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Old 02-28-2006, 10:00 AM   #1
Ztalker
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[FIC] A General's Grief

This is my first Fanfic...i hope you don't hate it too hard ^^
I've written about 1/3 of the story, and will post the first parts now. If you don't like it, i won't start writing the remaining bits

English isn't my native speech, so it should be full of gramatical mistakes...

STARWARS: A GENERAL'S GRIEF
Prologue
A small figure walks through the Dune sea. A hood hides his head from sight, as he approaches a little hut. He opens the door, and while he goes inside, he lowers his hood. An short brown-greyish coupe is shown, and a moustache as well. Obi-Wan Kenobi is finally home.
Obi-Wan is up early the next morning. He’s going for a stroll in Mos Eisley. Right when he’s about to walk out the door, two speeder bikes stop at his house. They are Imperial.
‘Hey! Old chap! Can you tell us where to find the ‘Lars’ family?’ One of the troopers asks. Obi-Wan turns around, facing the troopers. ‘Sorry. Never heard of that name. But let me a grab a map from my hut, I’ll be right back.’ He walks in his hovel again, and comes out with a map. He walks upon the front trooper, and right when the holographic model unfolds, he strikes. The troopers falls down, sabered in half. Before the other one can run of, Obi-Wan slashes the speeder bike, and it explodes. ‘You won’t find him, Anakin, not as long I’m alive.’

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Old 02-28-2006, 10:02 AM   #2
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The Crash
As the sun sets above the Dune Sea, Obi-Wan wakes up. He dresses himself, and makes a simple meal. As he reads an old datapad, someone knocks on the door. The old man walk opens it, and the face of a young black-haired man is staring at him, with fear in his eyes. ‘Sir..sir! I…i..Luke and I couldn’t help it! Bigs couldn’t control it anymore! Please help!’ Obi-Wan’s face turns father-like as he speaks. ‘Lead me there, boy, but have some drink first! Looks like you have been walking for hours!’
As they walk to the canyon, the boy begins to talk. ‘Are you…the hermit called Ben?’
Obi-Wan laughs and replies: ‘I’m no hermit, I just like my privacy very much. But I’m Ben Kenobi, yes.’ The boy smiles and says: ‘Well. I’m Wedge Antilles. Me, Luke and Bigs were racing through the Krayt Cannyon, when suddenly Bigs crashed. Luke is with him now. He told me to get you here.’ Obi-Wan’s face turns a bit pale. Would they tell him….no they wouldn’t….that wasn’t the agreement. ‘WEDGE!! Quik!’ Suddenly, the voice of a very young boy echo’s through the landscape. Obi-Wan runs to the sound, and finds the two kids, on lying in the arms of the other. ‘He..he’s unconscious since the crash, Ben! Please help!’ Obi-Wan kneels next to the unconscious child, and touches the younglings face, while mumbling old rites. Suddenly, the child wakes up. ‘Luke..Wegde? Where am I?’ As Obi-Wan steps back, the two other boys embrace their friend. ‘It’s getting dark kids. And there are only two Desert Skifs left. One of you has to go with me, unless the stomach of a Krayt dragon is a better sleeping spot in your opinion.’ Obi-Wan concludes. The three boys look at each other. Their parents warned them for the old hermit, and his strange behaviour. ‘I will stay then. The crash was my fault anyway.’ Luke says. The other two boys promise to come and get him in the morning, as the fly away.

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Old 02-28-2006, 10:24 AM   #3
Vladimir-Vlada
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Interesting. Keep it up.
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Old 02-28-2006, 01:26 PM   #4
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I'll have to agree. A nice way of putting Obi-wan's solitude into perspective.

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Old 02-28-2006, 05:34 PM   #5
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I suppose this is set before ANH. I like it so far.
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Old 03-01-2006, 09:35 AM   #6
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Thanks guys! I really appreciate it
________________________________________________

Duel
The two walk back to the hovel, as the it is getting darker by the minute. When they finally enter the last canyon, they are completely surrounded by Darkness. ‘Stay here, Luke…I’ll be coming back to get you.’ Says Obi-Wan, as he walks into the Darkness. He sensed something, and it wasn’t a wampa. Years of isolation trained his skills, as he tries to hear where the feeling comes from. Right as he enter the lowest point from the canyon, a bright red light emits from the darkness. ‘Die Jedi!’ Obi-Wan draws his lightsaber, and blocks the incoming enemy. As he fends of a second blow, he thrusts his saber near the left arm of the enemy, thus forcing his enemy in an uncanny dodge. In the following split-second, Obi-Wan throws his opponent onto the ground, and kicks the saber out of the enemy’s hand. ‘Who are you? His opponent doesn’t say anything. ‘SPEAK SITH!’ The enemy is shocked as he says: ‘I..i…know who you are, General Kenobi…General Tarkin wants you dead!’
Obi-Wan destroys the enemy’s lightsaber by smashing it on the rocks as he speaks.
‘Then tell him I don’t have the locations of Zonema Sekot! Leave Sith!’
The surprised Sith stands up, as he replies: ‘Your mercy makes you weak Jedi..’
Obi-Wan turns around one last time as he replies: ‘Don’t make me show you how weak I am.’
The Sith runs away, as Obi-Wan walks out the canyon again.
From a distance, Luke could only see the flickering lights, and hear the weak echo’s of the people speaking. Obi-Wan was gone for more then an Half-hour now. After a minute or 10, the lights began to flicker. Luke is worried about the old man. ‘Did the lights harm him?’ He asks himself. After another 10 minutes, Ben walks up to Luke again. ‘Let’s get to my hut. We have a lot to discuss.’

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Old 03-01-2006, 09:53 AM   #7
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This is interesting. Go ahead.
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:58 AM   #8
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Great duel between Obi-Wan and the Sith. I like it. Although you may want to make your Chapters longer. Keep posting.
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Old 03-01-2006, 12:14 PM   #9
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Yeah that duel was great. You have an interesting way of capturing what could ave happened after Ep III. Keep posting.

