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Old 05-25-2006, 12:03 PM   #1
Dartz Nox
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[FIC] A Warrior's Exile

A Warrior’s Exile
Chapter 1: Journey to the Unknown.
Accessing Jedi Data Banks… Accessing Post-Mandalorian Wars…Please Select Topic… Topic Selected: Jedi Please Select Name…Iszac “Nox” Dartz accepted, Profile: Age during Time period: 29, Alignment: Neutral…Hair: Semi-Long Blond, Eye Color: Right eye: Red Left eye: Blue. … Height: 6’ 5” Weight: 160lbs. Accept? Downloading HoloVid….
************************************************** *******
“Iszac Dartz, for your deliberate disobance of the our law that states no Jedi may ever search for any relics of Revan, you shall be exiled into the Unknown Regions until this Council deems it fit for your return. Your banishment will be effective immediately, leave your lightsaber with us, you won't be needing it. Please gather anything else you may want or need and leave,” commanded Jedi Master Rak’an, an Ithorian.

“But Master, with no disrespect, how am I to leave for the Unknown Regions?” asked the Jedi on trial, Iszac Dartz.

“A prototype freighter, the Eon Raptor, will be provided. It is a YT-2400 light freighter and it will get you where you need to go,” replied the Jedi Master, “You know, you really have shamed your light side ancestors, but have brought happiness to the ones who fell to the dark side. Now leave our council Chambers at once!”

Iszac dropped the his lightsaber into a container where it instantly retracted into the floor. He turned around, his cloak swaying with the wind generated by the spin. “No, I won’t let them see my pain or feel it…” he thought, pulling in a defensive barrier of droid ids and upgrades. He walked to his room and turned on the light and looked around. Sure his room was junky, he loved collecting droid parts and build stuff, but it was his room. A low woo came from the corner of his room and two blue lights appeared.

“Hey Emfour,” he said to his custom astromech droid. M4-B9 was a droid Iszac constructed by himself from old droid parts he’d found. The dome-shaped head was silver; the upgrade storage doors were green and painted on the side in green was the Nox emblem used to represent the Dartz family. The droid’s cylinder-shaped body was black with the compartment doors orange. The legs where blue and red, left and right side respectively, while the center leg was white. The droid had an upgrade part that could transmit Iszac’s thoughts and feelings to the droid and vice versa.

“Emfour we gotta go, I need you to help me carry as much as possible,” Iszac told the droid as he started loading supplies from his drawers into his backpack. He stopped noticing he had an extra lightsaber. “No crystal to power it though…” he thought, “Still it may come in handy some time soon.” He shoved the non-working hilt into his bag. Rummaging around some more in his drawers he found some power crystals, a vocabultor, some lens, two power cells, and an extra emitter. “Some more stuff that’ll come in handy…” Reaching under his bed he pulled out his tool kits, a modified rifle and some parts he used to change it into a sniper rifle, a vibroknife, some extra robes with some underlays and overlays, and his wrist-mounted rocket-launcher. He grabbed his comlink and a map as well before he and Emfour left to the shipyard. He walked down the hallway, his hood drawn tight over his face so he didn’t have to see the looks the other Knights were giving him. He actually didn’t have to look at them; he could feel their eyes boring into him like he was a rock and they were a drill. He was assaulted by a mixture of emotions, some happy to see him go, others who were angry, worried, or just plain didn’t care. Normally it wouldn’t have pained him, but today all the emotions made him feel like he was on fire.

“Here is your ship, the Eon Raptor, I wish you good luck my friend,” said Keech the Irodinian Dock Master. “Thank you,” Iszac replied as he walked onto the boarding ramp to the ship.
Once inside he looked around and inspected everything and, once satisfied, sat himself into the pilot’s chair and took off, leaving the only place he knew as home and any friends behind…
************************************************** ********
Transmission interrupted… please standby…..
************************************************** ********
This is my first attempt at writing a Star Wars based fan-fic, hope you all like it. I know that the Eon Raptor has the same class as the Outrider, but they are not the same ship. And just so you know, the time of the "history Lesson" is during the Clone Wars Era, but the story itself actually takes place about 1,000 years AFTER the KotOR series. Please tell me what you think.

