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Old 05-16-2006, 09:50 PM   #201
Darth Jester
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Quote:
“I was thinking that we should really follow his instructions.”
Great line there keep up the good work jae.
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Old 05-16-2006, 10:19 PM   #202
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Don't worry Jae. Your pop's in my prayers and I pray that God does what he thinks is best even if it may not always be favorable. I pray Pop will be alright and I pray for you.

As to the Pimp Daddy outfit, that's what came to mind with all the flashy colors. I'll think of something. Teehee

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Old 05-16-2006, 10:49 PM   #203
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Thanks Darth Jester and JediMaster12!

@JM12: He has a lot of people praying for him, but I always feel you can never have too many prayers.

I adore the outfit/sketch idea. I look forward to seeing it.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 05-16-2006, 11:05 PM   #204
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Glad to hear that your Pop is doing better and out of surgery. My best wishes for a full and speedy recovery to him. I understand now why the old folks I know talk about their bowels all the time. It's because their bowels give them so much grief. *sigh* So much to look forward to with old age creepin' closer and closer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
The 'put the hands together and tell them to stay that way' actually happened to Jimbo and me.
Awww, that was such an endearing story. You two are too cute with the looks. Makes me feel like saying:

Jae and Jimbo sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes babies in the baby carriage!


Seriously though, that's the way it happened, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JediMaster12
I have to admit that I was laughing at Mi'koth's dialogue. He is so funnyand I am glad I wasn't drinking milk. It would have been coming out of my nose.
Been there, done that. About 20 years ago in fact. Apparently the incident was quite memorable because my brothers still won't let me forget about it.


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Old 05-16-2006, 11:30 PM   #205
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JediMaster12
My knee is like crap because I had a wipe out on a scooter.
That's nothing, I once kicked my left eye while skiing.

Another Jae-taculariffic chapter, keep it up! You're quickly putting Forcefight to shame.
spoiler:
Yeah, that's right. I just said it. You know it's true.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
[Force Persaude] @ Hallucination: Just skip those last 10 paragraphs. Nothing for you to see there....
[Failure]*reads last ten paragraphs.* What? It's just a romance thingy, and one of the many things that makes this fic unique. Although I'm pretty happy that the awe inspiring chest you told us all about isn't in here.


Let's kill ourselves.
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Old 05-16-2006, 11:37 PM   #206
Jae Onasi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cutmeister
Glad to hear that your Pop is doing better and out of surgery. My best wishes for a full and speedy recovery to him. I understand now why the old folks I know talk about their bowels all the time. It's because their bowels give them so much grief. *sigh* So much to look forward to with old age creepin' closer and closer.
Thank you!
I'll have to pass that on to my dad. He has a witty sense of humor so he'll enjoy that one very much.
Growing older beats the alternative.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cutmeister
Awww, that was such an endearing story....Makes me feel like saying:

Jae and Jimbo sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes babies in the baby carriage!

Claudia was nearly as outrageous as Mik'oth at times.

Well, I'm not sure if K-I-S-S-I-N-G or love came first (or about the same time even) , but the rest of the sequence is correct, an order that I highly recommend, btw.
Kiddos came quite awhile after we married, because I was going through grad/professional school. Some of my classmates had kiddos while I went through the pro training, but it's not something Jimbo and I could have done. We didn't have the money to raise them on student loans, had the stress of working and professional school, and my Dark Side rears its very ugly head during finals week.
Jimbo would brew a pot of coffee for me, make sure I had some sandwiches, chocolate, and snacks to eat, and then disappear to the basement for the entire week, claiming 'I think I have some projects to do and the workbench to rearrange.'
Quote:
Originally Posted by cutmeister
Been there, done that. About 20 years ago in fact. Apparently the incident was quite memorable because my brothers still won't let me forget about it.
Yes, we siblings do love to tell stories on our brothers and sisters, don't we? (evil cackle)

EDIT:
@Hallucination: OW! Hope you didn't mess the eye up. Ski tips can do a lot of damage, unless something else hit your eye, but that wouldn't be much better....

Whew, comparing to ForceFight is amazing. She's going to do some great things as an author when she gets older if she keeps working at it.

I could always add in another hunky chest scene...but only if it's germane to the plot.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.


Last edited by Jae Onasi; 05-16-2006 at 11:48 PM.
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Old 05-17-2006, 12:08 AM   #207
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
@Hallucination: OW! Hope you didn't mess the eye up. Ski tips can do a lot of damage, unless something else hit your eye, but that wouldn't be much better....
The only thing it damaged was my ego. It was my first time skiing, and I tried going to the hill without turning to slow down, so I fell about every 20 metres or so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
Whew, comparing to ForceFight is amazing. She's going to do some great things as an author when she gets older if she keeps working at it.
True, but I'm choosing to focus on the fact that she stopped writing PoD, even though I terminate quite a few of my fics. About 9/10.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
I could always add in another hunky chest scene...but only if it's germane to the plot.
Just as long as it's not Talin's or Jolee's....


Let's kill ourselves.

Last edited by Hallucination; 05-21-2006 at 01:55 PM. Reason: weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Old 05-18-2006, 01:33 AM   #208
Jae Onasi
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Dad's doing better today and should be out of ICU tomorrow. Everyone's pleased with his progress, and he's feeling a lot better compared to before the surgery.
Thanks for prayers and best wishes, everyone!


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 05-18-2006, 02:29 AM   #209
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This fic has surpassed my own, so I finally felt it deemable to read this. So far, (I'm about 20 chapters behind ) it's pretty darn good.
I'll try to finish it soon!

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Old 05-18-2006, 06:55 AM   #210
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I am glad your dad is better Jae. I was praying for him. And I think you and I both know that God always hears the cries of his children. I can't wait for your next chapter!!