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Old 03-02-2006, 11:54 AM   #10
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Thanks for the feedback. I'll start making the episodes larger
Another relatively small episode. Sorry, but i have already written a large part of the story
_______________

Questions
‘Mister…what where those flickering lights? Who did you talk with?’ Since they entered the hut, Luke is asking questions. ‘He’s just like his father. Curious as hell.’ Obi-Wan thinks. He looks at the boy, who looks very much like his former apprentice. ‘Do you know who I am? Did your uncle tell you anything?’ Luke looks at Obi-Wan’s eyes. His uncle and aunt told him some stories about Old Ben, but most of them seemed strange. ‘I heard you fought in the war.’ Obi-Wan looks upon the child. ‘Did your uncle tell what rank I had?’ -‘They said you where some kind of General before you went here and went…insane.’ –‘Do you believe I am insane?’ –‘No sir…I don’t believe what they are saying.’ – ‘Why not? Most of the time, people are right you know.’ – ‘I don’t know. It’s like I know you. Sorry I can’t be more precise mister.’ Obi-Wan nods his head. ‘So he kept his word. He didn’t tell about his father.’ Obi-Wan thinks. ‘Could you tell me more about my father?’ Obi-Wan didn’t expect that question. ‘What did…what did your uncle tell you?’ –‘He told me my father was a normal Space Navigator on a freighter. And died because of the Imperials.’ –‘Then there is nothing left to tell.’ The boy looks disappointed, as he asks: ‘What do you know about the resistance? Wegde and Bigs are talking about it all the time. They say they want to join them if they are grown up.’ Obi-Wan looks into Luke’s eyes. ‘I have met them once. I know they exist, but nothing more…well look at the time. It might be a good idea to take a nap now.’ Obi-Wan changes the subject. ‘Your friends will be here early, to save your from ‘Crazy Ben, aye?’
Luke smiles, as he enters the other sleeping room, and leaves Obi-Wan behind.
‘He’s just like his old man. To damn curious.’ Obi-Wan thinks as he falls asleep on the couch.


Last edited by Ztalker; 03-02-2006 at 12:34 PM.
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Old 03-02-2006, 12:09 PM   #11
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I like this Chapter.
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Old 03-02-2006, 12:24 PM   #12
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Good chapter but if I remember correctly from the films, Luke says something like, "My father didn't fight in the wars, he was a navigator on a spice freighter." Just an FYI. Still looks good. Keep posting.

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Old 03-02-2006, 12:32 PM   #13
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You are correct...i didn't remember it, so i guessed. Because of formatting, i lost A New Hope ><
For the rest, i tried to use the facts from the movie and expanded universe.
In 'Rogue Planet' , a novel by Greg Bear, Anakin and Obi-Wan actually find Zonema Sekot, and Tarkin is there too. (Working for the Trade Federation). It also describes that Tarkin uses bodyguards to protect himself.

You'll see more little facts from the movies in this fanfic

PS: Fixed the job-mistake

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Old 03-03-2006, 01:18 AM   #14
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Your command of English is quite good. I found the hardest thing to learn in a language is a. idioms and b. the subjunctive, and English has plenty of idiomatic speech. I'm enjoying your characterization of Obi-wan and I look forward to more stories.


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Old 03-03-2006, 09:23 AM   #15
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Yeah..the idioms are a quit difficult yes. I just have the luck Holland is speaking/using English more and more.

Another chapter!
__________________________________

Data
Obi-Wan was right. Right at dawn, he sees a speeder approaching his hut. He determines it is the ship of the Lars family. He walks into the guest room, and finds a sleeping Luke. As he’s reaching out with his hand, he reaches out to the Force. He can feel the potential…the Skywalker ability. His hand touches the sleeping shoulder, and the boy wakes up. ‘Did you sleep well?’ –‘Quit good. I don’t know what it is about this room, but I feel save here.’
–‘Your uncle and aunt are here. Time to return to the civilised world’ The boy smiles as he jumps up. They both walk into the main-room, and a few minutes later Owen Lars knocks on the door. Right after Obi-Wan opens the door, Luke runs into his aunts arms. ‘Thanks.’
-You know that isn’t necessary Owen. You know I had to do this.’ –‘I didn’t tell him any…’
The young boy stares at the two men. ‘You did a good job Owen. You held your word, and I will keep on holding mine. You will never see a…youknow..again.’ While he tabs a metal tube on his belt. Owen nods, and walks back to the speeder. Luke then walks up to Obi-Wan again. ‘Thanks mister Kenobi!’ –‘No problem. You can come here anytime you want.’
–‘Thanks..Ben.’ Ashe runs back to the speeder.
Obi-Wan walks back into his hut, and he pulls an old box from beneath a couch. He opens it, and it’s filled with datapads. As he searches through, he finds the one he is searching for.

Datapad Entry:
Brought the child to the Organa’s I have. Raised good, she will be. Promised Bail has, to not tell her. Left my log at the Organa’s I have. Reading it no-one else could then.
Obi-Wan. Hoping I do, you did the same. Hidden, this secret must be.
Train the young one I will. On Dagobah I am.
May the Force be with you.
-Yoda-

Obi-Wan remembers the way he obtained it. It was brought to him by a Wookie, but he can’t remember it’s name. ‘Something with many C’s and A’s…doesn’t matter.’
He then searches through the box again, and find the right datapad again.

Datapad Entry:
Anankin and I have infiltrated Sekot, and we are selected for buying a ship. The procedure will commence tomorrow. So far, we haven’t seen anything strange, except for the one in charge here. There is something strange about this man I can’t understand.

Still no sign of Vergere. We have asked a bit around, and Anakin has asked Jabitha to ask her father about it. It seems all will go as planned. There are still no signs of Trade Federation activity.