Last edited by Dartz Nox; 05-27-2006 at 07:15 PM.
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Old 05-25-2006, 04:25 PM   #2
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I dunno if you guys like this or not but here is the Second chapter to my FanFic:
A Warrior’s Exile
Chapter 2: Crash Landing on Colla IV
Transmission reconnected…. Video on the first month is corrupted accessing start of the second month… Starting Holovid…
******
************************************************** **
“FIERFEK!” Iszac cursed. He was only a month into his journey to the Unknown regions and he’d already been attacked by pirates, the Exchange, and by planets whose inhabitants weren’t so keen on letting an off-worlder come in. And now this. He was up against a Hutt. Not just any Hutt, but Agro the Hutt.

His board comm beeped and Agro’s slimy face appeared. “Why you try and run from me Agro the Hutt? You never escape me!!” the Hutt spat out in Huttese.

“Ya know what Agro? You are a piece of” Iszac said spitting out profanity in Huttese at Agro. What he was trying to do was buy time. He searched his galaxy map thoroughly trying to find the closest planet to land on. “Colla IV? Never heard of it, but anywhere would be better than here,” he said. “Emfour calculate the coordinates, while I try and hold them off.” He switched from his pilot set to the gunner’s seat. He checked the shields as he got into the seat and cursed in Huttese again, the shields were at 50%.

“Agro, I’m not going down without a fight.” He took aim and fired off the quad-lasers hitting two marks directly and skimmed the cockpit of a third. “Emfour are you almost done?” he asked urgently after another blast rocked the ship. Emfour whistled a positive. Releasing himself from the restrains he jumped into the pilot seat and hit the hyperdrive causing starlines to appear. A few minutes later they fell out of hyperspace and flew towards the planet. Suddenly an alarm went off.

“Emfour what’s the matter?” he asked. The droid whistled out some beeps. “No we're outta fuel?!” The ship started hurtling down towards the planet. Both human and droid grabbed a control yoke to keep the ship steady. They straightened the ship into a landing position and luckily had a pretty smooth landing. “Wow that gave me a heart attack.” Iszac said jokingly, “Time to see what this planet’s like.”

Donning a breath mask Iszac walked down the boarding ramp. “Emfour atmosphere read out?” The droid brought up a hologram screen showing it was suitable enough for him to take off the mask. Before fully debarking, Iszac grabbed his robes, which he based off of Revan’s designs and his copy-Revan mask, and put them on putting on the mask and the hood. The land looked a forest and the ground was slightly wet and littered with bones. As Iszac stepped off two wheel looking shaped rolled at him.

Instinctively he pulled out the two vibroblades he found in the ship. The wheel-creatures unrolled themselves into a tri-legged insect like creature and started chattering between themselves. Iszac looked at them puzzled and then began to concentrate, using the force to help him interpret their language. All he heard was “kill” before the two insects lunged at him with their claws. He raised his blade up slicing at one, only for the blade to crack what appeared to be a shell. He rolled quickly to the left dodging the second one and pulled a plasma grenade from his utility belt and throwing it sticking the second one in the head, who promptly died from the extreme heat after the grenade blew. He turned to the other one and, sensing an on coming attack, used the force to stun the Insect creature. Emfour beeped providing the name of the species.

“Colicoids. Their exoskeleton protects them from physical weapons as well as energy-based weapons. And, apparently, they can roll up in a ball.” Iszac said. He tied up the Colicoid before letting the stun wear off. Once the Colicoid could speak again, Iszac tried talking to it in the creature’s native tongue. “Hello I’m Iszac Dartz but call me Nox. I want you to introduce me to the ruler of this planet and, if possible, get some fuel for my ship and other supplies. Oh and what is your name?” Talking in Colla was weird to Iszac, who only just learned how to speak it.