Some other really awesome Fanfics: Hidden shades of grey By JasraLantill, The Adventures of Jolee Bindo By Jae Onasi[/size]
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Old 05-18-2006, 01:19 PM   #211
Jae Onasi
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@JK707, thanks, and boy, do you have a lot of reading ahead of you.
@RP--I appreciate it much.
Next chapter is coming slowly together.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 05-18-2006, 01:39 PM   #212
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Can't wait to see the next chapter I am officially hooked.
on a side note is it possible to make a list of all the bindoisms?
(if that is even a word lol
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Old 05-18-2006, 04:26 PM   #213
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It is possible to make a list, though it'll take me awhile (this is 115 pages in Word so far, probably more to my amazement than anyone else). I'm coming up on a reporting deadline for my volunteer post, have 3 major activities over the next 3 weekends (two of which require some signficant travel) and a vacation (finally!) in mid-June. So, it may take me awhile, possibly into early June when my kiddo is done with school and we have more time to just hang out at home and have fewer responsibilities.
I didn't want to say yes and then leave you wondering why it wasn't getting done immediately.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 05-20-2006, 12:20 AM   #214
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Chapter 23

Chapter 23: Telos


The days in hyperspace passed quickly with all our studies on the lightsaber form and Scourge defense. Talin and I sat down for breakfast the morning of our arrival to Telos to review plans for the day, holding hands while eating and looking at datapads.

Jolee found some coffee and joined us. A bemused look crossed his face when he noticed our hands, fingers lightly interlaced. He took a sip of coffee, and in a nonchalant voice asked, “So, are you fooling around yet? If you’re not, you should be.”

Talin looked up at Jolee, having enough control to keep his face passive save the raised eyebrows. Having just taken a sip of coffee myself, I nearly spit it back out, tried to swallow, and ended up choking on the hot liquid that ran down my throat the wrong way. Both Jolee and Talin tried pounding on my back to make the coughing spasms die down. I wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse. My eyes watered as I tried to clear my throat.

After three inarticulate gurgles, I managed to exclaim in between more coughs, “Jolee! What kind of question is that?”

“A really personal one, because I’m old and worldly enough to take great delight in making young women blush furiously while choking on their coffee,” he replied with a wide grin.

Talin merely smiled at Jolee and put an arm around my shoulders in sympathy at Jolee’s teasing.

“You can be just as bad as Mik’oth,” I noted, any semblance of composure completely gone.

“I know. Maybe even worse.” If anything, his grin widened.

Talin smiled once more, and then his brows knit into a more serious look.

“Got something on your mind, son?”

“Actually, yes, and I would like you both to hear me out.” He took my hand in his once more.

Jolee commented, “This is beginning to sound rather serious. It’s a little early to propose, don’t you think?” The grin turned to a look of pleasant attentiveness as he listened to Talin.

“Our relationship is still a bit too young yet for the marriage discussion, and I have something else in mind. Now, we all know that the Council is going to be quite displeased at the idea of Jae and me pursuing a relationship.”

“You have no idea how much I look forward to seeing the look on Vrook’s face. But that’s just a bonus to knowing the two of you lovebirds are happy. We can deal with the Council difficulty when we reach it, and I don’t have a problem leaving the Order again if they make a big fuss about it. You both already know how I feel they should not be discouraging love. But I’m interrupting like any other old man. Go on.”

Talin continued, looking at me, “Jae, I thought the last thing I ever wanted to do was leave the Order. But I’d do it for you in a heartbeat.”

I swallowed hard against the lump that rose in my throat from all the emotions rising up like a river threatening to overflow its banks, squeezing his hand tightly.

“I don’t think it will come to that. They can hardly refuse you with all the other fine examples like the Sunriders and the Harradins,” noted Jolee, rubbing his chin in thought as he considered the possible ways of handling it before the Council.

“Nevertheless, I want to stay in the Order and be with the one I have come to care so deeply for.”

I added, “I share those same feelings. While I, too, would leave if I had to, I don’t want to, and I think they need to keep every Jedi they can. It will be difficult, but I know we could stay together and stay in the Order at the same time.”
Talin squeezed my hand in return, peering deep into my eyes, a pleased look softening his angular features.

“Here is what I suggest,” Talin said after clearing the emotion from his voice. “I would like to ask you, Jae, if you would consider a formal courtship, and you, Jolee, if you would approve. I know it is rather an old-fashioned concept, and we don’t, strictly speaking, need anyone else’s approval—you are your own woman, Jae, and I am my own man. However, if you agree, I will also request the same from Captain Onasi, as your relative. Since you are a member of Queen Talia’s household, I will also ask Her permission. I will dispatch a request to Prince Stef, who leads House Kayl on Alderaan. He’s my cousin and good friend—we’ve known each other since childhood. He won’t refuse.”

“After Carth saw how Revan saved Bastila, I can’t imagine he’d refuse,” Jolee asserted.

“The Queen released me from fealty before I left for my training, but She will appreciate the courtesy. I’d be extremely surprised if she said anything other than yes.” I turned towards Talin and took his other hand. “I accept your request for a courtship.” I leaned over to place a happy kiss on his lips, which he returned with pleasure.

“You won’t get any argument from me. I knew you’d be doing something like this pretty much the moment you both laid eyes on each other. Well, maybe not exactly then, but definitely from the moment you had your first little spat.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“What, and ruin the surprise? When you get to my age, you get your amusement where you can, you know, and watching the sparks fly between the two of you has been quite entertaining. If it didn’t work out, no one was the wiser, well, except me. No, you had to figure it out for yourself. Talin, I like how you think. If you went to them alone, the Council would find it difficult to deny you two, but not overly difficult, and you both might be forced to make some hard decisions. Having the support of a Queen, a Prince, a Jedi Master, and a future Republic Admiral will make it almost impossible for the Council to say no. You don’t have to ask Mik’oth, but I know he’ll be thrilled for you, too, and he has some very interesting friends in some very powerful places. Feel free to take his name in vain when you do all the other name-dropping.”

A chime rang, indicating that we were nearing the end of the hyperspace run.
“Well, Telos, here we come.” Jolee said.

* * *

“I’m going to meet with my uncle in about an hour, and I’ll take our information and go over that with him,” I informed Jolee.

Jolee nodded agreement, “Sounds fine, Jae. I’ll meander over to the cantina to see if there’s anyone there from the old days who can put me in touch with the Exchange there. If not, I may have to drink a few people under the table. Remind me to pack the alcohol inhibitor stims.”

“If it is all right with you, Jolee, I’d like to accompany Jae.”

