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Old 07-11-2006, 09:46 PM   #361
Arátoeldar
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"Maybe a heart attack or something, since I’m so old, you know.”



Excellent chapter Jae. Good plot twist in the story.


Not all those who wander are lost.-J.R.R. Tolkien

I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it but by it I see everything else - C.S. Lewis
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Old 07-11-2006, 11:48 PM   #362
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+10 cool points, have a good day. Remember that there is no limit on cool points, so feel free to earn more by writing or other such activities.
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forget cool points you want them, ask.
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As you can see, RJM's Mojo Points™ and my Hallucinagenic Cool Points™ are by far the most prestigious awards for Mojo, Coolness, and Awesome. Please note the misspelling in the word 'hallucinagenic' where the second 'a' is supposed to be an 'o'.

It was a mighty fine chapter, it's good to see Jolee is bindotastic (or is it bindotacular or bindotrocious?) in a fight against a Bith Sith Lord.


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 07-12-2006, 05:01 AM   #363
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they may have been prestigious, but for a writer like Jae, only the RC 1162 Commando Points™ are fit. since they uphold the Talent, utmost Creativity of a person and just plain Coolness


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Old 07-12-2006, 10:36 AM   #364
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Okay after finally spending a week or so I've managed to get to chapter 23 and oh my goodness Jae. The depth of the story itself is beyond amazing. I love the build ups to action as well as the tasteful romance scenes.

I do have some SW universe Technical hang-ups but I won't complain that Industrial Automatons R4 Astromech series hasn't even been manufactured yet much less the R1. But then I should slap myself for nagging about something like that.

I figure you took creative license to help give everybody the vision of an Astromech droid because everybody is familiar with the R series astromech.


Working so, we will learn history as a tree knows it; we will climb into shapes printed in the seed; we will become time made visible, years made fragrant; we will make of concentric memory a stem of praise; we will inhabit daylight at a trees own speed; we will be travelers who remain, patriots to this ground.
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Old 07-12-2006, 10:40 AM   #365
Jae Onasi
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Humor mode way on: Oh, Lordy. Where's my shovel? You all are laying it on thick lately.

I'll go work on the next chapter, honest.

I am going to put up the revised ch 14 and 15 sometime today. Ch 15 made me want to pull out my hair. It went through 3 big revisions and Jiara's beta, and I think it's finally at a point that I'm satisfied with.

@Darkkender--Thanks! I can change that easily enough and make it a T4 droid instead of R4. I picked up the essential chronology, but I haven't picked up any other of the 'essential guides' and I didn't check out the SW database on the droids. The EU stuff I have read has been post ROTJ so I'm not surprised I missed that one, and I don't mind you pointing it out in the least.

I don't mind making changes--obvious medical inconsistencies drop me totally out of my suspension of disbelief, so I imagine some glaring errors that I've made will bug others just as much. I'd rather fix them and make things more enjoyable for everyone.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
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Last edited by Jae Onasi; 07-12-2006 at 10:55 AM.
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Old 07-12-2006, 11:06 AM   #366
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Leave it be I would say nobody else has ribbed you and besides who is to say that another astromech series droid never had that designation before Industrial Automaton. We are talking 3000 years here anyways.


Working so, we will learn history as a tree knows it; we will climb into shapes printed in the seed; we will become time made visible, years made fragrant; we will make of concentric memory a stem of praise; we will inhabit daylight at a trees own speed; we will be travelers who remain, patriots to this ground.
OMG I only rank 62.13018% geek or a Extreme Geek as it is referred to on the geektest at Geektest
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Old 07-12-2006, 03:35 PM   #367
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Oh man!!! No offence to all you other FanFic writers, but this is the best thing I've read so far! Witty, funny and written with great skill. Keep up the great work Jae and if you have the time check out my ''Heir of Darkness''. It's my first FanFic, but if the audience likes it, there might be more.

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Old 07-12-2006, 05:50 PM   #368
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkkender
Leave it be I would say nobody else has ribbed you and besides who is to say that another astromech series droid never had that designation before Industrial Automaton. We are talking 3000 years here anyways.
I love the "Find all/Replace" feature in Word. 1 button, 4 characters, hit enter, and it's done.

There weren't that many to change, anyway. My droid was terribly underutilized.

@igy--thanks!
I'll check it out, but it may not be before this weekend.


Edit: And, because I worked so darned hard on it, the revised version of ch. 15 is up.
And another edit: so is ch. 14--Sorry JM12, but the dress description got cut. It was pointed out to me that most guys wouldn't ooh and aah over embroidery, and, well, that's true. When Jiara mentioned something along the lines of half-expecting Jolee to say at that point 'well, if you got enough time to decorate a dress, I must not be working you hard enough,' I about fell over laughing, because that really was a good Bindo comment.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.


Last edited by Jae Onasi; 07-15-2006 at 02:02 AM.
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Old 07-13-2006, 12:53 AM   #369
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I went back and read the last few chapters again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chapter 32
"I think bringing their charred bodies to our Lord would make him very happy,” the third one said.