“Humph, my leader would eat you alive. And you don’t need to know my name!” the Colicoid spat at him. Iszac focused, this time using the Force to penetrate the Insect’s mind. “I am Vinaskuan. And I am a male. My leader is Supreme Eater Fikuasan. And yes I will introduce you to him. I hope you have something to hide your presence as we go through our hive or you will be eaten alive.” Vinaskua replied. Iszac untied Vinaskua and used his Force Camouflage to stealth himself and activated Emfour’s stealth unit.

As Vinaskuan led them into the hive to see Fikuasan, he explained to Iszac what he needed to do to get the ruler to listen to him and not eat him. After an hour of walking, the small group arrived at a Chitinous door, which opened to allow them in. At the opposite end of the room sat a large Colicoid surrounded by what appeared to be guards. Iszac but the mask and hood on and deactivated both Emfour’s and his own stealth before continuing in.

“Who dares interrupt my feeding?” the large Colicoid snapped out angrily. “I am sorry Supreme Eater Fikuasan, but this human requests a deal.” Vinaskuan said halfway rolled up in a ball, while Iszac curled up into one. “If he can do what is proper then I will hear what he has to say!” Fikuasan bellowed, “Send in the test Droidekas!” Suddenly, four brown wheels rolled into the room. At first Iszac thought it was more Colicoids until the wheels unfolded themselves into droids. But it wasn’t that that shocked him it was the appearance. The droids were identical to the Colicoids.

“Aren’t they magnificent off-worlder? These are the Droidekas. Replicas of us, the best of our creations. And you get to fight them. They are equipped with two twin-blasters, one on each arm, and a full body deflector shield. Do you think you can take them?” Fikuasan asked making a sound that must have been equivalent to a laugh. Iszac smirked pulling out the vibroblades and pressed a button under the hilt, a liquid flowing to the tip covering the swords in a green glow. “Two custom created swords of mine. Their names are Betrayal and Repentance and they’d love to meet your Droidekas.”
“Very well then Droidekas target the Human and his Droid.” Fikuasan clicked out.
The droids wheeled around to Iszac and Emfour, making a square around the pair, and opened fire. Calling upon the Force, Iszac deflected the blast bolts, which dissipated against the owner’s shields. Cursing in Huttese he ran up to the droid in the upper right corner and used the Force to destroy the droid. He turned to the other three and used the force to push them back, while Emfour fired ion bolts at the shields, attempting to shut them down. Iszac moved on to the closest droid and pulled back his robe sleeve revealing the wrist-mounted rocket launcher. “Lets hope my modifications work…” he thought hitting a switch on the device causing metal-knuckles to shoot out over his knuckles, brimming with a shield-deactivating charge. The droid took two shots at Iszac who duck-rolled out of the way before Iszac punched the lower part of the shield. “This is gonna be a REAL painful experience if this doesn’t work…” Iszac thought as the knuckle plate made contact with the shield. The shield buzzed and dissipated. “YES!” Iszac yelled in basic. He brought one sword across the tripod legs and rolled up, bring both the blades down on top of the droid at the same time. “EMFOUR MOVE OUT THE WAY!” Iszac mental warned the Astrodroid as he brought his wrist weapon up and fired an EMP Rocket at the two remaining droids. The rocket made short work of their shield upon which Iszac then used Force Storm disabling the droids. “How’s that?” Iszac asked Fikuasan smirking. Fikuasan looked back at him with disbelief. “You have passed the challenge and as such because of out laws I must let you live and answer your demands…”

“Okay I need fuel for my ship, food and refreshments, and other basic supplies.” Iszac said, “Oh and I would like to keep one of the Droideka I disabled.”

“As you wish.” Fikuasan responded, “But you must now fulfill one of my requests. You are to take Vinaskuan with you.”

Vinaskuan looked appalled. “But Supreme Eater Fikuasan, why?” he stammered.

“Because you were the one who brought this Human into my court!” Fikuasan yelled. “Now Human what is your name?” Iszac looked at him, smirking behind his mask. “Iszac Dartz. But my ancestry name is Nox.”

“Very well, Nox,” Fikuasan replied, “You’re supplies shall be moved to your ship immediately.”