-Obi-Wan-

He remembers the legendary planet. He also remembers what the Sith said. General Tarking was still in charge there, and did not give up his Zonema-Sekot dream of an organic fleet.
Maybe it was time to settle this once and for all. He puts on his robe, and makes his way for Mos Eisley.

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Old 03-03-2006, 09:43 AM   #16
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Great Chapter, although a lot more spelling mistakes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ztalker
Obi-Wan remembers the way he obtained it. It was brought to him by a Wookie, but he can’t remember it’s name. ‘Something with many C’s and A’s…doesn’t matter.’
Was that Chewbacca? Or his Father Attichitcuk?

Last edited by Pottsie; 03-03-2006 at 11:09 AM.
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Old 03-03-2006, 10:14 AM   #17
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Sorry for the spelling mistakes. I just don't speak/write English very well.

It's Chewbacca by the way. He was captured and enslaved. I imagine Chewbacca traveling across the universe doing jobs for his master. This way, he could easily bring a message from Yoda (He's the last person that saw him) to Obi-Wan.

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Old 03-03-2006, 12:14 PM   #18
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That makes sense. I like how you brought the events of the Clone wars, etc together. This is an interesting and good fanfic. Just a suggestion: One your fanfic, do you type it out on a word doc like Microsoft Word? If you do, use the spell check. It could help with grammer and spelling and you can see the correct spelling. It's not perfect but it helps. I know because at times I write the wierdest of words and the spell check catches it and I see what I did wrong.
Your command of English like Jae said is good. I have no trouble following your flow of ideas

Still keep posting and I look forward to more.

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Old 03-04-2006, 10:07 AM   #19
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I'm using MS word atm, i'll use thr check more frequently from now on.
___________
Launch
As he walks into the gambling town, he searches for the ship that helped him all these years ago. He walks trough small alleys, into the more violent side of town, and finds the hangar. He puts in the key card, and the pressure door opens. His Jedi Starfighter blinks in the light of the burning sun. He gets in, and asks for the launch-codes. As he mentions the code, the flight leader shouts: ‘Launch the TIES!! Republic vessel spotted!’ Obi-Wan hears the shunts fire, as he activates his engines. A small smile curls up his face. ‘This is why I hate flying..’ The famous vessel flies into the air above Mos Eisley. On his radar, he sees the Ties approaching his own vessel. ‘Let’s see how your brothers do..’ Obi-Wan thinks. After all, the TIE fighters originate from the Jedi Starfighter, and Obi-Wan feels Anakin had something to do with it. After all, he loved his ship. Especially after the battle of Mullinist. The design of the vessel was brilliant after all, and turned even better after the introduction of the Twin Ion Engine vessel. His ship is outdated, but has one major advantage: A Jedi is piloting it. As he sets for the sky, his followers begin shooting. He then rolles over to the left, and flies right into the formation from beneath, forcing it to break. He then shoots the one of the three followers down, while the other two are regrouping, he loops right after them, and fires his front lasers. The fight is over before it began.
He then set for space, and punches in the coordinates for Alderaan. He rememberes the older model had to use an ring-motor to do Hyperspace travel. ‘Thank god they removed that model.’ He remembers his fight with Jango Fett, which he couldn’t escape because of the ring. ‘You got to love the seismic charges.’ He says with a grim voice.
While in hyperspace, he rereads some of his datapads. ‘So we have a Grand Moff that’s after my arse, a Sith assassin that likes to see me in more then one piece and the Imperial Air force that wants to see me down….just like the old days!’ A cynical smile comes up his face.

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Old 03-04-2006, 01:00 PM   #20
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Another great Chapter. I didn't think that Obi-Wan would leave Tatooine, until he trained Luke the Force.
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Old 03-05-2006, 05:56 AM   #21
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I do not think so. As seen in the movies, he quikly leaves for Tatooine. But when Luke enters his hut some time later ( for building his green saber) he finds al sorts of jedi Holocrons. I think Obi-Wan went to collect some, before the Emperor would destroy them.
______________________
Ticket
‘Unidentified vessel, please enter your id code!’ –‘Don’t you people recognise and old friend anymore?’ –‘G-g-general Kenobi! Welcome! We first didn’t recognise your ship id!’ –‘no problem, I know it’s pretty old.’ –‘Landing pad B-5 is free. You could land your vessel there, General.’ After landing the vessel, Obi-Wan walks into the Main hall of the launch-bay. After putting up his hood, he walks to the reception desk. Behind it sits an Imperial officer, obviously a mere recruit. ‘Please move along citizen. We don’t have all day.’ –‘I would like a ticket for the Organa-palace. I have a…’ –‘GET HIM!!’ A squad stormtroopers enter the main hall from the main doors. The lieutenant waves his Flechette at Obi-Wan, who replies with a leap onto a video screen. The Troopers are mislead for a second. –‘Shoot the Jedi!’ Orders the lieutenant. In a fraction of a second, the video screen is shattered to peaces, and Obi-Wan leaps into the stormtrooper squad. While activating his lightsaber, he pushes the lieutenant away. With one mighty slash the squad is killed. The lieutenant then stands up, but doesn’t get the chance to fire his E-10. Obi-Wan already pulls it out of his hand. ‘Who ordered you to do this?’ Obi-Wan tries to see through the shocked man. ‘I..i…Left-hand Vassel executed the order…master jedi.’ –‘Good boy, here have a cookie.’ And with tremendous force the young lieutenant is knocked out by Obi-Wans fist. ‘I was only buying a ticket! Sheesh!’
The young officer behind the desk is looking at Obi-Wan. ‘I didn’t choose to join the Imperials, master Jedi. I won’t betray you.’ Obi-Wan smiles. ‘It’s good to see there are still sane people in the galaxy.’ The young lieutenant smiles to now. ‘I still want my ticket you know….’