The dark master smiled as bolts of electricity snaked from his hands towards all of us. Talin and I repelled the electrical strike with our lightsabers, while Jolee deflected the current back towards the last dark Jedi who spoke, killing him instantly.
This section made me . I can see how you used it as a quick way to reduce our heroes opponent count from three to two but going off of what we observe with victims of Force Lightning attacks in the movies, none die instantly. Just something that made me sit up and take notice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chapter 33
The link between Talin and me strengthened again
me?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cutmeister
I was surprised at Jae's reaction to the holovid Miraxton showed of Jolee sending video of Jae and Talin to the Jedi Council. Seems like she came to her senses after a bit but I was surprised at her initial anger towards Jolee.
I somehow missed Jae's pronouncement to Miraxton and Talin that Jolee was dead. Once I read this the second time then I knew that Jae was feigning anger. Well, half-feigning maybe because it sure did seem like she didn't have a hard time being angry with her master.

Really though, I really like this story. IMO it has a very "Star Warsy" feel to it. For your first fan fic you've done a stupendous job. Mucho congratulations on a well-written story.

I look forward to seeing how things wrap up, especially with the elements of the navy that were loyal to Miraxton.


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Old 07-13-2006, 08:41 AM   #370
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Jae Jae. My precious Jae Jae. Where do I begin? My gosh I go MIA for a few weeks and you almost finish up your story. I can't even begin to praise you enough for an excellent, stupendous job. One of the best stories I have ever read. I can't wait to see how things clean up.

Now if only I could find a little time to finish the crystal of life.


Some other really awesome Fanfics: Hidden shades of grey By JasraLantill, The Adventures of Jolee Bindo By Jae Onasi[/size]
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Old 07-13-2006, 12:41 PM   #371
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My goodness, such praise from everyone. Thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Renegade Puma
Jae Jae. My precious Jae Jae. Where do I begin?
Shhh. You'll make JimboFett66 jealous.


Quote:
Originally Posted by cutmeister
I can see how you used it as a quick way to reduce our heroes opponent count from three to two but going off of what we observe with victims of Force Lightning attacks in the movies, none die instantly. Just something that made me sit up and take notice.
That was one of those moments where the whole fight scene was just coming out faster than I could keep up with the writing. I looked back at it and thought, "Wow, I think I got a little impatient there." When I edit it, that's one of the sections I'll expand out just a bit.
I think it's kind of weird that people don't die instantly when hit by Force Lightning, but hey, it's the SW universe, GL can make it whatever he wants.

"...the link between Talin and me...."
[boring grammar lesson]....'Me' is the correct word to use there. We've suddenly developed this tremendous fear in the US in the last 15 years of using the word 'me' in both writing and conversation. It seems we go to any length to avoid using it, including substituting 'myself' inappropriately for 'me', which just drives me up a wall. It's 'I' if it's used as a subject and 'me' if it's used as an object. We say 'between you and me', not 'between you and I'. For example, I would write "Talin and I ran to him," and "He ran to Talin and me." In the first little sentence, you have to use 'I' because it's part of the subject 'Talin and I', and the second, you have to use 'me' because it's the object of the prepositional phrase 'to Talin and me.' [/boring grammar lesson]
That being said, at the time I wrote it, I remember thinking that the whole sentence just didn't 'feel' quite right. When I looked at it again I noticed it's an awkward construction, so I'll end up changing that one anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cutmeister
I somehow missed Jae's pronouncement to Miraxton and Talin that Jolee was dead. Once I read this the second time then I knew that Jae was feigning anger. Well, half-feigning maybe because it sure did seem like she didn't have a hard time being angry with her master.
If Miraxton sensed any deception whatsoever, they were all screwed, so Jae had to act it well to make it believable and, in fact, probably feel it in order for it to work. I'm not sure how much I want to tinker with that--I don't want to make it so obvious that it screams "Jae's faking!" but I don't want it to be totally obscure, either. I went back to make sure I dropped enough hints without being overly obvious--I did want to have a bit of a surprise. I still don't even know if Talin knew about the play-acting going into the fight, though at the moment it doesn't make any difference.

Thanks for the comments, btw. When I go back to revise the chapters, I've found them to be very helpful.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 07-13-2006, 10:09 PM   #372
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Jae, you seem to be an expert writer , could you take a look at my fanfic, Clone
Trooper Jedi, it is still in its first couple chapters. It's not that I didn't like the comments coming from critics, but I want the opinion of a great writer. So if you can, please drop by my thread to take a look at it.


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Old 07-13-2006, 10:41 PM   #373
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Lord K, I still have a _lot_ to learn just like any other new writer. I can't promise an expert opinion because I'm not an expert fiction writer. I can promise an honest opinion from my perspective as any other reader. I may not be able to get to it before this weekend and possibly this coming Monday, however.
Thank you for the nice words, too.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 07-13-2006, 11:01 PM   #374
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Thank You, I can wait for whenever you can get to it. There's only currently two chapeter so it won't take long (it would have more, but I'm trying to find time to write it and read yours )
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Old 07-15-2006, 01:08 AM   #375
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Jae Jae. My precious Jae Jae.
***Taps Renegade Puma on shoulder*** Ahem...may I tear you away from my wife long enough to have a few words with you?


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Old 07-15-2006, 05:13 AM   #376
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uh oh! jimbo is "talking" to RP. everyone stand clear!!

when do you reckon the next capter is coming up, Jae? and also, i've updated my fic. you know what to do


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Old 07-15-2006, 09:43 AM   #377
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The next chapter is in the works. I just had to catch my breath from the last one and work on a revision of ch. 16.

@RP--don't worry, Jimbo's roar is worse than his bite. And he's kidding.