Two hours later, the Eon Raptor was flight ready and the crew was on board. They took off, Vinaskuan in the storage room working on the new Droideka, CD-K09; Emfour co-piloting, and Iszac typing in the coordinates to get him into the Unknown Regions…
************************************************** ********
Transmission interrupted….please standby for further information
************************************************** ********
Pronunciation guide:
Emfour=M4. Vinaskuan=Bin-acek-one Fikuasan=Fek-ways-in Nox= Knocks. And Nox in Latin means Night.


My Fic: A Warriors Exile: Here-> http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165303 <-Here

Last edited by Dartz Nox; 05-27-2006 at 08:14 PM.
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Old 05-25-2006, 07:57 PM   #3
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Please respon. I need to know if anyone likes it. If not, I'm going to stop writing it. I'll keep writing even if ONE PERSON likes it.
A Warrior’s Exile
Chapter 3: New Friends Under attack!
Reopening History files…. Accessed…. Beginning play from last point… Play starting from 2 days after last recording
__________________________________________________ _____________
After two days of consistent hyperspace travel and stops for part the forming crew of the Eon Raptor had finally reached the Unknown Region of space.

“Wow you know we’re the second here?” Iszac asked in wonderment. “What do you mean?” came the response from Vinaskuan, whom Iszac taught how to speak and read Basic.

“A man named Revan was the first person to enter the Unknown Regions, but he was never heard from again. Though there were reported sightings.” Iszac explained.

“Wow he sounds” began Vinaskuan but an alert and a view screen lighting up cut him off.

The being in the screen was like noting any of the crewmembers had seen before. The alien was looked human but was blue skinned with red eyes. He was wearing a black uniform with gold patches on the shoulder. The alien spoke but no one, not even Iszac, could understand what he had said. Iszac tried asking what the alien had said in every language he could think of until He tried Syi Bisti to which the alien understood.

“I said, who are you and why are you in Chiss space?” the blue alien demanded

“I am Iszac Dartz Captain of the Eon Raptor.” Iszac replied. “We had no idea anyone lived out here.”

“Very well Iszac Dartz, prepare for your ship to land in one of our docking bays. Oh and I am Mist’an’greel of the 3rd House.”

“Wait a minute what ship?” Iszac asked and looked at the de-stealthed ship in front of him. It was as long of the diameter of a planet. A docking bay door opened in front of them and let them pass, where they landed. Iszac got out, wearing his Revan robes, without the mask or hood up, followed by Vinaskuan, then Emfour, and finally SeeDee the Droideka.

“Ahh you are new to this part of space. We must get to know each other…” Mist’an’greel said.
__________________________________________________ ______________
Log broken!!!! Picks up at one year later…. Accept? …. Loading
__________________________________________________ ______________

Iszac looked at his clock it was 1:00 in the morning Standard Time and he was still up. He converted his room’s desk into a workbench so he could create a new lightsaber. Mist’an’greel, or Stangre now that they were friends, showed Iszac some of the metals, alloys and gems. Earlier that day, Iszac was shown some of their metals and alloys, which he was allowed to use and was currently using to construct his new hilt. Stangre agreed to show him the crystals in a few hours. Using the Force to bend a metal rod he brought along with him into a curved shaped for the bases of the hilt, Iszac pounded away on the metal and alloys Stangre gave him, trying to get them where he could wrap it around the hilt model he thought to himself which metal bonds more easily with another. “Riginum bonds the best with Strun, while Strun can also bond with Tiyn, but Tyin Can’t bond with Riginum.” He finally got the metals malleable enough to fit around the hilt base; he used the Force to bend the fusible pieces together. He pulled out hssiss leather and created a grip and a leather string to add to the uniqueness of his hilt. He used a fusion cutter to slice open a mall port on top of the lightsaber, opposite where the activator switch would be. The activator was actually a trigger from a blaster pistol, but it worked. He cut multiple holes into the grip and added a DNA Register into the blade so whenever someone who wasn’t supposed to touch it touched it, poisonous spikes would jettison out of the hilt. He installed the voabulator, which was rigged to the DNA Register also, and a vibroknife to the butt of the hilt, which was rigged to a button that would release and retract it. Finally he installed a silencer to the emitter of the blade. He smiled looking at his new creation and feel asleep after setting his DNA sequence to “user”.
__________________________________________________ ______________

Iszac woke up 4 hours later, aroused from his sleep by a knock on his door. “Please Respond! Mr. Dartz it’s time to show you the gems we’ve collected! Please Respond!”

