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Old 05-04-2006, 05:05 PM   #1
Jason Skywalker
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The Jedi Heroes

Ok,this is my first fanfic,so bear with me.Actually i have some experience.Anyway,this is set a month after Jaden killed Tavion in Korriban.Jaden is the brown-haired,white guy.He has the first clothes(tan ones),black pants and a Sentine Hilt orange lightsaber.Rosh now has another yellow lightsaber,both Praetor hilts,i think that's the name,the one that comes before the Sentinel.


Star Wars
Jedi Knight: Jedi Heroes.

After Jaden Korr killed Tavion on Korriban, and imprisoned Ragnos forever, he went back to the Academy.

Everyone congratulated Jaden on the Academy, and Rosh was also made a Jedi Knight.

But little everyone knew, was that evil was lurking in the shadows by the name of Kayn.


Chapter I
New Beginnings, New Enemies.

Jaden woke up in his room. He put his tan Jedi clothes on, and picked up his lightsaber. He got out of his room and found Rosh. He then greeted him. Rosh replied with a friendly smile. Jaden wandered a little while in the halls of the Massassi Temple, until he found Kyle, Jan ,Han and Chewbacca working on the Millenium Falcon.

“Hi Kyle. Were are we going?” asked Jaden.

“We’re going to the old planet of Geonosis. There seems to be many activity there.” answered Kyle.

“Just five more minutes, and it will be ready to go.” said Jan.

Jaden then went to Master Skywalker’s chambers. There he found Luke.

“Hello Jaden. You have sensed it too haven’t you?” asked Luke.

“Yes. There is a new Dark Side energy.” answered Jaden.

“I have sensed that energy on Geonosis, and that’s why I’m sending you, Kyle, Jan and Rosh there. You shall go in the
Raven’s Claw. And Jaden, be careful with the darkside.” said Luke.

Jaden nodded, and got out. He went back the garage, and the Falcon was ready. Han told him to get in.C-3PO and R2 were also there.When they were all inside, Han fired up the engines, and they left Yavin. He set a course for Geonosis, and they jumped into Hyperspace.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile ,in Geonosis, a armoured person was walking. His face was covered by a hood, and he had a cape. It was Kayn. Suddenly, a Kel Dor with a lightsaber appears.

“Master, the Jedi is coming to Geonosis.” said the Kel Dor.

“Good Cyrus. You are dismissed” said Kayn.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile in the Falcon, Jaden was talking to Rosh.

“Hi Rosh, how are you feeling?” asked Jaden.

“I’m okay Jaden, you worry too much. I got my arm cut off, but now i have a new one. No biggie.” Answered Rosh.

“Alright, but be careful.” Said Jaden.

Suddenly, Kyle came in and told them they had arrived in Geonosis.

Kyle, Han, Rosh and Jaden got out. The planet was practically deserted. Some ship wreck there and some droid wreck here, but nothing else.

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Said Kyle and Han simultaneously.

They walked a little until they found two Reborns with a squadron of five Storm Troopers. Han shot two in the head, and Kyle fried the remaining with a bolt of Force Lightning. Rosh threw one of his lightsabers at one of the Reborns, and it cut his hand off. Rosh then ,with his lightsabers, slew the Reborn with a Medium Kata Attack. Meanwhile, the other Reborn and Jaden were duelling, until he started Force Gripping Jaden. Jaden then countered by throwing his lightsaber at the Reborn’s throat, cutting his head off. They then found a base, hidden in the rocky mountains. After entering it, they saw the welcoming party. 5 Reborns, ready to battle with double-bladed sabers.

Rate,hate,advice.Wish me luck!

Last edited by Jason Skywalker; 06-19-2006 at 12:51 PM.
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Old 05-04-2006, 09:19 PM   #2
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well to be honest the just of the story was good, not great but good. it felt as if you really didnt want to write it, it was borring and had no feeling to it, but other then that it was good. if you would like to see some examples of work with felling just check out my fan fin http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164383
it should help you. hell leave a remark if youd like


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Old 05-05-2006, 01:28 AM   #3
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I like the first Chapter. Kayn and Cyrus, good Sith names. Kyle and Han are both the funny guys and I would like to see how they interact. Your Jaden sounds similar to mine. Same head, same top and same colour and same Lightsaber. The only thing that is different is the legs.

I sort of feel I've inspired you to do this Fanfic. My Chapter 1 was called New Beginnings and the title is sort of similar. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Also don't change it now, but I think it would have been better if you posted this in the Coruscant Entertainment Center as more people go there (Including me).