If you all could please PM me when you put up chapters and want to request that I read them, that would be better. The thread is up to 10 pages, and I'd like to keep it limited to discussion about the story and the story itself. Thank you!

I'm hoping to have another chapter done in a few days, sooner if the Muse graces me with her presence and gives me some good ideas.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 07-15-2006, 02:16 PM   #378
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Well after another long week at the digs the Master is back again. I have just caught up on my reading of Jae's marvelous fic and her edits and my pronouncement is the same as always: Loved every word. I thought that was a really nice touch with Jae feigning anger and the like. Lord knows that it is hard to ignore the lies especially when it involves someone close to you. The part where Miraxton is stroking Jae's hair in front of Talin made ME squirm. I know he was trying to bait Talin but whew I wouldn't want a hand tainted with such evil touching me. Of course Jolee's lines are just perfect especially the part where Jae asks if having him in her corner is a good thing or a bad thing. I think we all know that Jolee has it right somewhere down the line. Looking forward to the next chapter Jae. For the Republic!

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Old 07-15-2006, 02:57 PM   #379
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JediMaster12
The part where Miraxton is stroking Jae's hair in front of Talin made ME squirm. I know he was trying to bait Talin but whew I wouldn't want a hand tainted with such evil touching me.
I think us gals have more of a gut-level reaction to that particular scene than the guys do, because I felt the same way typing it up. I may work on that a little more, because I know I felt "Oh, blech. Ick. That's just nasty," when Miraxton does that to her, too, and I don't have Jae doing much of anything there or at least saying to herself "Oh, gross".
I actually hadn't planned on that particular sequence originally. I got to the point where Jae had just bounced Jolee off the wall and Miraxton made the comment about passion. All of the sudden, I could seem him walking around her, smirking and playing with her hair. I shuddered to myself, thinking 'oh, that's really evil' and decided it fit him pretty well. He could upset both Jae and Talin by doing that, and I couldn't imagine a Sith Lord _not_ taking any opportunity to throw his opponents way off balance.
Thanks!


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 07-15-2006, 04:01 PM   #380
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I think my reaction to that sequence was more along the lines of "oh that's just wrong." Still I loved it just the same. I can't wait to see what happens next!


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Old 07-16-2006, 09:50 AM   #381
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“If you know the specific fauna of the planet well, usually you can. In this case, I happened to use my ears. You have 5 others senses besides the Force, you know, and I’ll remind you to use them, thank you very much. I heard the warbler call over in those bushes. The Arkalian warbler song is unique, and it stopped the same time as the disturbance started. Nothing magic about that,” snorted Jolee. “See if you can find it without terrifying the rest of the creatures, please. I could do it, but then you wouldn’t be learning anything, now, would you?” and then he sat down on a log. “I’m going to sit here and meditate or whatever a Jedi’s supposed to do when they’re waiting around for something to happen. Now go, and don’t kill anything in the process.”
That is hilarious, and totally sounds like something he would say. Awesome story. Usually, I can't stand 1st person stories, but this is really good!

Well... off to bed for me! See you all tomorrow!
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Old 07-16-2006, 06:49 PM   #382
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Thanks!

If I had actually known what I was doing when I started it, I would have done it in 3rd person. I've had to do some creative engineering in spots to make sure that Jae experiences or sees what's happening. Hindsight is 20/20, though.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 07-17-2006, 01:04 AM   #383
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No worries Jae. You're doing a great job and I am curious to see how things work out especially for Jae and Talin. Just a question: Did you base Jae and Talin off of you and Jimbo? It was just that when I reread that cutesy scene where the pimp daddy Twilek put their hands togethr and you mentioning that it did happen to you...well...I am just a nosy 21 year old girl.

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Old 07-17-2006, 06:30 AM   #384
Jae Onasi
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A few things that happened to us went into the story, but our lives are far less exciting than Jae and Talin's. While some of my family has passed on, I never lost someone like Jae lost Roben. Jimbo's about as opposite of an arrogant jerk as you can get. . After being married as long as we have, though, we've started finishing each other's sentences.

Edit--JM12, I'm not upset with myself for doing 1st person instead of 3rd, I'm just recognizing that some things would have been much easier in 3rd. However, I'm not going to go back and change it all at this point.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.


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Old 07-20-2006, 01:17 AM   #385
Jae Onasi
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Chapter 35

Chapter 35: A Question of Loyalty

“What do you mean, we can’t raise the Osprey?” Bernecki asked Yutan.

“I’m getting chatter from the other strike teams, sir, but I can’t reach the Osprey. Her communications system is out,” Yutan said.

Jolee and I looked at each other when we overheard that and went forward. Yutan tried to contact the ship once more.

Bernecki said to MacFinlay, “Tell me if we’ve got enough fuel to make it to Telos station. We may have to fly in there if we can’t dock with our ship.”

“What’s the situation, Bernecki?” Jolee asked.

“Comm appears to be down. We don’t know why. Since Miraxton had been on board for quite awhile before we figured out the schutta was a traitor, sabotage or even mutiny has crossed my mind.” He looked over at me, sad eyes softening his normally hard features. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I hope nothing’s happened to Captain.”

I closed my eyes and concentrated. “He’s not in distress. It feels like he’s still in charge.” I opened my eyes again. “I wish I could give you better information, Bernecki, but we’re too far away for me to sense anything more.”

Bernecki looked from MacFinlay to Yutan and back to us. “Options?”