Iszac got up and stumbled sleepily to the door and opened it. Stangre was there wide-awake. “We’ll take a turbo lift down, so you don’t fall.” Stangre said cheerfully.


Upon reaching the vault door Stangre put in a pass code, which slid the door open. Iszac was nearly blinded by all the gems, but not in a physical way but through the Force. Although all of the gems were bright one seemed to shine the brightest. It was a green gem, but it didn’t look like it was so special. Reaching out through the Force, Iszac picked up the gem and pulled it to him.
“That gem is a Retkin, a very common gem here. There is nothing special about it.” Stangre said. Iszac held the gem up, light catching off of it, causing the gem to grow a bright green, almost blinding. He looked at Stangre and said, “I’ll take it.” He closed his eyes and focused on the crystal and infused part of himself in the crystal. He slid back the power crystal cover and slid the gem in. He ignited the lightsaber, and a very solid looking dark green blade appeared. “I like” he said twirling the saber around, to get the feel of holding a lightsaber back into his natural habit. He switched between the form stances but decided to go with his own original stance. His own form was much like Niman, but added the effects of Force Potency into it.
Iszac relaxed when an alarm suddenly went off. The P.A. buzzed out a “Commander Mist’an’greel, three unidentified ships have opened fire upon us please report to the bridge!”

“Maybe you’ll know something of these ships.” Stangre said looking at Iszac. They went to the bridge where everyone was at their battle stations. “Pull up a closer image of those ships for me.” Stangre order the watchman, “Do you recognize those ships?”

Iszac couldn’t believe what he was staring at. There were three Trandoshin Slave Ships directly in front of him. “Well?” Stangre asked.

They are Trandoshin ships. A Species of lizard like Slavers. Very evil, very nasty. You may wanna get those guys out of here.” Iszac responded.

“Iszac I want you and your group to take out the center ship from the inside, I have boarding ships Docking Bay 93A.” Stangre said.

Iszac ran down the hallway followed by Emfour, Vinaskuan, who was in wheel shape; and SeeDee who was also in Wheel form. They Reached the Docking Bay and boarded the ship, which immediately shot towards the center Ship and attached itself to the hull. All in all the ride took about 5 minutes. The door opened and they moved in. Iszac was again wearing his Revan Robes. They went quietly down the hallway to the corner, where a Trandoshin was standing guard at the entrance to a turbo lift. Iszac activated his lightsaber and ran at the Guard, slicing him in half.

“That was easy.” Iszac said

“Look behind you…” Vinaskuan said pointing. Iszac turned, and was face to face with an army of Trandos. The Two Droids opened fire while Vinaskuan and Iszac ran right in. Vinaskuan started tearing at the Trandos with his claws and teeth, while Iszac started skewing them. Iszac felt a disturbance as a Trando came around trying to stab him, but Iszac pulled the trigger releasing the vibroknife and spun the saber in his hand so the curve faced the Trando’s face, which he stabbed through.

“You think you’ll be alright here?” Iszac asked Vinaskuan.

“Yeah we should be good, why?”

“Cause I’m going to take care of some business.” Iszac said as he ran to the turbolift. He hit the button causing the turbolift to go to the command bridge, where he met with a Human. And he had a lightsaber.

“Welcome Iszac. To the ship I control. I am Darth Vengeance and you my friend are wanted by the Sith.”, said the cloaked man.

“I don’t know why you think I’ll join you when I feel my exile is almost over…” Iszac responded.

“Ahh but I do.” Darth Vengeance said and lunged at Iszac with his lightsaber. Iszac Blocked the Blow and used Force Push to send Vengeance to the wall. Vengeance stood up and disappeared.