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Old 03-05-2006, 06:54 AM   #22
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Another good Chapter. Keep them coming.
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Old 03-06-2006, 09:19 AM   #23
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This is the first of the episodes that are somewhat longer, like you guys suggested.
_________________________________________

Contact
‘Bail...I was attacked by stormtroopers when I arrived. What is happening here? I though the Imperials agreed with your treaty?’ Obi-Wan says as he and Bail walk into the main hall of the palace. ‘They did. But you know them. They can’t be trusted. Order 66 is still in effect you know. Especially now the found old Paslado.’ That was true. A few months before, an old jedi knight was found on Alderaan. The Imperials immediately executed order 66 again.
‘It’s sad. We were the galaxy’s protectors. And what are we now? We are being chased and hounded to death.’ –‘How is Yoda doing by the way?’ Bail changes the subject. ‘He has arrived, and as far as I know, he now lives in total exile. He said something about the Dark Side clouding him or something, the last time we met.’ –‘I can imagine he can’t live wi….Oh! Leia! I didn’t know you were awake.’ The child stares at the visitor with her eyes wide open. ‘Who is the man, father?’ Bail pads Obi-Wan on the shoulder as he says: ‘This is General Kenobi dear, the man I told you about.’ The girls eyes spare even wider. ‘D-d-did you fight in the Clone Wars?’ Obi-Wan smiles. ‘Yes I have little girl. Your father and I know each other that way.’ –‘Come on Leia, I believe you had some homework to do? Those sums aren’t making themselves.’ Leia walks up the stairs, as Obi-Wan and Bail walk through the wooden door and enter the meeting room. ‘Why are you exactly here, Ben?’ –‘I have found evidence that the Imperials are attempting to find Zonema Sekot again.’ –‘How do you know that?’ –‘There is only one person in the current Imperial Forces that was there when I wad too: General Tarkin.’ –‘Are you saying he’s trying this on his own, without the support of the Empire?’ –‘Yes. I have encountered a Sith Assassin. His personal guard, to be exact.’ –‘So why did you come here?’ –‘I can’t stop him alone. If he gets his hands on that fleet, he could easily destroy the Empire now that they fight in the Outer Rim.’ –‘Won’t he use it to strengthen the Empire?’ –‘I know him. He won’t. The Emperor promoted every single officer in his staff, except for Tarkin. I think the Emperor knows he can’t be trusted. He’s a Sith Lord after all. They see through people.’ –‘And don’t forget about his pet, Lord Vader.’ Obi-Wan sighs. ‘That too, yes.’ Bail looks Obi-Wan straight in the face. ‘You want contact with the Rebellion, don’t you?’ -‘Unless flying my fighter through the Imperial Blockade seems a better idea to you.’ -‘That seems quit suicidal to me, Ben. I will contact them you are coming. Maybe they even lend you a Z-95.’ Obi-Wan nods as he watches Bail walk to one of the plants in the room. Suddenly, Bail touches the plant with some kind of device, and he starts talking. ‘Heh, I didn’t expect you to be a tree-hugger, Bail.’ Says Obi-Wan when the conversation with the plant is finished. Bail looks at Obi-Wan as he says: ‘Sleep now. I will bring you to the contact point tomorrow early.’ The tired Jedi walks to the bed, and right when he falls asleep, he thinks of the Republic as he knew it before the great scourge.
‘How could we have been so blind.’ The old master falls asleep.

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Old 03-06-2006, 11:48 AM   #24
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Good Chapter as always. It's better longer by the way.
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Old 03-06-2006, 12:01 PM   #25
Jae Onasi
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The spell-checker does a pretty good job of finding mistakes, but can still miss some things. It determines if the word's spelled correctly but doesn't detect if the word is actually being used correctly in a particular sentence, such as substituting later for latter or vice versa. Both are spelled correctly, but you can't say "I'll be back latter." So, the spell-checker works better if we also double check things.

Ztalker, some of us native English speakers don't know all the idioms, so don't feel bad.
I'll be interested to see what Obi-Wan's going to do next in the Rebellion. I'm sure it's going to be just as exciting. Keep writing!


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Old 03-07-2006, 10:58 AM   #26
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Thanks again for the support
Obi-Wan meets with the Rebellion, and meets certain people that appear in the movies too.
_____________________________-