Thinking about it, where is Chewbacca? You can't have Han without Chewbacca. Oh well.

I remember I was going to include Han and Chewie in Jedi Forces - Shadows Of War, but removed them, because I didn't think it was that good.

I've talked too much now. Anyway looking foward to more. Hopefully the Chapters are slightly longer. I also recommend you delete the other Thread by editing your first post and press delete.
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Old 05-05-2006, 05:45 AM   #4
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Well,jedi exile,is my first Star Wars fic,it will get better.And this one was a bit rushed.Next one will be longer and hopefully better.
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Old 05-05-2006, 12:43 PM   #5
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if i offended i didnt mean to, i was just trying to give some instructive critisizm. you said it was rushed, y? y didnt you just wait a little bit to post? well i reread it a couple times my mind has changed, i now like what youve done. defintly looking forward for more.


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Old 05-05-2006, 03:30 PM   #6
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No hard feelings.
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Old 05-05-2006, 03:32 PM   #7
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Jason, are you planning to write a Trilogy like me?
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Old 05-05-2006, 03:33 PM   #8
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or are you just writing a novel like me?


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Old 05-05-2006, 05:32 PM   #9
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I don't know.Never thought of that.Maybe.
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Old 05-05-2006, 05:34 PM   #10
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i sugest making a novel and then see were you wanna go from there.


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Old 05-05-2006, 05:59 PM   #11
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Good idea.Expect Chapter 2 after Sunday.
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Old 05-05-2006, 06:00 PM   #12
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cant wait, but remember, take your time, make it good


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Old 05-05-2006, 06:02 PM   #13
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Yeah,you should never rush a fic.Just like Obsidian shouldn't have rushed KOTOR 2.Atleast make a patch.
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Old 05-05-2006, 06:14 PM   #14
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And like I rushed my first Fanfics on LF...
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Old 05-06-2006, 10:32 AM   #15
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Well,here are Rosh's,Jaden's and Kyle's profiles:

Name: Rosh Penin.
Gender: Male.
Age: Around 20's.
Affiliation: Jedi/Rebel Alliance.
Class: Jedi Knight.
Equipment: Jedi Robe,Yellow Lightsaber,DL-44 Blaster.
Homeworld: Coruscant i guess.
Force Powers: Core Powers,Heal,Absorb,Protect,Mind Trick,Lightning.
Master(s): Kyle Katarn.
Apprentice(s): None.

Name: Jaden Korr.
Gender: Male.
Age: Around 20's.
Affiliation: Jedi/Rebel Alliance.
Class: Jedi Knight.
Equipment: Jedi Robe,Orange Lightsaber,DL-44 Blaster.
Homeworld: Coruscant.
Force Powers: Core Powers,Heal,Absorb,Protect,Mind Trick,Lightning,Grip.
Master(s): Kyle Katarn.
Apprentice(s): None.

Name: Kyle Katarn.
Gender: Male.
Age: Probably around 30's.
Affiliation: Jedi/Rebel Alliance.
Class: Jedi Master.
Equipment: Clothes,Blue Lightsaber,Blaster Rifle.
Homeworld: Sulon.
Force Powers: All.
Master(s): None.
Apprentice(s): Jaden Korr and Rosh Penin.
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Old 05-06-2006, 10:35 AM   #16
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oh that actually helps clear things up. and its cool that a jedi has two apprentices.


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Old 05-06-2006, 04:56 PM   #17
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Spoily Spoily!

spoiler:
Kyle will also have another apprentice.

Last edited by Jason Skywalker; 05-06-2006 at 05:14 PM.
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:11 PM   #18
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Nice to know. To do Spoilers do a:

spoiler:
Kyle will also have another apprentice.

Last edited by Pottsie; 05-06-2006 at 05:55 PM.
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:17 PM   #19
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Thanks.And try guess which race and gender is the apprentice.
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:35 PM   #20
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A Male Kel Dor? Or a Female Twi'lek?
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:40 PM   #21
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None.Keep guessing.
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:42 PM   #22
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Human Male? Human Female? Zabrak Male? Zabrak Female?
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:53 PM   #23
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spoiler:
Right!Human Female!And it will have an interesting plot.
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:55 PM   #24
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Yes I got it right! Also this plot, will it be like:

spoiler:
A romantic Plot?
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:59 PM   #25
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spoiler:
HOLY ****!Bah,that was too predictable.
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Old 05-06-2006, 09:10 PM   #26
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holy crap another one? and romance? all in chapter two? cant wait


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Old 05-07-2006, 03:44 PM   #27
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Not all in chapter 2.It will be along the fic.
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Old 05-09-2006, 01:11 AM   #28
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ok its monday night.....WERE IS CHAPTER 2? im sorry, didnt mean to get excited.