“You don’t mess around when there’s work to be done, do you, lad?”

Talin grinned, “I already sent off a message to Her Majesty and His Highness. I did ask for discretion, especially since Queen Talia has a close working relationship with Master Kavar. I’d like to have everyone’s support before we petition the Council.”

“Sounds good. Meet me in the cantina when you’re done, but if I’m in the middle of something, find another table unless I wave you over.”

* * * *

We arrived at the Eye of the Osprey, in full robes, both of us holding our hands together, tucked under the sleeves.

Captain Onasi greeted us formally, standing tall and military-stiff, as we waited to board his ship, “Request permission to come aboard, Captain!” I smiled at him.

“Granted. Welcome to the Osprey.” He smiled back and gave me a quick wink that his staff couldn’t see from their vantage points.

“Captain Carth Onasi, may I present Jedi Talin Kayl?”

Carth shook hands with Talin, saying, “How do you do? I’m honored to have two Jedi aboard my ship.”

“The Jedi Council sends their regards,” Talin said in a pleasant tone.

“You’ll have to send them my greetings in return. Is Jolee joining us?” Carth inquired.

“He is conducting his own investigations, but he said he will join you for dinner,” Talin replied.

Carth gave us a knowing smile. “He’s checking out the cantina, isn’t he? Or should I say the dancing girls? He may put on the ‘old man’ act, but I think he’s probably more active than some of my youngest ensigns.”

I laughed. “You know him well, then.”

“Come. Let me introduce the two of you to my senior staff.”

Carth introduced us to his subordinates with the propriety appropriate to his rank, and we greeted each officer politely. Once in his quarters, however, he picked me up, swung me around once in joy, set me back down, and kissed both cheeks. I laughed aloud at the exuberant greeting.

“You get prettier every time I see you, Jae. How is my favorite niece?” he said, pushing a rebellious strand of dark hair away from his deep brown eyes.

“I’m doing just fine. You look well, too. How are you? And how is Dustil?”

“I’m the same as always. The Navy keeps me busy. Dustil tells me the masters are pleased with his progress, and I’ve made a point of keeping in close contact with him. I have to make up for a lot of lost time.”

“He’ll make a good Jedi, and he enjoys hearing from you more than you know. He doesn't harbor that anger anymore.”

"Being a Jedi seems to suit you, though I heard you were hurt a few months back. I was on a mission, and I didn’t receive the news until you were nearly fully recovered.” His forehead wrinkled in concern.

“They tell me it was bad for a bit, but I have no side effects otherwise. I did receive your hilarious card and flowers, by the way, and I appreciated it very much.” I decided to change the subject. “I heard that congratulations may be in order. Should we prepare a reception for a new rank?”

“I’m still thinking about it. It’s quite an honor, but it’s a tremendous responsibility. There’s so much to oversee here on Telos, too, and Lieutenant Godsey is retiring as Security Chief on Telos station in about nine months. I hate to leave him in a lurch trying to break in a new captain so soon before retirement. My XO is one of the best. If I leave, it’ll be hard to train a new one.”

“Carth, a project of this magnitude won’t be done for decades. Lieutenant Godsey, if he is a good man, will adapt just fine to a new captain. You can’t stay at the rank of Captain forever, any more than your XO can stay a Commander. Besides, you could still oversee the project as part of your duties as Admiral. You just won’t be forced to deal with all the little daily details.”

“You know, Admiral Dodonna said something remarkably similar to that. Then again, the Onasi women have always shown greater wisdom than the Onasi men,” Carth smiled widely. “Come, sit,” he said, offering us a choice of seating. I chose the couch, and Talin sat down next to me, with just enough distance to be circumspect.

“You received our transmission, Captain?” Talin asked.

“I did, and my XO, Commander Aichon, has already been making some very discreet inquiries about Norelden’s role in the Exchange over the past year. In fact, he’s on Telos station right now investigating quietly. He should have some information for us at the mess tonight. We also checked on the ship registry, and not surprisingly, we came up with nothing.”

“We have three other illegal registries that may have been used here,” I said, handing Carth a datacard.

“I’ll have to check on that. We probably won’t have anything before dinner, though. It’s not the Scythe, however. We found it floating in space, heavily damaged. We had to scuttle it because the damage was so bad.”

“There’s also the matter of the Force Scourge,” Talin said.

“We’ve had nothing here on the ship at all, though we heard rumors about it happening a few times on Citadel station. My medical officers were in a frenzy trying to get any information they could get. Once we learned it was a Force power and not something communicable, the medical team was greatly relieved.”

“I certainly would have been concerned if I thought it might be something transmissable,” I said.

“Did you have anything else for me or any questions?”

“Yes, Sir, I do,” Talin said, taking my hand in his. “I would like to ask you for your approval to court your niece.”

Carth lifted his eyebrows in surprise and looked over at me. When I smiled back at him, his eyes crinkled happily and he grinned. “Well, you’re going to have to tell me all about yourself, Jedi Talin. I’ll warn you, though, that there are very few men who will meet my standards for my niece.”

I shook my head slightly in amusement. When Carth saw my smile, I knew he had already approved.

* * *

Talin and I entered the cantina, the power of the loud music nearly making me take a step back. Numerous sentients of at least seven or eight different species filled the tables and booths, and the bartenders were busy preparing a colorful variety of drinks for the patrons. We found Jolee at the cantina sitting with an arm around a Twi’lek dancing girl while enjoying a juma juice. We slid into the booth with the two of them after he gave the high sign for us to approach. She got up and waggled both her headtails and fingers at Jolee, smiling coyly over her shoulder as she walked away.

“You two just ruined a perfectly good time. We were having a wonderful talk.”

I snorted my disbelief. “Since when did dancing girls become conversationalists?”

“They can be very conversational, depending on the subject.” Jolee winked. “Did Carth say anything interesting?”

“We filled him in on what we’ve found so far. The ship registry was not used here, either, and he’s going to check out the registries Mik’oth gave us. He said that the Scythe was found drifting and it was destroyed. He also mentioned his XO has been conducting some discreet investigations on the Exchange here,” I replied.

“I was talking about the two of you, but thanks for the mission update.”

