowly padawan when he left to fight in the Mandalorian Wars. He was probably a young but powerful Jedi Knight as well as Malak. He would have became a Jedi Knight at the age of 19... young for a padawan. Malak is slightly older...about 22. By Kotor they would be...say Revan 26 and Malak 29-30.

Malak was stronger physically and smart but Revan was much wiser than his friend. I also see Revan and Malak as having been very close friends... probably since childhood. as they grew older though thier views where different. Still they both believed that the Jedi Order was stagnant and needed to take action no matter what. Revan was arrogant nor impulsive but he believed in his emotions.... Malak believed in passion over reason while Revan believed in passion AND reason. Revan would pick a lock while Malak would break the door down....

There's soooo much that I theorize about what Revan and Malak where like before KOTOR. I also believe that "The Exile" was a woman... as well as a Jedi padawan who was one of the first to follow Revan and Malak on their crusade to fight the Mandalorians. She was the third in command during the war.... after Malachor V however she believed that the Jedi and the soldiers under Revan's command should return back to the Core Worlds. The Jedi should be honorable and answer for their transgressions. Yet Revan...not wanting to reveal all his plans to Malak, the exile or anyone else came up with the excuse that they had to hunt down what remnants of the Mandalorians there where and bring them to heel. That involved heading into the unknown regions.... many of the soldiers under Revan's command respected him as their leader and followed him. Many of the Jedi also did.... only the exile saw that Revan and Malak where corrupted by the dark side. Man I have so many ideas but no fanfic has ever made them true. I dunno... some fanfics have gotten close but then made a plot twist that I disagreed with.

Hopefully you beat your writers block Doc!
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Old 12-04-2005, 12:55 PM   #31
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Not yet. I've decided to take some time to edit part one. It's got a lot of spelling errors, grammatical errors, and double words. Also tense cinflcitions, etc. It's ugly.
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Old 12-11-2005, 01:16 PM   #32
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Oh by the way I always thought of Revan's flagship as a sister ship to the Leviathan so I thought that it should be called the Hydra. Just a thought!
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Old 12-12-2005, 05:22 PM   #33
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^ I thought about making it another mythical creature, but decided that the Scimitar sounded better, IMO.
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