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Old 05-09-2006, 05:49 PM   #29
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Look,i'm sorry,but i've been very busy with school.
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Old 05-09-2006, 08:55 PM   #30
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lol its cool


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Old 05-12-2006, 11:34 AM   #31
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I am currently writing Chapter 2.I'll try to make it atleast 2 pages long.
Chapter 2 is almost done.

Last edited by Jason Skywalker; 05-21-2006 at 01:19 PM.
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Old 05-26-2006, 06:56 AM   #32
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Here's Chapter 2.Longer and i think better.

Chapter II
The New Trade Federation

Jaden, Rosh and Kyle all turned on their lightsabers .Han quickly got his DL-44 Blaster Pistol, and started shooting, but the Reborns blocked with their staffsabers.

“Okay, you’re alone now guys.” Said Han, realizing he would only slow them down.

Rosh was the first to strike. He quickly speeded himself with the force, and swung both of his yellow lightsabers, but the Reborn parried, Force Pushed Rosh. Kyle engaged duel with another one, most of the time in saberlocks. He then found a weakness in the Reborn’s defense. He engaged in another saberlock, and swung at the Reborn’s leg. The Reborn screamed in pain, and then Kyle plunged his blue lightsaber in the Reborn, killing him. Jaden then fought against the Reborn that knocked out Rosh, because he was about to kill him. Jaden threw his lightsaber at the Reborn, cutting his hand, and then almost frying him with Force Lightning. There were three more left, and Rosh was knocked out. Suddenly, a grenade was thrown, and the Reborns died. It was Han.

“Thanks a lot Han.” Said Kyle.

They then healed Rosh with the Force, and woke up. Then, they continued their path. Walking through many hallways, they noticed every Reborn they found didn’t attack them. It seemed almost as if they were ordered to do it.


Meanwhile, Kayn and Cyrus were talking to some Geonosians. They were part of the New Trade Federation.

“So, if you join us, we will supply you with an army of Droids!” said one of the Geonosians.
“Hmm, interesting indeed. But what’s in it for you, Uriel?” asked Kayn.

Uriel started to feel nervous. He planned on using the Droids to kill the remaining Sith, and then dominate the Galaxy.

“I was thinking of a partnership, you kill the Jedi and I kill the important figures of planets like Corusant and Corellia.” Said Uriel, sweating of fear.
“You are scared.” pointed Cyrus. Uriel started to be more scared.
“It does not matter apprentice. I accept.” Said Kayn.

Kayn and Uriel shook hands as the other Geonosians and some Reborns clapped hands. But Cyrus still knew Uriel was up to something.


“This is strange. No Reborn is attacking us.” Pointed Rosh. It was very strange indeed.
“I have a bad feeling about this.” Said Kyle.

They continued walking, until they found a door. It was all dark.

“Sounds like a maze.” Said Jaden.

And unfortunately, it was. They spent some pretty long 20 minutes to locate the exit. After the left the maze, surprisingly, they were at the starting point. They went to the Millennium Falcon.

“So, what you got?” asked Jan.
“Unfortunately, nothing.” Answered Kyle.

Then, they all heard some noises. Blaster shots. And it were lots of them. They all went outside, and saw MILLIONS of Droids.

“Droids?” said Han, surprised “These type of droids don’t exist like 50 years ago!”
“Apparently they do now.” said Kyle.

R2 started beeping, and 3PO translated.

“We have already seen this type of droids. They were part of the Trade Federation.”
“Well, now they’re back.” Said Jan.


Meanwhile in the academy, someone knocked into Luke’s room.

“Come in.” he said. He looked at the person. “So it’s you. Welcome to the Jedi Academy. You will be assigned to Master Katarn when he comes back. And your name is?” asked Luke.
“Kyra. Kyra Zerp.” Said Kyra.
“Very well Kyra. While Kyle is gone, I’ll begin your training with the Force Powers.” Said Luke.


“I don’t trust him Master.” Said Cyrus.
“I don’t trust him either. But we’ll play along for now.” Said Kayn. ”Anyways, have the droids started to attack?” asked Kayn.
“Yes my Master.” answered Cyrus.
“Excellent.”