Talin’s lips upturned ever so slightly at Jolee’s quip. He said, “Captain Onasi is quite protective of his niece, I learned. After a thorough interrogation, however, he grudgingly approved.”

“He liked Talin.”

Jolee signaled for the server. “A round of willek juice for us, please.” He turned back to us, saying, “I found one of my old contacts here. She’ll be along shortly.”

A green Twi’lek strolled over to our table, sultry eyes on Jolee. She had the voluptuous grace of a dancer, though she wore far more clothes than any Twi’lek dancer I had seen. Her age, approaching Jolee’s, didn’t detract as it might for some, but merely enhanced her appearance by giving her a worldly and experienced air.

“Why hello, Jolee,” she said in a low melodious voice that had seduced more males than she could probably count.

“Hello, darling.” Jolee gave her a quick kiss on the cheek in greeting, and they shared a warm knowing look. “Meet my little party. De’layn, this is Jae and Talin. I’ve worked with De’Layn before, and she can be trusted completely. She has, ah, connections to the Exchange here.”

We stood to greet her, and then made room for her to join us. Jolee ordered a drink for her as well.

“My little group of ladies is in the business of gathering information,” she said, looking at us with her enticing eyes, leaving unspoken the methods they utilized. “Well, Jolee, I understand you have an interesting problem.”

“We certainly do. We have a Sith Lord to track down, and we think he’s connected to Norelden’s operation somehow. We’ve got three different illegal registries to sort through. We had a time-travelling Li’adin who was picking up little souvenirs off of Ossus and bringing them back to our time, and we don’t know what or how many. He ran around traveling between Coruscant, Telos, and Li’adin, in between his little jaunts back in time. We took him out on Li’adin, and when we sent him back to Coruscant, the masters couldn’t save him.”

Jolee’s lie about Dycen’a was so smooth I nearly believed it myself. The Council wanted the Sith Lord to believe Dycen’a was dead, and so they had carefully ‘leaked’ news about his ‘demise’. They hoped the Sith Lord might show himself without an apprentice, and it eliminated assassination attempts on Dycen’a.

“We’d heard about a Sith apprentice being captured and dying,” she nodded.

“We came across a derelict ship that had escaped from somewhere around here. Inside were three people who had been hit by a Force power that looked a lot like plague. And just to make our last few weeks more interesting, we’ve also had a few brushes with some mercs and a dark Jedi. Two of them came from Norelden’s outfit.”

“Norelden’s not your Sith Lord. Someone in the organization might be, but he’s not. He has absolutely no Force skill whatsoever,” De’layn said, relaxing back against the seat, sipping her drink.

“Any ideas who, then?”

“None at the moment, but it’s someone connected to Telos. One of my ladies is on the inside at the main hospital, and there has been some hush-hush activity going on there the last few months. Plague was one of the words bandied about. Anyone connected to it immediately learned to stay silent or was silenced. Let me see the ships’ registries.”

“Dycen’a’s ship was destroyed. These were the registries that seemed to match the times when his ship was on Telos or Coruscant. We’re hoping that if we can figure out which ship it is, we can look for other ships that docked around that time and see if there are any links. Dycen’a had to be meeting with someone.”

She frowned elegantly as she reviewed the data. “Vogga’s ship is out. None of his ships have been docking here for several months. Everyone would have thought it very odd if a ship with the Hutt’s registry docked for no apparent reason. He and Norelden had a bit of a falling out about prices, you know. That leaves the Scythe and The Measure of Fujita. I think it may be the Fujita but I’m not one hundred percent sure. I may be able to find something more definite for you this evening. Perhaps you could join me for dinner, Jolee?”

“Unfortunately, my dear, I already have a previous engagement for dinner.”

“Then come for a nightcap, darling, and we can discuss it leisurely.” De’layn said in a purring voice, placing a hand over Jolee’s. “While your two companions are charming, I’d like to have a tete-a-tete to discuss some discreet matters. I can arrange for some entertainment for you, Jae and Talin, since I am so rudely stealing away Jolee.”

Talin said, “That is very kind of you, but it will not be necessary.”

“I thought you’d never ask, De’layn,” Jolee said with obvious pleasure in his eyes. “And yes, I have no doubt my charges can find something to do with themselves for an evening.” Jolee gave us a wicked grin.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Last edited by Jae Onasi; 05-21-2006 at 04:03 PM. Reason: fixed continuity errors
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Old 05-20-2006, 12:50 AM   #215
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Wow! Uh, is it just me or did it suddenly get hot in here?

Nice plan by Talin. Getting everybody's permission before approaching the Jedi Council may make it more difficult for the council to dismiss Jae and Talin from the order.

So what is this? Jolee as a dirty old man? I thought he would have sworn off the oppposite sex after his last relationship. He just doesn't hold other people to his same standard.


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Old 05-20-2006, 01:15 AM   #216
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Well done Jae. I was laughing at the beginning. I was lucky I wasn't drinking anything otherwise I'd be cleaning a monitor.
Jolee is getting a bit more wicked in his teasing and it just makes me laugh. I agree with cutmeister about Talin's plan to ask permission. I reinforces the old chivalry and the politeness that I think a man should do if he wants to court a lady.
Good job and I wait eagerly for the next chapter.

By the way, it's nice to hear about your Pop. I hope he's getting better. He's probably a tough old goat that's hard to kill. Glad to hear he's a-okay

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Old 05-20-2006, 01:32 AM   #217
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@cm--I'm not so sure he's totally sworn off marriage--I just think he was hurt so bad that he wasn't ready to even consider another relationship for a long while. However, if the right woman came along again, I think he'd be married again in a heartbeat.

Even if he has sworn off marriage, in the game, he makes the comments "Elusive? Me, elusive? Heh. Obviously you've never tried to grab a Twi'lek dancing girl after drinking too much Ondaran willek juice," and "Exactly. You're still at the beginning of your life. There will be men in your life... perhaps many men... but if you're fortunate you'll find love once."
So, I ran with it.
Of course, he just loves the ironies of life and seeing how people react, so I wouldn't be surprised if he really did go with her just for a drink and some talk but let everyone else's imagination go wild.