MacFinlay frowned, “I’m not sure we’ll have enough fuel to get to Telos station, and I don’t want to try to coast in on fumes with casualties needing care. If Captain’s fine, then we want to get to the ship.”

“MacFinlay, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you play it safe,” Bernecki said.

“Hopefully the last, too, but our fuel is just too low. If we were all fine, we could take that chance. If we ran out of fuel, we’d sit around for a while until someone came to help. The injured can’t wait, sir. I sure don’t want to be a sitting duck if Dodonna comes in with some wolves in sheep’s clothing, too. We’re not going to lose anyone while I’m flying, thank you.”

“Understood. Yutan?”

He pressed on an earpiece, straining to hear anything from Carth’s ship. “I’m still not getting anything. It’s not looking good, sir.”

“Do you Jedi have any suggestions?”

“If Carth’s not in distress, then I think we have to go to the ship. The only problem we’ll have is getting their attention so we can get back on board,” I said.

“Not a problem,” Jolee said with a wide smile. “Mik’oth and I had something similar happen after escaping from Ukatis. Except it was our comm system that was out. Actually, pretty much everything was out. We’d taken a few bad hits. We couldn’t talk with the Republic ship. Imagine our surprise when they powered up their weapons.”

“How’d you handle that one, sir?” Bernecki asked.

“We activated our distress beacon. Then we flew close enough for them to see us, but stayed outside our weapon range so we weren’t a threat. I don’t know any military types that like someone getting in strike range, unless they’re fools. Anyway, when we got to where they could see us, we started blinking our lights on and off. Once they decided we weren’t going to try to blow them up or something equally idiotic, they got someone who could read the light-flash code. We had a very nice conversation, and the Republic ship sent over a team to greet us.”

“Heh, I bet they sent over a team. Complete with weapons armed and ready. Now, flash code just might work. Only problem is, I haven’t done that since basic training,” Bernecki said.

“Not a problem. Leave it to me. Carth should be able to figure it out, or get someone in there who can,” Jolee replied.

“I don’t know how you manage to know all this stuff.” Bernecki shook his head slightly in amazement.

“I’m old, dammit. You pick up a few things along the way.”

* * *

“Talin told me he’s going to be OK. That’s not just bravado talking, is it?” Carth said to Jolee as he walked down the shuttle ramp after the injured had been unloaded and whisked off to the medical bay.

“Well, knowing him, I’m sure some of it is, but he’s better than he was even a little while ago.”

I followed Jolee down. “He should be fine, especially after Master Supat treats him,” I added.

“And what happened to you?” Carth asked, taking both of my hands to look them over. He scanned both of us up and down to make sure we weren’t injured further.

“Miraxton hit me with the Scourge, but he only got that far. I’m OK. You have to get communications back up, Carth. Before Miraxton died, he said he put his people in place on some ships in Dodonna’s task force. He seemed to think they had taken control of them. He ordered them to take you and the Osprey out.”

“This just gets better and better.” Carth’s face darkened with anger. “I worried about sabotage, and we had to comb the life support and weapons systems before we could tackle any others. We just ran out of people and time to check everything. Blasted Miraxton set up charges in the critical parts of the comm system and wiped nearly everything. It’s out until we can dock for repairs because he so nicely stole the repair parts. The fleet’s coming in about 30 minutes, and I have no way to communicate with Dodonna or track who might be trying to attack us.” He ran his hand through his hair, trying to contain his frustration.

“She’s well aware of the situation with Miraxton. If you’re running silent, she’s going to consider the possibility of sabotage and maybe even mutiny,” I said.

Carth nodded his agreement. “I know. I could do shuttle to shuttle communication, but she’s going to be suspicious of anyone on my crew right now. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t even trust you Jedi, Jolee.”

“Hmmph. She’s the one who pinned that damn Cross of Glory on my robe. She better trust me.”

“We’ll go to her, then. If we’re the only ones she can trust right now, then we’re the ones who need to fly to her ship,” I decided.

We?” Jolee lifted an eyebrow. “We aren’t going anywhere. You are going to go to the med bay and soak those hands in a nice little kolto bath. I will fly over to her flagship and have a little chat with her. It only takes one of us to do that. She knows me, after all.”

“Who’s going to do the shooting if you’re flying?”

“I can pat my head and rub my belly all at the same time, thank you. They teach you these things in Jedi School.”

I crossed my arms and tilted my head. “You know if things get hairy, like if one of those ships decides to attack or the Exchange manages to get some ships off the ground, that having a gunner will be a good thing. My hands are healed enough to shoot.”

“Can I stop you?”

“Um, no.” I grinned.

Jolee looked at the ceiling, shook his head, and then looked back at me. “Come on, then, before you start tapping your foot in irritation, too.”

“You can use that fighter over there—we’ll get it ready for you now. Bernecki will be our liaison,” Carth said.

“Sounds good. We’re off,” Jolee said. “We’ll call in as soon as we can.”

* * *

Like most admirals, Dodonna was punctual. The fleet dropped out of hyperspace at the precise spot and time that she had specified.

“K2 fighter, identify,” came the order from Dodonna’s flagship, The Crusader.

“K2-7799. Requesting permission to board. Jolee Bindo needs to speak to Admiral Dodonna about the Osprey ASAP.”

“Negative, 7799. Hold position until we confirm the status of Eye of the Osprey.”

