Independence Day!

REDJOHNNYMIKE · 07-04-2006, 02:02 AM

So, it's been *counts on fingers* eleventy sumthin thumbs since our father and three stepfathers got a little wasted and realized that England sucks (at the time, no hate for you awesome limeys

) and they cant be all oppressin and whatever, so they wrote this awesome "Declaration of Soul and Sexiness" and kicked all that pathetic tea into the Mississippi, the tea exploded and shot about half of those Redsocks back over to the Kingdom of Emperor Monty Python, the other half of the british army was rounded up by several small girls and turned over to the Continental Breakfast who found them guilty (when they walked into the holding cells and saw them writhing around in a pile wearing nothing but their red socks (shut up stupid, it was the socks that was red, not the coats, why do you think they called the redsocks)) so they sent them to the Boston Soylent Green factory (the first diamond shaped factory of its' kind), and then the forefathers and some uncles wrote the ~~Constipat~~ Constitution and climbed Pride Rock on the east wing of the White House and Obi Wan Kenobi held it up above his head as a sign of uberness to all the pimps and ladies who bowed in a massive giving of props while the Star Wars theme was played by every band in the world!

Today is the day we celebrate the birth of our country (and not having the BBC on 500 channels) by having killer cookouts, big explodey things, and making love in nothing but red socks.

UNITED STATES WINS THE UNIVERSE!!!

So, how will you celebrate Independence Day?

**Jae Onasi** · 07-04-2006, 02:29 AM

You've been reading way too much "1066 and All That" lately, haven't you?

I will:
a. sleep late, at least til the kids get hungry for breakfast and decide to come jump on the bed til Jimbo and/or I wake up
b. Go shopping for bratwurst and corn on the cob and watermelon because I forgot to do that today and make some kind of cookie or brownie for dessert
c. Soak said brats in some beer for a long time (a Wisconsin tradition. We have so much beer here, it's almost a sin to not soak pork of any kind in it before cooking) and then grill them
d. eat like pigs (pun fully intended)
e. go down to the lakefront and watch the fireworks display with most of the rest of the city, half of whom have had too much to drink before they even got to the parks. Everyone's remarkably well-behaved, if amusing. Buy popsicles for the kids at the park because of course we want them on a sugar high at 10:30 pm
f. Explain to my son that RJM's revisionist history is totally whacked. The tea went in the Missouri, not the Mississippi.

Happy 4th of July!

milo · 07-04-2006, 02:49 AM

Woohoo! I don't have to work tomorrow, so I'm probably gonna sleep in till one, then I'll just lounge around all day, and maybe go catch a movie.

**RedHawke** · 07-04-2006, 03:10 AM

In honor of RJM's post I will go and brew some tea!

As far as the 4th goes... I will not know what I am doing until I have done it. Likely I will start playing Oblivion or something.

FiEND_138 · 07-04-2006, 03:14 AM

Eat barbq, drink beer/inhale some other form of intoxicant, & play with explosives.

Dath Maximus · 07-04-2006, 03:35 AM

I'm re-declaring war on england.

REDJOHNNYMIKE · 07-04-2006, 03:52 AM

@Jae, 1066???

@RH, Make sure it's explodey tea! One must be patriotic, and explodey things are very Americun

@DM, The Grand Poobah of MOJO and his fan-girl army are greasing the monkey tanks of rampant funk as we speak! I hereby declare the former United Kingdom...
AHTO TWO!!!

Darth InSidious · 07-04-2006, 05:19 AM

Burning US flags, naturally.

**Jae Onasi** · 07-04-2006, 05:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDJOHNNYMIKE

@Jae, 1066???

"1066 and All That":
It's a total spoof on British history very much in the style you used above for your little 'history lesson'. It's hilarious--if you appreciate dry humor, because it's not a slapstick kind of humor. If I were teaching British history, it'd be required reading for my students to try and figure out which was the real history and which was just general poking fun. The library usually has it if you don't want to buy it, and if it doesn't, they can get it for you on interlibrary loan from a college. It's a very short book but a lot of fun.

igyman · 07-04-2006, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDJOHNNYMIKE

So, how will you celebrate Independence Day?

Since I'm from a different part of the world, I won't, but I wish the very best to those of you who do celebrate it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDJOHNNYMIKE

UNITED STATES WINS THE UNIVERSE!!!

Yeah right.