Talin's maneuvering reminded me a bit of Lyndon Johnson when he was Senate Majority Leader in the '50's, counting votes and building an alliance bloc that would be unbeatable. It's been said LBJ knew the outcome of an important vote before any senators had even cast their ballots on a bill. He had the supreme ability to know where each senator was on an issue, keep his allies in line, and woo his enemies over to his side. He spent a tremendous amount of time on the phone talking to other senators confirming their support, encouraging those who might be wavering in their support, and working with opponents in order to turn them into supporters. Yes, it involved a tremendous amount of wheeling and dealing, and he was a master. Since LBJ held so much sway over so many senators, if he said he'd support your bill if you supported his, you could pretty much guarantee he'd come through with the votes for you. That and he controlled appointments to committees. If you want to get money for your district (and thus get re-elected), you want to be appointed to the Appropriations or Armed Services committees where the money is, not the Environmental committee. He was a master politician.
Anyway, Talin's not about to leave anything to chance when he has the opportunity to influence the outcome in his favor.

@JM12--yeah, the beginning that one's another 'came from real life' moment. Fortunately, I wasn't drinking anything to choke on at the time. I have unique friends.

Yes, my Dad is improving, and I do thank you all very much for continuing to think of him and pray. He's out of ICU now, happily.


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Old 05-20-2006, 04:44 AM   #218
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A good Chapter.
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Old 05-20-2006, 11:08 PM   #219
Jae Onasi
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Heh, I was writing some notes out for the rest of the story while sitting at the first aid table at our taekwondo tournament in between sending a guy to the hospital for a bad concussion and treating a broken nose (it was far more 'exciting' today than I would have liked). I realized that I have a continuity error that I have to fix, occuring somewhere between chapter 17 and the latest.

A Bindo prize goes to whoever can find it before I fix it.

The Bindo prize gains you no money, prizes, gifts, or anything else but fame (and that's marginal at best), and that's only within this thread.
I couldn't tell you if this carries greater or lesser prestige than Machievelli's 'Whatever Prize', however.

Dad is doing quite a bit better, and hopefully will get to go home on Tuesday. (yay!!)

edit: fixed the two errors I had, so you get a Bindo prize if you found either one.


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Old 05-21-2006, 02:48 PM   #220
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Well, I couldn't find those errors, but I'm sure someone else here could.
spoiler:
@Anyone who finds the things: PM them to me first so I can make sure they're O.K. <_< >_>


Good to hear you're dad is doing fine.

One thing: In the last chapter wouldn't Jae be polite and ask about Dustil? Or did Revan kill him?


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Old 05-21-2006, 03:40 PM   #221
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^


You know, you're right, she would have asked about her cousin. I'll go fix that one, too--if not in the last chap, then in the next.
I'll give you a Bindo prize for that--it'll look nice on the shelf next to your Whatever prize.
Thanks, too, for thinking of my dad.

Edit: fixed that. Now I can move on since the mistakes aren't bugging me anymore.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
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Old 05-21-2006, 06:17 PM   #222
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
I'll give you a Bindo prize for that--it'll look nice on the shelf next to your Whatever prize.
W33t Huzzah! I'll be putting that right beside my Whatever prize on my couch, standing on top of my laundry, the place where only the most honourable stuff goes.

spoiler:
Muahahahaha, soon I shall take over the CEC with hopes for better health and pointing out things people have forgotten... Wait... That won't work.... Meh, it's too late to stop.


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Old 05-21-2006, 06:35 PM   #223
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As long as the laundry is clean. I'd hate to know that a Bindo prize is perched atop a pile of dirty, smelly undershirts. You have to have respect for these things, you know.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Old 05-21-2006, 06:46 PM   #224
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Of course they're clean, I don't want to get in trouble with the RCPP (Royal Canadian Prize Police).


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Old 05-21-2006, 07:52 PM   #225
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
@cm--I'm not so sure he's totally sworn off marriage--I just think he was hurt so bad that he wasn't ready to even consider another relationship for a long while. However, if the right woman came along again, I think he'd be married again in a heartbeat.
I dunno. I think the woman would really have to be someone really special to give Jolee the again to where he would start thinking about the "M" word.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
Even if he has sworn off marriage, in the game, he makes the comments "Elusive? Me, elusive? Heh. Obviously you've never tried to grab a Twi'lek dancing girl after drinking too much Ondaran willek juice," and "Exactly. You're still at the beginning of your life. There will be men in your life... perhaps many men... but if you're fortunate you'll find love once."
Yeah, I guess you're right. I think Jolee at this point in his life is a playah, all flirtatious with the dancer girl-types but nothing beyond wining, dining, and flirting. Probably to some degree because he is a Jedi but mostly because of what he went through with his wife.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
I realized that I have a continuity error that I have to fix, occuring somewhere between chapter 17 and the latest.

A Bindo prize goes to whoever can find it before I fix it.
Aw, shucks. I was too late in reading this since you already fixed it. No potential Bindo prize for me...

Glad to hear your dad is doing better. The sooner he gets out of the hospital the better though cuz hospital food is .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight_707
This fic has surpassed my own, so I finally felt it deemable to read this.
That is so magnanimous of you to decide it was at last worth your time to read Jae Onasi's story. Maybe it's just me but your statement seemed to have a condescending tone to it. But now I'm curious as to what criteria you use to determine how somebody else's fan fic surpasses your own?


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Old 05-21-2006, 08:09 PM   #226
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^He's a horny 13-year-old, he thinks he's the best at everything, at least until he gets put into a locker. You can see it in the following equation: 13 year old + modesty= myth².


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Old 05-21-2006, 09:01 PM   #227
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Yay for hot steamy kiss scenes and mushy stuff! Jolee's various, er, comments on those developments had me laughing into my monitor's face.

And it's all seasoned with a heavy dose of lightsaber action and barnstorming. Woohoo!

And we finally find out exactly how Jae is related to our beloved orange-jacketed pilot! My only gripe is that you've made Revan male, so poor Carth isn't getting any action (I always found the female Revan story to be much more well-rounded and compelling)... but that is the player's choice after all, so. >shrug<

Love this stuff!