“Her communications are down, and we’re a little concerned you all will get the wrong idea about what’s happening over there. I’m here to tell Dodonna just what her status is.”

“The Admiral is not available at this time. Maintain position.”

“I need to talk to someone—anyone--about what’s happening over there right now.”

“Hold your position, 7799, or we will be forced to fire.”

Jolee keyed off the com and breathed out a frustrated sigh. “I hate, loathe, despise, and otherwise bear negative sentiments for anything remotely resembling idiot bureaucracy.”

“Tell me how you really feel, Jolee.”

“Don’t you get sassy, too, Miss I-Just-Took-Out-A-Sith-Lord.”

“You don’t think Miraxton compromised Dodonna’s ship, do you?” I concentrated and tried to feel for her presence. I was relieved to sense that she was occupied but not in distress. “No, it feels like she’s OK.”

“Good. I figured she would have picked her senior staff long before Miraxton was on the scene.” He keyed the com again. “Listen to me, sonny. This is Jedi Master Jolee Bindo. Find your supervisor. Tell that person that I need to chat with the Admiral before someone accidentally blows Carth’s ship out of space. You can either follow that request, or you can explain to the Admiral why you threatened to fire on someone she personally pinned the Cross of Glory on.”

“Please hold, sir.”

Jolee muttered a few choice words.

“Master Bindo. Dodonna here.” The Admiral herself was calling.

“Forn! About damn time that kid got off his butt to go get you.”

She laughed. “You’re Jolee, all right.”

“Listen, Carth’s communications system is down—our favorite man left him a little going-away present. I have a couple other urgent matters I have to discuss with you in private, too.”

“I’ll see you as soon as you dock. Dodonna out.”

We were given clearance and ushered to Dodonna’s office with remarkable alacrity.

Admiral Dodonna shook hands with Jolee, smiling. “It’s good to see you again, Jolee. You’ll have to forgive my over-eager ensign. It’s his first cruise and he’s a by-the-book type. We're educating him on this incident.”

“I bet you are. Admiral, this is my Padawan, Jae Onasi.”

She was about to shake my hand when she saw the bandages and deferred. She asked, “You’re all right?”

“Yes, Admiral. Thank you.”

“She took out Miraxton earlier today. He put our partner Talin in the medical bay and gave her one hell of a fight.”

Dodonna looked at me and nodded her admiration. “Congratulations. We’ve been learning just how dangerous he truly was to the Navy and the Republic.”

“Forn, we’ve got a problem over at the Osprey. Miraxton set charges that took out communications and stole the replacement parts. Even worse, Miraxton told us he had some ships in your fleet that are now loyal to him, and he gave the order to take out Carth’s ship. We don’t know how many or how they’re planning to do it.”

Dodonna sat down at her desk and started inputting data. “I’m pulling up a list of all senior officers who’ve had any contact with Miraxton. Hmm, there are a lot of officers here, but that's not surprising since he was supposedly a rising star. Let’s see what ships they’re all serving on.”

Her fingers flew over the computer screen.

“Damn, that’s quite a list.” Jolee said.

“Half of my task force might be compromised.” Dodonna shook her head as her lips tightened.

“Admiral, bridge. About fifteen Exchange ships flying directly towards us.”

“Raise shields. Fire if fired upon, otherwise keep them from escaping. Give explicit orders to every ship here that they are not to fire on the Osprey unless I give the order personally.”

“Yes, Admiral.”

She keyed off the com.

“Not bad,” Jolee nodded in appreciation. “There used to be about 4 or 5 dozen before the teams went down to Telos and had a little romp in their hanger bays.”

“One-to-one odds are definitely better than four-to-one odds. Now we have to figure out which ships might mutiny. I don’t know how we’ll be able to do that immediately. If I know which ones are going to be trouble, I can get their shutdown codes from Command. However, they’ll be dead in space when I do that. I don’t want to put innocent people in danger, and I don’t want to lose any firepower unnecessarily.”

“I think you’ll have to shut them down all at once, too, or some of those ships might flee,” I said.

“Exactly,” Dodonna nodded.

“Well, we can’t just call them up and ask who they like better. I think the only way we can find the defectors right now is if Jae and I fly in close to sense who’s on our side and who’s not.”

“I’ll never say no to help from you, Jolee.”

“We’ll check through this list of ships. We’re off, then.”

* * *

“All right, two more ships to check,” I said.

“Only one ship that Miraxton poisoned so far—the DeRecho. Let’s look at these last two and get back to Dodonna. This firefight is getting a little nasty.”

The Exchange ships had started targeting the Osprey, and the fleet had engaged them. We had been dodging the fire and the dogfights.

Our com crackled. “Admiral! This is Storm Rider. Osprey is targeting my ship! We’re being attacked!”

Storm Rider is on the list, isn’t it?” Jolee asked.

I scanned the datapad. “Yes, and it’s one of the last two we have to check.”

“Not any more. They just gave themselves away. They’re pulling something funny here.”

Storm Rider’s captain said, “Admiral, I’m uploading the attack runs to you now as proof. We have to take that ship out!”

“We saw no attacks. You will not fire on the Osprey. Anyone disobeying that order will be relieved,” Dodonna ordered.

“Jolee, the captain’s going to disobey those orders,” I warned him.

Jolee tried to call Bernecki several times. “Damn, too much interference. I think they’re trying to jam communications now.”

I reached out to Talin. “Storm Rider is about to attack. Can you warn Carth?”
“I’ll do it.”
Talin replied.