“Sithspawn!” Iszac cursed, “Where is he?” Suddenly, Vengeance dropped from the ceiling, bringing his saber down below him. Iszac rolled out of the way and jumped at him. Vengeance brought his lightsaber up to block but Iszac had anticipated that move and quickly switched from a lightsaber attack to Force Storm, shocking the Sith.

“Goood” the sith said laughing. “Your on your way to the dark side!”

“SHUT UP!!!” Iszac yelled grabbing a leaf from a plant nearby on accident, his hand hitting the ground. Suddenly, the floor turned green and vines started bellowing up from the floor. “WHAT IS THIS?” Darth Vengeance yelled, horrified, as the fines crept up his body keeping him in place.

“That is the power of the light side. Now I’ll introduce you to the power of the Dark Side!” Iszac said, curling his hand into a fist, his fist becoming engulfed in flames. “FORCE INFERNO!!!” he yelled, throwing his hand out as a dragon-looking flame burned the Sith into nothing. Iszac used the force to pull the lightsaber from the blaze before it was destroyed.

“Bridge is secured Vinaskuan! Status? Over.” Iszac Said into his comlink.

“All good” was the response he got. Iszac manned the gunner’s seat and started firing upon the Trando ships, destroying them all and brought the new Chiss prize into their base.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Transmission interrupted… please standby…


My Fic: A Warriors Exile: Here-> http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165303 <-Here

Last edited by Dartz Nox; 05-27-2006 at 07:20 PM.
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Old 05-25-2006, 10:08 PM   #4
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Over all, I'd say it's not bad. I noticed a few spelling errors and a few things seem to be going just a bit too easy for Iszac (the help he got from Fikuasan, instantly befriended by the Chiss). He's in the Unknown Regions, after all. Few that go in ever return, and any who return are not unchanged.

Also, it was an extremely sudden change from Light Side to Dark Side at the end of this recent chapter. First, he's asking Vengeance why he should turn to the Dark Side and then he uses the Dark Side.

One final piece of advice. The fact that nobody's reviewed your story before now doesn't mean they don't like it. After all, you do have 30 plus views to it. Don't give up hope for lack of reviews.

WJ


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Old 05-25-2006, 11:20 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dartz Nox
Please respon. I need to know if anyone likes it. If not, I'm going to stop writing it. I'll keep writing even if ONE PERSON likes it.
Patience, friend. You only started posting this story today and already you've posted three chapters. You need to give people some time to read your story.

OK. So this story is set 1,000 years after KotOR but is being related during the Clone Wars, right? You've got some good ideas with this story but I found it hard to really get into your story. It's the ole' "suspension of disbelief" that seems to be missing.

First, I think story progresses too rapidly. Events happen too quickly and I found it hard to understand.

Second, many events in the story seem illogical to me. For instance, I find it hard to reconcile the Jedi Council banishing Iszac Dartz for searching for Revan's items and then generously giving him a YT2400 freighter to take with him into exile. Why would they do that for someone who just fell out of grace with their organization? Then the ship runs out of fuel but is able to land without any damage on Colla IV. Seems very miraculous to me, the "Immaculate Crash Landing." I'm also not sure if the Colicoids were a space traveling species, so I also wonder if they would have even had fuel to give to Iszac Dartz.

Lastly, who was this blue-skinned, red-eyed race that just up and decided to take in Iszac and board him for a year? Why in the galaxy would they do that when they don't know Iszac from spit? I feel like this story leaves me with a lot of questions that don't get answered and leave me wondering why events happened the way they did because on the face of it they don't seem readily believable.

I don't think your story is "bad" though. You do have some intriguing elements like a certain Colicoid companion and a faithful astromech droid. And as you say this is your first go at writing fan-fiction and I think your writing has potential. You've got to keep working at it if you want to get better.