Jaden, Rosh, Kyle, Chewie and Han got outside. They started destroying droids, one by one, with all resources. Lightsabers, the Force, blasters, grenades, all. But It was just too much, there were many droids. So they re-grouped in the Falcon, and started shooting. Then, Uriel appeared on the monitor.

“Listen, it doesn’t matter how many droids you destroy, they will continue to be thousands.” Said Uriel.

Kyle then saw outside two Sith. It was Kayn and Cyrus.

“Let us out Han.” Said Kyle.

Han landed the ship, and Kyle, Jaden and Rosh got out.

“Droids, stop shooting.” Said Kayn. “I don’t think I’ve introduced myself, so let me. Darth Kayn, Sith Lord and future Ruler of the Galaxy and Destroyer of the Jedi.”

Kayn then ignited his lightsaber. It was redder than a laigrek’s eye, and his apprentice Cyrus ignited his saber. It was a double-bladed, similar to some advanced Reborns. Kyle ignited his Blue Lightsaber, Jaden his Orange and Rosh one of his Yellow’s.
Then, they started duelling. Jaden and Rosh took care of Cyrus while Kayn fighted Kyle.

“I underestimated you Katarn. Join the Dark Side, and get eternal power!” said Kayn.
“I will never join the Dark Side Kayn!”
“So be it.”

Kayn then plunged his lightsaber in Kyle’s shoulder. Kyle screamed in pain as Kayn shot a bolt of Lightning, making him unconscious. Jaden Force Pushed Cyrus, and grabbed Kyle. Jaden and Rosh fled to the Millenium Falcon. They fled Geonosis, and flew to the Academy on Yavin IV. Unfortunately, some Star Fighters appeared.

“Get to the turrets! You should be able to take care of them while I get this damn Falcon to fly onto Hyperspace!” said Han to Jaden and Rosh.

They rushed to two ladders, standing beside the other, and they climbed them. Jaden quickly got a target, and shot, destroying one of the 8 Star Fighters. Rosh charged and shot to a group of 3 Star Fighters, making them 4. Jaden then shot a missile, destroying the remaining. They climbed down the ladders and went to Han.

“Lady and Gentlemen, buckle your seatbelts, next stop: Yavin IV.” Said Han.

They jumped into Hyperspace, and Han routed to Yavin IV.

After they landed, Jaden and Rosh quickly put Kyle in the Medical Room. A medical droid took care of him, and Jan was beside him, holding his hand. She then gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

Meanwhile, Jaden and Rosh were hanging out with some other students, when 3PO and R2 came to the Living Halls.

“Beep Beep Woooo!” said R2. 3PO translated.
“He says Master Katarn is better.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” Said Jaden.
“And Master Skywalker wants to talk to you.” Said 3PO.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” said Rosh.

They walked a bit until they reached Luke’s chambers, so they decided to talk a little bit.

“What do you think Master Skywalker wants?” said Rosh.
“Probably just a report of the situation since Jan is with Kyle and Han is with Chewie giving the ship a little fixing.” Answered Jaden.

When they arrived, Luke turned around.
“Welcome. How was it?” asked Luke.
“Apparently the Trade Federation has returned with a battalion of Droids.” Said Jaden.
“There’s a new Sith Lord. He’s the reason Kyle’s in the Medical Room.” Said Rosh.
“Hmm, troubling. Anyways, I’d like to present to you our newest student, Kyra Zerp.” Said Luke.

And there she was. She had blonde hair, and some Jedi Clothes. Jaden and Rosh blushed a little while, and a bit later Jaden said:

“Hello. I’m Jaden and this is Rosh. We welcome you to the Academy.” Said he.

“Thanks. And I’ve heard you are quite popular.” Said Kyra.

“Well, I fell to the Dark Side but got back and he killed Tavion and imprisoned Ragnos forever. Now you do the maths.” Said Rosh.

“Haham.” Said Luke. - “Meanwhile, you don’t you get some rest. And May the Force be With You.”

Kyra, Jaden and Rosh got out and into their rooms to rest a little.


Stay tuned for Chapter III-Games of Mistrust.

What do you think?
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Old 05-26-2006, 12:26 PM   #33
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Good, I was wondering when you would update, however some characters like Chewie, Jan and 3P0 and R2 came in out of nowhere. How did that happen? You must explain where they came from. Have I inspired you? Because it says about staying tuned for Chapter 3, etc. Can't wait to see the next bit.
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Old 05-26-2006, 12:31 PM   #34
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They were all in the Falcon,i think i showed it on Chapter I.
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Old 05-27-2006, 06:22 PM   #35
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I just finished reading it. I thought that it was good. Keep it up.