Jolee flew us to the last ship, the Hoth Crystal and slowed enough to try to sense the officers’ intent. “This one’s bad, too. All right, let’s get back.”

“Look out!” I called to Jolee.

He pulled up to get out of the line of fire of two Exchange fighters, and I fired. The first ship disappeared in a stream of fire and I tracked the second ship, shooting it as soon as it was in my crosshairs. It exploded.

I looked back at the ships that Miraxton had contaminated. Storm Rider and Hoth Crystal powered up their weapons and fired on the Osprey.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Last edited by Jae Onasi; 07-20-2006 at 09:36 AM.
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Old 07-20-2006, 01:45 AM   #386
Diego Varen
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Another good Chapter Jae. The tension is rising and it is making me want to read more.
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Old 07-20-2006, 02:29 AM   #387
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great work once again, Jae. i liked the "Miss i-just-killed-a-sith-lord" line


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Old 07-20-2006, 05:24 AM   #388
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Great one, Jae, but you've made a small mistake - Dodonna's name is Forn, not Farn.

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Old 07-20-2006, 09:09 AM   #389
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Great work Jae Jae. Very good tension and emotions. Can't wait to see what happens next. I am really liking this whole force bond thing between Talin and Jae.


Some other really awesome Fanfics: Hidden shades of grey By JasraLantill, The Adventures of Jolee Bindo By Jae Onasi[/size]
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Old 07-20-2006, 09:40 AM   #390
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Great one, Jae, but you've made a small mistake - Dodonna's name is Forn, not Farn.
Heh, fixed that one. I knew something wasn't quite right, but I didn't feel like plugging in the play disk that late last night.

Thanks all!


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Old 07-20-2006, 10:49 AM   #391
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Looks like we've got three ships that have elected to maintain their allegiance to Miraxton. Shouldn't be too much of a problem. Hopefully. After all, Admiral Dodonna has the shutdown codes. But what if Miraxton had his men disable the remote shutdown on their ships?


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Old 07-20-2006, 01:34 PM   #392
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But what if Miraxton had his men disable the remote shutdown on their ships?
You are a wicked, wicked man. Sounds just like something Miraxton would do.


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Old 07-21-2006, 09:28 PM   #393
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He has fallen to the darkside Jae! Back off or he'll take you with him!

Another Jae-rrific chapter. The tension's killing me! I guess you are punishing me for my cliffhangars eh?
I especially like the idea that the fleet may be compromised. It makes you wonder who's the good guy and who is the baddie, besides the obvious.

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Old 07-21-2006, 10:03 PM   #394
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I thought I commented on this chapter....

I can hardly wait for the next one, keep up the good job, and congrats on your little promotion.


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 07-21-2006, 10:53 PM   #395
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Another Jae-rrific chapter.
What he said, can't wait for the next one.
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Old 07-22-2006, 12:23 AM   #396
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I thought I commented on this chapter....

I can hardly wait for the next one, keep up the good job, and congrats on your little promotion.
I think I snuck this chapter in on you.

Thanks--I promise to behave in my 'new job' and use my Ultimate Powers (tm, registered, copyright) only for Good.

I appreciate all the comments, folks.

@JM12--glad to see you back. I'll try not to get sucked into the Dark Side by cutmeister.


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Old 07-22-2006, 10:37 PM   #397
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Another good Chapter Jae. The tension is rising and it is making me want to read more.
Q.F.E.


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Old 07-27-2006, 03:27 PM   #398
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@JM12--glad to see you back. I'll try not to get sucked into the Dark Side by cutmeister.
I hope so. I am practically dying to find out what happens next.

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Old 07-27-2006, 03:35 PM   #399
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Chapter 36

Chapter 36: Storm Rider


Talin, Hoth Crystal’s attacking, too.
I warned him.

Carth has shields up. I’ll tell him.

I sighed my relief. “Talin says Carth has the shields up, Jolee.”

“Good. That should buy them some time. Tell them not to fire on any Republic ships. He does that, and they’ll really think he’s a defector.”

I relayed that to Talin.

He’s holding fire.

Jolee tried to raise The Crusader.

Dodonna was waiting for him. “What’s the word, Jolee?”

“Three ships—DeRecho, Storm Rider, and Hoth Crystal. We’ve told Carth to hold fire.”

“We’ll do our best to protect him. I’m going to shut down those ships. Until I can, see if you can take out the weapons on Storm Rider.”

“Done. Bindo out.”

Dodonna sent an announcement to all the Republic ships. “DeRecho, Storm Rider, and Hoth Crystal, you are ordered to stand down immediately. Raxton is dead. The Exchange fleet on Telos has been decimated. Your plans will not succeed.”

Three ships detached from the task force and arranged themselves around the Osprey, facing off their combatants to protect Carth’s ship. Storm Rider and Hoth Crystal continued their attack on the Osprey as the DeRecho and the remnants of the Exchange fleet joined up with them.

“Nice try, Dodonna. I see quite a few ships here already, and it really doesn’t matter if Raxton’s dead,” replied the captain of Storm Rider.

“Timan, those are the only Exchange ships that made it off Telos, and they’re freighters, not warships. They won’t survive long in a fight. Cease your fire on the Osprey and shut it down right now. There are a lot of people on your ship. You’re putting them all at extreme risk.”