Rebellion
‘Ben…wake up. We have to go now.’ Obi-Wan gets wakened by Bail Organa. ‘Can I first have some breakfast?’ –‘Quit being this cynical, Ben. This is important. We will fly to the waypoint. They will pick you up there.’ Obi-Wan stands up and says; ‘You don’t have to do this Bail. You know you are needed here. I can fly there myself.’ –‘It’s not like the Imperials will blow Alderaan to stardust for this, won’t they?’ Both man laugh as they make their way for the hangar. They both step in a grey speeder and make their way through the deserted streets, and forests. After flying a half hour, they get a message on the com. ‘Unidentified vessel, stand back. This is Captain Nuatile of the 15th airborne squadron. You are under arrest for treason.’ As they message repeats itself, 3 Tie-fighters approach from the forest edge in front of them. ‘Crap!’ Bail panics as he searches for the com-system. Suddenly, two Z-95’s appear from below them, and frontally charge the Imperials. Bail and Obi-Wan speed to the checkpoint, as the fight rages above them. ‘General Kenobi? This is Mon Mothma. Come in fast, we have to go before the Imperials send reinforcements.’ Bail parks his speeder right next to the Corellian Corvette where the message cam from. Obi-Wan jumps out, turns around and says: ‘Thank you Bail. May the force be with you.’ -‘Same to you, Ben.’ Obi-Wan force jumps on the entrance ramp, as he sees his friend speed away. He then walks to the central room, where he finds Mon Mothma. ‘Welcome back general. These are desperate times, in which we could need your help.’ Obi-Wan sits down as he says: ‘Maybe we can exchange services.’ –‘What do you need?’ –‘I need the fastest ship you can get me, and trustworthy soldiers. I need to save an old friend.’ –‘I…I will try to find some men.’ –‘What is it you need me for then?’ –‘Let’s dock with the fleet first. They are in a Nebula right now. We can speak about your mission there.’ The flight to the nebula went smoothly. The escort of Z-95’s didn’t have to do anything. Right after the dock with the Medical station, Mon Mothma and Obi-Wan walk into the council room with the central projector. Several people are sitting around it. The holo shows a Z-95-like ship. It has 4 wings instead of 2 though, and looks far more stabile and powerful. ‘Ah! Welcome general! It’s good to see you again.’ The Mon Calamari commander walks upon the amazed Jedi. ‘You and your people saved us from the Quarrens in the clone wars. We are in your debt forever.’ –‘Now I remember. Master Fisto helped you in this civil war during the Clone Wars, didn’t he? You must be commander Ackbar then.’
–‘Yes, you are correct. What did become of Master Firsto by the way? We’d love to honor the man that freed us.’ Obi-Wan lower his head as he speaks. ‘The Emperor killed him. Together with some other Knights like master Windu.’ –‘Oh…I’m sad to hear this. Defeating the Empire will now taste even sweeter.’ The Calamari walks to the hologram as he speaks. ‘We have allies around the Galaxy master Jedi. Remember the manufacturers of your Jedi Fighter?’ –‘Yes. Incom did a great job.’ –‘They designed a new ship, under pressure from the Empire. They still sympathy us though. They’d rather give it to us then to the Imperials. The Imperials don’t know we have this data, and certainly don’t want to lose this ship to us. We are getting stronger, you see.’ He puts his finger near the holo. The Incom T-65 ‘X-wing’ prototype. Armed with four laser cannons, Proton Torpedo Launcher. Four realspace Engines provide stability and pure speed. Combined with the excellent firepower an interesting ship for us to get.’ The Calamari stops speaking as he watches Mon Mothma’s face. ‘And you are going to steal it, General Kenobi.’

_______
Sneak preview:
A mechanical breath fills the comm. channel.
‘Commander Thrawn, I will take care of this rebel vessel. This is none of your concern.’

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Old 03-07-2006, 12:52 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ztalker
‘It’s not like the Imperials will blow Alderaan to stardust for this, won’t they?’
Obviously they don't know what Darth Vader's plans are. Another good Chapter.
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Old 03-07-2006, 03:22 PM   #28
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Obviously. Kenobi stealing a ship? Hmm so many questions and yet I like what I am reading. Keep up the good work. Just a suggestion however. I tend to get confused about who is speaking what and to whom. I suggest that you separate each piece spoken by a different person. An example would be like:
Jaina said, "..."

Her brother replied, "..."

Something like that and it would help to keep your characters organized. Good job however and I look forward to seeing more.

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Old 03-08-2006, 09:17 AM   #29
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Thanks for the support
I though about the way of writing you mentioned, but i just liked to try it this way. I think i'll use the form you are suggesting in (possibele) future stories, since it's easier to write, and it hides my grammatical errors a bit ^^

About stealing the ship:
In the Sw databank, it's clearly said the X-Wing was a Imperial prototype, until 'someone' stole it. I just made it Obi-Wan.*
_________________________________
Mission
‘Okay. How hard can it be?’ Obi-Wan looks at the Mon Calamari and Mothma. For a second, they don’t reply. Then Mothma answers. ‘They keep it at Project Death Star, general.’
-‘In that case there are more efficient ways of committing suicide.’ The Calamari laughs as he try’s to answer. ‘You do know it’s main cannon still isn’t working, don’t you?’-‘Talking about efficiency. How old is that thing? 9 years or so? And they still don’t have it operational?’ Obi-Wan seems surprised. ‘In that case, the main engine isn’t functioning as well. It runs on the same crystals and power supply as the main cannon.’ –‘So you studied the plans Bail send you?’ Mon Mothma seems surprised too. ‘Yes. It’s quit useful to study a doomsday weapon you know. You should look at their disposal trench, it’s…. -‘We don’t have time for this Obi-Wan. If you can get the X-Wing, we will provide military support. You have to leave now, because the main part of the Imperial fleet is fighting in the Outer Rim. Bothan spies show they are slowly retreating. You need to go fast.’ Obi-Wan nods his head as he walks to his cabin. ‘I will leave tomorrow early, okay?’ As Obi-Wan walks away, Ackbar replies. ‘May the Force be with you, General.’ –‘Thanks. I think I’ll need it.’
Obi-Wan experiences a night with many nightmares. He sees the duel on Mustafar, the death of his master. Obi-Wan wakes up. It’s time to leave. Obi-Wan sighs. ‘I wish you where here Qui-Gon. I could use your help.’ Obi-Wan clicks his lightsaber on his belt, and walks to the launch-bay. When he opens the door, the whole place is empty, except for one person. As he walks into the light, his Mon Calamari face becomes visible. ‘Sir, what are you doing here?’
-‘General, you are one of the last Jedi. One of the last members of the order that saved my planet. I can’t let you go without my best wishes.’ –‘Thank you commander. It’s the first time since ages I actually feel Jedi again instead of a prey.’ –‘I also want you to have this.’ It’s a box filled with holocrons. ‘This is Master Fisto’s diary. May it inspire future generations of Jedi.’ –‘I…I…I don’t know what to say Commander Ackbar.’ –‘Just be silent and go. You have a mission to tend too.’ Obi-Wan enters the Z-95 cockpit, starts the engines, and waves Ackbar farewell. As he makes his way for hyperspace, he thinks of Luke and Leia, the Jedi-twins. The holocrons, now hidden in the spare part canister, could be used in their training. ‘I can’t train them yet. It still hurts to much.’ A little tear appears from his left eye, and makes it’s way to his chin, where it falls on Obi-Wan’s lightsaber. A Jedi blaming himself, a Jedi crying, a general’s grief.
After a long journey, the Hyperspace engines finally stop, and Obi-Wan awakes from his meditation. In front of him lies the Death Star, the Imperial base. ‘Unidentified vessel, prepare to be pulled in by a tractor beam.’ It was part of the plan that Obi-Wan would enter the Death Star this way. Incom’s office was located near the hanger. Below him are the shipwrights of Bilbringi. He can clearly see the future Star Destroyers. One of them is bigger then the rest, and different from shape. It’s name? The Executor. ‘So they are indeed losing ships in the Outer Rim. It seems they can be beaten. He quickly scans the shipwrights. If the rebels see this, they will probably be even more excited. ‘This is General Thrawn of the Relentless. Please identify yourself!’ –‘I already…’ A mechanical breath fills the comm. channel.
‘Commander Thrawn, I will take care of this rebel vessel. This is not of your concern.’
-‘The Emperor ordered…-‘The Emperor gave ME command of the situation.’ Again the mechanical breath. ‘You are out of your league general.’ The general slowly answers.
‘I’m sorry Lord Darth Vader, just don’t disappoint the Emperor like you did last time.’
As he is slowly pulled inside, he feels a small spark of joy from the station, shortly followed by an enormous hate burst. ‘Crap. He knows I’m coming.’