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Old 05-27-2006, 06:30 PM   #36
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Thanks.I'll seee if i can get Chapter III tomorrow since it's gonna be a short one.Also,here stays Kyra's profile.

Name: Kyra Zerp.
Gender: Female.
Age: Around 20's.
Affiliation: Jedi/Rebel Alliance.
Class: Jedi Knight.
Equipment: Jedi Robe,Violet Staffsaber.
Homeworld: Talravin.
Force Powers: Core Powers,Heal,Absorb,Protect,Mind Trick,Lightning.
Master(s): Kyle Katarn.
Apprentice(s):None.

Last edited by Jason Skywalker; 05-29-2006 at 05:27 AM.
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Old 05-29-2006, 06:35 PM   #37
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Here's Chapter III.

Chapter III
Games of Mistrust-Part I

Jaden was in a temple, maybe a Sith Tomb. He had a red lightsaber, and he had a black robe. He was seeing Tavion dead, and retrieved the sceptre she had. Kyle then appeared.

“Jaden, so you defeated Tavion. But now I must stop you.” He said. Kyle ignited his lightsaber and so did Jaden. They had an intense fight until Jaden made many rocks fall onto Kyle. Dead at last, thought he. Jaden then woke up. It was all a dream. But would that happen if I had killed Rosh? He thought. Jaden got out of his bed, and put his clothes on. He grabbed his lightsaber and got out. It was a beautiful day outside the temple. He then spotted Rosh.

“Hi Rosh, what are you doing?” he asked.
“Hi Jaden. I’m looking for Kyra.” Rosh replied.
“Why is that?”
“She asked me to follow her, but i lost track of her.”

Meanwhile deeper in the Jungle, Kyra was looking at some trees until she heard something. It were mercenaries. She hid behind a tree and heard.

“So, what does the Boss want us to do?” asked a mercenary.
“He wants us to capture one or two Jedis. Probably Luke Skywalker.” Answered the other. At this time, Kyra knew she had to tell Master Skywalker about this.

Jaden and Rosh screamed for Kyra. Unfortunately, the mercenaries heard them and started running towards them, but Kyra was following them. The mercenaries quickly pointed their blaster rifles onto Jaden and Rosh.

“Hands up Jedi Scum!” said one mercenary. Jaden and Rosh put their hands up.
“Now come over and none of your Jedi Tricks or you will be dead in a second!” said the other with a rage. They started walking, but then Kyra threw her staffsaber to a tree.

“What the hell was that?!” asked one mercenary , surprised.
“Jaden, Rosh, now!” screamed Kyra. Jaden and Rosh got their lightsabers out and leapt towards the mercenaries. Jaden cut their blasters and Rosh their hands. The mercenaries screamed in pain and Kyra asked:

“What were you talking about earlier?” asked Kyra.
“What the hell are you talking about!?” asked one of the mercenaries.
“Your conversation about capturing a Jedi. I overheard it, so what was the destination!?” asked Kyra once again.
“Nar Shadda!” yelled one of them.

Then he fainted. They knew they had to tell Luke about this. They also took the other mercenary for explanation.

After they arrived, Kyle was better, but wasn’t ready to get out.

“Master Skywalker, we found two mercenaries on the jungle.” Said Rosh.
“What about the other?” asked Luke.
“He collapsed in the jungle.” Said Jaden.
“Apparently they were were to capture some Jedi and then bring them to Nar Shadda.” Said Kyra.
“Hmm, Nar Shadda. Students, it seems we have a bounty on our heads. You should go to Nar Shadda to settle this bounty. Take the Raven’s Claw and land in the Refugee Sector. Then, wait for Han and Chewie, they shall be helpful on this mission.”

Hate,rate and advice!
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Old 05-31-2006, 09:27 AM   #38
Diego Varen
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Slighty short, like you said. How many parts will there be? Two? Good Chapter. If you were trying to do Jaden Dark Side script, it was wrong.
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Old 05-31-2006, 12:51 PM   #39
Jason Skywalker
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Well,i never played the DS ending,so i just improvised.What's the wrong part?
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Old 05-31-2006, 01:07 PM   #40
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It should be:

Kyle: Jaden stop!

Jaden: Don't get in my way Kyle!

Kyle: Jaden I know you're angry, but it's not to late to renounce the dark side. Fight it. Rosh resisted it, you can too.

Jaden: Rosh was weak! He was too afraid to grasp the true power of the dark side.

Kyle: I can't let you do this Jaden.

Jaden: Then stop me, Master!
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