“Planning on blowing my ship to bits, Dodonna? Go ahead. My people understand their orders, and so do the people on DeRecho and Hoth Crystal. Every one of them made their choice to be here. You might have that steely reputation, Dodonna, but I’d like to see you try to take us all out.”

“If you know my ‘steely reputation’, Timan, then you know that I will not hesitate to fire on your ship as traitors. You can stop this right now. Save yourself and your people.”

Timan’s response would have made even a smuggler blush. He broke off the attack on the Osprey, but he turned towards The Crusader. The other ships allied with him followed suit. Admiral Dodonna transmitted the shutdown codes. The shields dropped on the DeRecho, and her progress slowed as her engines cut out. The other two ships continued to accelerate towards Dodonna’s flagship. Jolee spun our ship around and sped towards them.

“Expecting something, Dodonna?” Timan mocked as the codes failed to disable his ship.

“Your surrender,” Dodonna retorted.

“Nice try with the shutdown code. Unfortunately for you, Raxton anticipated your move and made a little suggestion to us to change the program. Some of us even followed that suggestion. Enjoy your last few minutes of life.” Timan opened fire on Dodonna’s ship.

“All ships, your targets are Storm Rider, Hoth Crystal, and any remaining Exchange ships. Fire to disable. You have kill orders only as a last resort. You will not fire on DeRecho or the Osprey,” Dodonna ordered.

“Timan’s obviously the leader in this group,” Jolee noted to me. “Let’s go see what kind of fun we can have harassing his ship.”

“I can think of better ways to have fun.”

“Yeah, well, he’s a little too injured for ‘fun’ right now. At least give the poor boy time to heal.”

“Jolee!”

“You really have to stop leaving me openings like that. Ah, here we are. Let’s see how many turrets we can take out and then get out of here.”

Jolee accelerated and I targeted their weapons. Little explosions of fire mushroomed out as we strafed the length of Timan’s ship.

The proximity alarms rang. “We’ve got one on our port and one on our six,” I called out.

“I see them,” Jolee said. He dove down closer to Storm Rider, skimming the very surface. The fighter behind us followed, but flew too close to the ship. It hit a turret, shearing off one of its wings. The fighter crashed into Storm Rider, and fire erupted from the hull breach. The other fighter started to shoot at us. Jolee turned sharply and ducked under the bottom of the ship, the other fighter following.

“Have those guns ready,” Jolee said. He did a rapid deceleration that pushed me forward hard against the seat straps. The enemy fighter, not seeing us slow down abruptly, shot past us. I fired on him as he entered my crosshairs. One of his engines took a hit, and flames streamed out behind him. He lost control, his ship spinning wildly around. The fighter collided with another fighter flying in to engage us, causing the fiery explosion of both.

I looked out the canopy and saw several dozen ships and fighters in battle, their blaster fire filling the blackness of space with constant flickers of light. Battle chatter continued to pour out of the com as Republic fighters engaged the defectors. Storm Rider and Hoth Crystal traded blaster cannon fire with The Crusader, great bolts of laser fire crashing into the shields and threatening to tear into the ships.

“Looks like Dodonna’s shields are holding, but with two ships firing at her, it’s going to be a tough fight,” I said.

“I think we need to get on board Storm Rider and take out Timan directly. If we shut down his ship, Hoth Crystal might surrender,” Jolee said. “You up for another fight? And answer me honestly. I don’t need you playing hero and then collapsing ten feet inside his ship.”

“I’m hurting, but not bad enough to stay back.”

Jolee opened a com channel to Dodonna. When she came online, he said, “Forn, I need the schematics of Storm Rider. We’re going to infiltrate and see if we can make Timan rethink his position.”

“Jolee, you’re crazy. We’re firing on that ship.”

“I’m old, Forn, not blind. It’s kind of hard to miss laser cannon bolts. Go mess with the other bullies for a while and do an occasional token shoot towards Timan, as long as you make it a miss. I don’t want your ship taking major damage, and I don’t want to see a bunch of innocent sailors and soldiers go up in a fireball just because Timan can’t figure out where he left his brain last. Maybe if he stands down, Hoth Crystal will, too. You know we can take care of it.”

Dodonna sighed, “I don’t like it, Jolee, even when I know you’re right. Schematics are being transmitted now. Do you need anything else?”

“Some troops to back us up would be very nice.”

“I’ll reassign a couple squads. Give me a few minutes.”

“We’re going to head in. They can catch up. We’ll draw arrows on the walls so they can find us.”

Dodonna chuckled, “They can just follow your path of destruction. May the Force be with you.”

Jolee found an open landing bay and flew in, surprising the small group of soldiers who were not expecting to see any ships so soon. I shot at them, and a number of them fell in a heap right away. Those that ran were just as quickly cut down.

“Hope that’s all there is here,” I said.

“With that kind of welcome, I’m sure we’ll see more.”

“I looked over the diagrams. We need to get from this bay to here,” I pointed at the bridge. “What about this route? Looks like it’s the fastest.”

“‘Fastest’ isn’t always ‘best’. They could have troops waiting for us in the two cross corridors. If we go this route--” he paused as he traced a line on the datapad, “it’ll take a little longer, but we won’t get flanked. Now grab those packs and we’ll get going before the hospitality committee arrives. Look sharp.”

Jolee jumped out of the cockpit and gave me a hand down. We raced across the empty hanger bay floor to the door and stood on either side.

“Got your shield up?” he asked.