Darth InSidious · 07-04-2006, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jae Onasi

"1066 and All That":
It's a total spoof on British history very much in the style you used above for your little 'history lesson'. It's hilarious--if you appreciate dry humor, because it's not a slapstick kind of humor. If I were teaching British history, it'd be required reading for my students to try and figure out which was the real history and which was just general poking fun. The library usually has it if you don't want to buy it, and if it doesn't, they can get it for you on interlibrary loan from a college. It's a very short book but a lot of fun.

The test papers are particularly amusing.

**ChAiNz.2da** · 07-04-2006, 08:35 AM

I'm going to work! WooHoo!

err..wait a minute, that kinda sucks

Seriously though, after work, much debauchery will ensue as I shall slack tomorrow and take one of the many personal days I've built up to "recover" from today

HerbieZ · 07-04-2006, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDJOHNNYMIKE

UNITED STATES WINS THE UNIVERSE!!!

So, how will you celebrate Independence Day?

HIGHEST OBESITY MORTALITY RATES IN HISTORY!!!!

Im sorry but the only thing i think of when i hear of independance day is aliens and will smith.

Sabretooth · 07-04-2006, 11:20 AM

Happy Independence Day, American idiots.

Wait till Asia crushes you.

The Doctor · 07-04-2006, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HerbieZ

Im sorry but the only thing i think of when i hear of independance day is aliens and will smith.

You forgot Brent Spiner. You fail.

HerbieZ · 07-04-2006, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Doctor

You forgot Brent Spiner. You fail.

Oh man and him, how can i forget. Can't beleive i met him once. He really is cool. I got him uber-confused about how to pronounce my name, he is an absolute legend.

Samnmax221 · 07-04-2006, 01:31 PM

4-Wheeling this morning, lunch with grandparents, fireworks at night.

Commander Obi-Wan · 07-04-2006, 02:06 PM

Happy Birthday, Yanks. Hope it's a great, big, birthday for y'all.

*El Sitherino* · 07-04-2006, 03:09 PM

I'ma fly my plane into an alien spacecraft and save the mother ****ing planet.

Ungrateful bastards.

**Prime** · 07-04-2006, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Insane Sith

Ungrateful bastards.

I've been saying that for years.

Hallucination · 07-04-2006, 05:47 PM

Happy Independence Day, may everyone be 10% more independent than usual!

@RJM: Aren't you supposed to be against communism?

@Jae: Wasn't the tea thrown into Boston Harbour?

Darth InSidious · 07-04-2006, 05:57 PM

I thought they just had a party...

(

)

**Jae Onasi** · 07-04-2006, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hallucination

@Jae: Wasn't the tea thrown into Boston Harbour?

Yes, it was, I was just making further contributions to RJM's ridiculous history 'lesson', made even more amusing by the fact that I was a TA for a History 101 class (American history from colonial days through the Civil War) so I know what he's spoofing and when.

@RJM--you forgot the references to Black Adder and the folks from "Are You Being Served?", along with something (clean) about Paul Revere's horse and 1 if by land, 2 if by sea, and 3 if by alien space attack.

@ChAiNz--man, that sucks that you have to work today.

Mike Windu · 07-04-2006, 06:34 PM

Yaaaay

*blows up stuff*

Samnmax221 · 07-04-2006, 08:53 PM

Now for a Minnesota tradition, driving into Wisconsin to buy fireworks that we can't have here.

Char Ell · 07-04-2006, 10:35 PM

Stick an American flag in my front yard, eat watermelon, post on LF, give up on trying to figure out RJM's wacky interpretation of American history (seems like only Jae Onasi gets it

), and wonder why I'm not doing something more patriotic.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sabretooth

Wait till Asia crushes you.

Isn't that the truth.

REDJOHNNYMIKE · 07-04-2006, 10:40 PM

No happy fun awesome stuff, Monsooned All Frickin Day!!!

I did an insane amount of homemade Beef'n'Noodles *sleeps*
I did have some small enjoyment throwing small explodey things at our LP tank outback

not lying

Quote:

Originally Posted by hal

Aren't you supposed to be against communism?

With or without silver mustard and several small suitcases?

@Jae, I did have more on "1 if by land, 2 if by sea" but it involved fingers and was not Ahto appropriate.

@Sithy, You've gone and confused yourself again. It was I who saved the world by flying a winebago into their mother ship and uploading the complete record of my forum posts. The presence of such higher intelligence and MOJO caused their demonic little heads to become explodey. And that's why we celebrate our independence by reading my threads

Dath Maximus · 07-05-2006, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samnmax221

Now for a Minnesota tradition, driving into Wisconsin to buy fireworks that we can't have here.

Rather than go over to Wisconsin to buy stuff, I went down to Kansas where you can get stuff that is illegal in Wisconsin. Gotta love bringing goods into Minnesota.