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Old 05-21-2006, 11:00 PM   #228
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@cm--definitely would have to be a very special type of woman for him--I totally agree with you on that.

error 1--had them looking for Dycen'a's false ship registry, so I had to explain why they'd be chasing down a registry on a ship that's laying in little pieces on Li'adin.
error 2--De'layn magically had a drink at the table without an order, because Jolee had ordered a round before she arrived. (which I didn't catch til today, actually)

Heh, my dad hasn't made it to "real" hospital food yet--he's still at the broth-and-jello stage, which is probably better than any other food.

About JK707--sometimes things get lost in translation on forums/emails because we get zero facial cues that would show that it was irony or joking, even if that potential is small. So, I chose to ignore any 'attitude' at this time until it's proven to be an attempt to be truly offensive. But I appreciate you coming to my defense.

@Hall--all I can do is laugh at that comment, because I don't touch with a 10 foot pole anything that involves a combination of 'horny' and 'underage.'

@SP--I prefer LSF for Revan (the angst is too good to pass up), but decided to go with the LSM for the story as more 'canon.' That and I don't dare add another sub-theme (Carth waiting for Revan to return, which could be a novel all by itself) to the story--you should see the notes I have trying to keep up with what I've got now. I'm trying to find that balance between action and informational/backstory stuff. The movies all have lots of action interspersed with times where the characters get a few moments to breathe, get needed info, and make witty comments to each other, so I'm trying to make sure to have those elements, too.
Thanks!


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Old 05-22-2006, 03:06 PM   #229
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
@SP--I prefer LSF for Revan (the angst is too good to pass up), but decided to go with the LSM for the story as more 'canon.' That and I don't dare add another sub-theme (Carth waiting for Revan to return, which could be a novel all by itself) to the story--you should see the notes I have trying to keep up with what I've got now. I'm trying to find that balance between action and informational/backstory stuff. The movies all have lots of action interspersed with times where the characters get a few moments to breathe, get needed info, and make witty comments to each other, so I'm trying to make sure to have those elements, too.
Thanks!
Ooh, ooh, but!

I just got hit with an idea, you wouldn't have to make a the whole "waiting for Revan" thing a true sub-theme, it could just influence the way Carth approaches the Jae/Talin thing. I can just see him leaning forward and speaking to Jae in that terribly earnest way he has, "Don't be tentative in love; take hold of it with both hands and enjoy it to the fullest. Spend every moment with the person that you can." And then his gaze would shift to something a million miles away and his voice would get all soft and sad: "You never know how long you'll have them."

Oh man. Now I need to go write. Thanks a lot, JaeOnasi!


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Old 05-22-2006, 03:13 PM   #230
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"Suck the marrow out of life...."

Go for it! Sounds like a good one for the latest kfm challenge....


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Old 05-23-2006, 12:47 AM   #231
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Chapter 24

Chapter 24: Ship Registries

“So, just who is De’layn?” I asked, looking over at Jolee with a raised brow as we left the cantina to make our way back to the Osprey for the dinner with Carth.

“She’s a female Twi’lek, attractive I might add, who is in charge of an information business. She has cultivated some unique connections.”

“I mean, how do you know her?”

“Well, why didn’t you ask that? Pfft. Young people these days just don’t know how to ask the right questions. Always asking one thing when they really mean another.”

I waited for an answer for quite some time before looking at him and saying, “Well?”

“Oh, De’layn? Here I thought you’d get distracted by Talin’s blue eyes and forget all about the question so I wouldn’t have to get a dry mouth telling you the story. I hate how you young people complain about how boring my little tales are.”

“I’ve never complained about any of your stories.”

“Hmm, well, you’re right. I guess I’ll tell you then. De’layn was a fellow apprentice at the academy.”

“Ah, that explains how she knew without a doubt that Norelden had no Force affinity,” Talin noted.

“You really are in love, if you managed to actually concentrate on what she was saying and not be distracted by her gorgeous looks.”

Talin replied in a dry tone, “I find I have more than enough distraction without adding anything further, thank you.” He looked over my way with amusement.

I shook my head with a bit of a smile, sighed at the two of them, and circled my hand to motion for Jolee to go on with his story.

“Oh, yes, you did want to hear about De’layn. She is talented in the Force, and was just about made a Padawan. During training, Iridian plague hit her home planet, and she ended up losing everyone in her family except her two youngest sisters and a younger brother. She decided to leave the Order and take care of them. One of her Force skills is finding information that eludes everyone else. It’s made her a ton of money, and she probably has a better life now than she would have had as a Jedi, to be honest. She invited me over to talk about her little brother, who isn’t so little anymore. In fact, he’s a grown Twi’lek now, with a family and all. I’m his godfather.”

“Godfather? You were going to go to her place for a nightcap to discuss family ties?” I asked.

“Let me guess. You thought that just because I gave a beautiful Twi’lek with an incredibly sexy voice a wink and a smile that I’m running over to her place to jump in bed with her after dining with you? You two have your minds so far down in the sewer that the rakghouls would have to dig them out of the Taris undercity. Sheesh. Not that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind, you know, but we’ve been good friends too long. She’s going to fill me in on the latest family gossip.”

“Then I guess--” I ducked just in time—the blaster bolt was so close to the top of my head that I could feel the air move. Our three lightsabers ignited simultaneously as we spun around to face our attackers. There was a squad of mercenaries running towards us.

“Oh, Force, De’layn! She may be in trouble!” I yelled over all the noise of blaster bolts hitting or ricocheting off the metal plates, deflecting three shots in rapid succession before I cut down the shooter.

“She’s a Force user. She’ll be fine. Concentrate!” Jolee urged as I ducked another blaster bolt that came much too close for comfort. I could feel the heat and smell a sweet-smoke odor as a tiny bit of my hair singed.

Jolee had to raise his voice to be heard above the screams of several people who were running frantically or diving out of the way of the battle.

Talin strode with single-minded focus into the fray, deflecting bolts and slashing through our attackers, seeming to make nothing more than tiny flicks of the wrist to make his lightsaber flurry through the air. His saber almost seemed to take on a life of its own as it moved in his hands.