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Old 05-25-2006, 11:52 PM   #6
Jae Onasi
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I'm one of those people whose eyes are not the greatest in the world. Could you go to 'edit post' and add spaces between each new paragraph and each time you change characters speaking? I had this same issue when I started posting mine so don't feel bad. It's just so densely packed together that I sometimes lose my place when dropping down a line, and the extra line breaks really help the eye follow everything better and make reading it much faster.

I do my fic in Word before posting and I paste it here and manually add the extra spaces here. How it looks in Word and how it looks here with white letters on a grey background are 2 very different things.

The line breaks will really help us readers enjoy your story even more by letting us read it more comfortably.

Thanks!


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Old 05-27-2006, 08:23 PM   #7
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THanks for te responses SOrry I havent updated it I'm having a bit of writer's block right now, but I should have something tommarrow or Monday. Your responses will really help me make this one better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildjedi
Also, it was an extremely sudden change from Light Side to Dark Side at the end of this recent chapter. First, he's asking Vengeance why he should turn to the Dark Side and then he uses the Dark Side.WJ
In Iszac's defense, lol, he would like to say it was more of the heat of the moment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cutmeister
OK. So this story is set 1,000 years after KotOR but is being related during the Clone Wars, right?
Correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jae Onasi
I'm one of those people whose eyes are not the greatest in the world. Could you go to 'edit post' and add spaces between each new paragraph and each time you change characters speaking? I had this same issue when I started posting mine so don't feel bad. It's just so densely packed together that I sometimes lose my place when dropping down a line, and the extra line breaks really help the eye follow everything better and make reading it much faster.
Okay done. hope it helps.
But I'd like to tell everyone thank you again and I hope this next will be as awsome as seeing the Ebon Hawk, Millenium Falcon, and Outrider ALL in one place at the same time.


My Fic: A Warriors Exile: Here-> http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165303 <-Here
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Old 05-31-2006, 10:47 AM   #8
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Sorry for the no update thing.
A Warrior’s Exile
Chapter 4: What Goes up Must Come down. Part 1: Captured!

Accessing Holovid…. Accessed…Playing…
************************************************** ********

Iszac was awoken by sounds of blaster fires from his friends’ quarters. He stood up groggily and made his way to the door, which slid open abruptly before he got there. Stangre was standing at the door.
“Ahh, Iszac I was hoping you’d still be in here. There are some people here, well druids really, who want you so you’re going with them,” the Chiss said smiling.
“Whadda ya mean?” Iszac asked, trying to look over Stangre’s shoulder. A blue bolt caught him in his chest stunning him and knocking him out. The last thing he heard was the click, click, click of mangapods across the floor of the ship.
************************************************** ********

Awaking around three hours later by his subconscious count, Iszac looked around trying to get his bearings. He was in a dark room with very little lighting and boxes upon shelves around him. Noticing an exit, Iszac made his way to it. When he tried to step through, he was shocked and shot back, hitting the wall hard.
“Ow what the heck was that?!” he yelled at no one in particular. He jumped hearing a metallic voice.
“Explanation: That is a electro barrier, far more effective than a force cage and far more deadly.” Responded the voice.
“Huh, who’s there?” Iszac asked perplexed.
“Dignified statement: I am HK-60G. My Model number means Hunter Killer model 60, Guard type. My associates are the ones who dragged you to this hovel of a ship.” Replied the HK unit.
“Well could you, umm, let me out?” Iszac asked.
“Horrified reply: Certainly not! That would go against my programming.”, said the HK. Iszac moaned and lend back against the wall. Its gonna be a long time in here … he thought.
************************************************** ********

