No offence, but this seriously needs editing. A lot of spelling mistakes, no capital letters and hardly any
punctuation. If Hallucination was to see this, he would critize you a lot more than I would.
Thanks for reccomending my Fic, Jason. I also reccomend ForceFightWMe's, Renegade Puma, JasraLantill, JediMaster12 and Jae Onasi's Fics. Perhaps you may learn from them.