Jolee’s skill nearly matched Talin’s, and he took out almost as many of the mercs as Talin did. I was happy to stop a couple of them and not get hit myself, though I did notice it was getting easier to anticipate attacks and make the proper moves.

The three of us cleared out the squad of mercenaries in a very short time and without injury. I ran over to the civilians who were lying on the ground to make sure they were uninjured. One man had received a glancing hit from a blaster bolt and had a burn on his arm. He was surprised as it disappeared in moments as I healed the injury, and then he breathed his relief from the pain.

“Thanks,” he said, his fear still palpable. “I’ve never even seen a Jedi before. Well, except on the holovid movies, you know. I didn’t know you stopped to help like that. I mean, people like me and all.” His face reddened.

“What’s your name?” I asked, giving him a gentle smile as I radiated calm, checking him over for any other injuries.

“Jaxin, ma’am,”

“Jaxin, I was a servant at a royal court before I joined the Order, and most of us come from very humble beginnings. I’m honored that you allowed me to help you. Now if that arm bothers you, make sure to go to the infirmary right away.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am,” he said, getting up and backing away a few steps before turning to walk away, nearly floating over the floor, face beaming his pleasure.

“That was well said,” Talin said with frank approval.

“I guess some of your diplomacy lessons are finally starting to stick.” I looked back at him with a discreet smile.

We walked back over to Jolee who was trying to raise De’layn on his comlink, to no avail.

“Carth?” I called on mine. “We’re going to be a little late for dinner….”

* * * *

“You’ve acquired some powerful enemies,” De’layn commented when we found her coming out of the small spot she had hunkered down in to protect herself from the firefight. At her feet were two dead fighters, with the clean fine lines of burns characteristic of a lightsaber attack.

“Are you all right, dear?” Jolee asked, the worry wrinkling his forehead and filling his eyes, followed by relief when he saw she was uninjured.

“Of course, Jolee. Just because I left the Order doesn’t mean I’ve stopped practicing certain skills.” She smiled and held up her lightsaber. “They never asked for it back, you know.”

Jolee grinned, “You always were resourceful.”

“Now this is very interesting,” she said, picking up one of the dead fighter’s blasters. “It’s Republic issue. I wonder why one of Norelden's men is carrying this?”

* * *

I was new enough in the Order that I was still surprised at the power of the two little words, “Jedi business.” That term virtually eliminated the need to deal with any bureaucracy. The presence of Captain Carth Onasi, decorated hero of the Republic, helped that much more.

“You look like you made it through this scrape just fine,” Carth said, peering over at me to make sure I was all right.

“Not a scratch.”

“A little singed hair, though,” Talin said with no small amount of disapproval, the frown tightening his lips. He held up the lock so that I could see the small area that had been blackened from the heat. “That should not have happened. We’ll have to work more on blaster bolt deflection techniques.”

The subtle and brief touch of his hand on my shoulder was his expression of worry for me and took some of the sting out of his critical tone.

“We found this on one of the mercs, Carth,” Jolee said, handing over the blaster to Carth before he could comment.

“Interesting. It’s definitely Republic issue, and it’s new. This merc looks too old to have just gotten out of basic training with a new blaster, only to join the Exchange. I’m not one hundred percent sure, but this may come from the batch that was stolen not too long ago. The Republic was sending us a small shipment of replacement arms to us, and the ship was pirated. We thought it was Norelden, but had no real proof until now.”

“This may help both our investigations, then,” I suggested.

“Undoubtedly it will. We’ll have Commander Raxton join us along with Commander Aichon. Raxton is my deparment head of intelligence. We’ll let the authorities take care of the rest of the work here and talk over dinner in a more discreet setting.”

We headed back to the Osprey.

Both commanders met us for dinner, with Carth making the introductions. After a simple but hearty meal, we attended to business.

“We understand things got a little exciting today,” Aichon said. He was dark-headed with green eyes, and was taller than Carth by several inches, almost too tall for the ship. He had to duck slightly as he went through doors. He exuded a quiet competence as he worked with Carth.

Jolee replied, “Well, if you count a squad of mercs exciting, then yes, I guess it did. I prefer my excitement to come in other ways.” He gave a little lopsided grin that made the officers laugh.

Talin maintained the neutral pleasant look that he did so well as he explained, “Jolee had a meeting with a colleague at the cantina. She left before us, or she would have been caught in the middle of the firefight rather than the periphery. As it was, they attacked us very shortly after we left. It was fortunate that it was still early in the evening and there was not as much traffic in the corridors as there would later in the evening. There would have been many more casualties otherwise.”

“We don’t know if we were followed, or if someone saw us in the cantina and reported in to Norelden’s people,” I added.

Raxton spoke in a smooth manner, “We received information of a possible hit today, and I informed Commander Aichon. Regretfully, my sources couldn’t get enough solid information in time to put out any warnings.” He had a face and quiet voice that would not be very memorable and few mannerisms that would make people immediately recognize him. His brown eyes refused to reveal what was behind them. His light brown hair and not-quite handsome features spoke ‘nondescript Human.’ He was perfect for intelligence work.

Carth handed him the blaster we had found earlier. “Is this part of the shipment we were supposed to receive?”

Raxton examined it carefully. “Yes. The serial number matches up with the inventory list we received. You said one of the mercenaries had this on him?”

“Yes. My colleague recognized him as one of Norelden’s people,” Jolee answered.

Aichon took the blaster when Raxton offered it to him and looked it over critically. “This is just further evidence of Norelden’s activity. Why is he after you three, though?”

“He’s been after us ever since we stopped an assassination attempt, but especially after we took out his apprentice Dycen’a. We’re still waiting to get useful leads from him—his injuries were too severe for the other masters to extract information right away,” Jolee said.

“I heard that Dycen’a had met his demise,” Aichon said.

Jolee answered, “That’s the party line we’re passing on the street. We want to avoid any more assassination attempts on Coruscant. It’s much easier if he’s ‘dead,’ you know.” Jolee made sure to make eye contact with everyone in the room. “I know I don’t need to say to this fine group that outside this room, he needs to stay dead.”

Talin stayed silent for a beat, and then added, “We have Dycen’a’s ship registry that he was using when traveling to Telos and Coruscant, which we gave to Captain Onasi.”