I nodded, and he opened the door. We jumped back as a hail of blaster fire flew through the doorway. Jolee gave me a silent three-count, and I followed him as he ducked through the door, deflecting blaster bolts along the way. The six soldiers were all at short range, and we closed on them so quickly several of the troopers didn’t have time to pull out any melee weapons. Jolee cut through two of them in one shot each and engaged another who had pulled out a vibrosword. One of them shot at both of us while the last two drew their vibroblades and ran towards me. I ducked under the swipe to my head by one of them and blocked a blow aimed at my arm by the other. I twisted my blade up and severed one of the trooper’s arms. He dropped to the ground, howling in pain. I turned to put the second trooper between the gunner and me, then flurried a number of attacks at him. He kept making the blocks and parries until I feinted to his head. He raised his guard up, and I dropped my lightsaber down, the blade melting through his armor and legs.

I turned to see where Jolee was. The soldier with the vibrosword was on the ground, eyes staring away. Jolee was disarming the gunner, who had surrendered. After he was secured, we continued our run down the corridor towards the bridge. Jolee stopped at a corner, peeked around it slightly, and just as quickly pulled his head back. Laser bolts peppered the wall opposite us, and I turned my head, closing my eyes instinctively to protect myself from the shrapnel.

“Droids—three smaller ones and one big nasty-looking one. HK would probably go out bar-hopping with that one.”

“HK?”

“Revan’s assassin droid. Remind me to tell you about it when we get out of this jam and back to Telos. I’m going to Force-disable those droids. You go and take them out.”

“Got it.”

He closed his eyes and concentrated. The blaster fire suddenly went silent. “Go!” Jolee urged, focusing on holding the droids in stasis. I rushed over and neatly sliced through the three small droids. The larger droid took several strikes, but it clattered to the floor in pieces as well. Several datacards spilled out on the ground. I plugged one of them into my datapad as Jolee rounded the corner to join me.

“We can’t stay here too long. What have you got there?” he said.

“Where’s the nearest computer terminal?” I grinned.

Jolee looked at the schematics and turned around. “Right here, actually.” He stood to the side to open the door, prepared for a fight, but the room was empty. He motioned me in and then closed the door.

“These are the programs that Timan took out to disable the shutdown routine. I think we should upload them again.”

Jolee chuckled, “Heh-heh, I love it. We’re going to have to keep Timan busy while it loads, though. We’ll shut down all the cameras, upload that program, and go get Timan.” He stopped and thought for a moment before giving me a devilish smile. “Ever pull the fire alarm to get out of class at school?”

“Are you kidding? I would’ve gotten in big trouble.”

Jolee rolled his eyes. “You really need to live a little.”

“Today doesn’t count?”

“I suppose I’ll count today. Trip the fire alarms in a couple of compartments away from the bridge. The combination of that and the hull breach should get a lot of the troopers out of our way.”

“That’s wicked. I love it.”

“You don’t get to be my age without being a little ornery. I don’t want to kill or injure them unless I have to.”

I programmed in the fire alarms, cut off the cameras, and uploaded the shutdown program while Jolee spoke with Dodonna to let her know what was going on. We heard the fire alarms sound through the ship and a number of sailors running to fight the non-existent fire. After slipping out of the room and down the hall, we headed to the bridge. Our comlinks beeped.

“Good, the marines have landed. They should be following along soon,” Jolee said as we turned the corner to the short corridor that lead to the bridge.

I stopped. “Something’s not right. There are no guards at the door.”

“You’re right. The danger is making what’s left of my hair stand on end, which means we should back up a bit and wait for the help--”

The door to the bridge opened. A squad of soldiers was waiting on the other side, weapons trained on us. Another squad ran up behind us.

“Come in, please. I’m a civilized captain, no matter what Dodonna may have told you,” Timan said. “I think you should hand over your weapons to my XO, however. Don’t worry, he’ll take fine care of them.”

I gave my lightsaber up, and Jolee slapped his into the XO’s hand. We walked onto the bridge.

Timan was sitting in his captain’s chair. Like most Echani, he had the pale hair and eyes, and that only made his icy stare worse. “I don’t appreciate losing an entire platoon of soldiers and some very specialized droids to a couple over-zealous religious fanatics who think they have to save the universe.”

“We’re not trying to save the universe. We’re just trying to save your ship,” Jolee said.

Timan said, “My ship will be just fine. We’ve made a few modifications. As soon as Dodonna’s ship is nothing more than glowing space dust, we’ll gather our ships and continue our plan to take out Nal Hutta.”

“Raxton’s dead. You can stop all of this right now if you surrender,” I said.

Timan looked at me and then laughed. “Do you really expect me to believe you?”

“Do you think I would be standing here with Force-scourged hands if he were still alive?” I answered, holding them up to show him.

The smile disappeared slowly off his face as he considered this. “No matter. I hate Hutts, perhaps almost as much as Raxton does. It will be gratifying to see their planet wiped from the galaxy.”

“I’m afraid we can’t allow you to do that,” Jolee said.

Timan raised a blaster at us, narrowing his eyes. “Who’s going to stop me?”


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.


Last edited by Jae Onasi; 07-27-2006 at 09:30 PM.
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Old 07-27-2006, 03:38 PM   #400
Jae Onasi
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Note to all--please don't go tripping fire alarms to get out of class.

Hehe JM12--you didn't have to wait too long after that last post, now.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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