Meanwhile, on a ship similar to the one Iszac was on, Vinaskuan was waking up to a similar surrounding. Unstreching himself from his ball form, he looked around letting his eyes wandering to the greatest source of light in the room.
No way that’d be way to easy... he thought. Looking around the room he peeled some shrapnel off the coverings of a busted protocol droid. Taking the biggest piece he threw some at the exit, which hit the electro-barrier and was fried.
“Ahh an electro-repulsion barrier. Model: M1-339. Creator: Me. Hint to who whoever threw me in here: Never put the inventor INSIDE his own invention.”
He wandered over to the wall next to the barrier and tapped on it, the usual dull ringing of a shuttle responded.
Must have wired the power source some where close by to create a current strong enough to be able to keep me here. he thought tapping the barrier with his claw, which was promptly singed.
He began walking around the makeshift cell tapping on the walls or floor from time to time.
“Dangit.” He said. “Where is that power source?” He looked around trying to see if there was anything an upturned panel, wires, something. He noticed the droid and nearly fell over laughing. He went over to the droid and inspected it. Sure enough, the power source was setting in the lower half of the droid’s chassis, the power cords running through the back he pulled the cords out of the ship, his face twisting into a scary smile-like shape but then went to a frown.
“I need to remember to re-design this thing slightly when, and if, I get back to Colla IV.”
He snuck out the exit, but doubled back noticing the HK-60G. Oh come on why can’t the droid just deactivate itself... he thought to himself. The image of the droid deactivating itself flashed into his mind. He stopped breathing noticing that the sounds of the mangapod feet of the droid were not clanking on the metal footpath of the ship. That’s odd... he thought looking out of the doorway to find the Guard droid deactivated. How’d that happen... , he thought. He grabbed the droid and brought him into the makeshift cell.

After about 5 minutes of attempted reprogramming, Vinaskuan actually managed to get the HK-60G to work. He slid on a pair of cuffs and ordered the reprogrammed droid to bring him to SeeDee. After a few close calls, including one HK-60G almost calling the Commander of the ship, Vinaskuan reached SeeDee who was quite well in the way of being activated, but his weapons and shielding systems were down. After ripping the weapons and shielding systems from his ex-jail guard and reworking them enough he placed them inside SeeDee’s chassis. “This ought to keep you functioning long enough for us to get to the Eon Raptor ,” he said to the droid as much as said to himself.

He ordered the HK-60G to bring him and SeeDee to the cockpit of the ship. In compliance the droid led them through the ship, which was about the size of a small freight ship from the holding-cell to the cockpit. As they walked into the cockpit two slightly rusted HK-51s stood up and turned raising their blasters at the intruders.

“Query: HK-60G who ordered you bring the prisoners to the cockpit,” asked the pilot HK-51.

“Explanation: Why you did,” replied the HK-60G.

“Response: No I did not.”

“Response: Yes you did.”

As the two droids argued between each other, Vinaskuan told SeeDee where to target. He yelled “FIRE” and SeeDee fired off four laser blasts, turning the co-pilot Hk-51 into scrap metal. Hitting the release on his cuffs he gabbed the blaster out of Hk-60G’s hands and shot two blasts at the pilot crumpling it onto the floor. Hearing the commotion the other HK models rushed towards the cockpit. Vinaskuan hit the door release on the control console, smiling as the door chopped a HK in half. He turned on the interior turrets and targeted the HK units and opened up the door and ordered SeeDee to open fire, which the droid immediately did. Vinaskuan decided to get into the battle by firing off a few rounds into the fray himself. After about an hour of blaster fire, all of the HK droids were shrapnel and Vinaskuan was able to pilot the ship. As he started to veer the ship off course, a view screen appeared and Emfour’s face appeared.

“Emfour where are you?” Vinaskuan asked.

The droid beeped and coordinated appeared on the map. He was a jump away.

“Alright stay there.” He said while entering the coordinates for the jump and went into hyperspace.
************************************************** ********

Once the ships were close enough for a boarding tube, Vinaskuan boarded. Using the navi-computer, he was able to discover the location of the other ship and where they were headed. Vinaskuan handed the coordinates to Emfour. Before Vinaskuan re-boarded the HK ship he reprogrammed SeeDee and installed a vocabultor and the assassination protocols from the HK-60G unit. He then re-boarded the HK ship and both of the ships made a jump into hyperspace.

“Well Iszac I hope your ready to be saved…” Vinaskuan thought to himself.
************************************************** ********
Data needs to be re-established.
************************************************** ********


My Fic: A Warriors Exile: Here-> http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165303 <-Here
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Old 01-22-2009, 02:19 PM   #9
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'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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