Sneak preview:
-‘There is still hope, Anakin. I sensed the good in you when I arrived.’ –‘That’s a lie, old man, and you know it’s true. Search your feelings. It were your teachings that betrayed me. YOUR ignorance that made me what I am today.’

*=Now you see i fixed another SW-thingy too. In A New Hope, Darth Vader clearly speaks : 'You shoudln't have come BACK.' So i made Obi-Wan visit the Death Star, to fix that

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Old 03-08-2006, 11:53 AM   #30
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Another great Chapter as always.
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Old 03-08-2006, 12:20 PM   #31
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That's good. You know I never noticed that because I was caught up with big bad Darth Vader. Another good chapter. It's nice that you show the human side of the Jedi, especially Obi-wan because in Ep. 3 it looked like he could barely hold himself together. I think what Obi-wan says when he's in a tight spot is, "Blast!" Sounds alot better than crap in my opinion but it is your story and I'll enjoy it just the same.

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Old 03-09-2006, 11:45 AM   #32
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You are right about the 'blast.' I just wanted Obi-Wan to look a bit..angry. He blames himself after all.
__________________________
Padawan
The Z-95 is pulled aboard, and placed on a landing pad. The room is already filled with Imperial soldiers. The cockpit slides open, and Obi-Wan climbs out, very slow. ‘You are under arrest, Jedi. Surrender yourself, and save us the trouble of shooting you.’ Obi-Wan slowly turns around, as all the soldiers form a circle around him. ‘Where do you plan on taking me anyways?’ –‘Lord Vader requested an audience. Consider yourself lucky. Mostly we just shoot rebel scum like you.’ –‘That really doesn’t seem a good idea to me. I’d rather…’ All the soldiers ready their guns. ‘Fine, rebel. On my mark…’ The commander never speaks the complete sentence. Obi-Wan pulled the officer near him, and holds the scared soldier as a shield in front of him. ‘You wouldn’t shoot a senior officer, now would you?’ He then whispers something into the officers ear. With a gloomy face, the officer speaks. ‘Retreat men. This man is no rebel.’ One of the soldiers asks: ‘Sir, we have strict orders from Lord Vader, I strongly..’ With a straight blaster shot, the hostage officer shoots the soldier. ‘I said retreat. Get to your barracks, and stay there!’ All the troopers lower their guns as Obi-Wan and the officer walk out. As they enter the turbo lift, Obi-Wan asks:
‘Where can I find the Incom offices?’ The officer replies with a glazy stare, shortly followed by a mumbling ‘Just down the corridor on deck 17.a, Sir.’ –‘Thank you for your kindness.’ Obi-Wan opens the door, where three surprised troopers look up. ‘He drank to much last night, got to go, bye!’ The officer is thrown out of the lift, as the troopers stand up. The lift starts it’s way down. ‘Captain?’ –‘Yes?’ –‘I didn’t know we have a cantina?’ –‘Nor do I, nor do I.’ The lift keeps going faster, until deck 17 appears on the screen. Just as Obi-Wan steps out, he sees the face he feared so long. Lord Darth Vader, waiting for him down the hallway. The last obstacle to the Incom offices. Obi-Wan walks up to his former padawan. A mechanic breathing fills the hallway, and bounces of the walls. ‘You shouldn’t have come, old man.’
-‘There is still hope, Anakin. I sensed the good in you when I arrived.’ –‘That’s a lie, old man, and you know it’s true. Search your feelings. It were your teachings that betrayed me. YOUR ignorance that made me what I am today.’ –‘I don’t wish to fight you, Anakin.’ –‘But I do.’
With a little poof the red lightsaber lights the area. Shortly followed by a blue one. The duel commences, as the two last Jedi battle each other. Obi-Wan is pushed back across the hallway. There is no escape for the old Jedi. With all the strength he has, he charges forward using Force jump. Vader doesn’t expect it, and damages his left arm. He then force pushes a canister to Obi-Wan, who splits it in half. ‘You have grown strong Anakin. Strong and stupid.’ –‘It is you who betrayed our teachings. Your ignorance destroyed the Jedi. Your incompetence destroyed me. Your arrogance destroyed the Republic.’ –‘The Dark side isn’t stronger, Anakin. It’s only more easy to follow. Turn back to the light. You can still be redeemed!’ With a hard ‘NOO!’ Vader charges into battle again. The tired jedi master can’t fend of the mechanical monster any longer. His lightsaber is pushed out of his hand, and he falls on his knees. ‘Is this what you want Anakin?’ –‘That man doesn’t exist. There is only Dart Vader.’ –‘I can feel the conflict within you. Give up.’ For one second, the dark Sith doubts. In this second, Obi-Wan rises, pulls his saber back, and hits the device on the Sith’s belly. The Sith falls down, writhing in pain, as the mechanical breath turns into cuffing.
‘You still have much to learn, Vader. I have no desire to kill you. That’s destined for someone else.’ With this words, the teacher leaves the padawan. He walks to down the hallway, into section A. As he opens the door, bright light blinds him for a second. Behind the door lies an hangar. The engineers look up, as the tired Jedi enters their room. An old human walks up to Obi-Wan and shakes his hand. ‘Welcome master Jedi. We expected you. The X-wing is loaded and ready for departure. We have erased all files regarding it, and stuffed the build plans into the navi-computer.’ The general takes a second to reflect. ‘Wait. That means you will be accused of treason.’ –‘And we will be shot yes.’ –‘I..I….I’m sorry. I didn’t know this.’ –‘It doesn’t matter, Master Jedi. You have to leave now. And as Obi-Wan steps into the X-Wing, he sees the door is being bashed in by troopers. The engineers all shoot back, but are no match for the troopers. Obi-Wan quickly activates the engines and shields. The troopers try to shoot him down, as he tries to make his way for the exit. He enters space via a trench, and dodges the half-operative turrets. As he punches in the coordinates, he thinks about his encounter with his padawan. ‘You where right. You are more machine then man. There is no good in you.’