**Jae Onasi** · 07-05-2006, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDJOHNNYMIKE

I did have some small enjoyment throwing small explodey things at our LP tank outback

not lying

People who do that get laughed at in the ER. The staff usually waits til you leave, but sometimes they can't hold back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDJOHNNYMIKE

@Sithy, You've gone and confused yourself again. It was I who saved the world by flying a winebago into their mother ship and uploading the complete record of my forum posts. The presence of such higher intelligence and MOJO caused their demonic little heads to become explodey. And that's why we celebrate our independence by reading my threads

*Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here.*

@cutmeister--you know, the fact that I _can_ understand it is suddenly very frightening.

Det. Bart Lasiter · 07-05-2006, 01:32 AM

I blew crap up and ate red meat.

RevanA4 · 07-05-2006, 01:34 AM

@RJM WTH were you smoking when you wrote the first post

and I did nothing but sit and be bored at my uncles house for 5 hours and he didn't even make half way decent brats

thats a sin in wisconsin >.<

milo · 07-05-2006, 02:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samnmax221

Now for a Minnesota tradition, driving into Wisconsin to buy fireworks that we can't have here.

Heh, we always get fireworks out-of-state too. A friend of mine has family in Wyoming, and when he went to visit them this year, he came back with a bunch of these. Lotsa nice stuff you can't find in Utah.

Det. Bart Lasiter · 07-05-2006, 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milojmiles

Heh, we always get fireworks out-of-state too. A friend of mine has family in Wyoming, and when he went to visit them this year, he came back with a bunch of these. Lotsa nice stuff you can't find in Utah.

Pound rockets kick ass. You should get some of those things next year. They're basically massive bottle rockets: http://www.fireworks.com/fireworks_g...p?cid=9&sid=22

***Edit***
I think they're on that page somewhere...

milo · 07-05-2006, 02:57 AM

O.O Damn, those are some big rockets....you give me ideas, jmac. All I'd need is some PVC pipe and I'd have a home-made rocket launcher.

Samnmax221 · 07-05-2006, 03:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milojmiles

Heh, we always get fireworks out-of-state too. A friend of mine has family in Wyoming, and when he went to visit them this year, he came back with a bunch of these. Lotsa nice stuff you can't find in Utah.

Tell you the truth I'd rather be where you are, can't go a day up here without a hippy or someone telling me I'm going to hell for such and such a reason knocking on the door. Now it's not even fun messing with them anymore. On a positive note I'm pretty sure the squad car that came down my street was looking for me, oh do I ever amuse myself.

milo · 07-05-2006, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samnmax221

Tell you the truth I'd rather be where you are, can't go a day up here without a hippy or someone telling me I'm going to hell for such and such a reason knocking on the door. Now it's not even fun messing with them anymore. On a positive note I'm pretty sure the squad car that came down my street was looking for me, oh do I ever amuse myself.

hehe, we got the cops called on us too, for a very large explosion that went off kind of late at night. It was so big it rattled the windows on my friends house. My parents chewed me out, but it was worth it.

HerbieZ · 07-05-2006, 06:40 AM

Ah well day after Independance day. It's like the day after Halloween where there are less ghosts around than any time of year only with americans instead of ghosts :P. I wish

Shame, too much patriotism in this thread, needs a big hose set on it.

uk rules.

mimic666 · 07-05-2006, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDJOHNNYMIKE

Make sure it's explodey tea! One must be patriotic, and explodey things are very Americun

"Explodey things" are Al queta (or however you spell that) and noone is saying Yay for them... kidding. I spent my 4th wondering why the cable company switched cable over to the new place 2 days before they were supposed to, and why the people who said theyed help us move didn't show up until after 8 p.m. on friday, why I had to work split shifts on Sat & Sun, wondered why on monday that that was the day I would bring over my PC amongst other things and why I didn't bring a long enough cable cord to hook-up to the cable in the front room, Tuesday I wondered why Bottle Rockets are Illegal in Kansas (Oh well... fzzz nrrrn bakkakakak). Anyways Happy Late 4th all... well 5th.

Samnmax221 · 07-05-2006, 10:07 PM

We might make a firework run down someplace in Wisconsin, closest place is Danbury I think, it all depends on when my parents aren't around (and if I take the time to disconnect the odometer in my truck).

mimic666 · 07-05-2006, 11:25 PM

It sucks in Kansas as well Samnmax. It's illegal to have big **** unless you are rich or part of the local gov't then "who cares?" is the question. Good thing they legalized Class D Fireworks in my town last year, I was tired of going a little past Urish rd. to get that ****.