“We know it’s not the Scythe, since that ship was destroyed. We were trying to learn if it was one of Vogga’s ships or the Fujita,” Carth said.

“Vogga’s ships haven’t been docking here in recent months,” Raxton replied, sitting back comfortably in his chair, hands laced on the knee of a crossed leg. “He and Norelden had a falling out, and after Vogga lost a few ships he decided it would be wise to back out of operations here until the two of them could work things out.” Raxton leaned forward and tapped the datapad sitting on the table. “It can only be the Fujita.”

Carth said, standing up, “Let’s find out who he was meeting. Find me every ship that docked at Telos station near or at the same time as the Fujita. Meet me here for a report tomorrow at the same time.”

The two officers responded simultaneously, “Aye, sir.” They left the room.

As we prepared to depart for our ship, Carth stopped us. “Jae, I don’t like scares, especially with family. Stay out of trouble.”

“Aye, sir,” I smiled and gave him a sassy wink before placing a familial kiss on his cheek.

Carth shook his head and looked at Talin. “Did I mention the Onasi women have a force of will that can be challenging to contend with?”

“I’m beginning to discover that, sir.”

* * *

Jolee prepared to leave for his meeting with De’layn. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Come to think of it, you probably shouldn’t do anything I would do,” he admonished. “Ah, well, then, just have fun. Don’t wait up for me.”

“Watch yourself out there,” I told him as he opened the hatch to leave. He melted into the darkness with only a little chuckle to mark where he was.

Talin closed the hatch after him, locking it. Walking over to where I stood, he wrapped his arms around me. He rested his cheek gently on my head as I nestled against his shoulder.

“So what else is Captain Onasi going to tell me about the Onasi women?” he asked quietly.

I opened my mind to his, and the waves of emotion washed over both of us, warm and inviting. I reached up to gently pull his head down to mine and let the meeting of our lips be my answer.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 05-23-2006, 02:28 AM   #232
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Another of Jolee's stories. Good Chapter.
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Old 05-23-2006, 02:53 AM   #233
JediMaster12
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Love Jolee's story and his usual grumpy manner
The last kissy thing sounds a bit like Titanic: the reaching up and pulling the head gently for a kiss. Or was this another real life thing Jae
Just being the devilish git I am but really this is a good chapter and you always have use jumping with these surprise attacks. Now the time is to wait for the next chapter.

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Old 05-23-2006, 06:36 AM   #234
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Woa!

You tell the story in a very cool way! I never expected that a story told in an I-perepsetctive (does that word excist in English? ) would work out so well...

Keep it up

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Old 05-23-2006, 07:51 AM   #235
Jae Onasi
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Thanks, folks.
@JM12--would you believe I've never seen Titanic? Since I already know the end, I couldn't bear to watch. Too depressing, even with the love story. Humorous note--my husband went to the show (I was away at a conference or we would have gone together). Behind him were two high school girls. One of them said, "I heard the ship sinks" The other said "No way! Oh, I hope that doesn't happen! I'll be so bummed!"
And yes, our little party is being hunted. It's good lightsaber practice for them all.

@Ztalker--just because I'm an education junkie...your trivia for the day: "I-perspective" is called 'first person' in English. The other perspective is called 'third person'. Does it get literally translated as 'I-perspective' from your language? I'm always interested in how different concepts translate.
If I'd been smart, I would have done it in third person because it gives so much more freedom to look at things from all the characters' perspectives. The single hardest thing I had to remember, especially in the beginning, was that I could only see the world through one set of eyes. I caught myself dropping into third person quite a bit in the early chapters until I could start to figure out how to alter events for the main character to 'see' them. That's part of the learning process.

Edit: gotta tell you all, romance scenes are _really_ hard to write in first person. I don't know if it's because of the feeling of sharing a private moment publicly or because the view of the emotions is so one-sided, but it feels weird to write it that way.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.


Last edited by Jae Onasi; 05-23-2006 at 09:46 AM.
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Old 05-23-2006, 08:00 AM   #236
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Great two chapters Jae. I am so enjoying this love story Oh did I mention I am enjoying the mystery and the action flick as well? How do you find the time to write so much? Seriously! Oh well, keep up the great work. As usual you have Jolee pegged through and though.


Some other really awesome Fanfics: Hidden shades of grey By JasraLantill, The Adventures of Jolee Bindo By Jae Onasi[/size]
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Old 05-23-2006, 02:04 PM   #237
Jae Onasi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renegade Puma
Great two chapters Jae. I am so enjoying this love story Oh did I mention I am enjoying the mystery and the action flick as well? How do you find the time to write so much? Seriously! Oh well, keep up the great work. As usual you have Jolee pegged through and though.
I have no life. Actually, I don't watch a lot of TV (or if I do, it's with the laptop in my lap, except for CSI and Criminal Minds). More than a few nights I've stayed up way too late trying to finish that one last paragraph. I type faster than I can write, and I had an 8th grade English teacher who made sure, by God, that I knew how to spell correctly and use proper grammar, because that was her sole mission in life. So that makes things go quickly, too.
Thanks!


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 05-23-2006, 03:50 PM   #238
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Great read Jae, lovin it, you potray Jolee very well, i was reading it on kotorfanmedia because no offence to everyone here there is a lot less clutter with posts like this one guess i have to catch up on the story arc here
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Old 05-23-2006, 05:42 PM   #239
Jae Onasi
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No offense taken--both places meet different needs/wants. I'm behind at kfm--lurked there awhile before I started posting. I'm trying to get caught up there, and I agree, it does have a 'cleaner read'. Not that I dislike the comments here, mind you.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

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Old 05-23-2006, 08:28 PM   #240
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
@Ztalker--just because I'm an education junkie...your trivia for the day: "I-perspective" is called 'first person' in English. The other perspective is called 'third person'.
Aha! It appears that you didn't know that second person perspective exists. It dictates what the reader is doing, and (as you could guess) isn't used very often in novels. I remember a few R.L. Stein books that used it, but I can't recall any other authers using it.

I always wanted to correct someone with a considerably higher education than I.

Again, another brilliant chapter, can't wait to see where this is going.


Let's kill ourselves.
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