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Old 03-09-2006, 12:04 PM   #33
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Nicely done. You have a way of showing how Obi-wan developed his opinion of Lord Vader which he gives to Luke years later. I thought Rebel spies stole the plans from the Emperor and Princess Leia was custodian of them. Will you show how that comes about? I am dyig to see more.

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Old 03-09-2006, 12:30 PM   #34
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Nice to see Darth Vader in a Chapter. I'm suprised Obi-Wan left his Apprentice alive, although if he did, there would be no OT.
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Old 03-09-2006, 12:39 PM   #35
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@ JM12: Well, that's the case with the Death Star. Bothan spies took the plans for the Deathstar, gave it to Leia, who tried to run it too Alderaan. But Vader intercepted, and she putted it in R2. About the X-Wing, we don't know much yet. The Exanded Universe just says that at one point, it was stolen from the Imperials and brought to the Rebellion. As a respons, The Empire developed the Tie-interceptor.

@Pottsie: He couldn't kill Anakin anyway, in my opinion. He left him to burn on Mustafar, why wouldn't he just kill him with his saber? I think he blames himself, and that's why he cannot kill his former apprentice. You can also see this in the fact that he actually lets Vader kill him. I think that had two reasons: Distract Vader from Luke, and end his misery. He knew he couldn;t kill his Apprentice, so he chose to keep teaching Luke in a ghost-form.

All this is based on the officla SW database. I;m just adding some stuff to it
Zonema Sekot also excists by the way. It's the homeplace of the Yuuzang Vong. It's descirbed in the book 'Rogue Planet' by Greg Bear.

O yeah:
Thanks for the ongoing support
I'll try to write some more in the weekend, and try to use all your tips and trics.
Thanks again

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Old 03-10-2006, 09:43 AM   #36
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Briefing
Obi-Wan enters Hyperspace, and once again enters hibernation sleep, a Jedi technique. He over thinks his adventure, and realises something is missing. He was attacked on Tattooine, again on Alderaan, but not here on the Deathstar. This must mean this so called ‘left-hand’ of the Emperor operates outside of the Empire. Obi-Wan knows the Emperor has so called ‘right-hands.’ His personal spies, assassins. So what’s the story about this ‘left-hand guy?’
Suddenly, the Hyperspace is broken. In front of him lies the Medical frigate he started his mission on. ‘General Kenobi! You did it! Proceed to docking bay 3, good job!’ Mon Mothma’s voice sounds more happy then Obi-Wan ever heard. He advances through with a smile on his face.
As soon as he steps out, the engineers clap their hands, and Mon Mothma and Ackbar run towards him. ‘You did it! You stole the X-Wing prototype! I can’t believe it, the Force favours us.’ Ackbar just nods, as he inspects the vehicle. Obi-Wan jumps out, and says: ‘I don’t want to be rude, but I held me end of the bargain. Now I have to get to Sekot.’
Mothma stops smiling as she says: ‘We have assembled two commando teams, and we have a Imperial shuttle for you to use.’ Obi-Wan’s face embarks a smile. ‘Thank you, Mothma. This might be the last time I see you, so one bit of advice: Some kids from Tatooine are eager to join the Rebellion. They’re just kids, but they already fly better then most of us. Might be interesting.’ –‘I’ll keep it in mind general, we can always use good pilots. Good luck on your mission.’ –‘Good luck with the Rebellion too. May the Force be with you.’ With these words, Obi-Wan walks away, straight to the hangar. He can sleep on the way to Sekot.
In the launch-bay, Obi-Wan is welcomed by the two commando teams. One of them says: ‘It’s an honour to server under a Jedi master.’ Obi-Wan smiles as he begins to speak: ‘Hello. I am general Obi-Wan Kenobi, and we are going on a mission. General Tarkin knows of a planet that has advanced neural and biogenetic technology used on their ships, and we think he’s trying to get it to overwhelm the Empire. Luckily, I know the location of this planet too, so we are going to stop him. He went there with the star destroyer ‘Scythe’ and is now on his way for Sekot. To bad he started from Coruscant, and we start from here. If we are fast, we can arrive before him, and ready the planetary defenses. That’s our mission.’ The soldiers look at Obi-Wan. Their eyes don’t show fear, so Obi-Wan continues: ‘If we don’t stop him, Tarkin will have an unlimited amount of strong fighters at his command. If we do stop him, we might actually get the chance to get rid of that Mandalorian loving son of a…well you know. Briefing ended! Into the shuttle.’
A minute later, a shuttle leaves the convoy, and makes it’s way for hyperspace. Obi-Wan sleeps, as the auto-pilot guides them too their planet. He thinks of the first time he visited the planet. Tarkin was there, with an enormous Trade Federation army. He got separated from Anakin in the heat of battle, and that’s where it started to go all wrong. Anakin killed his direct enemy using only the Force. He saw Anakin from a whole different perspective. Not the sympathetic boy, but an evil, powerful Jedi. It was then that he rethought his teachings, and started visiting Yoda more often. Yoda told him much. About the prophecy, the boy’s feelings, the dark-side, Qui-Gon Jinn. He misses his master even more, now he needs his guidance the most. He blames himself for the fall of Darth Vader, for the terrible events afterwards. The death of Padme, the tragedy with the twins: He failed.

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Old 03-10-2006, 11:58 AM   #37
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Nice conglomeration of thoughts. I knew about the right Hand, the elite assassins for the Emperor but a left Hand? That's a new one on me. Still looks good. I like how you bring in elements during the clone wars, stuff that appears in books or the cartoon series.

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Old 03-10-2006, 01:12 PM   #38
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Another great Chapter. Keep posting, I've one question. Is Obi-Wan like ROTS or ANH?
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Old 03-11-2006, 06:57 AM   #39
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It's about 9 years after Episode 3, and 11 years before episode 4.
As written, Anakin still respects his master a bit, and Obi-Wan still thinks Anakin can be saved. This way, you can see Obi-Wan hasn't accepted his failure yet, like he did in Episode 4. I also tried to make him the cynical man from the prequal-movies, instead of the old hermit from the old episodes.
_______________________________
Sekot
*Bweeeeeep* The loud signal wakens Obi-Wan. The commando’s are already awake, as Obi-Wan walks to the cockpit to see what the strange noise was. As he looks from the cockpit, he sees the green planet of Zonema Sekot in front of him. ‘General, I though you said Sekot was located in the Outer Rim?’ Obi-Wan looks back and replies: ‘I did too. But I forgot this planet is in fact one great ship. Right below the mountain trail lays the engine, if you’d like to know.’ The commando stands up, as Obi-Wan plots a landing course. ‘You aren’t on spice sir, are you?’ –‘If I was on spice, I would have requested a pink freighter, so I guess that answers your question.’ The commando replies with a laugh as the shuttle enters the atmosphere.
After a short flight, they make way for the main city. As Obi-Wan lands the vehicle, he sees the villagers approaching from all the sides, armed with blaster rifles. But as Obi-Wan walks out, they lower their guns. One of the aliens looks at Obi-Wan and starts talking: ‘Our master already sensed your arrival. She wants to meet you.’ Obi-Wan looks at his team, and replies: ‘What is there to become of my team?’ –‘We have arranged a hut for your team, Master Kenobi.’ A nicely dressed alien approaches Obi-Wan: ‘Please follow.’ Obi-Wan and his crew walk to a large hut, with two guards standing near the entrance. They both wear a blaster rifle.
‘Why are you guys this hostile?’ The nicely dressed alien whispers: ‘We had a civil war right when you left, Master Jedi. The Yuuzhan Vong are back, Master Jedi. They are back to finish us for good.’ Obi-Wan raises his voice. ‘Bring me to your leader. Maybe she’s still…’ Obi-Wan mumbles a bit. ‘Team, you can stay here. I will go and talk to the local authorities.’ The young sergeant replies with a loud ‘Yes, commander.’ And walks into the hut. The nicely dressed alien leads Obi-Wan to a larger hut, near the centre of the village. He was always amazed by these villages. They were build in the trees, like the Wookies did, but more advanced. Also, the unique way of making ships was carved into Obi-Wan’s mind. He remembered the strange way how little creatures turned into ships using strange technological processes. The fancy dressed alien enter the hut, and Obi-Wan waits outside. Passing civilians look at the strange human standing in front of the chief’s hut. After about ten minutes, Obi-Wan is called inside. He enter the room, which is filled with smoke. A mystical voice echo’s through the room. ‘So you have come back, human.’ –‘Yes. I am here to help you.’ –‘We don’t need your help.’ The voice spoke loud, and angry. ‘Why not? We helped you about 18 years ago, didn’t we?’ The voice doesn’t speak. It’s almost as if it is thinking. ‘Who is threatening us then?’ The voice says, with a mild voice this time. ‘The same man that tried to conquer Zonema 18 years ago.’ Obi-Wan nods his head. ‘General Tarkin and his crew are on their way to conquer this planet for it’s ships.’ His voice echoes into nothingness. From the smoke, another alien arises. His old face shows the wounds of the civil war. An eye is missing, ann an arm as well: ‘We are already in war with the Yuuzhan Vong separation forces, I don’t know if we can hold this military force back as well.’ The alien looks straight to Obi-Wan’s belt. ‘That’s the weapon of the Yuuzhan Vong! GUARDS!!’ A shocked Obi-Wan draws for his blade instantly, but doesn’t activate it. Instead, he puts it back on his belt. The two guards still aim for his head. ‘There’s a logical explanation for that, chief. We came here the first time to find a lost colleague, named Vergere. Apparently, she joined the Yuuzhan Vong to stop a civil war.’ The chief makes a gesture, and the guards lower their rifles: ‘So you think…their leader can be stopped?’ Obi-Wan sighs: ‘I can stop her, yes. Just trust me. The Imperials will be hear in about two days. If you give me a speeder now, I can stop the Yuuzhan Vong, and we will have enough time to prepare for the Imperials.’ Obi-Wan looks hopeful to the Chief. ‘Do..do you give me your word, Jedi?’ The chief looks at Obi-Wan with a distrusting glaze. Obi-Wan replies: ‘I will not fail. It’s important this conflict is brought to an end, to protect Zonema Sekot and all it’s secrets. Suddenly, the door is opened, and a female alien steps inside the hut. She looks at Obi-Wan, when she suddenly asks: ‘Master Obi-Wan, where’s Anakin?’

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Old 03-11-2006, 07:23 AM   #40
Diego Varen
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I wonder who that female Alien is. A great Chapter as always.
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